On tonight's menu, we have:
A stalker in training who doesn't understand why he scared her off
Somebody wondering if its okay for their SO to cuddle/make out/have sex with members of the opposite sex
A poster who made his girlfriend walk home from the airport and wonders why she's mad at him
A guy mackin' on a stripper when his girlfriend is at school
Somebody so hopelessly confused that if a girl was picking her nose he'd think she was flirting with him
etc.
Just poking fun with the thread descriptions, by the way, don't read too much into them.
I'm just saying....could we PLEASE get a sticky on ATOT? Like "Before posting a YAGT, read this"? With Q&As like:
Q: How many times is 'too often' to phone a girl I haven't really been introduced to yet?
A: TWICE. Call her, leave your name and number. That's it. She doesn't call back, tough it up and move on.
Q: Is it appropriate for me or my SO to (kiss/cuddle/sleep with) members of the opposite sex while we are in a relationships?
A: NO! I mean, for Chrissakes, NO!!!. Goddamn, you people are stupid!
Q: What should I take as a sign a girl is interested in me?
A: There are no signs. If you like a girl, ask her out. She'll either say yes or no. There is NO WAY to know *beforehand* what she answer will be without asking. So quit agonizing over it.
Q: How should I ask a girl out? Does telling her I want to try something new, and to "stick our your hand" work?
A: NONONONO!!! Ask her out for coffee! Period. That's always the first step. Dinner and something else (a movie) can be date 2, or date 1 if you already know her pretty well. Don't IMPLY any long term plans ("I want a relationship like So & So and his wife have"), don't ask for anything weird ("Stick out your hand", "Let's go over to my place first"), in fact, you know what, don't do ANYTHING. Let her talk about herself.
Q: I'm ready for a serious relationship, but I can't find anyone who is, even though I'm ## years o...
A: No, you're not. You're too young. If you are under 21, you are DEFINITELY too young to be thinking about a serious relationship. 24 is probably a better age. Hell, you can rent a car until you are 25. 25 sounds good. If you are under 25 and seriously thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone - DON'T. Actually, 25 is a pretty good age for it. It's just that between 16 and 25 you change *so much* literally *every year* - and so will she - that who you were when the relationship started will NOT be who you are 1, 3, or 5 years from then. Can you FORCE a relationship started when both were 16 to keep working when both are 25? Maybe, hell, probably - but why force yourself? Why not just wait until you are really an established adult with at least the start of an established serious career and *KNOW WHO YOU ARE* before trying to find a partner for the rest of your life?
Q: My SO is doing "##" and I wonder if it means "##"?
A: Again, there is no correlation between female actions and feelings. Or, if there is, it changes. Daily. And varies from woman to woman, anyway. If you wonder if she is feeling a certain way, ASK. Be subtle about it (don't point blank ask "Why are you so boring in bed anymore, do you hate me?"), and at least TRY to think about her answer from her point of view to understand if she was comfortable enough to completely answer the question (IE., honestly answer how she really feels). If you are not in the type of relationship where you CAN ask each other how you feel without even getting close to a true answer...it's doomed, give it up.
Q: I can't understand why my SO thinks "##"?
A: Okay, news flash. Women are people to. They have feelings - like you do. Their motivations and goals might be radically different from yours, but they have those, too. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEM. Although it may make your brain hurt, it's not *actually* that difficult to understand women. (And I don't mean that in an offensive way - just understand that she has her goals like you do. Appearances - house, person, social - are more important to women than guys. Remember that the next time she buys a table or necklace you REALLY don't see the need for, and can't fathom why she spent that kind of money on. She feels EXACTLY the same way about every PC/car/home theater upgrade you do. Your video card appears to her *exactly* as useful as that table does to you, and no matter how many cool games or movies you play for her, her opinion will not change.)
Q: My SO is leaving me...how can I get her to stay?
A: You can't. If you let it get this far, it's your fault - and maybe hers, too. Just let it go and learn your lesson for next time. Nobody stays the same forever, even the two most happily married people may eventually grow apart. Is a relationship a 'failure' if two people break up? Is it a 'success' if they manage to force it to stay together even if one or both don't feel the same about it as when it started? This isn't the stone age, the safety of the species isn't at stake. The point of a relationship is not to reproduce, it's for two people to be happy together and share their lives together. If it gets to the point where you are never happy together anymore...well, it's time to move on.
(EDIT TO ADD: This point is obviously null and void if you have kids.)
Any additions to the list welcome!
A stalker in training who doesn't understand why he scared her off
Somebody wondering if its okay for their SO to cuddle/make out/have sex with members of the opposite sex
A poster who made his girlfriend walk home from the airport and wonders why she's mad at him
A guy mackin' on a stripper when his girlfriend is at school
Somebody so hopelessly confused that if a girl was picking her nose he'd think she was flirting with him
etc.
Just poking fun with the thread descriptions, by the way, don't read too much into them.
I'm just saying....could we PLEASE get a sticky on ATOT? Like "Before posting a YAGT, read this"? With Q&As like:
Q: How many times is 'too often' to phone a girl I haven't really been introduced to yet?
A: TWICE. Call her, leave your name and number. That's it. She doesn't call back, tough it up and move on.
Q: Is it appropriate for me or my SO to (kiss/cuddle/sleep with) members of the opposite sex while we are in a relationships?
A: NO! I mean, for Chrissakes, NO!!!. Goddamn, you people are stupid!
Q: What should I take as a sign a girl is interested in me?
A: There are no signs. If you like a girl, ask her out. She'll either say yes or no. There is NO WAY to know *beforehand* what she answer will be without asking. So quit agonizing over it.
Q: How should I ask a girl out? Does telling her I want to try something new, and to "stick our your hand" work?
A: NONONONO!!! Ask her out for coffee! Period. That's always the first step. Dinner and something else (a movie) can be date 2, or date 1 if you already know her pretty well. Don't IMPLY any long term plans ("I want a relationship like So & So and his wife have"), don't ask for anything weird ("Stick out your hand", "Let's go over to my place first"), in fact, you know what, don't do ANYTHING. Let her talk about herself.
Q: I'm ready for a serious relationship, but I can't find anyone who is, even though I'm ## years o...
A: No, you're not. You're too young. If you are under 21, you are DEFINITELY too young to be thinking about a serious relationship. 24 is probably a better age. Hell, you can rent a car until you are 25. 25 sounds good. If you are under 25 and seriously thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone - DON'T. Actually, 25 is a pretty good age for it. It's just that between 16 and 25 you change *so much* literally *every year* - and so will she - that who you were when the relationship started will NOT be who you are 1, 3, or 5 years from then. Can you FORCE a relationship started when both were 16 to keep working when both are 25? Maybe, hell, probably - but why force yourself? Why not just wait until you are really an established adult with at least the start of an established serious career and *KNOW WHO YOU ARE* before trying to find a partner for the rest of your life?
Q: My SO is doing "##" and I wonder if it means "##"?
A: Again, there is no correlation between female actions and feelings. Or, if there is, it changes. Daily. And varies from woman to woman, anyway. If you wonder if she is feeling a certain way, ASK. Be subtle about it (don't point blank ask "Why are you so boring in bed anymore, do you hate me?"), and at least TRY to think about her answer from her point of view to understand if she was comfortable enough to completely answer the question (IE., honestly answer how she really feels). If you are not in the type of relationship where you CAN ask each other how you feel without even getting close to a true answer...it's doomed, give it up.
Q: I can't understand why my SO thinks "##"?
A: Okay, news flash. Women are people to. They have feelings - like you do. Their motivations and goals might be radically different from yours, but they have those, too. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEM. Although it may make your brain hurt, it's not *actually* that difficult to understand women. (And I don't mean that in an offensive way - just understand that she has her goals like you do. Appearances - house, person, social - are more important to women than guys. Remember that the next time she buys a table or necklace you REALLY don't see the need for, and can't fathom why she spent that kind of money on. She feels EXACTLY the same way about every PC/car/home theater upgrade you do. Your video card appears to her *exactly* as useful as that table does to you, and no matter how many cool games or movies you play for her, her opinion will not change.)
Q: My SO is leaving me...how can I get her to stay?
A: You can't. If you let it get this far, it's your fault - and maybe hers, too. Just let it go and learn your lesson for next time. Nobody stays the same forever, even the two most happily married people may eventually grow apart. Is a relationship a 'failure' if two people break up? Is it a 'success' if they manage to force it to stay together even if one or both don't feel the same about it as when it started? This isn't the stone age, the safety of the species isn't at stake. The point of a relationship is not to reproduce, it's for two people to be happy together and share their lives together. If it gets to the point where you are never happy together anymore...well, it's time to move on.
(EDIT TO ADD: This point is obviously null and void if you have kids.)
Any additions to the list welcome!
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