So I was thinking about how i hear friends say things about nice guys finishing last with girls, and I wrote down some thoughts about it...I figured I'd post it here, since there's a lot of Girl-Threads....
There's a couple problems with the whole Nice Guys finish last, Mean Guys always do better argument. Primarily it's that people assume the
nice guy is the better option. There's a few things wrong with probably a majority of nice guys.
First of all, a lot of times they place girls up on a pedestal, thinking that worshipping them, or placing them above their surroundings is a compliment. I hate to break it to you, but it's not. It's insulting. What's wrong with the girl the way she is? You have to exaggerate her qualities, or just plain make stuff up about her? That's not complimentary at all. If you think she's beautiful, tell her she's beautiful. Don't say things like 'you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I've never seen more beautiful eyes' or stuff like that, unless you actually mean it. You should probably only say stuff like that to maybe one or two girls ever if you only say it when you mean it. You got to let a girl be who she is, don't exaggerate, don't make stuff up about her, don't say she has qualities that she doesn't, because that's just degrading to who the girl really is.
Next, most nice guys can be smothering sometimes. Like calling a few times a day, that doesn't show you care, or that you love someone, or that you're thinking of them. It makes it seem like you're keeping tabs on them, or that you're jealous. Remember, love isn't jealous. It's not just phone calls either. Always asking them to do stuff always buying them things, it makes it seem like you're thinking about them way too much, or that you're trying to buy them, even if you're not, so just chill. Most nice guys go for quantity over quality. Don't be like that.
Third, a lot of times the nice guys are also a bit on the sappy/weepy/emotional side. If she wanted to date a girl, she'd be a lesbian. You're a man. Act like it. Nothing turns a girl off quicker than a guy that spills his guts all the time. Showing you have a sensitive side is good, showing you have emotions sometimes is good. But it shouldn't be your dominate personality trait, overshadowing the fact that you are a guy, and should still be assertive. Which brings me to my last point about nice guys; usually they let a girl walk all over them. As if by giving in to her every whim or everyattempt to get attention that you're going to win her over. Wrong, all you're doing is acting like a door-mat. Why's she going to respect you when you don't respect yourself? Don't be too nice, it makes you seem spineless. That's not to say you should be an asshole, just be ASSERTIVE. If that means sometimes she doesn't get what she wants, that's fine. If it means she gets miffed at you and leaves occasionally, that's ok too. She'll come back. Just be polite, but be firm. In other words, act with confidence.
Now, most mean guys share a few common traits. They usually treat a girl like crap obviously, but also, they don't care enough to try to change a girl. So they're not putting someone up on a pedestal. They're going to let her be herself, even if it's because they don't care. They're probably going to be distant too, and not smothering. They're going to set boundaries, even if they are too strict. They're not going to be weepy either; they're probably going to be pretty cold. Occasionally if they want to get a girl back they'll pretend to be emotional, but still, for the most part they'll be pretty stoic. So look at it like this; the guy's an asshole, yes. But he let's the girl be herself, which is better than exaggerating qualities about her. In the end all you really have is yourself, and being with someone who lets you be yourself is better than being with someone who's 'nice' but doesn't like you for who you are. So he's mean, but he's going to give her space and not make her feel like she's suffocating. Emotionally he's going to act like a man and not spill his guts. He's going to set boundaries and be assertive, and move with confidence. So when compared to a nice guy, sometimes a jerk doesn't seem so bad. But even if he's doing things for the wrong reason, the mean guy is still easier to deal with a lot of times.
The crappy nice guys make it harder for men like me, who are nice, but don't put girls on pedestals. Who try to give space, and who reign in their emotions and don't get all sloppy and spill their guts. Guys who do act confident and assertive. Just as every girl has an asshole in her past, who makes her hate men, most also have some 'nice guy' in their past who makes them wary of the typical nice guy traits. So when I act nice, first thing that comes to their mind is 'oh no, another 'nice guy'. The key though, is that the assholes don't respect the girl. Respect the girl, and listen to what I?ve said here.
edited for paragraphs....and no i don't mean ALL nice guys are like this, there's just a good chunk of them.
There's a couple problems with the whole Nice Guys finish last, Mean Guys always do better argument. Primarily it's that people assume the
nice guy is the better option. There's a few things wrong with probably a majority of nice guys.
First of all, a lot of times they place girls up on a pedestal, thinking that worshipping them, or placing them above their surroundings is a compliment. I hate to break it to you, but it's not. It's insulting. What's wrong with the girl the way she is? You have to exaggerate her qualities, or just plain make stuff up about her? That's not complimentary at all. If you think she's beautiful, tell her she's beautiful. Don't say things like 'you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I've never seen more beautiful eyes' or stuff like that, unless you actually mean it. You should probably only say stuff like that to maybe one or two girls ever if you only say it when you mean it. You got to let a girl be who she is, don't exaggerate, don't make stuff up about her, don't say she has qualities that she doesn't, because that's just degrading to who the girl really is.
Next, most nice guys can be smothering sometimes. Like calling a few times a day, that doesn't show you care, or that you love someone, or that you're thinking of them. It makes it seem like you're keeping tabs on them, or that you're jealous. Remember, love isn't jealous. It's not just phone calls either. Always asking them to do stuff always buying them things, it makes it seem like you're thinking about them way too much, or that you're trying to buy them, even if you're not, so just chill. Most nice guys go for quantity over quality. Don't be like that.
Third, a lot of times the nice guys are also a bit on the sappy/weepy/emotional side. If she wanted to date a girl, she'd be a lesbian. You're a man. Act like it. Nothing turns a girl off quicker than a guy that spills his guts all the time. Showing you have a sensitive side is good, showing you have emotions sometimes is good. But it shouldn't be your dominate personality trait, overshadowing the fact that you are a guy, and should still be assertive. Which brings me to my last point about nice guys; usually they let a girl walk all over them. As if by giving in to her every whim or everyattempt to get attention that you're going to win her over. Wrong, all you're doing is acting like a door-mat. Why's she going to respect you when you don't respect yourself? Don't be too nice, it makes you seem spineless. That's not to say you should be an asshole, just be ASSERTIVE. If that means sometimes she doesn't get what she wants, that's fine. If it means she gets miffed at you and leaves occasionally, that's ok too. She'll come back. Just be polite, but be firm. In other words, act with confidence.
Now, most mean guys share a few common traits. They usually treat a girl like crap obviously, but also, they don't care enough to try to change a girl. So they're not putting someone up on a pedestal. They're going to let her be herself, even if it's because they don't care. They're probably going to be distant too, and not smothering. They're going to set boundaries, even if they are too strict. They're not going to be weepy either; they're probably going to be pretty cold. Occasionally if they want to get a girl back they'll pretend to be emotional, but still, for the most part they'll be pretty stoic. So look at it like this; the guy's an asshole, yes. But he let's the girl be herself, which is better than exaggerating qualities about her. In the end all you really have is yourself, and being with someone who lets you be yourself is better than being with someone who's 'nice' but doesn't like you for who you are. So he's mean, but he's going to give her space and not make her feel like she's suffocating. Emotionally he's going to act like a man and not spill his guts. He's going to set boundaries and be assertive, and move with confidence. So when compared to a nice guy, sometimes a jerk doesn't seem so bad. But even if he's doing things for the wrong reason, the mean guy is still easier to deal with a lot of times.
The crappy nice guys make it harder for men like me, who are nice, but don't put girls on pedestals. Who try to give space, and who reign in their emotions and don't get all sloppy and spill their guts. Guys who do act confident and assertive. Just as every girl has an asshole in her past, who makes her hate men, most also have some 'nice guy' in their past who makes them wary of the typical nice guy traits. So when I act nice, first thing that comes to their mind is 'oh no, another 'nice guy'. The key though, is that the assholes don't respect the girl. Respect the girl, and listen to what I?ve said here.
edited for paragraphs....and no i don't mean ALL nice guys are like this, there's just a good chunk of them.
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