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Why is being social considered so good?

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I think it's because you're supposed to get laid or something...

I'm not an introvert though. I thought that maybe I was, but after reading that article I definitely am not. I am not a complete extrovert though. I'm capable of socializing forever but what I say actually has intelligence behind it. :awe: Also being funny helps my socializing capabilities.
 
My own theory on the subject is that introverts have certain social expectations that they feel that they must fulfill, hence it's very energy draining for them to socialize. It makes them need to try to be able to socialize. They try to find the right words to say rather than just speaking their mind, and that gets very fatiguing. Extraverts, on the other hand, feel comfortable with being themselves, hence they are often known to speak before they think, as opposed to introverts who think before they speak. Also, if you think about it, all of us have had times where when we socialize where we feel energized, and we've all of us have had times where when we socialize, we feel drained. If you think about when we feel energized, isn't it when we share something that energizes us, something that gets us excited, something we feel passionate about. So what really is it that makes someone an introvert or extravert if everyone has moments of introversion and extraversion? While when Carl Jung originally popularized the concepts of introversion and extraversion, he made the traits seem like a type, you're either one type or the other, while in personality research today, it's much more popular to regard it in a continuum.

There are also many interesting studies on the link between extraversion and dopamine, particularly in the brain's reward systems. It is found that extraverts have higher levels of dopamine in these reward centers. This has two main effects, first is a higher positive affect, or in other words, they are happier, and secondly, higher dopamine levels also mean that that are much less inhibited in acting out impulses. It is found that in order to execute a behavior, a certain dopamine level must be reached for this to occur. In this sense, I feel that introversion is almost a form of pathology. It is very rare to almost non existent for one that is extraverted to be depressed, but depression is highly correlated with introversion. But at the same time, I feel that there are many benefits to introversion. The facts are, it's nearly impossible for anyone to be perfect content with the way they are at all given moments of their lives. A leading psychiatrist says that depression is not a human defect at all, but a defense mechanism that in its mild and moderate forms can force a healthy reassessment of personal circumstances.

Given this, I feel that introversion and extraversion are less of personality traits, but more as personality states of a person.
That is very interesting, great post! I agree with a lot of what you said. I'm not typically a very outgoing person but when I'm not overly thinking about what I say before I say it, it's generally more energizing, as you put it.
 
I'm probably a horrible person for this, but when i'm with people I like, that I find interesting etc I'm very social. But when I'm with people I find boring or incompatible, I'm non-social and I get worn out really easily.

I'm mystified by people who can have a good time with just anybody.
 
One of our computer techs is pretty anti social. He is a nice guy, and I work with him closely so I know he can be interesting and outgoing when he is in small circles of co-workers (our IT dept mostly).

However, when he goes to people's rooms to fix their computers he is all business. He basically just goes in, fixes the issue and leaves. No chit chat or anything other than a hello, whats your problem and good bye.

My boss recently started hearing various comments about this, not really complaints, just comments. He mentioned it to him (in front of everyone) and stated that in a technician position you may want to be a little more social with people, it would help to break the ice, build better relationships, etc... Since then he has been socializing more, but I've heard he is more awkward than when he wasn't trying.

IMO, if it's a forced social behavior just to be normal, it's usually not a good idea. He is now wasting time creeping people out with his awkwardness, instead of being labeled previously as that "quiet" guy.
 
On one level socializing is highly important for human survival. We came from tribe/pack hunters, and that instinct is still there. The lone wolf is an outcast and is not contributing to the good of the pack, but detracting from it. It might not be so true anymore, but it is hard to fight instinct.

Looking at it from even a different perspective you see that building connections with other people is critical in many endeavors. The most powerful people in the world attained their power not because of how skilled they were at technical ability but because they knew people, who knew people, and were willing to share that connection. I’m betting your boss at work didn’t get to be your boss because he was the best worker in your group, but because he was the best at socializing.

Which leads to socializing gives you a chance to find new opportunity. Think of that handful of close friends you have. How did you meet them? I’m betting that almost all of them were met in a chance encounter when you were being social.
 
On one level socializing is highly important for human survival. We came from tribe/pack hunters, and that instinct is still there. The lone wolf is an outcast and is not contributing to the good of the pack, but detracting from it. It might not be so true anymore, but it is hard to fight instinct.

Looking at it from even a different perspective you see that building connections with other people is critical in many endeavors. The most powerful people in the world attained their power not because of how skilled they were at technical ability but because they knew people, who knew people, and were willing to share that connection. I’m betting your boss at work didn’t get to be your boss because he was the best worker in your group, but because he was the best at socializing.

Which leads to socializing gives you a chance to find new opportunity. Think of that handful of close friends you have. How did you meet them? I’m betting that almost all of them were met in a chance encounter when you were being social.

Yes, yes, and yes. But I can do all that with being social with a fraction of my time (maybe like 1/3 or something). The rest of the time, other than taking care of boring stuff like coursework or career related things, I like having a decent amount of alone time. I think that should be the norm. Constantly trying to be surrounded by people sounds pathetic to me. I guess I don't think of myself as an introvert. But people who are overtly extroverted seem.. contrived to me. I don't get why that's considered good.

Although I guess I didn't make my view clear, despite the amount of rambling I did in the OP. You make some good points in any case.
 
Because extroversion is more common than introversion as an individual trait (about 70/30 if I remember correctly), and therefore receives more attention. It is reinforced by the fact that those responsible for disseminating information, ideas, and policies do so partially because of their extroversion. This creates an inherent bias towards this disposition in society.

In reality there is nothing inherently 'good' about being social, unless it fulfills a personal need, which is not subject to the whims and votes of society. Be however you want, and fuck everything, and everyone else.
 
Yes, yes, and yes. But I can do all that with being social with a fraction of my time (maybe like 1/3 or something). The rest of the time, other than taking care of boring stuff like coursework or career related things, I like having a decent amount of alone time. I think that should be the norm. Constantly trying to be surrounded by people sounds pathetic to me. I guess I don't think of myself as an introvert. But people who are overtly extroverted seem.. contrived to me. I don't get why that's considered good.

What I would say is that some people believe that they can make up for poor social skills with pure enthusiasm, and it does work to some extent. It is a machine gun approach. Shoot enough bullets and you are sure to hit your mark.

But just because you are out at bars every night hitting on the ‘wimmenz’ or at every conference pumping every hand does not mean you are good a socializing. You have to work on quality socialization as well as quantity.
 
One of our computer techs is pretty anti social. He is a nice guy, and I work with him closely so I know he can be interesting and outgoing when he is in small circles of co-workers (our IT dept mostly).

However, when he goes to people's rooms to fix their computers he is all business. He basically just goes in, fixes the issue and leaves. No chit chat or anything other than a hello, whats your problem and good bye.

My boss recently started hearing various comments about this, not really complaints, just comments. He mentioned it to him (in front of everyone) and stated that in a technician position you may want to be a little more social with people, it would help to break the ice, build better relationships, etc... Since then he has been socializing more, but I've heard he is more awkward than when he wasn't trying.

IMO, if it's a forced social behavior just to be normal, it's usually not a good idea. He is now wasting time creeping people out with his awkwardness, instead of being labeled previously as that "quiet" guy.
<nodding understandingly>

In my case, I suck at discerning when someone might be joking around, and when they're talking about serious work stuff. (Pretty much like being stuck seeing gray in a world that deals entirely with colors.) It's especially bad when I'm working with someone who can switch gears quickly from jocular to serious in the space of a single sentence.
The simplest way in my mind is to be in a "working" mindset during worktime, and then "not working" during breaktime, lunchtime, and non-working hours. It's just more orderly that way, by effectively helping to shift some colors into grayscale. But unfortunately it doesn't really work for anyone else - they often switch out of work mode frequently out of simple boredom, and/or lack of adequate mental discipline.

And yes I often get the whole "break out of your shell" thing from others. If this is a shell I'm in, it's equipped with multiple redundant layers and self-regenerative capabilities. It ain't goin' anywhere.

With the small talk stuff, it feels very much like I'm acting or putting on a show designed to meet expectations. I'll usually try to get to work a few minutes before the small groups start to coalesce around the coffee machine and in the shop along the route to my desk; it feels like running the gauntlet of small talk. Just more of the same trivial banter every day, no chance of simply quietly passing by.
It's not like I need the constant reassurance that I exist. I'm reasonably certain of that already, thank you. 🙂

Perhaps like the IT guy in the quoted post, it feels far more natural for me to simply address the matter at hand, and return to my desk or whatever I was doing before. Engaging in additional banter is something I'll do, but it's generally because I feel like it's something that's expected of me. It's more like a mental add-on or plug-in that needs to be executed at the right time. (And admittedly, the ulterior motive is that if I appear to be reasonably personable, it's beneficial to me in terms of making others more accepting of any requests I may have in the future. In that sense though, it feels almost cheap, like being that way is just being used as a form of currency, used on intangible things. Using emotional impact for personal gain....bleh, it sucks. Such is life.)


Oh well, back to the pony thread.


.
 
One of our computer techs is pretty anti social. He is a nice guy, and I work with him closely so I know he can be interesting and outgoing when he is in small circles of co-workers (our IT dept mostly).

However, when he goes to people's rooms to fix their computers he is all business. He basically just goes in, fixes the issue and leaves. No chit chat or anything other than a hello, whats your problem and good bye.

My boss recently started hearing various comments about this, not really complaints, just comments. He mentioned it to him (in front of everyone) and stated that in a technician position you may want to be a little more social with people, it would help to break the ice, build better relationships, etc... Since then he has been socializing more, but I've heard he is more awkward than when he wasn't trying.

IMO, if it's a forced social behavior just to be normal, it's usually not a good idea. He is now wasting time creeping people out with his awkwardness, instead of being labeled previously as that "quiet" guy.

This is me exactly. I hate chit-chat, socializing makes me uncomfortable, but if I get to know you I'm told I'm the funniest person they've ever met.
 
I have a small number of people I consider (close) friends, and I enjoy spending time with them. I have a large number of acquaintances (much like anyone else..), but I don't really like hanging out with them.
for some reason I'm also aware that the world considers this abnormal in some way.

what you describe is normal, those that consider it abnormal are most likely trying to make you do something for their own benefit.
 
While neither introversion nor extroversion is actually better nor healthier than the other, people don't understand introversion usually. People don't like what they don't understand. Plain and simple.

It's stupid really. People are different and function in different ways.

Check out MBTI sometime. It's a great tool if understood and used properly (as in, not as an excuse to stagnate or belittle others).
 
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