Why Facebook isn't for adults...

[Stuxnet]

After successfully resisting the social/professional networking wave (MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn) for years, I finally broke down and joined the revolution by creating a Facebook account a few months ago.

The main motivation was that I realized many of my old friends from high school and college were joining up, and I was one of the last holdouts. My avoidance was more passive than anything else; even as it gained mainstream popularity, it still seemed a little juvenile to me.

When I first joined, I have to admit that I got over that hesitance rather quickly. Each day I was greeted with new requests from old friends and acquaintances, and it was pretty cool. Quickly racking up the friend count was a bit of an ego stroker, but honestly, it was just really neat seeing how everyone was doing.

Except I wasn't really getting to see how everyone was doing.

First and foremost, I want to state that I am in no way implying that this applies to everyone who uses Facebook. But regarding all of the old contacts I've made new again, it seems everyone is just interested in putting on a good show. Everyone is leading perfect lives with absolutely nothing at all to complain about. Everyone is blessed from their perfect jobs to their cinnamon-bun-smelling assholes... or so they'd all have us believe.

Overall, my "net" attitude towards my life since high school is positive. I love my wife, I love my kids, but there have certainly been ups and downs. Maybe my expectations were too high when I finally buckled and joined up, but I haven't read a genuine thought from anyone.

Admittedly, I'm being a hypocrite. Rather than admit that my cornflakes weren't perfectly crunchy this morning, I've simply chosen not to post about the incident.

For instance, one guy brought up skyrocketing fuel prices. A friend writes back, "yes, prices are high, but I just feel so blessed that my wonderful family is able to afford to heat our humble home." He replies, "yes, we are indeed blessed. It's a strain, but we must always be ready to appreciate how fortunate we are."

These two pantloads used to stuff underclassmen into lockers and carry brass knuckles in their backpacks.

Now, the whole goal of our twenties is to mature socially and professionally, start a family, and generally "grow the f*** up", but are you kidding me? Where did these people's real personalities go? I see this all over the place; this drivel plagues every wall-to-wall post and "25 things about me" note I read! YAWN!

An ex of mine (with whom I honestly have absolutely no cross to bare) writes "It is so wonderful to have such a blessed family, perfect children, adoring husband, and lucrative career."

Did you win the freaking lottery or something? Let's break that statement down a bit: You've either hit the jackpot in every conceivable category in your life, or it's designed to sell people - people from every category or circle in your life - on your comprehensively perfect life.

Why the show, folks?

Now, I'm not eager to tell everyone about every little problem I've had since we last spoke, but I'm afraid to post a PG-13 YouTube video for fear of being shunned for failing to appreciate my ... "blessidness" to the fullest extent possible. I want to laugh with these people, share old times, and revive old support circles... not compete for who has the whitest picket fence.

In my peer groups, Facebook = Brag Vehicle.

 

[Mr Pickles]

So you do or don't like facebook now?

 

[MrMatt]

what an informative post. Thanks for your contribution to the anandtech off-topic forum

 

[Jeeebus]

tl

dr

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: MrMatt
what an informative post. Thanks for your contribution to the anandtech off-topic forum

Likewise. I look forward to your next 60 posts over the next 7 days.

 

[SearchMaster]

Will you friend me? My life kicks the crap out of your loser friends.

 

[DarrelSPowers]

I actually skimmed all that, and I have to aggree, facebook = brag vehicle, for all ages.

Also, its a cougar vehicle for hunting down younger boys to cheat on their husbands with.

 

[q011519]

I personally don't know the going ons of any social site sense I myself do not have an account on any of them. The only thing I can think of is that most people may view those types of sites as an escape from their reality. Unless you're some emo kid I doubt most people will post on how sh!tty they life really is.

 

[Feldenak]

Well, I'm glad my friends aren't like that. There's no excessive bragging among the people I've reconnected with. Granted, nobody posts about their normal ups & downs but I haven't noticed any blatant rectal sunshine insertions.

 

[Ramma2]

I joined for the same reasons you did, and I don't see as much of that crap. Some of my classmates have even gotten into wall-to-wall fights over how so and so treated so and so in highschool. It is rather entertaining

 

[jlee]

Your friends suck.

 

[Gunbuster]

So you added people from your past. Why do you care about them? Do you have any current friends on facebook?

 

[RU482]

All I see is pictures of some of my single guy friends golfing/drinking/partying or posts by my married female friends every 5 min about nothing with some random comment (must be stay at home moms needing an outlet)

I will say Facebook makes it a hell of alot easier to keep track of people you wouldn't normally send an e-mail or call, but still want to keep in touch with

 

[Codewiz]

You have retarded friends. I have one person on my friends list like what you describe. Everyone else is pretty much real life. For instance my wife's cousin regularly posts about the nightmare of a child she has. And people talk about it.

 

[MrMatt]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: MrMatt
what an informative post. Thanks for your contribution to the anandtech off-topic forum

Likewise. I look forward to your next 60 posts over the next 7 days.

indeed, I look forward to your next 30 posts in 7 days. Huzzah to you good sir

 

[ultimatebob]

Funny... I tend to complain about how much things suck in many of my Facebook posts. Just keeping it real, I guess.

I never complain about my bosses or anything like that, though... that's career suicide. Besides... I like my new bosses so far!

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: Gunbuster
So you added people from your past. Why do you care about them? Do you have any current friends on facebook?

What a silly question. Of course I care about them - they were friends for a reason. Would I walk into a burning building for their dog? Hell no, but I feel confident in asserting that a big attraction to sites like Facebook is that it's a great way to find old acquaintances and catch up. If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't have accepted/sent the friend request to begin with.

Interactions on Facebook with current friends don't suffer from this lack of genuineness, but is it really that surprising? What does someone I've known for 4 years - and had constant contact with - have to prove? Nothing. I "get" the whole "the last time you saw me was ten years ago and I was an emotional mess, and I want to convey success, peace, and tranquility", but it surprises me how thickly this is applied in many cases.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: MrMatt

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: MrMatt
what an informative post. Thanks for your contribution to the anandtech off-topic forum

Likewise. I look forward to your next 60 posts over the next 7 days.

indeed, I look forward to your next 30 posts in 7 days. Huzzah to you good sir

Here's another reply to you, so you can reply in turn. You want to get that post count up, and I'm here to help!

 

[DVad3r]

You're post is dead on the money. I had a Facebook account with tons of people on it from high school, elementary school, people I've met through friends etc. It was cool at first getting messeges from people and seeing how they are doing again, but without actually doing anything beyond that. Everyone is just there for show. You would think that people you grew up with would want to meet for a beer after 10 years or something. It got to a point where I had over a hundred people on there with no communication to anyone. Thus I deleted my account.

 

[rivan]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: Gunbuster
So you added people from your past. Why do you care about them? Do you have any current friends on facebook?

What a silly question. Of course I care about them - they were friends for a reason. Would I walk into a burning building for their dog? Hell no, but I feel confident in asserting that a big attraction to sites like Facebook is that it's a great way to find old acquaintances and catch up. If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't have accepted/sent the friend request to begin with.

Interactions on Facebook with current friends don't suffer from this lack of genuineness, but is it really that surprising? What does someone I've known for 4 years - and had constant contact with - have to prove? Nothing. I "get" the whole "the last time you saw me was ten years ago and I was an emotional mess, and I want to convey success, peace, and tranquility", but it surprises me how thickly this is applied in many cases.

I don't have a facebook account.

With only a couple exceptions, the people from my past that I give a damn about I keep in touch with already. Those exceptions are, in all likelihood, not using facebook either.

 

[Aikouka]

You ever have someone ask you, "How are you doing?" and even on a crappy day, you say, "Not too bad."?

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: rivan

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: Gunbuster
So you added people from your past. Why do you care about them? Do you have any current friends on facebook?

What a silly question. Of course I care about them - they were friends for a reason. Would I walk into a burning building for their dog? Hell no, but I feel confident in asserting that a big attraction to sites like Facebook is that it's a great way to find old acquaintances and catch up. If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't have accepted/sent the friend request to begin with.

Interactions on Facebook with current friends don't suffer from this lack of genuineness, but is it really that surprising? What does someone I've known for 4 years - and had constant contact with - have to prove? Nothing. I "get" the whole "the last time you saw me was ten years ago and I was an emotional mess, and I want to convey success, peace, and tranquility", but it surprises me how thickly this is applied in many cases.

I don't have a facebook account.

With only a couple exceptions, the people from my past that I give a damn about I keep in touch with already. Those exceptions are, in all likelihood, not using facebook either.

Which is fair, of course. Some people tend to only form relationships with few people, and they want those relationships to be very close. I had a moderately-sized graduating class. Everyone knew everyone, and at the very least, I was on good terms with them. I had a great circle of close friends that consisted of 15 or so people. But college, careers, etc., tend to disperse people over time. Despite wanting to remain "close friends", it's not always feasible.

Again, I get the sugarcoating that goes on. No one is going to go out of their way to deliver the bitter truth that their kid is a giant pain in the ass or that you think your husband is banging the babysitter, but when I encounter "Write something about yourself" sections that read "My life is so terrific and blessed, I just can't believe how wonderful everything has turned out.", I have to get a paper bag. Who the hell is this person addressing that to? It's certainly not designed for the masses.

Originally posted by: Aikouka
You ever have someone ask you, "How are you doing?" and even on a crappy day, you say, "Not too bad."?

Terrible analogy. C-

First of all, chances are that the person who asked you doesn't even WANT the truth. They're just being polite, and they want you to be polite in turn by not wasting the next 10 minutes of their time by giving them a play by play of your day thus far.

Similarly, they're not an old acquaintance with whom you have some sort of history with. There's no expectation or desire for being genuine - by either one of you - and no motivation to paint a Rembrandt picture for them when they ask "how are you."

 

[yllus]

Personally, I'm pleased with the ease in which Facebook lets me get in touch with various groups of friends I have. Most everyone I know keeps up-to-date contact information in their profile which lets me look up their phone number or address quickly and easily, even from my mobile phone if needed. It also reminds me of upcoming birthdays, something I'm terrible about keeping track of.

It's also a really useful party planning device - it's very easy to send out party invites and keep track of who's coming and who's not to arrange rides, number of seats, sleeping arrangements and so forth. My coworker also runs a music blog in his spare time that puts on events every few months and Facebook is indispensible for figuring out his costs and profits.

Frankly, I think the major reasons AnandTechers are down on Facebook boil down to A) it's cool to hate what's popular or B) they don't have enough friends or interesting events going on in their lives to make the site useful. Or a combination of the two. I don't exactly live on Facebook like some people I know do (or did, I think the initial craze has worn off) but I certainly enjoy my once a day read to see what's going on and where I might want to head this weekend.

Edit: Grammar.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

someone is hatin' this morning

 

[thatguy82]

Originally posted by: DarrelSPowers
I actually skimmed all that, and I have to aggree, facebook = brag vehicle, for all ages.

Also, its a cougar vehicle for hunting down younger boys to cheat on their husbands with.

yep, some people hope if they convince others their life is great they'll finally believe it themselves