Why don't people make plans anymore?

[GeekDrew]

I hate to plan events with friends... causes me anxiety and I frequently then won't follow through. If it's spontaneous, though, count me in. 🙂

Work, family, and larger gatherings, however, have to be very well planned, or else they piss me off to no end.

 

[Alienwho]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

12/10!!!!

Both of my parents are deceased. You would think this would make planning life easier, but no.

My Wife's Mom's Side: Have to get together for every little thing. There are a total of 6 different birthdays that span August, September, and October. Do you think we could consolidate a bit? Hell no. We need to celebrate each and every one individually (this includes mine and my wife's, by the way). If a family member drops into town - usually unannounced, of course - everyone's expected to show up. Regardless, I've worked hard over the years to lower everyone's expectations. And once my wife went back to school, she was on board, too.

My Wife's Dad's Side: Already went there in a previous post... recap: calls out of nowhere and demands that people bend to his will. "We're going out to our cabin this weekend, why don't you guys come along." Well, his cabin is a little shoebox in a mosquito-infested, gasoline-tainted swamp, and again, we can't just carve a weekend out of nowhere without any notice. Even with notice we probably couldn't. But when we decline, he pouts like a little child. Then we get the phone call from my wife's step mom. This lady is just a witch. She'll try every angle at a guilt trip that she can think of, and she'll try to "solve" our problem for us:

"We can't make it, jbourne77 has midterms next week so we need to study."
"Oh, well why don't you just come without him."
"Well, jbourne77 jr. has a soccer game Sunday morning."
"Oh that's ok, one game won't matter."

Bitch, can't you see we're trying to be polite here? Try it sometime. Us declining your offer is not a bloody invitation for debate. If we wanted to be around you, we'd find a way to make it work. But we don't, so we didn't. Take a hint you nag.

Are you sure you're not me? This whole situation sounds very familiar to my life.

I can only imagine the crap my mother in law talks about behind our backs when we don't show up at these activities. When I was first dating my wife and looking to impress the fam, I showed up at everything. Well one of my brother in laws, a really cool guy who does what he can to make the family happy, but in the end does what he wants, gets absolutely no slack from my mother in law. Every time something was happening and he didn't show up because he felt that once a week was more than enough, my mother in law would just not let it go that he and his wife didn't show up. Made me have tons of respect for them and know that I'm not alone as I strive for an independent family. He and his wife recently moved out of state and I am jealous. The MIT couldn't fathom the fact that he was offered many jobs locally, but he opted for the job that pays less out of state.

I live literally a block away from my parents house. I live about 25 minutes away from my wife's family. For every hour I spend at my parents house I spend 8 hours at the mother in laws. She also has the nerve to accuse us of never coming over because she believes we spend all our free time at my parents because they live so close.

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

Spontaneity is good but I agree being unable to plan is foolish. It requires forethought and a little discipline, which is at odds with an instant gratification society. We have people who are apparently unable to prepare a meal earlier in the day for later. They are victims of a 15 minute window they impose on themselves.

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: swbsam
Now that I'm married, I find it rather annoying that people still insist on spur of the moment plans - I appreciate being invited out to do things, but just can't get up and go as freely as I used to be able to. I think my chums all think I'm antisocial or a flake, but the truth is that I almost always stick to plans as long as I have a few days notice.

Anyone else find spur of the moment invites kinda annoying?

eh, i like have stuff set out ahead of time, but...i pretty much hang out with hippies so the only time that happens is if we have to buy tickets to something

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: Alienwho
Are you sure you're not me? This whole situation sounds very familiar to my life.

It's funny, because before getting married I always heard about how awful in-laws could be. I thought to myself "man, I'm lucky - my future in-laws are AWESOME!". Yeah, but then you get married and the power struggle between your parents and hers - and even her side A vs. her side B if her parents are divorced - begins. This struggle is completely devoid of rationale, reason, and consideration for others. It's a carnival of pure selfishness and narcissism.

Originally posted by: Alienwho
I can only imagine the crap my mother in law talks about behind our backs when we don't show up at these activities. When I was first dating my wife and looking to impress the fam, I showed up at everything.

Yep, me too. It didn't take long at all, though, for me to start taking a very cavalier attitude towards her family. The way I saw it, if no one gave a shit about us and our schedules, why should I be breaking my back to impress them? Yeah, I got through the "suck face" phase rather quickly.

Her family - especially her father's side - are all phonies. They do not have genuine relationships with one another. Get-togethers are entirely superficial and consist of nothing but lip service. So they don't talk trash about us or each other when someone's not in the room - it wouldn't be "proper." However, it became obvious pretty early on that we were falling "out of favor" because of our absences. Since "falling out of favor" equated to "fewer invitations," I considered our mission an absolute success.

Originally posted by: Alienwho
He and his wife recently moved out of state and I am jealous. The MIT couldn't fathom the fact that he was offered many jobs locally, but he opted for the job that pays less out of state.

I've actually been lobbying to move out west for years for this very reason. Truth be told, expectations these days are much more reasonable than they once were, but her father's side is still unbearable.

Originally posted by: Alienwho
I live literally a block away from my parents house. I live about 25 minutes away from my wife's family. For every hour I spend at my parents house I spend 8 hours at the mother in laws. She also has the nerve to accuse us of never coming over because she believes we spend all our free time at my parents because they live so close.

WOW... *exactly* my situation, too, when my parents were still living. I hardly got to see my parents because there was so much pressure to spend weekends and holidays with her family. My wife's mom accused her once of liking my mother more than her. I damn near fell out of my chair. The perception that twit in-laws can have because their immediate needs aren't being met 110% is absolutely astonishing.

 

[nageov3t]

Her family - especially her father's side - are all phonies. They do not have genuine relationships with one another. Get-togethers are entirely superficial and consist of nothing but lip service. So they don't talk trash about us or each other when someone's not in the room - it wouldn't be "proper."

isn't every family like that?

 

[spidey07]

Welcome to adulthood, population - you.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: spidey07
Welcome to adulthood, population - you.

and no one else (other than my wife) 🙁

not that i don't enjoy spending time with her..

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: loki8481

Her family - especially her father's side - are all phonies. They do not have genuine relationships with one another. Get-togethers are entirely superficial and consist of nothing but lip service. So they don't talk trash about us or each other when someone's not in the room - it wouldn't be "proper."

isn't every family like that?

You know, I've wondered this many times (usually while listening to my wife and her sisters tell each other how great they look). I try thinking back to my family, and we were so brutally honest and open with each other that it's really hard for me to entertain the possibility that there was any phoniness. We laughed hard, played hard, and fought hard. Nothing was ever left on the table. But I do know that I'm biased, so who knows.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: whylaff
I think you are whipped.

Text

ROFL...that's pretty good.

I accepted many years ago that I am the boss in my household...and have her permission to say so. 😛

I rule the roost...she rules the rooster.

I wear the pants in my family...but my wife picks them out for me...

😀

 

[nerp]

I think some of it has to be with how mobile everyone is. I hate blaming cell phones, but they do play a part in making time more "wiggly." Back in the day, you really had no convenient way to hit up some friends quickly to organize a hangout. At best, people had call waiting. So you'd plan during the week to meet at location X on Friday. People would be there waiting. You couldn't back out 10 minutes beforehand because everyone would have left and there was no way to get ahold of anyone to back out, or say "maybe we should meet at place Y instead?"

 

[imported_inspire]

It really depends - if the activity is expensive, or requires me to get dressed up, the yeah, I want some advanced notice. If it's during a time when I'm planning to be hanging out with my g/f, then yeah, I'd like some advance notice so I could talk to her and see if she'd like to go.

If it's a day when I'm doing laundry and playing xbox, I don't care.

What gets me the most though, is that i like to have plans, but other people don't. It strikes me as pretty flaky when I try to set something up with someone else and they give non-answers.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: inspire
What gets me the most though, is that i like to have plans, but other people don't. It strikes me as pretty flaky when I try to set something up with someone else and they give non-answers.

My sister has been pulling this nonsense for the last year or two. She's always bitching and moaning about how the three of us (I have two younger sisters) hardly ever see each other. So my other sister and I have been making a big effort to bring us together for dinners, brunches, football games, etc., and the whiner ALWAYS turns us down, or worse, backs out 15 minutes before.