Why don't people make plans anymore?

[swbsam]

Now that I'm married, I find it rather annoying that people still insist on spur of the moment plans - I appreciate being invited out to do things, but just can't get up and go as freely as I used to be able to. I think my chums all think I'm antisocial or a flake, but the truth is that I almost always stick to plans as long as I have a few days notice.

Anyone else find spur of the moment invites kinda annoying?

 

[nageov3t]

Anyone else find spur of the moment invites kinda annoying?

nope, I don't have a ball and chain weighing me down.

 

[lokiju]

Just wait till you have kids...

 

[meltdown75]

can't get up and go as freely as I used to be able to

sucks.

 

[Beev]

People with no attachments, like myself, generally prefer to do things spontaneously. The only plans I make are for things I buy tickets to or maybe the occasional "Hey let's try this restaurant on Friday." One of my old, closest friends got married a few years ago and quickly stopped doing things with our circle of friends. Don't pretend you "can't" do spur of the moment things because you're married. Unless you're already committed to doing something with your SO you can very easily do stuff spontaneously. Don't be so whipped. I've actually stopped hanging out with, or even asking my friend to do anything because he flat out won't. Are all married men as whipped as you? God damn.

/weak rant

 

[BoomerD]

Spur of the moment things are fine on occasion, but they shouldn't be disappointed if your life doesn't mesh with theirs.

All kinds of things in life can interfere with spur or the moment types of activities; doctor appointments, WORK, getting lucky with the GF, previous plans, etc.

You just need to be able to schedule spontaneity...

Originally posted by: Beev
People with no attachments, like myself, generally prefer to do things spontaneously. The only plans I make are for things I buy tickets to or maybe the occasional "Hey let's try this restaurant on Friday." One of my old, closest friends got married a few years ago and quickly stopped doing things with our circle of friends. Don't pretend you "can't" do spur of the moment things because you're married. Unless you're already committed to doing something with your SO you can very easily do stuff spontaneously. Don't be so whipped. I've actually stopped hanging out with, or even asking my friend to do anything because he flat out won't. Are all married men as whipped as you? God damn.

/weak rant

Jealous much? You apparently haven't figured out yet that your married friends would rather spend time with their spouse than you.

It's not a matter of being "whipped," it's a matter of priority.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: lokiju
Just wait till you have kids...

... I'm assuming we'll simply not have any friends at that point...

What do you do for that balance?

 

[mugs]

That's just the way the younger generations are. I don't like it either. I didn't like it before I was married. I like to know what I'm doing ahead of time. Once I'm in "relax at home" mode you won't get me to do anything else.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Yes. I don't think about it, but I generally have all my activities planned out for a few days in advance. I do this with the goal in mind of actually having my affairs wrapped up at some point so that I can have some "free" time. Of course the only time anyone else wants to do anything fun is when I'm in the middle of something crucial that I'm reluctant to delay for a later time. Then there are other things that I just have to stick to like glue, like going to the gym. Any activity that anyone wants to partake seems to be occur right in the middle of my gym time and leaves me with no time to go later. I might relent if it were only once a month or so, but if I skipped my workouts every time someone said "oh come on, just this once" I'd never get any exercise in. And these people wonder why they're all out of shape...

 

[mugs]

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: lokiju
Just wait till you have kids...

... I'm assuming we'll simply not have any friends at that point...

What do you do for that balance?

You'll have friends - other people who have kids.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: Beev
People with no attachments, like myself, generally prefer to do things spontaneously. The only plans I make are for things I buy tickets to or maybe the occasional "Hey let's try this restaurant on Friday." One of my old, closest friends got married a few years ago and quickly stopped doing things with our circle of friends. Don't pretend you "can't" do spur of the moment things because you're married. Unless you're already committed to doing something with your SO you can very easily do stuff spontaneously. Don't be so whipped. I've actually stopped hanging out with, or even asking my friend to do anything because he flat out won't. Are all married men as whipped as you? God damn.

/weak rant

I wasn't trying to rant, and the perspective of you single people's valid and worth hearing honestly.

The problem is that it just takes more effort - while I may be totally ok with going to the city for a few drinks, my wife might just want to watch TV (or vice versa).. You're right, it's rarely about other plans, it's just about getting out of the house and convincing your mate to join in a moments notice. Hell, it takes my wife over an hour to get ready sometimes (while I'd wash under my pits and throw on a t-shirt)

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: swbsam
Now that I'm married, I find it rather annoying that people still insist on spur of the moment plans - I appreciate being invited out to do things, but just can't get up and go as freely as I used to be able to. I think my chums all think I'm antisocial or a flake, but the truth is that I almost always stick to plans as long as I have a few days notice.

Anyone else find spur of the moment invites kinda annoying?

because people dont want to commit to you... they only do something with you if there is no better alternative.

 

[nageov3t]

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: lokiju
Just wait till you have kids...

... I'm assuming we'll simply not have any friends at that point...

What do you do for that balance?

You'll have friends - other people who have kids.

yeah... one of my friends just had a kid a couple months ago. he's kinda slowly being pushed out of the circle.

nothing against him, but hanging out in his house whispering because we can't wake up the baby and he's not allowed to go out isn't my idea of a fun Friday night.

it's kinda become a thing where we purposefully schedule stuff ahead just so that they don't randomly show up with the baby like they did last week, thus completely limiting our options of what we want to do.

 

[moshquerade]

i plan... my friends plan. we plan stuff months ahead. spur of the moment stuff is ok sometimes too. don't totally lose your spontaneity just because you are married.

 

[whylaff]

I think you are whipped.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: whylaff
I think you are whipped.

Text

 

[vi edit]

Originally posted by: lokiju
Just wait till you have kids...

So effin true.

That first year is brutal working around naps, feedings, ect. It gets better but it's still not fun. I just want to bitch slap friends and relatives that have no kids (or young ones) and call up and say "why don't you ever come see us?".

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: mugs
That's just the way the younger generations are. I don't like it either. I didn't like it before I was married. I like to know what I'm doing ahead of time. Once I'm in "relax at home" mode you won't get me to do anything else.

Exactly - and, even though we stay up late on Saturdays, our what we're doing at 10:30 is what we're doing for the rest of the night. In other words, if we're still at home then we're staying at home. But I have missed texts from the weekend, received after 11:30 PM - "what are you doing tonight?"

I don't even reply to those until the next day since, 9 times out of 10, we're already in bed

 

[TwiceOver]

I couldn't imagine having to open up a book for my friends... "Yeah, is Satruday the 13th good for you guys?"

The most advance notice I get is usually "Hey, BBQ this weekend bring some beer and brats if you are bored". Note that a specific day is not given and I usually hear things like this on a Thursday.

 

[Redfraggle]

You just need friends in a similar life place as you, or that do enjoy planning ahead. Most of my friends are currently single and we all plan ahead. I don't think this is going to stop even once the baby is born in a few months. It's not wrong to be considerate of your spouse, but you could also tell her that you enjoy time with your friends and want some more flexibility. Are they asking to see you or both of you?

Easiest thing is probably just to get some married friends with similar views on the world.

 

[Beev]

Originally posted by: swbsam
I wasn't trying to rant, and the perspective of you single people's valid and worth hearing honestly.

No, no, mine was the rant. A weak one

 

[Jeeebus]

Originally posted by: loki8481

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: swbsam

Originally posted by: lokiju
Just wait till you have kids...

... I'm assuming we'll simply not have any friends at that point...

What do you do for that balance?

You'll have friends - other people who have kids.

yeah... one of my friends just had a kid a couple months ago. he's kinda slowly being pushed out of the circle.

nothing against him, but hanging out in his house whispering because we can't wake up the baby and he's not allowed to go out isn't my idea of a fun Friday night.

it's kinda become a thing where we purposefully schedule stuff ahead just so that they don't randomly show up with the baby like they did last week, thus completely limiting our options of what we want to do.

ya, certainly he's not choosing to spend time with his newborn... it's clearly forced upon him because when given the choice to hang out with you or his daughter/son, he'd obviously choose you, the charmer that you are.

 

[Beev]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
Jealous much? You apparently haven't figured out yet that your married friends would rather spend time with their spouse than you.

It's not a matter of being "whipped," it's a matter of priority.

Whatever you want to say to make you feel better, Boomer. No one wants to spend every second of every day with the same person. No one.

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: whylaff
I think you are whipped.

Text

I'm actually not whipped at all... My wife and I are both pretty stubborn people and are only happy because we're also on the same wavelength most of the time. The honest truth is, after doing a weeks worth of laundry, shopping, and cleaning up the house (we have 2 dogs/2 cats), I honestly prefer staying in, 9 times out of 10. But friends are important to me, so I'll drag myself out if I have notice, and my wife would come out as well.

 

[vi edit]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
i plan... my friends plan. we plan stuff months ahead. spur of the moment stuff is ok sometimes too. don't totally lose your spontaneity just because you are married.

And it's not just being married, but professional lives cause problems too. My wife has to work weekends every third week. I take call for work work the week after that. That's 2-3 weekends a month (depending on how they fall) that are gone for any real events for us. Plus many of our friends are in similar work scheduling conflicts that you have to plan around. Throw in a kid in the mix and your weekends get chewed up in a flash.

You have to book things in advance.