Why do people "settle" in life?

[brianmanahan]

also, i would like to nominate this thread for best self-ownage of 2016

 

[PowerEngineer]

My thinking is this type of person should be put to good use in a laboratory finding cures to diseases or in business etc...

But it's kind of a "waste of brain". You have this powerful brain that is one of many that can solve some of the world's hardest problems. Chooses to become a public school teacher!!!

What you are suggesting in essence is that individuals have an obligation to society to develop and use their talents and aptitudes in a way that is best for society (as you see it). I see this as directly contradicting what we consider to be the inherent and inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (yes, I did plagiarize that ). Personal talents and aptitudes are gifts, not obligations.

I'm the type that I don't think I can ever be satisfied or settled. I don't ever want kids, and I have no plans on being married any time soon. I'm always looking to better myself and always interested in new opportunities if they benefit me. Once I pass the PE (planned for 2017), that's pretty much the end of my 'academic' career. It can only get better, not worse.

Perhaps it depends on how you look at it. It seems that you are "satisfied and settled" with being single and not having children. I'm not denigrating your choices, but the point is that we all make personal decisions about what is worth pursuing in our lives. Your career seems to be at the top of your list, and it therefore makes sense for you to put your energies into it. Other people with different personal priorities will just as sensibly pour their energies into other pursuits. You might see this as "settling" for a lesser career, but the fact is we all make similar ("settling") choices.

P.S. -- Passing the PE really isn't all that...

 

[sandorski]

What you are suggesting in essence is that individuals have an obligation to society to develop and use their talents and aptitudes in a way that is best for society (as you see it). I see this as directly contradicting what we consider to be the inherent and inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (yes, I did plagiarize that ). Personal talents and aptitudes are gifts, not obligations.



Perhaps it depends on how you look at it. It seems that you are "satisfied and settled" with being single and not having children. I'm not denigrating your choices, but the point is that we all make personal decisions about what is worth pursuing in our lives. Your career seems to be at the top of your list, and it therefore makes sense for you to put your energies into it. Other people with different personal priorities will just as sensibly pour their energies into other pursuits. You might see this as "settling" for a lesser career, but the fact is we all make similar ("settling") choices.

P.S. -- Passing the PE really isn't all that...

Since it's related to this Post, I'll just quote it, but IMO Settling is letting Yourself down, it is not failing to meet the expectations of Others.

If someone did Settle, like the Teacher, perhaps it was because lack of funds or a turn of events that thwarted their original goals. Barriers exist and things happen to change peoples trajectories.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Some people just have different priorities, some just want to keep upgrading themselves and are constantly moving up the rungs. Personally, I say why? Why dedicate your life to your job - your job/company does not care one bit about you. Why should you work harder than you have to.

Personally my dream since I was a kid was to simply own a house and have a place of my own, to me it's the whole poitn of even getting a job and making money in first place. I've achieved that now, so I'm happy where I am. I'd say my next dream would simply be a bigger property, perhaps a cottage/cabin in the woods, type deal, but not something I'm really working directly towards, just a "nice to have" thing that if I'd go for if I won the lotto or something. A job is just something you need so you can pay the bills, so I strongly believe in getting a job that has a good life balance. I've pretty much scored that at this point, it's a low stress job that has really good hours and pays well. My only concern is how there really arn't any other jobs in my field that pay close to what this one pays, so if I lost it, I'm screwed. I try not to think about that. If things simply continue on status quo, then life is good.

 

[Zeze]

settling is precisely my plan. i'm actively avoiding promotions because i like the low stress, decent paying, limited responsibility, 40 hour per week job i have now.

the goal is to work another 10-15 years in this position and when i've saved 30 * my yearly expenses, then i'm out.

Ah the joy of bring kids-free.

 

[highland145]

Ah the joy of bring kids-free.

Don't tell that the joy of your own kids is a factor better....

 

[Mai72]

Settling in Life? Pfftt... What's that?

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Some people just have different priorities, some just want to keep upgrading themselves and are constantly moving up the rungs. Personally, I say why? Why dedicate your life to your job - your job/company does not care one bit about you. Why should you work harder than you have to.

Exactly. Remember, you're not employed because your company is generous or loves you - they're in the business of making other people money and have calculated that you help them achieve that goal. They'll cut every corner necessary (including your job) if they think it can make more money without even giving it a second thought.

That's why I roll my eyes at people who brag about working 60, 70, etc. hours per week for someone else. You're giving free labor to someone and likely not seeing any benefits commensurate with the extra effort you're putting in. The mindset everyone should adopt is that you're the CEO of Me, Inc. and your goal is to maximize earnings and minimize effort and cost - that's the goal of every single CEO in America and it should be everyone's personal goal too.

Ah the joy of bring kids-free.

Being kid free is GREAT.

 

[Exterous]

If its truly settling and accepting things you don't like but could change I would agree with the post but it post doesn't give enough information to know if the example actually settled or not. My wife is a teacher and absolutely loves what she does. She has the ability to pursue many different paths, most of which would make us more money but there is a lot to be said for loving what you do and making an obviously positive impact on the education of our youth. She gets former students stopping by all the time to thank her for her role in their education.

Ah the joy of bring kids-free.

I don't know. All this sleep I get is exhausting. Not to mention all the free time I have to do things I want to do. Terrible. Oh and the money. I can't get rid of it fast enough - it just keeps piling up. I just set a giant pile on fire on Sunday but came home monday and there was more. Ugh.

 

[highland145]

lol

 

[IndyColtsFan]

I don't know. All this sleep I get is exhausting. Not to mention all the free time I have to do things I want to do. Terrible. Oh and the money. I can't get rid of it fast enough - it just keeps piling up. I just set a giant pile on fire on Sunday but came home monday and there was more. Ugh.

All this free time, money, and vacations are killing me. WHY DIDN'T I HAVE KIDS?!?!?!?!?!

 

[rh71]

I’ll answer a more serious response to this. There are different levels of settling depending on your ambition.

I’m making pretty good money, and my job is pretty boring. I’m only 34 and I get to go home at 5pm and work from home every Fridays. I don’t think this job is healthy for me- because I don’t think I’m learning much and may even fall behind in the industry when I’m out on the market again.

But it’s hard not to be complacent. Lower stress, good money, easy hours + I go home and enjoy life. I’d be tempted to ‘settle’ for this job if the world somehow offered me this for rest of my life + adjusting for inflation raise, but with ZERO advancement.

Pretty much why I've stayed at this job for almost 17 years. I've been home every day for the last 11. I'm doing something I actually like but the pay could be much better. Perks outweigh everything.

 

[IronWing]

Settling in Life? Pfftt... What's that?

If I am reading your graph correctly, you work 12.5 hours per day but only 45 minutes of that is productive. Seems about right.

 

[rh71]

I don't ever want kids, and I have no plans on being married any time soon. I'm always looking to better myself and always interested in new opportunities if they benefit me. Once I pass the PE (planned for 2017), that's pretty much the end of my 'academic' career. It can only get better, not worse.

I've known friends who didn't want kids and don't appear fit to be parents but it has been a great joy in their life. How do I know? Even near 40, they had more kids. It's a natural "next step". You have to think in terms of next steps because that's the whole point of this life - what makes us even more happy than we already are. I can say that, despite their testing my patience sometimes, my kids' accomplishments have made me very proud (and they're only 8 so far). What would I be doing now at 38 to feel the same way about myself? Not much other than working like a slave or changing the world somehow (not going to happen).

You may not do the kid thing at 30 or 35 because of your career, but you may have a change of heart near 40 when work gets stale. Another example is my wife's boss at 41. Successful go-getter in a NYC firm... still went for it at 41.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

I've known friends who didn't want kids and don't appear fit to be parents but it has been a great joy in their life. How do I know? Even near 40, they had more kids. It's a natural "next step". You have to think in terms of next steps because that's the whole point of this life - what makes us even more happy than we already are. I can say that my kids' accomplishments have made me very proud (and they're only 8 so far). What would I be doing now at 38 to feel the same way about myself? Not much other than working like a slave or changing the world somehow (not going to happen).

I'll give you a different perspective. I'll be 46 next month and I'm married without kids. I have a ton of free time where I can work on hobbies (gaming, home automation, reading, playing in my VM lab), if I want something I can just buy it without a second thought, and if I want to go anywhere in the world, I could literally drop everything and go tomorrow. If I'm tired, I can take a nap in my recliner or crash on my patio with a beer without having to worry about anyone else.

I like kids, but having them was never in the cards for me. There are just too many other things I value over kids and a "career" and those are the things I focus on.

 

[Zeze]

I don't know. All this sleep I get is exhausting. Not to mention all the free time I have to do things I want to do. Terrible. Oh and the money. I can't get rid of it fast enough - it just keeps piling up. I just set a giant pile on fire on Sunday but came home monday and there was more. Ugh.

Uhh i wasnt being sarcastic. It IS financially awesome to be kids free.

 

[dullard]

A little OT but you havent known a teacher IRL have you? My ex is one and its nothing like what you describe

My ex too was one, so is my sister. They are like what I described. Sure you can make teaching miserable (and it is a LOT of work the first year or two). But after that, you can make teaching be a very pleasant lifestyle if you choose. Use your lesson plan from past years, tweaked as necessary. Have the kids grade the homework (or don't grade it).

 

[Zeze]

also, i would like to nominate this thread for best self-ownage of 2016

How far this forum has fallen. This is a mild burn at best- tons of serious replies & discussion.

The real self-pwnage back in the days was full of savage ridicule and burn.

 

[cressida]

Everyone has their own decisions in life! And really? You have time to worry or question what other ppl want to do with their lives?

 

[Exterous]

Uhh i wasnt being sarcastic. It IS financially awesome to be kids free.

I know you weren't but I was. I agree that it is awesome to be kid free

 

[purbeast0]

I've been kid free and with a kid - they are both awesome.

OMG WHAT IS THE INTERNET GOING TO DO NOW THAT SOMEONE DIDN'T PICK A SIDE?!?!?

 

[IronWing]

I've been kid free and with a kid - they are both awesome.

OMG WHAT IS THE INTERNET GOING TO DO NOW THAT SOMEONE DIDN'T PICK A SIDE?!?!?

You smell bad.

 

[rh71]

My ex too was one, so is my sister. They are like what I described. Sure you can make teaching miserable (and it is a LOT of work the first year or two). But after that, you can make teaching be a very pleasant lifestyle if you choose. Use your lesson plan from past years, tweaked as necessary. Have the kids grade the homework (or don't grade it).

And here, make about $125k/year working only 180 days while they're at it. When anyone questions you, just hide behind the union and the supposedly difficult-to-obtain Masters degree in Education.

I love teachers as people, but they are well overpaid in some areas and disgustingly so. On one hand they are pleasant and on the other they are crooks taking advantage of the faceless paying public.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I can't imagine having kids myself, or even getting married. I'm just happy single with no kids. I think my family has finally accepted that, as they used to always bother me about getting a GF. I don't want to do it just to follow the standard, I won't be happy.

On the other hand, I do feel I may have a responsibility of spreading the ginger gene around, and I've failed at that. Apparently we're going extinct.

 

[brianmanahan]

Ah the joy of bring kids-free.

at this point i've got enough saved that it'd hopefully only delay things by a few years. gotta love that compounding.

not that that's ever going to happen, of course. if anyone wanted to marry me then they'd REALLY be settling.