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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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R

Russ

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
21,093
3
0
I get the strangest eMail.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

VICE PRESIDENT GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the
chickens right now. I will not give up on the
chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the
chickens and I will not disappoint them.

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the
road. I say give the road to the chickens and let
them decide. The government needs to let go of
strangling the chickens so they can get across the
road.

SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship
their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a
spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the
right to cross the road in their own way.

SECRETARY CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They
could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to
cross the road. They don't need help crossing the
road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the
road myself.

RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by
the evil tiremakers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our
society pays tiremakers to create the need for these
roads and then lures chickens into believing there
is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the
roads, up with chickens.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't
you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side." That's
what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that
chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side." That chicken should
not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and
simple as that.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it
crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross without having their motives called into
question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How
many more chickens have to cross before you believe
it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity and your desire to have sex with
your mother.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your checkbook
and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of
eChicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken"
please? It depends upon what "why" means.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.

Russ, NCNE
 
Y

yakko

Lifer
Apr 18, 2000
25,455
2
0
This is the way I heard it.




PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it f.....g wanted to. That's the f.....g reason.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen
Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model
(PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a
diverse cross- spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with an enterprise- wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating
an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conductive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
 
E

etech

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
10,597
0
0
The chicken was on the left side of the road, with increasing age and wisdom he decided to cross to the right side. Winston Churchill (heavily paraphrased)
 
R

Regine

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2000
3,668
0
0
According to my favorite quote "Using a feather is kinky, using the whole chicken is perverted", I'm saying it crossed the road to get away from the pervert.
 
G

GroundOO

Senior member
Mar 14, 2000
553
0
0
Darth Vader: It was his dessstiny.

Yoda: The other side to get to!

Little Bald Kid at the Oracle's in The Matrix: There is no road.


Hey I made those up, cool. Anyways good one Russ, and nice follow up yakko.

Chris
 
P

PCAddict

Diamond Member
Nov 19, 1999
3,804
0
0
Good stuff. I put them all together and sent them out to my friends who usually email me stuff like this.
 
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