Why are adults embarrassed to cry?

[lyssword]

As far as answering the original question:
1. Men, unless completely isolated, while growing up are used to get a little banged up (sports type of activities/fights) and more used to physical pain.
2. Emotionally, and I'm going to generalize here, men shield themselves much more emotionally and are able to ignore a lot of bad things, again as expected by society. Unless they got blindsided.
3. Biologically: maybe something to do with hormone levels.

 

[Kaido]

because it is what babies do

when i was 8 i witnessed a baby crying nonstop for about a week. i told myself that i should never cry again, because crying is for babies.

20 years later and i have stayed true to my word.

I shed a tear when Wilson floated away.

http://i.imgur.com/qQIXjjv.gif

 

[ThinClient]

Can't let me have the last word, can you?

Thanks for proving me right.

 

[sixone]

Thanks for proving me right.

Thanks for proving that you do exactly what you accuse others of doing.

 

[destrekor]

Real men don't cry because they are not supposed to be emotional. I almost cried (ie got pretty choked up) when I thought I was dying. My dad starts to cry a bit when he starts talking about his cancer prognosis. Other than that he has never cried that I know of, although my mom said he cried when I was born but I have no way to verify obviously.

Many men rarely let other men, including their own children, witness them shed any tears.

I think I can guarantee that, privately, or only witnessed by the lady of the family, all mean have shed tears.
Unless a particular man has never experienced true loss or extreme trauma, I won't believe otherwise.

Most men try to refrain from ever shedding tears over trivial shit though. The boss got heated up and said something in a bad way? A person of no relation died? A movie was extremely sappy, sad, somber, etc?
Women cry/shed tears because they are moved emotionally far faster/more effectively than men are, and there's also no judgment ever rendered for getting emotional as a female, it's expected.

There's three judgments possible for when a man, out of nowhere, is suddenly crying. He either just broke down after holding some pain/sorrow real close to the chest, he's mental, or he's feminine and possibly homosexual (could just be a feminine straight man - remember, I'm describing what others will think). That's basically what the world has dictated and it's been that way. Men can be just as emotionally moved by movies that a female is crying. I can't answer how many men feel like, if there was never a negative opinion of men crying, they'd actually shed tear over a movie or something.

I don't buy that men are truly emotionally cold, or meant to be - they're expected to be that way, particularly because historically, men have had to put up with some terrible scenes and painful decisions.. and the expectation is that those decisions and choices and what has been witnessed, won't be of any negative repercussions to the emotional and mental stability of that man.

I'm curious, however, if that trend, which tends to produce men "holding things in" because they don't dare share and spill their emotions and thoughts, has directly produced such extreme numbers of PTSD and similar repercussions for those men. We humans, including men, should be able to deal with what we see - but men especially have had to deal with the stigma that even "seeing a shrink" is "not manly."


The solution isn't necessarily men crying more, I just thought this was an interesting point to bring to the discussion.

 

[manimal]

let go of me man!

 

[JulesMaximus]

I cried when my Father died (that was 3 years ago), I cried when we put our dog down a few months later and I cried many times when one of my best friends lost his 14 year old son (his only child) a little over a year ago... thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes in fact. :'(

 

[Imp]

Sign of a loss of control. Everyone puts on their best macho/tough face in public, letting the act go looks bad. Same reason people get embarrassed when mad or show any strong emotions.

 

[Sea Moose]

I think i am physically unable to cry. Had three grandparents pass away that i was very close too and i was unable to shed a tear... i was crying on the inside however.

I think it is because there are people that look to me for support and if i am holding it together it helps them...?

 

[AMD64Blondie]

When my yellow Labrador retriever Sunshine died of bone cancer,back in 2005..I cried basically non-stop for 3 or 4 days.

(even at work.I didn't care who saw me walking around campus,crying.)

 

[Meghan54]

It seems that many adults, especially men, are embarrassed to cry. I've heard people say that this is because crying is a sign of weakness. But why is that the case? Crying is a natural response to physical/emotional pain or trauma. Why is a natural response a weakness? :hmm:

Can any ATOT psychologists shed some light on this?

New to American culture, are you?

The country as a whole is fairly conservative and that includes our repression of sex and emotions.

I'd research for you, but suffice to say men don't cry, usually. If/when they do, it's not in public. Just look at the derision men who do cry publicly receive....Rep. Bohner as an example. The ideal is a stoic man who rarely expresses emotion in public.

 

[Jeff7]

Why? Constant conditioning, started from a very young age, that crying equals weakness, and must be avoided at any cost.

Sign of a loss of control. Everyone puts on their best macho/tough face in public, letting the act go looks bad. Same reason people get embarrassed when mad or show any strong emotions.

And yet it's usually far more acceptable for a guy to start yelling at anyone nearby, or breaking or throwing around whatever he can reasonably pick up.
Society would rather see a man act like a pissed-off gorilla than see one cry.

 

[destrekor]

i shed a tear when wilson floated away.

http://i.imgur.com/qqixjjv.gif

willlsonnnn!

 

[destrekor]

Why? Constant conditioning, started from a very young age, that crying equals weakness, and must be avoided at any cost.




And yet it's usually far more acceptable for a guy to start yelling at anyone nearby, or breaking or throwing around whatever he can reasonably pick up.
Society would rather see a man act like a pissed-off gorilla than see one cry.

Well they see pissed off rampaging gorillas more often than crying gorillas, so I suppose it's what they consider par for the course.


There definitely are, however, two different societal responses to anger: the typical angry boss-type anger and our acceptance of it as the occasional norm; and "oh, I think this guy has literally lost his mind. let's duck our heads out of the office" is the kind of reaction when there appears to be a little something extra added to the anger and insanity.

 

[pontifex]

I never saw my dad cry. I would have been terrified if something was that bad and coming our way.

I never saw my dad cry until this year (I'm 33). His brother was dying and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it. I don't think I saw him cry when his father passed away several years ago.

 

[Stifko]

I don't care. I cry openly if I feel like it. I cry in court during my custody hearings for my divorce. My wife called Child Protection Services and accused me of abusing and neglecting my son. Nothing could be farther from the truth and the fact that she did it made me really emotional. I wept openly when I was on the stand talking about it and when she was on the stand and I was listening to her poisonous testimony. It was real and I could not help it. I don't give a fsck what anyone says about being macho or whatever. It is okay to cry if you feel like it. What is the big deal? Win or lose, when this whole custody thing is over I am gonna cry again.

 

[phucheneh]

If you're doing it right, she'll cry before, during, and after.

 

[NetWareHead]

I cried at the vet's office when my cat had to be put to sleep. I began shedding tears when the vet told me it was hopeless and left us alone in the room for 5 minutes to say our goodbyes. I was still crying as the vet inserted the needle and really began bawling as he died and his head slumped down and I caught it in my hand so it wouldn't bump against the table.

I cried openly when my grandma's sister died. She was like another mother to me.

I cried each and every time I broke the bad news of my parent's upcoming divorce to all of my friends.

 

[Imp]

Why? Constant conditioning, started from a very young age, that crying equals weakness, and must be avoided at any cost.

And yet it's usually far more acceptable for a guy to start yelling at anyone nearby, or breaking or throwing around whatever he can reasonably pick up.
Society would rather see a man act like a pissed-off gorilla than see one cry.

Ya, you got that covered. Yelling, screaming, beating stuff is "macho".

In more "modern" times that is very PC, any large displays of emotion, including aggression, looks as bad as crying. But in the back of everyone's minds, they'll probably think you're a pussy for crying while going, "so macho, yum", at an angry person.

 

[SaDiZTiKStyLeZ]

Society has taught men that it's more manly to do mass shootings of innocent people than it is to cry.

 

[Chaotic42]

I cried a lot as a child. As an adult my problems seem fairly trivial by comparison.

 

[FAN13]

They were raised in a time when it was thought adult men shouldn't cry because it showed weakness.

 

[Bubbleawsome]

I never saw my dad cry. I would have been terrified if something was that bad and coming our way.

Yep.

I think i am physically unable to cry. Had three grandparents pass away that i was very close too and i was unable to shed a tear... i was crying on the inside however.

I think it is because there are people that look to me for support and if i am holding it together it helps them...?

Yep here too, some thing are like this to me. Especially the last part.

I shed a tear when Wilson floated away.

http://i.imgur.com/qQIXjjv.gif

I watched that when I was 10. I still can not watch it without crying really hard.

 

[alangrift]

Crying if one is a parent makes the children scared because they think their parents are invincible. Also some don't cry to show weakness or they don't cry because they forget how to express the emotion because of the pain they went through as a child and they dot want to cry because this would make them remember past experiences.

 

[shortylickens]

I'm so depressed I cant cry.