Who's right, me or her?

[datalink7]

Originally posted by: Beast1284
Yes, I told her I wasn't going to go behind my dads back, and she said that was stupid and immature.

It would be stupid and immature to go behind his back. What you should say is "dad, I'm over here at [name of friend]'s house and I think I am going to be spending the night. See you tommorow!"

See how he responds. He needs to realize that you are grown now. If he really objects, you might have to repect his wishes then. But making the above statement will tell him, in a non agressive way, that you want to make a few decisions that you are old enough to make.

That is my reccomendation anyway.

 

[Ionizer86]

she said that was stupid and immature.

I'm assuming those are pretty much the exact words your gf used. Depending on how well you know her, I don't know what to say. She apparently doesn't respect you're following your father's wishes that much, and that definitely isn't a good thing. It's good that you're following along your father's wishes in this case, because your father sounds much more caring than your gf. I don't know what to say about your gf's words, but it's really commendable that you're listening to your father

A talk someday should be able to get you a bit more independence.

 

[singh]

Ditch the girl, get yourself a woman...

 

[FrustratedUser]

Originally posted by: Evadman
You are male, there fore always wrong. Sorry to be the berrer of bad news.

The fact of life!
You will ALWAYS be wrong.

 

[rgwalt]

I had the same problem with my EX. The funny thing was that she was overly concerned about what her parents would think about things, but then would come down on me for how I handled my relationship with my parents and family. In my defense, they were supporting me almost totally.

Anyway, you are in the right here, assuming you are still living at home and your dad is supporting you. You will need to get out on your own soon, and either go to school or get a job and support yourself. Until then, you need to obey what your dad says. I think you need to stand up to your girlfriend and tell her what is up. When it comes down to it, if you did something your dad didn't like, he could kick you out. Who would support you in that case? Your GF? Not likely. She needs to get off your case.

Ryan

 

[Renob]

Why wont your dad let you go camping? also I think its time you start to stand up to your dad.

 

[FrustratedUser]

Renob = Boner LOL!

 

[silverpig]

[eric cartman]Hey! Bitch! Get in the kitchen and make me some pie![/eric cartman]

 

[jyates]

Good for you.......sounds like you've got your head screwed on right........being totally honest and not going behind
your dad's back sounds like a very mature thing to do. Your girlfriend might be sneaking around and doing things
behind her mom's back but that doesn't mean you have to stoop to her level.

Don't let her drag you down.......

 

[StageLeft]

It is not my place to be deciding what I can do when it is ultimately my fathers, in my opinion.

Um, you are 18. When ARE you going to start thinking for yourself?

 

[Instagib]

Originally posted by: Stallion
doesn't matter if your 18 or 80, if you live at home and your parents are paying the bills it's his way or the hiway. That's how I see it anyways.

I'm glad you respect your dads wishes, it's nice to see someone who listens to the parents for once.

I agree. You know what's right. Tell her how it is.

 

[TranceNation]

you should be a man and live out on your own.

 

[Thegonagle]

I definitely like that you trust him and he trusts you. It's a his house, his rules kind of thing. I do think you are right, for now, but it is time to start discussing things like staying out, etc.

Your GF? Well, I don't know if I like her so much. I'm a happy-go-lucky sort, and I don't think it's cool when people get mad at me for stuff that I choose to think differently about. I don't mind discussion, but all-out arguments are bad news.

 

[hollowman]

neither of you.

i am right

 

[Michael1897]

I say as long as you are dependent upon your father then you are right. However, with age there should come a little flexibility and leway.
If the girl can't respect that you respect your father dump her. why be with someone that is more or less making you choose between her and your family. tell her to grow up and rather going behind her parents back all the time, tell them what is actually going on and respect their decisions whatever they may be.

Then again you can always move out, get a job, and do whatever you want.

 

[AreaCode707]

Being honest with your parents and abiding by their wishes if you're living at their house- you're in the right. She shouldn't be urging you to blow off your dad. However, there are two possibilities for this situation. Is she wanting you to blow him off because she wants to do what she wants to do or does she want you to blow him off because he makes the rules, sets them, and gives you no room for negotation. At 18, if you're living at home, there should be at least some give and take. So while not going camping may be perfectly reasonable, if he just says no and you say okay, you have the interactions of a parent and young child. If he says no and you discuss it and come up with no in the end, you've engaged in an adult-to-adult interaction with you deferring to him as the authority, quite right if you're living under his roof or he's supporting you. She may be reacting to the little-kid treatment, if that's how things are between you and your dad.

 

[Wuffsunie]

I gotta go with most here, but add my own spin on it.

For the girl friend, keep her around for now if you want to, but start watching her a bit closer. If she goes behind her parents back that much and berates you for your principles NOW, imagine the horrors when/if you get married. If you want to throw it back at her, tell her that you love & respect your father and don't go behind the backs of people like that; how'll she feel if you did the same thing to her? Big smile at that point

For your father... yes, respect him. You're 18 I (assume) not full time employed and thus he's supporting you. Thus, moving out and being a "man" on your own isn't the best option. Though I have to say, dude is being really over protective. I agree with those who've said it, please provide the reasons he gave you for not allowing you to go. Or at least an explination of what (and when) you screwed up earlier in life so that he's so distrusting of you being away from the house for the night. If you're as respecting and responsible as you come off in this letter, and he's as good a father as you paint him, then a little talking to should get you the freedom you deserve.

 

[Sir Fredrick]

I agree that going behind your parents back is the wrong thing to do.
However, I feel that if you never stand up for yourself (to your GF or to your father), you're going to be a pushover and schmuck.
You should have a talk with your dad and tell him that you want to do some things without having to get his permission. If he says no way, then put on your donkey costume and be a little stubborn, do what you want to do anyway, but don't hide it.
I had a LOT of conflict with my parents when I was younger, but I was open and honest about everything, they eventually learned to respect and trust me more, and I think our relationship is better for it.

The only things I never told my parents were: my religious beliefs, and how I managed to get on the internet even after they disconnected my phone line. The first because if they knew that I wasn't a christian, I'd STILL be getting preached at daily, and the latter because if they knew how I was getting online they would have put a stop to it.

Anyway, you're 18, when are you moving out?

 

[UberDave]

yer wrong ... :\ just explain to your parents that you're growing up

 

[loup garou]

dude is being really over protective

That pretty much covers it.

 

[Pastore]

I am going to a local college right now, so I will be living here until I am at least 20

After that I am planning on going to a Univ. so then I would bo moving out.

 

[tom3]

It's YOUR decision to respect and obey your father, he did not make that decision for you. Age has nothing to do with it. Growing up and maturing does not necessarily mean going against your parents, but to start making your own decisions. It seems like you are doing just that.

Your girlfriend needs to accept your decisions.

 

[slider64]

Here's a hint that I have learned along the way..... don't ever get on your father's bad side... someday you will want his blessing on your marriage and it is better not to piss him off over something as trivial as this

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: eakers
did you explain to her that your decision is to respect your father's wishes?

but even if you do that you'll still be wrong.

*kat. <-- girls! sheesh!

Beast1284: Congratulations, you are stuck in the classic Catch-22, here. On one hand, you're right because you're living with your father and because he's paying the bills, you have to respect his wishes. On the other hand, she's right because in her experience, people who are 18 should be "grown up" and "think for themselves".

Unless you are prepared to break financial ties with your parents (or are certain you can talk your way out of it), you have to respect your father's wishes. Good luck.

 

[etalns]

Unfortuantely shes always right If she isnt.. then shes gonna bite... if ya get my drift