#1 Is integrated graphics better/worse in low end to mid range?
#2 What kind of laptops have you guys had and have you had this problem?
#3 I think it's generally flash or that type of strain which stresses them.
#1 Integrated graphics as far as 3d performance is just bad across the board. Intel Iris is better, but rare and only in expensive laptops. Go ahead and consider a discrete graphic card if you want some 3d power. If you stick with the x40 to x60 range of gforce chips, you shouldn't have much heating issues and still get good gaming. x80 is high end gaming with high end issues like heat production.
#2 never had any heating issue laptops myself. My first several were celeron based, then I had one with a dual core 1 which was manageable and an ati video card but the video card wasn't powerful enough to run much. It ran WoW on low settings. My last laptop I went with a i7 ULV and 745m and it came out great. The i7 has plenty of power but so little heat and power use, and the 745m allows me to play any game I want and still keeps heat manageable. The cooling is done by a single fan that seems to only have 2 speeds, barely audible and low speed.
#3 flash is dead, very few things use flash anymore for heavy lifting. Youtube has all but abolished flash. That said, youtube definitely takes more cpu then say, media player. My mini pc has fans that really ramp up to any cpu temp increases and youtube is noticeably louder. cpu load gets even worse on videos that use 60fps.
My current laptop has made me a believer in ULV processors. Unless you need desktop performance, a ULV processor will give you enough for everything without the heat issues and battery drain.