When you lose someone close to you...how long does it take for it to hit you?

[JEDI]

and whats worse than reality setting in of seeing my grandma in the coffin is the pain my dad was in at the wake.

 

[Ichinisan]

OP, I've always thought I would react I'm a way similar to what you've described. I've never actually lost anyone close to me though.

Interesting that your friend had a twin brother. So do I.

 

[MongGrel]

It varies.

My Mother died two weeks before my high school graduation in a car accident, my mother and father where divorced and I was living with my dad and stepmother att.

I guess it really hit me after the showing/wake, I remember trying to hold myself together with everyone coming out of the funeral home at the time.

Then getting in the limo on the way to the cemetery and losing it.

No one will be the same I'm sure.

 

[Mai72]

When my mom died I couldn't believe it, but it didn't really hit me until after the funeral. The family was so busy putting the funeral together that we didn't have much time to mourn.

The weeks after the funeral are the hardest, because it's then you realize that the person you cared about is never coming back

 

[MongGrel]

I remember about a week later I had all ready pre signed up to go into the Marines during the Hostage Crisis in the Argo era, at the the time.

I was at a pre-graduation keger party about a week later, was wasted off my ass and was just sitting outside someones house by myself.

My dad showed up, they told him where I was.

He just went out back, told me "Come on son, it's time to go home"

That's all that was said.

I had a cool dad and and some good friends at the time.

I miss them both, I'm getting old I guess.

I have an Aunt that still teases me, even if I'm drunk off my ass, I still remember everything that happens.

 

[sandorski]

When my Dad died I was at work when I got the call. Told my Boss, he told me to take the rest of the day off, but I convinced him to let me stay. All was well for 5-10 minutes, when I suddenly broke down and started crying. It was the first time I had lost anyone close to me that wasn't a pet. The intensity of it all was like nothing I have experienced before nor since.

 

[leeland]

When my Dad died I was at work when I got the call. Told my Boss, he told me to take the rest of the day off, but I convinced him to let me stay. All was well for 5-10 minutes, when I suddenly broke down and started crying. It was the first time I had lost anyone close to me that wasn't a pet. The intensity of it all was like nothing I have experienced before nor since.

Sorry in advance...but I have to ask...if I found out my dad died...I would be out of work the next second...

What made you make the decision at that moment to say you wanted to stay? fear?

That has to be one of the worst feelings ever...a friend is one thing but a mother or father is in a totally different world if you ask me.

 

[skyking]

It is, or a brother or sister.
Grief always ambushes me, I rarely know when it approaches. One minute your fine and next, there is a hard lump in your throat. Just roll with it. They will come when they come and as time passes, less often, less powerful.

 

[sandorski]

Sorry in advance...but I have to ask...if I found out my dad died...I would be out of work the next second...

What made you make the decision at that moment to say you wanted to stay? fear?

That has to be one of the worst feelings ever...a friend is one thing but a mother or father is in a totally different world if you ask me.

His last year of life he was in a somewhat vegetative state. Not totally, but he was unable to communicate, except for moaning when he was in pain, which was a lot of the time. So in a sense it was expected, even preferable. In another sense, I wasn't really expecting it and had never had a family member die.

 

[TallBill]

Immediately. I've only lost one person close to me and I'll always know that I could have stopped it.

 

[ProchargeMe]

My dad died over christmas last year, and it hit me pretty hard at the time but I've always been good at dealing with death because I know it's unstoppable and it's completely natural. He died of a heart attack in his sleep, but I knew he hadn't been very happy since his parents (my grands) had both died in the last few years and he had been laid off from work for almost a year at the time, and I could almost see it in his eyes that he was ready to leave. My dad had always had my back since my mother left us (me, 2 sisters, and him) in 1998, I was only 8 at the time. The hardest part to me was figuring out what I had to do, how I had to live my life without him. It's been 7 months now and I still don't know what to do, but I take it day by day and still have my sisters and SO to talk about it with. I've always been the strong one in my family when it comes to these situations and I remain that way but sometimes I feel empty and lost. Most days I just smile and quietly say thank you to him for everything that he's done for me.

 

[NetWareHead]

My great aunt died and it was unexpected. Died in her sleep. She was my grandmother's sister and I always felt lucky to have an extra grandmother. She was very loving and a great woman. My grandmother called me up and told me what had happened and I immediately began crying on the phone. I was messed up for days.

She lived in Italy and I have not been there since it happened. I have yet to see her grave or even lay a flower next to her headstone. I don't know what my emotional state will be like when I get to chance to do that...

 

[JEDI]

My dad just died:
http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?p=36487638#post36487638

I want to cry but i cant.
WTF?!

 

[leeland]

My dad just died:
http://forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php?p=36487638#post36487638

I want to cry but i cant.
WTF?!

God...sorry to hear that...sounded from the post that he was in ill health. Hopefully he was comfortable.

I can empathize with you...I didn't really feel the need or feeling to cry when I heard the news of my friend...didn't really set in till a couple of days later for me.

Each day gets easier...but that doesn't say much I guess.

 

[kaerflog]

This is something I feel like I should participate.
- I have a friend that had his own house while we were in our early 20s. About 5-6 of us would hang out at his house constantly doing various stuff. 5 am in the morning I get a call from of one the guy saying he died in a motorcycle crash. One of our other buddy survived because he strapped his helmet but he did not. It was the worst feeling inside for the longest time. I alway think from time to time how fun would it be to have him around still. I'm am still very close to his brother. Can't imagine how he felt.
- 4 months ago, I get a call from my brother at work that my mom called him and told him Dad passed away. Now my dad had a stroke about 13 yrs ago and he can go at any time but when I got the news, I broke down pretty hard. I called my wife and we raced out to the hospital. On the way there I called all my siblings to tell them dad passed away. We were stuck in traffic and I get a call from my brother saying that Dad only had a seizure and he's OK. So I;m desperately trying to get a hold of my Mom and nothing. An hr later I finally got a hold of us and she say Dad is OK. It turned out that when my Dad had a seizure my Mom thought he died and called my brother. She forgot to call anyone back when dad was OK. Boy I chewed out my Mom later on for being inconsiderate. I'm like Mom, you can't let us going through the motion like that. You should have called us back and let us know that Dad was OK.
- Just 2 weeks ago a co-worker of mine lost her beautiful daughter who just graduated HS. A spitting image of her. Oh man, Its gonna be a long recovery for her. No Mom should ever have to go through losing her baby. BTW the daughter is speeding excessively and was probably texting, lost control and crashed into the woods.

 

[skyking]

Just 2 weeks ago a co-worker of mine lost her beautiful daughter who just graduated HS. A spitting image of her. Oh man, Its gonna be a long recovery for her. No Mom should ever have to go through losing her baby. BTW the daughter is speeding excessively and was probably texting, lost control and crashed into the woods.

That was our family's first loss. My older brother was out with his friends on his graduation day, swimming at a lake. he dove down and did not come up.
I remember answering the door, and here are two state patrolmen. His cap and gown hung by the door, and they are saying how sorry they are ..........
It broke our family up.

 

[sa7an1]

Was given the terrible news this week (Monday) that one of my best friends died in his sleep...only 40.

At first it didn't seem real...and it was only at his funeral that it really started to sink in and bother the shit out of me...

Even seeing him at his wake didn't shake me up that much.

My wife and other close friends were affected right away...crying and remorseful...mostly females.

IDK, maybe it is just me, being a guy and not letting the feeling sink it that it took this long for it to hit me.

I have browsed many threads like this on ATOT without a second thought as to letting it sink in...but man now that it has happened to me it hit home on many levels.

To add a level of oddity...he had an identical twin (never met him until today)....spitting image of him...talk about a mind fuck seeing what looks like your best friend talking to you, while your actual friend is laying in a coffin right next to you. It was extremely comforting yet terribly sad at the same time...like I didn't want to stop talking to him but was sad doing it.

In a selfish way I am pissed at him lol, usually talked to him several times a week...subconsciously I was going to give him a call out of habit after work and had to catch myself...just such a hollow feeling.

Anyways, I was just curious how others viewed this situation if you had ever been in it before.

I had my Best friend die during the shipping time of a package he sent me that he would not tell me the contents of... not very fun opeing a surprise package and seeing the items inside and not being able to respond to them.

personally it hit me the night i heard but i also drank ALOT after hearing.