When should we get married?

[Shelly21]

It looked like he said he's not living with her and don't plan on living with her even after they got married....

You can still sleep with someone without having sex.... I don't want to offend people by using those phrases.....

 

[ElFenix]

Originally posted by: Shelly21

Wait... Lemme clarify something. I'm not living with her. We don't plan on living together after we get married. ITs against our beliefs. If we are living together this would be less of an issue...

Er, what kind of belief is that? At what period does penetration takes place for procreation?

ummm... grammar?

 

[Maverick2002]

I THINK YOU GUYS NEED TO LOOK AT THE EDITED FIRST POST, THAT WAS INITIALLY A TYPO

 

[LH]

Alot of Christians don't believe in living together before marriage. Its called "living in sin" for a reason.

Oh I missed the typo nm

 

[Viper GTS]

Originally posted by: LH
Alot of Christians don't believe in living together before marriage. Its not called "living in sin" for no reason.

The sin, though, is the presumed pre-marital sexual relations.

I believe what Shelly was trying to ask was could they live together and not do such things.

But the odds of that are slim, and appearances are everything.

Viper GTS

 

[ElFenix]

as was pointed out... it would be cheaper to live together... you can have seperate beds if need be. like those TV shows in the 50s. easily save enough in a year to get married on. easily.

 

[Viper GTS]

Originally posted by: ElFenix
as was pointed out... it would be cheaper to live together... you can have seperate beds if need be. like those TV shows in the 50s. easily save enough in a year to get married on. easily.

If you have ever lived in a religious home, you'd know that wouldn't fly.

If you're going to live together you might as well go all the way - Everyone's going to assume you are anyway, and condemn you for it.

Viper GTS

 

[LH]

The sin, though, is the presumed pre-marital sexual relations.

I believe what Shelly was trying to ask was could they live together and not do such things.

But the odds of that are slim, and appearances are everything.

Viper GTS

Well yeah.

Theres also a statistic from the CDC, 45% of married couples that lived together before marriage end up getting divorced within 5 years, its over 60% in 10 years, if I recall correctly. Though that is in line with the national divorce rate.

 

[Ameesh]

Originally posted by: Viper GTS

Originally posted by: LH
Alot of Christians don't believe in living together before marriage. Its not called "living in sin" for no reason.

The sin, though, is the presumed pre-marital sexual relations.

I believe what Shelly was trying to ask was could they live together and not do such things.

But the odds of that are slim, and appearances are everything.

Viper GTS

appearances to who? i thought jesus was supposed to be omnipotent.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: ElFenix
as was pointed out... it would be cheaper to live together... you can have seperate beds if need be. like those TV shows in the 50s. easily save enough in a year to get married on. easily.

Too many religious family members, friends, coworkers would disapprove. It is against their beliefs even if all they do is live under the same roof. Instead I suggest a fun but budgetted wedding. If you must borrow a bit to have it, you can repay that with the gift money and the rent savings. Better to do it correctly than to have people thinking you are "living in sin".

I personally think that is silly to assume people living together are sinning, but that is another thread. Are two people in a duplex living in sin since they are under the same roof...

 

[Shelly21]

Nevermind, I see the typo correction.... disregard my er question.

I guess that makes it hard to get a quick marriage thing going if you are going to have a religious ceremony.

 

[Viper GTS]

Originally posted by: Ameesh

Originally posted by: Viper GTS

Originally posted by: LH
Alot of Christians don't believe in living together before marriage. Its not called "living in sin" for no reason.

The sin, though, is the presumed pre-marital sexual relations.

I believe what Shelly was trying to ask was could they live together and not do such things.

But the odds of that are slim, and appearances are everything.

Viper GTS

appearances to who? i thought jesus was supposed to be omnipotent.

I believe the word you're looking for is omniscient, but family members / church members / whatever relationships that religion influences are not. They will assume, usually correctly, that you're sleeping together (and not in the restful sense).

Viper GTS

 

[busmaster11]

Okay back to my point people.

I do not plan to live with her UNTIL we get married, was my point... And it is for exactly the exact reason you guys brought up about Christians.

Rossman, Dullard, thanks for your advice/links and I will look into them.

Viper, etc., you guys have any more advice given this condition?

 

[BigJohnKC]

Originally posted by: Ameesh

Originally posted by: Viper GTS

Originally posted by: LH
Alot of Christians don't believe in living together before marriage. Its not called "living in sin" for no reason.

The sin, though, is the presumed pre-marital sexual relations.

I believe what Shelly was trying to ask was could they live together and not do such things.

But the odds of that are slim, and appearances are everything.

Viper GTS

appearances to who? i thought jesus was supposed to be omnipotent.

Edit: n/m Viper got it

 

[ElFenix]

get married. soon. before thanksgiving. select a nice chapel out in the country thats inexpensive. don't invite everyone. grill for your reception. its more fun. as long as its nice outside

 

[snooker]

I'm NOT living with her, and don't plan on it till after we get married.

We are not in the 1800's no more

I lived with my wife for 8 years before we finally got married. We have been married for 7 years now. Sooo holding to those traditions (Not living with the SO until you have that piece of paper called a marrage certificate) is ancient.

The reason? finances was a major reason why we didn't get married right away. Heck when we finally did get married, we got our license and had the lady marry us right there on the spot

total to get married: $60 +10 for the ceremony = $70

15 years with one woman. WOW!!!! Never looked at it like that

I do respect you for holding out for 4 years already and not moving in with each other but I suggest you do not hold a piece of paper between you two from being happy together.

 

[Viper GTS]

Originally posted by: busmaster11
Okay back to my point people.

I do not plan to live with her UNTIL we get married, was my point... And it is for exactly the exact reason you guys brought up about Christians.

Rossman, Dullard, thanks for your advice/links and I will look into them.

Viper, etc., you guys have any more advice given this condition?

My personal thoughts on the matter (and what I'll likely end up doing sometime in the next year):

- Justice of the peace wedding
- A nice, low cost, reception somewhere

Do something big for an anniversary later, but avoid debt that is tied only to memories rather than some physical value. When it's all over & done with the end result is the same whether it cost $20K or $2K.

Viper GTS

 

[Jfur]

Originally posted by: busmaster11
So I've been dating this girl for over 4 years now, and we've both out of college 1-2 years. We've been talking about getting married for a long time, and if it weren't for lack of funds we would have already been. She just found a job and I've been working for a while. But we're still trying to get out of the debts we've incurred throughout college, much less be able to save for a wedding.

She thinks we should save up enough for a wedding. Me, I think that it would take me years to save up for a wedding, and I would rather borrow. My rationale is that I don't want to waste the best years of my life saving up for a wedding, when we can actually be together during those years and then pay it off together at our own pace. To be with her the next few years is important enough to me, compared to the interest on the loan, and whatever else comes with it.

When I put it into that perspective, she agrees with me. But am I missing something here?

EDIT: I'm NOT living with her, and don't plan on it till after we get married.

How much $$$ are we talking. My wedding was more of an elopement so the cost was minimal. Why not negotiate a reasonable budget with her and then set a short-term goal for savings (like 6 months)? Anything else you can borrow, but if she is willing to not get too extravagant it should be relatively easy to manage

 

[PsychoAndy]

Originally posted by: RossMAN
Here are two great wedding threads which vi_edit posted to, lending some great advice.

http://forums.anandtech.com/arcmessageview.cfm?catid=38&threadid=377819

http://forums.anandtech.com/arcmessageview.cfm?catid=38&threadid=636901

I wouldn't blow $15k on a wedding when you could reduce or eliminate your debt or even use it as a downpayment on a house!

Small & cozy.

...says the man who spent the $15k on a car. Not that I have anything wrong with that, just the person handing out the most credit an $ advice on the boards is the person most in debt.

However, Ross the hypocrite is right (sorry) There are much better things to do with $15k than spend it on a gown, church, caterer, baker, et al. I mean, having a wedding is one thing and going into hock for it is another.

-PAB

-PAB

 

[Geekbabe]

A wedding is supposed to be about you and your soon to be spouse, concentrate on making it a memoriable day for both of you as a couple and don't get caught up in the big wedding trap, chances ar good most the guests at big splashy weddings have forgotten all about them long before the couple has finished paying off the bills they incurred.If anything,splurge on the honeymoon.

 

[PsychoAndy]

Originally posted by: Viper GTS

Originally posted by: busmaster11
Okay back to my point people.

I do not plan to live with her UNTIL we get married, was my point... And it is for exactly the exact reason you guys brought up about Christians.

Rossman, Dullard, thanks for your advice/links and I will look into them.

Viper, etc., you guys have any more advice given this condition?

My personal thoughts on the matter (and what I'll likely end up doing sometime in the next year):

- Justice of the peace wedding
- A nice, low cost, reception somewhere

Do something big for an anniversary later, but avoid debt that is tied only to memories rather than some physical value. When it's all over & done with the end result is the same whether it cost $20K or $2K.

Viper GTS

I can see the reception now....

RossMAN special's for all, served from the back of RossMAN's accord using the tableclothed trunklid as a buffet line.

-PAB

 

[Bullhonkie]

Originally posted by: baffled2
A wedding is supposed to be about you and your son to be spouse

Whoa nelly, where does a son fit into all of this? :Q

<---getting ready to duck the impending trout slap

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Bullhonkie

Originally posted by: baffled2
A wedding is supposed to be about you and your son to be spouse

Whoa nelly, where does a son fit into all of this? :Q

oh boy the spelling and typo police are out in full force this evening