When Santa runs out of Prozac
Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist.
How 'bout I send you a fscking book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and
joy in the world for everybody!
Love,Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really really want a fire truck this year!
Love,Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
babysitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you
some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards
than me. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fscking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds
of
dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats
are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your
speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit,
a pony and a tuba.
Love,Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? fsck you.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your
reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk and carrots give me the poop. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me
a
bottle of Courvoisier and some Toblerone.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? Your
friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
my
time squeezing cocktail waitresses buns and losing all my cash at the craps
table.
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love,Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that fscking gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping
your house...
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging poop may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work
up here. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your
ass
whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house,that's a low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa
Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist.
How 'bout I send you a fscking book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and
joy in the world for everybody!
Love,Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really really want a fire truck this year!
Love,Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
babysitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you
some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards
than me. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fscking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds
of
dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats
are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your
speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit,
a pony and a tuba.
Love,Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? fsck you.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your
reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk and carrots give me the poop. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me
a
bottle of Courvoisier and some Toblerone.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? Your
friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
my
time squeezing cocktail waitresses buns and losing all my cash at the craps
table.
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love,Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that fscking gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping
your house...
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging poop may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work
up here. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your
ass
whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house,that's a low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa
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