when lending money to a friend, is it wrong to stipulate how that money can be spent?

[BlahBlahYouToo]

in a way, i feel that if you're willing to lend it, you have no say in where and how it will be spent.

another part of me feels that it's in your best interest to make sure it's spent wisely so that you're not funding something illegal/immoral, and that you'll get it back.

 

[sdifox]

err, don't lend it to him if you think it is not going towards something you agree with?

 

[Funyuns101]

wouldn't said friend need a reason to borrow money?
That being said, I don't just give out money haphazardly especially if there's no reason or if they were planning to use it for gambling, etc.

 

[K1052]

Never loan money to friends or family unless you are 100% comfortable with the idea of possibly never seeing it again.

Once it leaves your hands you have no say in how it is spent.

 

[BlahBlahYouToo]

Originally posted by: sdifox
err, don't lend it to him if you think it is not going towards something you agree with?

problem is he's a good frend who would do the same for me.
but he's been in financial trouble lately and at the same time has been smoking a lot of weed and drinking.

i hate situations like these....

 

[sdifox]

Originally posted by: BlahBlahYouToo

Originally posted by: sdifox
err, don't lend it to him if you think it is not going towards something you agree with?

problem is he's a good frend who would do the same for me.
but he's been in financial trouble lately and at the same time has been smoking a lot of weed and drinking.

i hate situations like these....

then just tell him to shape up.

 

[Bryophyte]

Don't lend money to friends. If you can't afford to give him a gift of the money with no strings attached, then don't do it at all. Besides, what kind of friends do you have that ask you for loans, anyway? I'd never consider asking a friend for money and have never had friends that would ask me for money.

 

[Nitemare]

So no hookers and blow?

 

[EKKC]

just don't lend the money if you dont think you can have it back (and that you mind the fact that you cannot get it back), or if you don't agree with how the said person will spend the money

you're not a bank, you're cannot mandate how a person spends the loan (car, college, house etc) there's no pen and paper where he is contracted to buy whatever he/she likes with your money. either cough it up and let the person use as they see fit, or not lend it out at all.

 

[Tsaico]

For myself, I only really question if they can pay it back. The reason only affects the descision if things are a little tight for me financially. So the better the reason, the more likely I would put myself out if my buddy needed it. If I have the cash on hand, then I don't really ask.

but then again, I have few people I would call friends, the rest of the people are just folks that I know.

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

I made a decision long ago to never lend money to friends (Would to family though). Like others have said, if you lend money to one of your friends, be prepared to never see it again. If you do press to have the money back, it could lead to a departure of your friendship. I would tell this person that you don't feel comfortable loaning the money. I understand that you in a way feel obligated to loan the money but just think of the consequences first. Also, to answer your question, although you feel inclined to hope that this person spends the money wisely you have no say in what they spend it on, unfortunately.

 

[Mojoed]

Originally posted by: K1052
Never loan money to friends or family unless you are 100% comfortable with the idea of possibly never seeing it again.

Once it leaves your hands you have no say in how it is spent.

Sound advice.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Don't lend money to friends. If you can't afford to give him a gift of the money with no strings attached, then don't do it at all. Besides, what kind of friends do you have that ask you for loans, anyway? I'd never consider asking a friend for money and have never had friends that would ask me for money.

Maybe $20 when you're out at a bar and they're short or something. Never any real money though.

But all the advice in this thread is right on, which for ATOT is a major miracle.

1) DO NOT lend money to a friend or relative if you cannot afford it to be a gift.
2) DO NOT lend money to a friend or relative with the expectations that you'll ever see it again or can ask for it back without causing problems.
3) If you lend money you have absolutely no say over how or where it's used.

If you value the friendship you must be prepared to shut your trap forever and kiss the cash goodbye. Otherwise don't do it.

 

[Lamont Burns]

when someone asks me for money, i typically ask, "what for?" if the reason is weak, you get no cash. if the reason is decent, sure i will lend a few bucks. i take them at their word b/c they are my friends.

 

[BlahBlahYouToo]

Originally posted by: Lamont Burns
when someone asks me for money, i typically ask, "what for?" if the reason is weak, you get no cash. if the reason is decent, sure i will lend a few bucks. i take them at their word b/c they are my friends.

it's not a $20, more like in the $100's.
he said it's for rent and a couple of traffic violations (which i don't doubt cuz he called me up when he got pulled over) but i'm not so sure all of it is going to be spent on that.
he's definitely not a financially responsible person, but a good friend who will do the same for me if he had the means and i had the need.

i guess i should just consider it a gift.

 

[coldmeat]

Originally posted by: BlahBlahYouToo

Originally posted by: Lamont Burns
when someone asks me for money, i typically ask, "what for?" if the reason is weak, you get no cash. if the reason is decent, sure i will lend a few bucks. i take them at their word b/c they are my friends.

it's not a $20, more like in the $100's.
he said it's for rent and a couple of traffic violations (which i don't doubt cuz he called me up when he got pulled over) but i'm not so sure all of it is going to be spent on that.
he's definitely not a financially responsible person, but a good friend who will do the same for me if he had the means and i had the need.

i guess i should just consider it a gift.

Pay the rent and the traffic violations for him. Don't just give him the cash.

 

[FoBoT]

banks ask you what it is for, depending on the interest rate
that is, if you are buying a vehicle, they know it and put a lein on it and give you X% rate

if you want to buy any old thing with a CC , the rate is higher


it is the difference between secured and unsecured credit

 

[MotionMan]

They should really do an "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode about this situation.

MotiobMan

 

[Bryophyte]

If he's getting traffic tickets and doing drugs, you aren't doing him any favors by bailing his sorry ass out. He put himself in that situation, let him get himself out. Maybe he'll grow the hell up if he has to take responsibility for his fvckups.

 

[imported_Baloo]

If he can afford to buy weed and booze, he doesn't need a loan.

 

[Xavier434]

Your question in the topic doesn't really cover the options in the poll very well. In regards to lending money and expecting repayment, I only do that with friends and family. In regards to caring how that money is spent, I do care because I sure as hell would not want money that I am told is going towards something important to be spent on something like a drug addiction instead. I expect those who ask to borrow my money to tell me what it is for and for it to be spent on that. Otherwise, it hurts my trust for them.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

I think you can tell a person what you would like them to use money for when you give it to them. But I think that's as far as it goes. My Godmother gave me a large gift of cash and told me explicitly that if I didn't use it for my student loans, she would cut me out of her will. That's some bullshit right there. Not a good precedent to set.

That said, if I loan money to a friend and say "Do what you want with this money, but if you buy drugs with it, I will not loan you any more money," I think that's perfectly justified. He can do whatever he wants with that money, but if I find out it's going towards a habit I don't want to support, he's not getting any more money from me.

So no, I don't think you can explicitly tell someone how to spend money you are giving them. I do think that you can offer suggestions, but that's it. I also would say that don't give if you need the money back any time soon. Friendships can last a long time, and debt between friends can be an interest free loan for decades or more. That's the thing about friendship, it works both ways. If I'm out of work and poor, I can rely on my employed friends to help me out. If my friends are out of work and poor and I'm employed, I can return the favor. It's the give and take of a mutual friendship, and I think there's nothing wrong with that. As soon as you start pestering your friends about money, that's when things get uncomfortable.

 

[Xavier434]

How often do friends and family ask to borrow some money without telling you what it is for anyways? I have never had a friend or family member ask me that without telling me what it is for. I can imagine people lieing about what they are going to spend it on, but lies alone kill trust so there you go.

 

[MotionMan]

OP, if you really want to be a good friend, don't enable your buddy's bad behavior - don't give him the money.

If you insist on giving him money, then, if it is suppose to be for rent, then write a check to the landlord; if it is for traffic violations, then write a check to the county, etc.

MotionMan

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: BlahBlahYouToo

Originally posted by: Lamont Burns
when someone asks me for money, i typically ask, "what for?" if the reason is weak, you get no cash. if the reason is decent, sure i will lend a few bucks. i take them at their word b/c they are my friends.

it's not a $20, more like in the $100's.
he said it's for rent and a couple of traffic violations (which i don't doubt cuz he called me up when he got pulled over) but i'm not so sure all of it is going to be spent on that.
he's definitely not a financially responsible person, but a good friend who will do the same for me if he had the means and i had the need.

i guess i should just consider it a gift.

But I'll bet he'll still have money to spend on weed and booze... and quite possibly, cigarettes and cable.