When is it time to move?

[snoopy7548]

Not sure if this is the right place but I'm looking for some life advice.

I'm living in a nice house that I love. I bought it brand new (my first house) and I'm extremely proud of it, and it certainly shows. It's in a pretty quiet area surrounded by conservation land. There are a few things about it that I cannot change (though a couple would only take a moderate amount of money to change), but no real dealbreakers. I have less than a 20 minute commute to work and I live in a very convenient location - a couple of local hardware stores within 5-10 minutes, and the big box stores 15 minutes away. Grocery stores are five minutes away, a major highway is less than ten minutes away, etc.

But the one thing I cannot change is my neighbor. He does completely inconsiderate things that destroy my peaceful enjoyment of my home, and I'm sick of talking to him. I'm almost in a constant state of stress and it's starting to affect my job - I'm getting impatient with co-workers and it's hard to focus on my work for any significant amount of time. Some nights I don't even want to come home. I want to do a lot of upgrades to my house, but I think, "why even bother?"

So I'm going back and forth between moving and staying. I have a considerable amount of equity in my house, and its value has risen at least 20% in the past five years (going by what similar homes in my neighborhood have recently sold for). Moving feels like abandoning something that I love, but at the same time I need to take care of my health. I'm in the prime of my life but I'm always down because I feel like I'm trapped here.

Moving would likely mean having a longer commute. I'd probably have to go from <20 minutes to around 40 minutes. I love being able to quickly run home during work to take care of something, but those times are rare. I previously lived across the street from work, so I am a bit spoiled by very short commutes. The more rural/small-town/country-living places are 25-40 miles from work and other companies I'd go to if I ever changed jobs, though I do prefer that type of setting to being closer to the smaller cities which are minutes from the major highways. I'd want another new home, but I'd probably have to settle for something a bit older, though I would have a lower mortgage payment and a good chunk of extra cash after the downpayment and all other fees.

Or I could start seeing a psychiatrist and get some mental help, and stay here for two to three more years. Though that doesn't get rid of my neighbor, I guess it could at least allow me a way to better cope with the problems. Another upside to that is in a few years I'd be in a better position to buy a piece of land a bit farther out but still within a 30 minute commute, and build a custom house that I would live the rest of my life in - something I've been dreaming of.

I'm really not sure. I think I may reach out to the realtor I used to buy this house and just start the searching process. I've kept an eye on listings over the past year and there have been maybe two homes that actually made me want to move, but I didn't act in any way on them. I'm certain there will be more over the course of the year, and I would want to get out by the end of summer.

tl;dr Asshole neighbor makes living in a home that I absolutely love unbearable. Move and accept a potentially longer commute, or stay another year or two and get mental help?

Thanks for any advice you can give! I appreciate it.

 

[whm1974]

What does your neighbor do that is making you upset?

 

[deadlyapp]

You mention the asshole neighbor, but not why he is an asshole. Is it maybe you and moving might not fix that?

 

[FalangaMKD]

Move and accept a longer commute.

If you can't change your neighbor and there is no one that can do something about it, why feel bad?
If you could break him a leg or two and get away with it i say you should stay. If not then move and don't look back.

Sent from my Redmi 3 using Tapatalk

 

[DietDrThunder]

You can’t change people, you can only change yourself.

Think about the reasons that bother you. If there’s a good chance that a new neighbor will do the same, rethink the move.

 

[dabuddha]

You mention the asshole neighbor, but not why he is an asshole. Is it maybe you and moving might not fix that?

This. What is he doing exactly?

 

[zerocool84]

If someone is that bad umm call the police

 

[snoopy7548]

Just an inconsiderate person in general. It started about four years ago when he would have his band over for practice a couple nights a week, sometimes during the weekend too, in his unfinished basement. They would play so loudly it would vibrate all of my windows that face his house, and I could clearly hear it all throughout my entire house. Note, the houses here are close to each other... there's probably ~40' between our houses. I knew I'd have to deal with normal noise and I don't mind that type of noise at all - yard work, lawn mowers, snowblowers, cookouts, occasional parties, table saws, neighbors working on projects, etc. - but not extremely loud band practice for three hours straight when I'm trying to relax.

This always happened between 7p.m. until 10p.m. (they stopped going past 10p.m. after I complained a couple of times), prime unwinding hours especially for someone who works 50+ hours a week. Right as I sit down for dinner until I crawl into bed, constant band practice noise. Granted, it was a couple of times per week, but still. I never once even got a heads up, even when they initially started playing, which probably would have gone a long way towards how I see him now. It got to a point where I had to wear ear plugs; I couldn't even watch TV in my own house whenever they played. The only remedy I had was to blast my own music (still not loud enough to bother any neighbors - I turned my music up to the loudest I'd ever play it and went outside to see how loud it was, and you can't hear it beyond my property line). I think he said he once measured his band at ~80dB at my property line.

About a year ago I got fed up after they played through a Saturday afternoon/evening where all I wanted to do after a long week of work was relax in peace and quiet in my own house and have a nice home-cooked dinner. I let them finish and spoke to him the next day, where he agreed to play one night a week. Yeah I know, one night a week isn't a lot... but after four years of putting up with it I was at the end of my rope. I'm very sensitive to certain noises (i.e. music) which is why I bought a house. I even asked if they had any problems with me or if I ever made any noise, and they said absolutely not.

I never brought this up to them, but every time he mows his lawn he blows his grass clippings all along my driveway (covering a ~20-30' stretch 2' wide). I let this go because I don't want to complain about every little thing. It has no effect on my well-being and the wind tends to clear it up after a week (at which point he mows again, but whatever, or I just sweep it up myself.) Just an example of how inconsiderate he is.

So now he's finally in the process of soundproofing his basement and turning it into a studio. There hasn't been practice for the last four months during which I haven't been this calm and happy since I first moved in five years ago. My blood pressure has decreased and I'm just simply happier overall. Recently, I guess because it created an obstacle with his framing, he relocated his radon fan and exhaust from the attic/roof to a hole in his basement wall. The builder originally put a PVC pipe extending from the basement to the attic, within the framing, for radon mitigation so the pipe isn't an eyesore on the exterior. I don't care how it looks, but he terminated the exhaust with a 90 degree elbow about 8-9' from the ground and pointed it at my house. Outside, it sounds like a hair dryer - I can forget about any sort of peace when sitting outside or washing my car. I can even hear it with all of my windows closed in my living room and two upstairs bedrooms, and if I want to open my windows on a nice calm day? Forget it. The thing runs 24/7.

I haven't approached him about it yet since he just did it. I'm giving him a week or two to see if he'll actually properly terminate it on his own or just leave it that way.

Yeah, I probably sound whiny but the main reason why I bought a house was so I could have peace and quiet. I really didn't see this one coming after he started working on his basement, so even if he does agree to do something about the fan, what's next?

 

[whm1974]

Just to be clear, moving elsewhere may not solve your problems and can give you far worse ones.

 

[AMCRambler]

That does seem pretty obnoxious. Although if he's finished the sound proofing of the basement and it has drastically improved then a radon fan seems like something you could live with for a little longer. Ultimately though if peace and quiet is what you're after, you won't get that anywhere that you have neighbors within a few hundred feet. You need to find yourself a nice 10-20 parcel somewhere out in the sticks. To have that be ready to sacrifice all your short rides to anything though.

 

[rh71]

I have an inconsiderate neighbor too who had his dog out barking at 7am almost every morning including weekends and holidays. At first I left a note which helped for a few days but then it escalated to the point where I knocked on his door one morning and we had words. So that slowed it down for a bit longer until they started doing it again. I left another anonymous note on his wife's car pretending to be a different neighbor and it finally kept him from doing it until 8am most days. I don't bother saying hi to him anymore - can't stand selfish people.

You can't bottle up your stress and moving is not always ideal. Talk to him and annoy him so much with it that he will do your bidding. But do it nice enough that he'll consider it for real.

 

[xaeniac]

The next asshole neighbor is waiting for you at the next house. Be accountable for your actions and quit blaming everything on your neighbor

 

[snoopy7548]

Thanks for the advice. I know that moving has the potential for an even worse neighbor and that's one thing keeping me from actually doing it. I have family and friends who own houses, aren't more than 100' from neighbors, some about as close as I am to mine, and have absolutely no noise problems. No other houses in my neighborhood have band practice or create excessive noise like this guy. Like I said, normal noise is OK - I draw the line at extremely loud music, especially if I can clearly hear it with all of my windows closed.

Now that he's soundproofing, it'd be one thing if the radon fan ran on and off like a furnace exhaust, but it doesn't. It's 24/7. If I wanted to open my windows I wouldn't mind the occasional fan noise if it cycled every 20-30 minutes, but it's constant.

The previous times I've talked to him I've been nice and completely non-threatening, even complementing him on how good his band is. I've only stressed how it's a drag on my peaceful enjoyment of my house, and it's hard to relax when I have all that noise after working 10-11 hours a day.

xaeniac... which actions are you talking about? I've never been hostile towards my neighbor or created a nuisance in order to get back at him. I'm very considerate of all of my neighbors and I always keep in mind that our houses are fairly close together. I don't go looking for problems; I have plenty of other stuff to spend time on.

 

[Schfifty Five]

Thanks for the advice. I know that moving has the potential for an even worse neighbor and that's one thing keeping me from actually doing it. I have family and friends who own houses, aren't more than 100' from neighbors, some about as close as I am to mine, and have absolutely no noise problems. No other houses in my neighborhood have band practice or create excessive noise like this guy. Like I said, normal noise is OK - I draw the line at extremely loud music, especially if I can clearly hear it with all of my windows closed.

Now that he's soundproofing, it'd be one thing if the radon fan ran on and off like a furnace exhaust, but it doesn't. It's 24/7. If I wanted to open my windows I wouldn't mind the occasional fan noise if it cycled every 20-30 minutes, but it's constant.

The previous times I've talked to him I've been nice and completely non-threatening, even complementing him on how good his band is. I've only stressed how it's a drag on my peaceful enjoyment of my house, and it's hard to relax when I have all that noise after working 10-11 hours a day.

xaeniac... which actions are you talking about? I've never been hostile towards my neighbor or created a nuisance in order to get back at him. I'm very considerate of all of my neighbors and I always keep in mind that our houses are fairly close together. I don't go looking for problems; I have plenty of other stuff to spend time on.

I can sympathize/empathize with you. My back alley neighbor's son drives one of the newer camaros that has a long 10-20 second engine start. He parks his car on the driveway so the car's exhausts all point at my house. He used to turn on his car each morning at 6am which would shake all the windows in my house and could be heard in every corner. I am certain he is breaking some noise ordinances. Thankfully he changed jobs or something as he now only turns his car on like at 2pm each day.

Anyway, couple things to ask:

1. Do you have an HOA? Check with them to see if he's allowed to have that kind of set up in his home, especially with the noise it's creating.
2. Is he breaking any noise laws with that fan? Sounds like he might be.
3. I would go ahead and talk with him about it. No need to worry that you might sound whiny b/c you don't. This is your house/home which you are entitled to live/enjoy peacefully.

 

[paperfist]

I'd buy a nice sound system and find out what kind of music he doesn't like and have at it

Maybe rescue some dogs that don't know how to behave and let them stay out in the back yard all night.

 

[lxskllr]

I think you're just gonna have to deal with it. You get that everywhere unless you have enough property where you can't see your neighbors. I named the ones on my right the Mclouds. They used to make lots of noise of all kinds. It's been quietish the last couple years. Just part of living around people :shrugs:

 

[snoopy7548]

I can sympathize/empathize with you. My back alley neighbor's son drives one of the newer camaros that has a long 10-20 second engine start. He parks his car on the driveway so the car's exhausts all point at my house. He used to turn on his car each morning at 6am which would shake all the windows in my house and could be heard in every corner. I am certain he is breaking some noise ordinances. Thankfully he changed jobs or something as he now only turns his car on like at 2pm each day.

Anyway, couple things to ask:

1. Do you have an HOA? Check with them to see if he's allowed to have that kind of set up in his home, especially with the noise it's creating.
2. Is he breaking any noise laws with that fan? Sounds like he might be.
3. I would go ahead and talk with him about it. No need to worry that you might sound whiny b/c you don't. This is your house/home which you are entitled to live/enjoy peacefully.

1) No HOA. Personally, I don't think I would even consider a house with one. Sure it might solve my problems if I had one, but around here the typical fees are $400-500/month.
2) Probably. My town doesn't have any specific noise ordinances except for a general state-wide one.
It certainly is against the radon mitigation requirements. I have a radon fan myself (in my attic) so I've looked up what's right and wrong. You need to exhaust it at least 10' above the ground (it's not), and more than 10' from any adjacent window (it's not). If it's near a deck (his is being exhausted adjacent to and below the level of his deck), the deck is considered ground and it must be exhausted 10' above that point. Really, the proper way to do it is to run the PVC up the side of the house and exhaust it above the eaves/roof line, at least for the location he chose to bring the pipe out.
3) Yeah, that's what I've been telling myself. I'll still give it a week to see if maybe he hasn't finished installing it or something. My parents are visiting next weekend, so I'll see what they think first-hand too.

I'd buy a nice sound system and find out what kind of music he doesn't like and have at it

Maybe rescue some dogs that don't know how to behave and let them stay out in the back yard all night.

Haha. Well, I could do that but I'd also annoy my other neighbor(s) who I like living near.

 

[olds]

I am missing something here. You want to move because of your neighbor. How would you vet the new neighbors if you were to move? How do you know you wouldn't be moving next to worse neighbors?

Better to change your attitude towards your neighbor. I didn't read the thread and you may have mentioned why you dislike the neighbors in a post after the OP. I assume you didn't mention it in the OP because you knew it was petty.
<chillpill.jpg>

 

[Chaotic42]

This is what terrifies me about buying another house. My last house was in a quiet retirement community, so I didn't really have to deal with that. I hope you can find somewhere peaceful to live OP. I completely understand what you're going through.

 

[snoopy7548]

The next asshole neighbor is waiting for you at the next house. Be accountable for your actions and quit blaming everything on your neighbor

I think I know what you're saying now, and you're right. I shouldn't take my anger out on my co-workers, though I am impatient with them at time I don't yell at or belittle them, but I am working on leaving my personal problems at home where they belong.

I think you're just gonna have to deal with it. You get that everywhere unless you have enough property where you can't see your neighbors. I named the ones on my right the Mclouds. They used to make lots of noise of all kinds. It's been quietish the last couple years. Just part of living around people :shrugs:

Good point. Noise is everywhere. I could move somewhere else and my next neighbors might rev their cars all throughout the afternoon or ride dirtbikes all day long. There are some houses that have popped up with decent space between neighbors; the good thing about this area is that there are some fairly rural areas where you can't really see your neighbors.

I am missing something here. You want to move because of your neighbor. How would you vet the new neighbors if you were to move? How do you know you wouldn't be moving next to worse neighbors?

Better to change your attitude towards your neighbor. I didn't read the thread and you may have mentioned why you dislike the neighbors in a post after the OP. I assume you didn't mention it in the OP because you knew it was petty.
<chillpill.jpg>

On the surface it may sound petty, but it has been somewhat of a pattern with him, and it actually is pretty damn loud when I'm outside (and that's also the case when I open my windows.) If the fan noise wasn't 24/7 I might not care as much. He may just not realize what he's doing so I think I need to be more open and approach him sooner rather than later instead of letting it fester.

This is what terrifies me about buying another house. My last house was in a quiet retirement community, so I didn't really have to deal with that. I hope you can find somewhere peaceful to live OP. I completely understand what you're going through.

Thanks. Yeah, it's always a gamble. I just remember my parents' house has always been quiet and I kind of expect that with mine. We did have a neighbor growing up that would sit in his car in his parents' driveway and blast music, but it never really permeated the house that much, except for one room, as there was a fair distance between houses along with mature trees.


Thanks again everyone. You've given me some good perspective on everything. I think after I talk to him he'll be accommodating, he may not realize how loud it is on my property and just thinks the sound drops off quickly with distance. I may stick to my original plan of staying here for another three or so years, then think about building a home in a more rural setting.

 

[happy medium]

Buy a baseball bat and a ski-mask.................
Blanket party?
I guess we handle things in the city a little different.

 

[Chaotic42]

Maybe the next time his friends are over, you can get them to keep playing and invite him over to your house to experience just how loud it is.

 

[whm1974]

Sometimes there are some benefits to having hearing loss....

 

[olds]

Noise canceling headphones
Pink Floyd
Maker's Mark

 

[Chaotic42]

Noise canceling headphones
Pink Floyd
Maker's Mark

Unfortunately the noise cancelling headphones don't work that well for music. I had neighbors who would party from 1am-7am every day and they helped, but not enough keep me from getting pissed off.