When is it OK to touch people when they touch you?

[HamburgerBoy]

My response would have been to smile and perhaps nod my head at the other person. I'm kind of like the OP in social situations. I never "naturally" know what to do like so many other people seem to. It's taken me a long to time to reason out the proper responses that I do know now. I've determined that smiling and nodding fits in most any situation where there's doubt as to the proper response.

The only really proper times to touch other people in response to their touch are real hugs (not your situation), handshakes, and kisses. There are situations where it may be acceptable for you to initiate contact. Congratulatory pats (like the other guy was attempting to do), high fives, etc all have their places. You have to be able to identify when those times are though. I can't ever seem to identify them except in retrospect though, so I almost never initiate contact.

Yeah, the smile-and-nod is my usual technique as well. I guess part of the reason I reacted that way is because I know my advisor knows that I'm a terrible public/group speaker and really awkward and quiet overall, so in the back of my mind I had this idea that he told the other members that I had issues and that they were nicer/more lenient because of it, which would make a quick pity side-hug make more sense to me.

 

[waterjug]

[tipping intensifies]

 

[WelshBloke]

Most people are going to be cool with your reaction, it's a lot better then if you had cringed away or something

Yeah, but no.

I'm ok with the touchy feely huggy stuff, but if I walked up to someone who was sitting down and I patted them on the shoulder and they leant into me for a hug I'd be a bit "oooookay, backing off now".

Huggings got its place but it's safer if you're at the same eye level. 🙂

 

[surfsatwerk]

This is why home-schooling should be outlawed. Kids need the violent brutality of public schooling for proper socialization.

 

[zinfamous]

Why? I was trying to make it into a side-hug, which I thought it was initially. Is mistaking a shoulder pat for a side hug really that indicative of social retardation?

yes. but on the bright side, it makes for an entertaining thread.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

This is why home-schooling should be outlawed. Kids need the violent brutality of public schooling for proper socialization.

fwiw my parents aren't the hugging types and when I was in public school I got into a lot of trouble for scuffles, so it's not like I was coddled so much as I've tried making deliberate attempts to engage in friendly physical interactions. I guess I've swung too hard to the other extreme. :hmm:

 

[momeNt]

Why? I was trying to make it into a side-hug, which I thought it was initially. Is mistaking a shoulder pat for a side hug really that indicative of social retardation?

Side hugs aren't awkward, he apparently felt awkward about it, likely because you are attractive and give him a sexually available vibe, that he isn't able to disassociate from casual touching. He has some issues to deal with on his end.

Side hugs, or putting your arm around a guys shoulder in a buddy buddy sort of way is pretty normal way to congratulate somebody.

 

[Newell Steamer]

Had my first graduate committee meeting today, and one of the committee members (a really friendly guy) congratulated me for a job well-done in my office, but as he walked over to me he raised his hand up to pat me on the shoulder. When I saw his arm extend I instinctively raised my own and sort of did a reach-around back/side tap with my left hand to him, and his pat thing (possibly as a direct consequence) was very brief and might have even recoiled away. In retrospect, I basically turned the situation into a hug. What would you have done?

Wow - you totally sexually assaulted a committee member.

 

[shortylickens]

I did public school K thru 12 and I'm hideously anti-social.