When did you realize you were gay?

[Abe Froman]

I have a question about the Gay Baby theory.

For those of you who are gay, when did you realize you were gay? Was there something that sparked it? Have you known for as long as you can remember? Is it possible to find out on accident?

I am curious, because as some of you may remember, my best friend came out to his family and I, but he hasn't been able really answer any of my questions with real certainty, perhaps it was all so new. I am making a conscious effort to understand as much as possible, without the hands on experience that is.

1. How old are you?

2. How old were you when you realized you were gay?

3. Was there an event or factor in sparking this realization? If so, what was it?

4. Are you out of the closet?

5. How long were you in the closet after you realized it?

6. When you come out of the closet, is it considered truly coming out of the closet if only your family and some friends know? Or is that considered being "partially out" if that is even a term used?

7. Does your family know?

8. Do your friends know? Co-workers?

9. If you have a SO, is he/sh upset that you aren't out of the closet, if you aren't out already?

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The pre-emptive lock has been removed after re-evaluation

If more of the same filth (idiotic posts by some) show up the thread will again be locked and the perp will enjoy a cruise.

I will be actively montoring this thread.

Anandtech Moderator

 

[K1052]

Lots of gay threads today for some reason


1. 25
2. 13
3. not really
4. partially
5. 10 years
6. yes, see above
7. my parents
8. some friends, no coworkers
9. no, as he is largely at the same point I am

 

[FoBoT]

you changed the poll, i demand a recount

 

[manowar821]

There's a lot of gay threads because of the anti-gay sentiment that has popped up in the last week or so. I think we've riled them up.
Not that I mind, I've got gay friends.

 

[Abe Froman]

Originally posted by: FoBoT
you changed the poll, i demand a recount

You marked that you are still in the closet didn't you?

 

[Platypus]

Originally posted by: duffman1
all i can say is GTFO!

classy. :roll:

 

[nageov3t]

1. 25

2. always, really... I was in 4th grade when I discovered that it was "abnormal" and had a name.

3. nope. didn't even realize it was considered abnormal until I started listening to one of those call-in sex shows on the radio (Dr. Judy ftw)

4. quasi. I don't try and hide my lifestyle, but I don't really go around introducing myself with "hi, I'm gay." it's usually not something I even mention... people usually draw their own conclusion when they meet my SO

5. I guess I actively tried to hide it when I was younger. I'm not sure it's that much different from straights insofar as not wanting my parents to see my porn or anything.

6. I think coming out is more of a lifestyle adjustment than anything else. do you live your life free or are you constantly trying to hide part of yourself?

7. yes and no... I don't try and hide it, but I don't exactly throw it in my parents' face since I know they're not really comfortable with the whole thing

8. friends, yes; coworkers, no. I'll cop to being in the closet at work... I work in a pretty politically incorrect (some might say hostile) work environment and I don't want my coworkers to feel like they have to watch what they say around me.

9. single atm... but I will say that I dated a guy that was in the closet to all his friends/family once and would never do it again.

 

[AnandTech Moderator]

The thread lock has been removed - It is strongly recommended that anyone posting should review the comments in the OP.

 

[Tegeril]

1. 21

2. 13 (12?)

3. Nothing specific.

4. Pretty much. Parents and friends know, so there's not much else to do.

5. 4 years till I told anyone. Another year till my parents.

6. I think you're out when family and friends know. Also that you would be willing to say you were gay if someone were to ask.

7. Yes

8. Yes, yes

9. N/A - My SO is not out to his parents or old friends from home, but is to most college friends and some family (our age). I'm not upset at him for not being out to them, but it would make a few things easier if he were.

 

[DainBramaged]

Still haven't.

 

[Beev]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
I discovered I was a lesbian trapped in a man's body at an early age...

other than the fact that I don't want to "swing that way", I really don't give a sh*t if someone's gay or not...it's their life, and (in many cases) it's their problem...as long as they don't hit on me or mine...

I agree, it's their choice. It's not hurting anyone so I don't see the problem, nor do I understand all the bannings on gay marriage. Doesn't make a damn bit of sense.

 

[GeekDrew]

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
1. How old are you?

22

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
2. How old were you when you realized you were gay?

There wasn't really any moment that I realized it. I remember thinking about it when I was in 5th grade.

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
3. Was there an event or factor in sparking this realization? If so, what was it?

No.

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
4. Are you out of the closet?

For the most part. All of my friends know, my family knows, and some of my coworkers know. I don't really make my love life a part of normal conversation, but if someone brings it up, particularly about a girl friend, I'll set them straight.

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
5. How long were you in the closet after you realized it?

Given no "defined" realization date... I think I came out when I was 15.

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
6. When you come out of the closet, is it considered truly coming out of the closet if only your family and some friends know? Or is that considered being "partially out" if that is even a term used?

Partially out if you intentionally hide it. If others don't know, but you aren't hiding it in any way, then you're out. At least in my opinion.

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
7. Does your family know?

Yes.

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
8. Do your friends know? Co-workers?

All friends. Some coworkers.

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
9. If you have a SO, is he/sh upset that you aren't out of the closet, if you aren't out already?

I'm out, so not applicable to me. I wouldn't be "upset" about having a SO that's in the closet. I could handle having to go back into the closet for a SO, if necessary, but it wouldn't be my first choice; I'd rather us both be out.

 

[VTHodge]

Interesting responses (mostly). As a straight man, I remember thinking about it in High School, wondering if I could be gay. Realized that I just really liked girls way too much for it to be a possibility.

Any other breeders every purposefully thought about it?

 

[Platypus]

1. How old are you? -23

2. How old were you when you realized you were gay? - hard to say.. young 10,11? I've always just known but I think that was the first time.

3. Was there an event or factor in sparking this realization? If so, what was it? - no, just always felt that way as long as I can recall thinking about it.

4. Are you out of the closet? - yes and no, some people know and most people don't. I don't like to wear it on my sleeve like a lot of people. It's easier to 'play along' sometimes.

5. How long were you in the closet after you realized it? 13+ years?

6. When you come out of the closet, is it considered truly coming out of the closet if only your family and some friends know? Or is that considered being "partially out" if that is even a term used? - who knows, no reason to split hairs on nomenclature.

7. Does your family know? - yes, one parent still in denial...

8. Do your friends know? Co-workers? - some friends do, no coworkers do nor will, people tend to act differently around you once they know which is bogus as hell but reality. One of the bigger reasons I don't talk about it publically or make it a point to bring it up. Some people are better off being left alone to be ignorant.

9. If you have a SO, is he/sh upset that you aren't out of the closet, if you aren't out already? - nope, we're both 'out' but don't talk about it like I mentioned. I don't want it to define who I am so I never bring it up unless people directly ask me about it.

 

[manowar821]

Originally posted by: VTHodge
Interesting responses (mostly). As a straight man, I remember thinking about it in High School, wondering if I could be gay. Realized that I just really liked girls way too much for it to be a possibility.

Any other breeders every purposefully thought about it?

I have. Again, like yourself, I just love the ladies too much.

 

[Abe Froman]

For those of you who are out to your family, was it hard to tell them? How did they respond? Favorably, or otherwise?

 

[Platypus]

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
For those of you who are out to your family, was it hard to tell them? How did they respond? Favorably, or otherwise?

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life. The look of disappointment from my father is something that will haunt me forever. They both took it better than expected I guess.

 

[Abe Froman]

Originally posted by: Platypus

Originally posted by: Abe Froman
For those of you who are out to your family, was it hard to tell them? How did they respond? Favorably, or otherwise?

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life. The look of disappointment from my father is something that will haunt me forever. They both took it better than expected I guess.

Those looks of disappointment are the worst. I remember everytime I ever got "The look" from my old man.

 

[interchange]

Interesting that no one chimes in with an answer to #3. I have heard claims that most or all homosexual males had a traumatizing childhood (most frequently lack of a male father figure or sexual abuse by a male).

 

[Mo0o]

Wow i had no idea some of the people answering were gay. It's interesting which members define themselves by their sexuality and which dont

 

[SirChadwick]

I had gay thoughts when I was 12-13, but I think that was primarily because I was around my gay uncle and cousin a lot at those ages. When I first kissed a girl at 14 and then began watchin pr0n to see what it was that truly turned me on... I knew I was straight. Haven't looked back since. I haven't had a real father figure since I was 12... somehow I pulled through.

 

[zebano]

Originally posted by: VTHodge
Interesting responses (mostly). As a straight man, I remember thinking about it in High School, wondering if I could be gay. Realized that I just really liked girls way too much for it to be a possibility.

Any other breeders every purposefully thought about it?

I thought about it because I was an overly emotional middle-schooler and it was a popular insult. I soon realized that I only became aroused around girls. Speaking of which, the first time I ever danced with a girl was at my 8th grade graduation party. I had a massive hard-on and kept poking her. I don't know why I didn't adjust...

 

[Canai]

I've wondered a few times, but never really anything more than that. I can't imagine having to live in a world where you know you are different than the people around you and you don't have any choice in the matter.

One of my roomies is gay and he's told me a couple stories about the hatred that seethes just below the surface of a lot of people, and it's sad the intolerances that surround us.

 

[Platypus]

Originally posted by: Canai
I've wondered a few times, but never really anything more than that. I can't imagine having to live in a world where you know you are different than the people around you and you don't have any choice in the matter.

One of my roomies is gay and he's told me a couple stories about the hatred that seethes just below the surface of a lot of people, and it's sad the intolerances that surround us.

I've got tons of 'em too... life is unfair but what are you gonna do?

 

[Canai]

Originally posted by: Platypus

Originally posted by: Canai
I've wondered a few times, but never really anything more than that. I can't imagine having to live in a world where you know you are different than the people around you and you don't have any choice in the matter.

One of my roomies is gay and he's told me a couple stories about the hatred that seethes just below the surface of a lot of people, and it's sad the intolerances that surround us.

I've got tons of 'em too... life is unfair but what are you gonna do?

fvck 'em and live strong?

Haha I remember once back in high school there were some religious nuts preaching that homosexuality was a sin outside the school. We rallied 300-some students at lunch to skip classes and block the religious nuts.

There were enough of us doing it they actually called off classes for the rest of the day

I remember the police getting involved after some students started getting physical, ripping the signs out of the nuts' hands and such. It's sad to see people resorting to violence, but I guess it is human nature :disgust: