When are we going to learn that we CANNOT control how other people FEEL.

[LeeTJ]

This thread has really pissed me off.

What is with all these morons that think they have the right to control how others feel?? Most of us cannot control how we feel, it could be argued that NONE of us controls these impulses called feelings. what we DO control is how we choose to respond to that stimuli.

our impulses or feelings are the result of a lifetime of learned responses. learned consciously or subconsciously. we are not responsible for these impulses or feelings. feeling of murderous rage, feeling of impotence, feeling of grandeur.

these aren't what defines people's characters, what defines peoples characters is HOW THEY RESPOND.

in the thread linked people keep not because of HOW she responded but HOW SHE FELT.

anyway, it's really pissing me off that people can't seem to see the difference.

 

[ElFenix]

i heard LSD does mind control

 

[Joemonkey]

just wait for the day i implant my microchip into everyone... i'll let you control some people's feelings and this will all go away...

 

[blackdogdeek]

Originally posted by: Joemonkey
just wait for the day i implant my microchip into everyone... i'll let you control some people's feelings and this will all go away...

just build some nanomachines to control their brains

mmmm brains

 

[Joemonkey]

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek

Originally posted by: Joemonkey just wait for the day i implant my microchip into everyone... i'll let you control some people's feelings and this will all go away...

just build some nanomachines to control their brains mmmm brains

you've figured out my plans... i must kill you now

 

[GroundZero]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ
This thread has really pissed me off.

What is with all these morons that think they have the right to control how others feel?? Most of us cannot control how we feel, it could be argued that NONE of us controls these impulses called feelings. what we DO control is how we choose to respond to that stimuli.

our impulses or feelings are the result of a lifetime of learned responses. learned consciously or subconsciously. we are not responsible for these impulses or feelings. feeling of murderous rage, feeling of impotence, feeling of grandeur.

these aren't what defines people's characters, what defines peoples characters is HOW THEY RESPOND.

in the thread linked people keep not because of HOW she responded but HOW SHE FELT.

anyway, it's really pissing me off that people can't seem to see the difference.

in that thread she did the profesional thing, by talking to the person who offended her.
she could have just went over his head.
the whole point that people were not getting in the other thread was the fact that he did say something that "she
took to be offensive" and let him know that she thought it to be that way "to her".
The whole point should have not been "i only said this and it wasn't offensive", but rather "she took what was said to her to be offensive to her", and she handled it in a very polite and professional way.

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: GroundZero

Originally posted by: LeeTJ
This thread has really pissed me off.

What is with all these morons that think they have the right to control how others feel?? Most of us cannot control how we feel, it could be argued that NONE of us controls these impulses called feelings. what we DO control is how we choose to respond to that stimuli.

our impulses or feelings are the result of a lifetime of learned responses. learned consciously or subconsciously. we are not responsible for these impulses or feelings. feeling of murderous rage, feeling of impotence, feeling of grandeur.

these aren't what defines people's characters, what defines peoples characters is HOW THEY RESPOND.

in the thread linked people keep not because of HOW she responded but HOW SHE FELT.

anyway, it's really pissing me off that people can't seem to see the difference.

in that thread she did the profesional thing, by talking to the person who offended her.
she could have just went over his head.
the whole point that people were not getting in the other thread was the fact that he did say something that "she
took to be offensive" and let him know that she thought it to be that way "to her".
The whole point should have not been "i only said this and it wasn't offensive", but rather "she took what was said to her to be offensive to her", and she handled it in a very polite and professional way.

exactly they keep focusing on what he said and making the judgement that she "SHOULD NOT" have been offended hence they feel justified belittleing. i guess the point of this thread is, WHAT GIVES these people the right to say that she "SHOULD NOT" have been offended??

 

[xirtam]

You SHOULD NOT be pissed off about that thread.

 

[cmv]

I don't see it. The guy did something dumb and she responded to him in private.

We could boil down what happened into something without even sexes -- one person vs a bunch of people and that one person is rejected. Jokes that are too close to the sarcastic/cynacism line just don't belong in a workplace in which people do not already know you. Maybe they are ok at the piercing parlor but not almost all professional/corporate environments.

Honestly I'm not sure what you are objecting too though. I read the other thread before I read this post... Actually, not what you are objecting to but why you are objecting to it. What is wrong here? Give an example instead of just linking.

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: GroundZero

in that thread she did the profesional thing, by talking to the person who offended her.
she could have just went over his head.
the whole point that people were not getting in the other thread was the fact that he did say something that "she
took to be offensive" and let him know that she thought it to be that way "to her".
The whole point should have not been "i only said this and it wasn't offensive", but rather "she took what was said to her to be offensive to her", and she handled it in a very polite and professional way.

IAE, it was a rather bone-headed thing to say (on both their parts). I know plenty of women who could outgeek many people up here (and look a heckuva lot better in a dress and heels at the same time!)

 

[Marshallj]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ
This thread has really pissed me off.

What is with all these morons that think they have the right to control how others feel?? Most of us cannot control how we feel, it could be argued that NONE of us controls these impulses called feelings. what we DO control is how we choose to respond to that stimuli.

our impulses or feelings are the result of a lifetime of learned responses. learned consciously or subconsciously. we are not responsible for these impulses or feelings. feeling of murderous rage, feeling of impotence, feeling of grandeur.

these aren't what defines people's characters, what defines peoples characters is HOW THEY RESPOND.

in the thread linked people keep not because of HOW she responded but HOW SHE FELT.

anyway, it's really pissing me off that people can't seem to see the difference.

Yes, I agree in a way, but if one person feels one way and that conflicts with the way that the majority around them feels, then they are outnumbered, in the minority.

I can't expect her to feel good about it if she didn't, but you also can't expect her feelings to limit the way other people act. Sometimes people should keep their feelings to themselves.

Now out of respect for her I probably would stop joking around like that, but that would be my personal choice and not something that I feel that I'm required to do.

 

[wnied]

You SHOULD NOT be pissed off about that thread.

So True. If your going to be pissed about something in this world, that thread shouldnt be one of them.

~wnied~

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: cmv
I don't see it. The guy did something dumb and she responded to him in private.

We could boil down what happened into something without even sexes -- one person vs a bunch of people and that one person is rejected. Jokes that are too close to the sarcastic/cynacism line just don't belong in a workplace in which people do not already know you. Maybe they are ok at the piercing parlor but not almost all professional/corporate environments.

Honestly I'm not sure what you are objecting too though. I read the other thread before I read this post... Actually, not what you are objecting to but why you are objecting to it. What is wrong here? Give an example instead of just linking.

i'm objecting to all the people that posted in that other thread and called her a bitch. that she had no right to react the way she did.

i thought she did the appropriate thing. I personally probably would not have been offended by it, but that doesn't give me the right to say that she SHOULDN'T have been offended by it.

that's what i'm objecting to.

 

[Marshallj]

Imagine if you had a group of guys working at a place, and they all got along great. You'd have one big coherent group that works well as a team.

Now let's say that a new guy is hired and while he does do his job, he doesn't get along with the others. He takes offense at their jokes, he sees things completely differently than they do, and he basically just makes the group lose its cohesion. Now the members are not able to be as tight as they were before, because that bond has been broken up by someone.

What should you do in a case like this? The guy didn't technically do anything wrong, but he did disrupt the dynamic of the group. You can try to work things out, but if they simply won't get along what has to give?

In my opinion that new guy would be the one to go, since he's in the minority and he disrupts the majority, regardless of if it's intentional or not. Having a team that gets along is very important, and if one destroys the bond of that team they are hurting more than they are helping.

 

[Marshallj]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ

i'm objecting to all the people that posted in that other thread and called her a bitch. that she had no right to react the way she did.

I think that she shouldn't have been offended by that joke, but since she did, she handled it in a direct, professional way.

 

[Hammer]

yes

 

[Jzero]

I guess I just choose not to let things offend me, and I feel like others should do the same.

 

[Thraxen]

So let's just all hide in our houses so we don't offend anyone

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: Marshallj
Imagine if you had a group of guys working at a place, and they all got along great. You'd have one big coherent group that works well as a team.

Now let's say that a new guy is hired and while he does do his job, he doesn't get along with the others. He takes offense at their jokes, he sees things completely differently than they do, and he basically just makes the group lose its cohesion. Now the members are not able to be as tight as they were before, because that bond has been broken up by someone.

What should you do in a case like this? The guy didn't technically do anything wrong, but he did disrupt the dynamic of the group. You can try to work things out, but if they simply won't get along what has to give?

In my opinion that new guy would be the one to go, since he's in the minority and he disrupts the majority, regardless of if it's intentional or not. Having a team that gets along is very important, and if one destroys the bond of that team they are hurting more than they are helping.

and that's what we're talking about PROFESSIONALISM. In my experience most people, myself included, don't actually control who we like or dislike. we just get this "feeling". but in a professional enviroment you shouldn't have to have this "feeling" in order to work with someone. so someone comes into that group and doesn't have this "feeling" or "rapport" with everyone else, HR cannot control or expect to control this "rapport" but they do have the right to control how the individuals in the group RESPONDS or acts out on those feelings.

 

[dullard]

Most of us cannot control how we feel, it could be argued that NONE of us controls these impulses called feelings. what we DO control is how we choose to respond to that stimuli.

our impulses or feelings are the result of a lifetime of learned responses. learned consciously or subconsciously. we are not responsible for these impulses or feelings. feeling of murderous rage, feeling of impotence, feeling of grandeur.

I didn't read that thread, and it looks like a hornet's nest so I won't read it. So sorry if this post doesn't apply perfectly.

The two parts I have quoted above slightly conflict each other. Let me paraphrase them:
1) We cannot control our feelings,
2) Are feelings are controled by our life experiences.
If #2 is true, then since we have some control over our life experiences, we then have some control over our feelings - which makes #1 false.

Consider this example. I'm 5 years older than my brother. When he was ~4 years old he was a nightmare (but that is another story). I of course was too old and could really hurt him, so I didn't fight back. Instead I'd turn to him and say "You are very intelligent" (no it wasn't in a sarcastic tone - just in a polite tone). The word "intelligent" wasn't in his vocabulary yet and so with his limited life's experiences he concluded that to be an insult (when you fight someone and they call you a word that word is usually an insult). So he felt very angry by my PERCEIVED insult. No at that point in time he cannot control the anger that he felt. But with some good discussions, he finally learned the proper meaning of "intelligent" and then he no longer felt angry from that experience. So yes, with proper education, and with good choices of life's experiences we can help others control how they feel.

Another example: A person who is terrified by spiders can with hard work and a good psycologist learn to not fear them. With gradual exposure and effort, one can slowly learn to feel differently to that experience - to the point that they eventually feel no fear of even touching a tarantulla.

In my examples good discussions made someone feel positively about an experience. You can do the opposite. Take cults for example. After a couple of months in a cult you will FEEL completely different to events than you felt before. Often these new feelings are negative...

My conclusion: yes you can control how other people feel. However internet forums probably have a very low success rate at that...

 

[gopunk]

i think they are just trying to say that they think her feelings are dumb

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: gopunk
i think they are just trying to say that they think her feelings are dumb

that's kind of dumb isn't it?

 

[Anubis]

or she could have done absoutly nothing., used her brian and figured out it was a joke/sarcasm and there wouldent even be an issue

you realize the whole situation would be moot if he said that to another guy dont you.

fuk people that blow things out of proportion. unless he was directly being degradeing thes no reason to ge upset.

fuking PC assholes. the world shold be clensed of these people

 

[BooGiMaN]

mmmm but you can ..oh yes....you definitly can ...BWAHAHAHAHAAHH!!!!!

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: TheEvil1
or she could have done absoutly nothing., used her brian and figured out it was a joke/sarcasm and there wouldent even be an issue

you realize the whole situation would be moot if he said that to another guy dont you.

fuk people that blow things out of proportion. unless he was directly being degradeing thes no reason to ge upset.

fuking PC assholes. the world shold be clensed of these people

i have to stop. morons like you are really driving me crazy.

why is WORKPLACE different from me and my buddies??

well, if i piss off a buddy or a buddy pisses me off, we can walk away.

In a WORKPLACE many of us cannot simply walk away without serious financial repercussions, hence you should take a LOT more care what you say to people you work with than what you say to a buddy.

It's not BLOWING things out of proportion when someone wants a work enviroment where they are comfortable.

it's MORONS like you that make work more difficult than it needs to be. Why should someone be forced to listen to your STALE sense of humor day in and day out just because you have no self control and have no idea how offensive you are?