What's wrong with this sentence?

[Nik]

Originally posted by: Tiamat
"this means" in two consecutive sentences needs to be fixed.

It is also in need of "that" being thrown in. Example: "this means that you will experience ..."

 

[OCGuy]

At least a comma between "servers" and "you". Sounds like run-on.

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Steve
Last week I got a call from a vendor who provides a service to one of my clients. The call was about their addition of an IP address for their software to transmit to, and their change to a "round robin" DNS scheme.

I had the guy email me a Word document outlining the change, and Word 2000 likes to complain about this:

However, beginning on 13 February 2009, [vendor] will begin ?Round Robin? balancing. This means half of the connections to our systems will be made to each IP address. This means if the new IP address is blocked by any type of IP filtering device such as firewalls, DNS servers or proxy servers you will experience intermittent connectivity.

The underlined part is what Word is complaining about. Here is how Word would rephrase it:

"This means if any type of IP filtering device such as firewalls, DNS servers or proxy servers you will experience intermittent connectivity, blocks the new IP address."

Doesn't that sound worse?

This means if the new IP address is blocked by any type of IP filtering device such as firewalls, DNS servers or proxy servers you will experience intermittent connectivity.

Your singularity is not consistant throughout the sentence...
device = 1
firewalls / servers = more than 1

This means if the new IP address is blocked by any type of IP filtering device such as a firewall, DNS server or proxy server you will experience intermittent connectivity

Correct. However, if you start the series with "a firewall," you will also need to change the others to match. You also need a comma after every item in the list except the last item even though there is a conjunction before it.

Example: "...filtering device such as a firewall, a DNS server, or a proxy server you will experience intermittent connectivity"

 

[ruu]

Originally posted by: Perknose
First of all, I don't like an "any+plural noun" construction, either. It hurts my ears and sounds stupid! :heart:

I'm quite impressed by your "high levels of grammatical smartness." 😛 :thumbsup:

Hence, I don't think I'm bullying by mentioning the bolded above. It's a nit I love to pick.

Proximity means close, ergo "close proximity" is redundant. 🙁

D'oh! I do that all the time! Thank you for the correction; that's what I get for not re-reading. :laugh:

As for the original sentence/paragraph, I've read it over several times and have decided that all iterations of it suck. 😛

 

[Aikouka]

Oh so we're back in this thread now rather than PMs? 😛

See Perky, here's the part that I don't get... why you actually care that the portion in question is the antecedent in a logical statement. Laws of grammar and style don't just magically disappear when it becomes part of a conditional. But yes, I did pull it out of a conditional because the, "if ...., then ....," portion does not matter in this case. The antecedent of the conditional statement was written in passive voice... that's the end of the discussion, my friend.

The point that I garnered from this thread was to inform the OP what Microsoft Word was complaining about. Even when I throw his quote into Word, turn on Grammar & Style and allow the program to check, it still complains about passive voice. It also complains about passive voice in the first sentence too.

Although, the biggest issue (in my opinion) is that he's missing a comma after the antecedent.

Originally posted by: Nik
Correct. However, if you start the series with "a firewall," you will also need to change the others to match. You also need a comma after every item in the list except the last item even though there is a conjunction before it.

Example: "...filtering device such as a firewall, a DNS server, or a proxy server you will experience intermittent connectivity"

I believe that putting a comma before the last item in a list is not a grammatical issue but a style issue. You can actually tell Word to check for this in the settings option that I mentioned earlier. Personally, I don't like putting a comma before the last item in a list.

 

[speg]

My brain just exploded reading this thread. 😕

 

[MrToilet]

Can't we go back to just having fun with Autocorrect by replacing "the" with "pink powder prissy pants" or something? Ah, the joys of bored fun....

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Steve
Last week I got a call from a vendor who provides a service to one of my clients. The call was about their addition of an IP address for their software to transmit to, and their change to a "round robin" DNS scheme.

I had the guy email me a Word document outlining the change, and Word 2000 likes to complain about this:

However, beginning on 13 February 2009, [vendor] will begin ?Round Robin? balancing. This means half of the connections to our systems will be made to each IP address. This means if the new IP address is blocked by any type of IP filtering device such as firewalls, DNS servers or proxy servers you will experience intermittent connectivity.

The underlined part is what Word is complaining about. Here is how Word would rephrase it:

"This means if any type of IP filtering device such as firewalls, DNS servers or proxy servers you will experience intermittent connectivity, blocks the new IP address."

Doesn't that sound worse?

This means if the new IP address is blocked by any type of IP filtering device such as firewalls, DNS servers or proxy servers you will experience intermittent connectivity.

Your singularity is not consistant throughout the sentence...
device = 1
firewalls / servers = more than 1

This means if the new IP address is blocked by any type of IP filtering device such as a firewall, DNS server or proxy server you will experience intermittent connectivity

Correct. However, if you start the series with "a firewall," you will also need to change the others to match. You also need a comma after every item in the list except the last item even though there is a conjunction before it.

Example: "...filtering device such as a firewall, a DNS server, or a proxy server you will experience intermittent connectivity"

This comma is called the oxford comma and is only necessarily in academia, OR in the case of several conjunctions in a list (meatloaf, carrots, and macaroni and cheese)...

 

[jagec]

Wait, there are people out there who pay ANY ATTENTION AT ALL to Word's grammar checker?

I am appalled. The grammar checker IS. COMPLETELY. WORTHLESS. The only utility that you could ever get out of it would only occur in the complete absence of any writing skills whatsoever--in which case you shouldn't be allowed to open Microsoft Word (or any other text editor) in the first place.

very quick top-of-my-head editing with no artificial aids whatsoever:

However, beginning on 13 February 2009, [vendor] will begin ?Round Robin? balancing. This means that half of the connections to our systems will be made to each IP address. In other words, if the new IP address is blocked by any type of IP filtering device (such as firewalls, DNS servers, or proxy servers), you will experience intermittent connectivity.

*Yes, I'm aware of the irony