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What's the worst testicular injury you've ever sustained?

EyeMWing

Banned
Jun 13, 2003
15,670
1
0
For me?

Well. As you may or may not be aware, some enterprises are security-anal about their computers and tie them down with metal cables. In more heavy-duty applications, these are attached to steel clips adhered to the side of the chassis with... Some incredibly strong and unbreakable glue.

I also scrap computers that have come out of an enterprise environment. I was fighting to remove the steel clip from the side panel of one Dell, and it was being much more difficult than most. usually, you can just hook a screwdriver in there and wrench it off without much difficulty. This one, however... Fvck me. The entire side panel - made of PVC plastic - sheared in two at a point just over the edge of the table (which was conveniently at just about testicle level). At first, it didn't hurt...And then OHDEARLORD. Man hath known no scorn as terrifying as shattering PVC.
 

BigJ

Lifer
Nov 18, 2001
21,337
0
76
Didn't happen to me, but a friend of mine once tore his shorts and his sack hopping a fence.
 

Platypus

Lifer
Apr 26, 2001
31,056
321
136
I have epididymitis so every few days a month is the worst injury I've ever sustained.
 

MrCodeDude

Lifer
Jun 23, 2001
13,674
0
76
My friend has been kicked in the balls twice and had his testicle retracted.

We had to pick him up and throw him on his ass to get it popped back out. It's really scary when something like that happends.

My other friend got hit in the balls with a softball during PE. He said he had to have pills given to him anally. And we were like, "ewww." He said his balls swelled up to golfball size.

I've been kicked in the balls in soccer, it hurts like a mother, but the best way to relieve the pain is to walk it off. Let them get re-oriented.
 

xSauronx

Lifer
Jul 14, 2000
19,589
3
81
i remember once, being at my parents house and had a couple buddies from school over. we were hanging around in the gameroom playing pool, and one of them went to get a drink.

i said something along the lines of the kinds of stupid things i do, and mentioned one of them would probably be running my nuts into the pooltable before the night was over. when i turned around...i did :(

one of my younger brothers friends had an oversized skateboard he cruised around the neighborhood on (he had a standard size board he took to the skate park nearby) and, even though he was a tad short for a 14 year old, tried to jump it or do an ollie or some such....

he landed right on the damn thing when it was up in the air, and ripped himself open, and had to have the busted nut removed
 

Crescent13

Diamond Member
Jan 12, 2005
4,793
1
0
My friend's sister's boyfriend was climbing in a tree once, and he fell off the tree, and his balls landed right on a 3 inch long, thick, rusty, NAIL!!!! OUCH!!!

The worst for me was probably when I was climbing on a jungle jym, and I fell from one bar, and landed on the one right below it, with one leg on either side of the metal bar.
 

NuclearNed

Raconteur
May 18, 2001
7,669
157
106
In 8th grade I was a paper boy. One day I decided to deliver the papers on my bicycle. For some reason I thought it would be cool to throw a paper up in the air, then catch it with one hand. So I did the first part of the plan. The second part of the plan (the part where I gracefully caught the paper) failed, however, because I was so intent on catching the paper that I apparently forgot I was also riding my bike. I hit something, maybe a parked car, which threw my testicles full force into the handlebars, which were themselves thrown into the ground. I hit them with such fury that my handlebars became bent at 90 degree angles at both ends. One of my nuts turned black and blue for a few days, and swelled up two or three times its original size. I was so embarrassed by the whole thing that I never told my parents. I had a bloody discharge every night for the next few months. I can only imagine what my mother thought when she washed my tighty whiteys and saw the blood stains.

Years later I was checked out by a fertility doctor, and I apparently didn't suffer any permanent damage from the whole thing.

True story.
 

jfall

Diamond Member
Oct 31, 2000
5,975
2
0
probably that video floating around the internet where the guy tries to jump over the pool, one leg makes it.. the other doesn't
 

Zim Hosein

Super Moderator | Elite Member
Super Moderator
Nov 27, 1999
63,583
267
126
This thread is causing pain in my groin area! :(
 

NikPreviousAcct

No Lifer
Aug 15, 2000
52,763
1
0
A guy I used to go to school with when I was a kid went sliding down the banister at a school party, ripped his pants open on the effed up banister, and left one hanging on a nail sticking out of the wood :Q :(
 

Stiganator

Platinum Member
Oct 14, 2001
2,489
0
76
One time a coworker pretended to throw a laddle to me, so I reached up with both hands, then he went around and followed through with a snap of the wrist. I dropped like a rock. God that hurt.
 

Strk

Lifer
Nov 23, 2003
10,199
4
76
We were playing soccer in gym and a friend of mine was annoyed that I kept stealing the ball from him. He ended up kicking me square in the nuts.

Although, after reading a few stories, I'm glad that's my worst ;)
 

SagaLore

Elite Member
Dec 18, 2001
24,038
20
81
Originally posted by: Nik
A guy I used to go to school with when I was a kid went sliding down the banister at a school party, ripped his pants open on the effed up banister, and left one hanging on a nail sticking out of the wood :Q :(
That has got to be the worst one I have ever heard. I'm trying really hard to get it out of my mind but I already visualized it and my nuts are aching. :(
 

FeuerFrei

Diamond Member
Mar 30, 2005
9,152
927
126
Originally posted by: NuclearNed
In 8th grade I was a paper boy. One day I decided to deliver the papers on my bicycle. For some reason I thought it would be cool to throw a paper up in the air, then catch it with one hand. So I did the first part of the plan. The second part of the plan (the part where I gracefully caught the paper) failed, however, because I was so intent on catching the paper that I apparently forgot I was also riding my bike. I hit something, maybe a parked car, which threw my testicles full force into the handlebars, which were themselves thrown into the ground. I hit them with such fury that my handlebars became bent at 90 degree angles at both ends. One of my nuts turned black and blue for a few days, and swelled up two or three times its original size. I was so embarrassed by the whole thing that I never told my parents. I had a bloody discharge every night for the next few months. I can only imagine what my mother thought when she washed my tighty whiteys and saw the blood stains.

Years later I was checked out by a fertility doctor, and I apparently didn't suffer any permanent damage from the whole thing.

True story.
Wow, my worst testicular trauma resulted from the same thing. I hit the handlebars of my bike. I rode down a steep hill and when my front tire hit the pavement below, the bike stopped and I kept sliding full tilt into the handlebars. The bike wasn't wrecked and I ended up with a small bruise.
 

Mojoed

Diamond Member
Jul 20, 2004
4,473
1
81
Originally posted by: MrCodeDude
My other friend got hit in the balls with a softball during PE. He said he had to have pills given to him anally. And we were like, "ewww." He said his balls swelled up to golfball size..
Aren't normal testes roughly this size? Seriously? :confused:
 

episodic

Lifer
Feb 7, 2004
11,088
2
81
A bb (like bb gun) from a crossman 760 (I believe) that had been pumped 10 times - (pretty powerful) pass through my scrotum - but missed both testicals when I was 13.

Yes, I screamed like a baby.
 

EyeMWing

Banned
Jun 13, 2003
15,670
1
0
Originally posted by: episodic
A bb (like bb gun) from a crossman 760 (I believe) that had been pumped 10 times - (pretty powerful) pass through my scrotum - but missed both testicals when I was 13.

Yes, I screamed like a baby.
So did I... Just now.
 

necine

Diamond Member
Jan 25, 2005
3,631
0
0
I got hit in the balls with a tenis racket. My balls were bruised for a few weeks.
 

Umberger

Golden Member
Apr 13, 2005
1,710
0
76
i innocently walked around a blind corner in my apartment, and a roommate was wating with a fvcking football. quite an arm, that one has.... ow.
 

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