What's the best way to get over a breakup/divorce?

[azim]

Hi guys/gals,

It seems that a lot of my friends, including I, have gone through this or are in the process of. There are tons of books and self help guides to read, but I find that most of these lose themselves in psychological mumbo jumbo. So from the experience of the members, what is the best way to go about doing this.

Thanks all.

azim

 

[Whisper]

Time.

Other than that, just find a hobby and spend lots of time with your friends. There's a new "whole" in your life that wasn't existent before, and so you have to fill it with the stuff that filled it before the relationship began.

Come to terms with the fact that you're going to be sad for a little while, and that you'll be thinking about the person you were with for at least a small amount of time, but don't let yourself obsess over the details of the breakup (what went wrong, what you could've/should've done differently, etc.).

And always remember that there are plenty more people out there to be happy with. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and so I tend to think of each break-up as a stair leading up to the eventual pinnacle of all relationships...yay.

 

[gnognugs]

I agree except for one thing, obsess over the details, assign blame, make scorecards, go endlessly over how it could have been different, get angry or whatever comes. Experience your feelings.
There will be a day when the entire episode (yes it will happen again), makes perfect sense, and every aspect of it has been made positive.

 

[azim]

I found this site which has some pretty cool nifty stuff, relating to the whole thing...mostly relates to guys though.

www.askmen.com

 

[PCAddict]

In all seriousness, for me it was scoring another POA. I had a bad breakup and I was an emotional wreck for a few years. When I finally got back out there and hooked up with someone else, I was completely over it the next day.

 

[khaosspawn]

Work on something else. If you don't you'll get depressed.

 

[azim]

In my case, I have been advised to cut it off altogether...no e-mail, no phone calls, no B'day wishes and such. She does call me/e-mail me at times, and the conversation stays pretty platonic. In fact, I have been told to discard all that is associated with her, however, after dating someone for 4yrs its seems to be a pretty hard thing to do. CRAP!! And she seems to have moved on so well, that it gets to me if the past 4yrs seem to have mattered in the least!! (ok I just vented some)

 

[Gunther]

Don't drink alcohol... makes it worse.

 

[Azraele]

With time, it will get easier. Try and keep yourself busy, but not to the point where you avoid it altogether. You need time to sort through and explore your feelings. Try not to get mad. Look at what happened carefully. Doing this may avoid future mistakes. Try not to let yourself fall into a funk, where all you do is sit around and mope. That's ok to an extent, but not healthy to do for long. Don't drink to "ease the pain." That only makes it worse. Spend time with and talk to friends. They can help. Realize that youe ex is going through the same pain. Even in separation, you two are still tied together by your feelings over it and your past. It hurts, but it will get better.

 

[uwantasumwang]

heh.. this just happened to me.. fiancee of 3 years decides she likes another guy better.. so bye bye me.. :-( but overall im happy... the girls im hanging out with now are a lot more fun.. so your breakup could be the best thing that ever happened to you... (its a possibility)

 

[Zipperhead]

go out and enjoy your new spare time.

 

[virtuamike]

I second the hobby idea. That's how I got started with networking (should've picked a funner hobby).

 

[littleprince]

burn all your ex's stuff, so you wont be constantly thinking about them
and than keep yourself busy so you won't be thinking about them
and gradualy get yourself weened off...
of course that didnt' work to well for me...
untill one day, i realized i was starting to like one of my friends...
and i figured out no one has ever treated me as nice as her!

 

[Fathom5]

Could be worse, I have two wonderful daughters from my marriage that will forever link me to my ex. At least if you don't have kids you can make a clean break.

 

[Delusion2001]

time is the best healer

also, dont' start blaming the other person. just try to forget about it, and if possible, still talk to the person and remain friends