What's the best "safe-for-work" joke you've got?

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: ggnl
What's the best part about sex with twenty five year olds.

There's twenty of them.

(it works better when you say it, not type it)

What's the best part about reading more of the thread before you post?

 

[OCGuy]

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: ggnl
What's the best part about sex with twenty five year olds.

There's twenty of them.

(it works better when you say it, not type it)

What's the best part about reading more of the thread before you post?

Well, come on now...give us the punch line!

 

[AyashiKaibutsu]

An American, Cuban, Russian, and Mexican were whitewater rafting one day.

After a while on the river, the Cuban pulls out a cigar lights it takes one puff and throws it overboard. The American goes nuts talking about how expensive and good Cuban cigars are and how he wasted one. The Cuban replies eh in my country we have so many of these it doesn't really matter.

More time passes, the Russian pulls out a bottle of vodka takes one swig and throws the bottle overboard. The American goes nuts again talking about how it was real Russian vodka and what a waste it was. The Russian tell him in his country we have so much vodka it's nothing special and they keep rafting.

Now the American is fuming. He feels like he has to do something to impress these guys. So he grabs the Mexican and throws him overboard.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: AyashiKaibutsu
An American, Cuban, Russian, and Mexican were whitewater rafting one day.

After a while on the river, the Cuban pulls out a cigar lights it takes one puff and throws it overboard. The American goes nuts talking about how expensive and good Cuban cigars are and how he wasted one. The Cuban replies eh in my country we have so many of these it doesn't really matter.

More time passes, the Russian pulls out a bottle of vodka takes one swig and throws the bottle overboard. The American goes nuts again talking about how it was real Russian vodka and what a waste it was. The Russian tell him in his country we have so much vodka it's nothing special and they keep rafting.

Now the American is fuming. He feels like he has to do something to impress these guys. So he grabs the Mexican and throws him overboard.

I was expecting a few cases of money instead of the Mexican.

 

[JTsyo]

Some from Google's JOTD:

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

"The balcony."

Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.

A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.

"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have sex."

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt.

Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.

In honor of Nate:

A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose.

"I think it's raining," he says to his wife.

"No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies.

Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them.

"Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

"It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on.

But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow."

To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

 

[SMOGZINN]

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus

Originally posted by: Mwilding
The original as I heard it:

What does a Lion's fan do after his country wins the superbowl?

Turns off the playstation 3.

This can be altered to abuse fans of many sports teams.

Originally posted by: Mwilding
The original as I heard it:

What does a Brown's fan do after his country wins the superbowl?

Turns off the playstation 3.

This can be altered to abuse fans of many sports teams.

Wow that's amazing, it really CAN be altered to abuse fans of any team

Except the Texans, they can't even win on the PS3. :brokenheart:

okay, my favorite joke:

A man walks into a bar and says, "ouch!"

 

[oznerol]

I read this in another joke thread here from someone and I still use it -

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gave it to her.

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: Ocguy31

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: ggnl
What's the best part about sex with twenty five year olds.

There's twenty of them.

(it works better when you say it, not type it)

What's the best part about reading more of the thread before you post?

Well, come on now...give us the punch line!

...and I did read the thread, but somehow missed that one.