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What's going on with this girl?

E

EricMartello

Senior member
You may find this story funny, you may agree that I am stupid...but try to help me figure this out before I make a potentially misguided decision. 🙂

I met a filipina girl in 2005 on a dating website, and we seemed to hit it off. She was slutty in the way she spoke, and I remember thinking to myself...wow, this girl is the blatant opposite of the kind of girl I'd want for myself. Simultaneously, those kind of wild girls are fun to talk to. So even with that in mind, we spoke more often. I got the sense that she was initially just messing around, like me, but after a while it felt like something was happening between us, drawing us together.

Now I knew about the common filipina scams where they try to get you to "love" them then they ask you for money, but she never asked me to send anything, ever. I also felt some sort of existential connection to her...despite knowing that she must have been quite promiscuous (something I viewed as a major flaw in any woman).

Well, we communicated regularly by chats and webcam (believe it or not, no cybersex - ironic huh?), and about 5 months into it I felt a strong compulsion to go meet her. Not marry her, just meet her. That is when things kinda fell apart...right before I was going to visit her in her country, I discovered something that she was hiding from me - she was a "bar girl", and in my mind that means she is basically a prostitute. At that point, she and I stopped talking to each other. I was upset, not because of what she was, but because she could not be honest with me...tho something like that, I'd probably want to keep it on the down-low as well. 😛

Ever since I met her I couldn't get her out of my mind. Fast FWD to the present day...and here is where I run into a problem. For whatever reason, she and I started talking again - if there ever was a case of emotion distoring logic, I'm a solid example. She seems to have been working hard at a real job (call center), and that job granted her a visa to the USA. She told me she wants to come visit me in late May or early June. She did not ask me for any money to do so...no "buy me a plane ticket" or anything like that. She just asked if she could meet me, that's it.

Now she claims that she got that job and worked for the company just so she could come see me someday...and I'm thinking to myself...uh-huh...right. So what is really going on here? Is she trying to scam me or play me? What do you all think she is up to?

 
Well just plan for her to come meet you. If she doesn't, move on to the next girl. I wouldn't get your hopes up too much either just incase she really doesn't come.
 
I'm not sure what a "bar girl" is but unless she's had sex with men or other women for money, she's not a prostitute.

If she's sexually active and that's not your thang, then don't bother having her come out to meet with you. Tell her straight up that you're a lot more conservative than she is and it'd never work out.

You can't just be friends with her because A) You're clearly judging her pretty harshly for the choices she's made in life and B) Sounds like maybe she's looking for more than friends.
 
Originally posted by: Agentbolt
I'm not sure what a "bar girl" is but unless she's had sex with men or other women for money, she's not a prostitute.

If she's sexually active and that's not your thang, then don't bother having her come out to meet with you. Tell her straight up that you're a lot more conservative than she is and it'd never work out.

You can't just be friends with her because A) You're clearly judging her pretty harshly for the choices she's made in life and B) Sounds like maybe she's looking for more than friends.
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A "bar girl" is a popular occupation for young girls in the philippines as well as other poor countries. What happens is the girlie bar "buys" the girl from their family, and then pimps the girl out every night to tourists or anyone else who is interested. Men pay the owner of the bar a fee to "date" whichever girl they want, and after doing so, they can do whatever the girl is willing to do with them...that typically means going back to the hotel room for some "action". Nobody goes to those kinds of bars just for "friends", if you know what I mean.

Now I never said I want to just be friend's with her, and I am not trying to judge her. I like this girl a lot, but I keep my distance because I'm not sure of her true intentions. What I am looking for here is a second opinion on whether or not I should trust her, meet her and hope for the best...OR if I should keep my guard up and possibly avoid meeting her altogether.

So put yourself in my situation, as best as you can, and tell me what you'd do.
 
she might just want someone to live with in the USA / Marry to get citizenship. Heck if your a guy in the USA that is single and have your own home etc. you can get setup with a chick like her if she is good looking and both are honest with each other about what they are after you could get setup for as long as it lasts. Sign a prenuptual of course.

Some guys do this.
 
This is a very difficult situation. I recommend you ask people who are wiser and/or know you better than we here on ATOT.

That said- you can't be sure what kind of girl she is, but the bar girl thing is not a good start. Do NOT offer or flaunt money of any kind. Don't even tell her what kind of car you drive. I also suspect her story of getting that job just to see you is B.S. Hmm, long story short, since I don't have enough facts, here's my guess-

Odds she's just trying to use you- 50%

Odds she just likes you- 40%

Odds there's a combo of the two- 90%

Hmm, I didn't mean for that to add up, but there it is. If she actually likes you and also really wants to move to America, it's got to be excruciatingly difficult for her to avoid using you. If you're going to make this work, you're going to have to be honest about your reservations. BEFORE you do so, be sure you talk to somebody who knows Filipina scams inside and out so you will notice any stock footage in her responses. I'm not one of those people- I've never heard of these scams. But remember that if you tangle with a scammer, you will probably get your wallet's ass kicked. Criminals think up stuff that honest people would never dream of in a hundred years. You've got to expect the unexpected. And be ready to walk away if you feel the heat around the corner. It's not worth wondering if this is the day you come home from work and find your house empty.

Just be careful, bro!
 
I'd say that the likelihood of her trying to use me, most likely to gain citizenship or something along those lines, is 80%. I do not buy her story about working to get a visa just to come see me at all...
She may or may not like me, but bargirls are trained like dogs to "like" and even "love" any man, so I really can't put too much faith in what she says she feels for me...it is most likely just an elaborate act. The only thing she has working in her favor is that she never tried to scam me before, which is the only reason I can attach even a small amount of credibility to her. Of course she may be counting on that, she's a lot smarter than she pretends to be.

 
Wow, this one doesnt even need asking. She needs you for citizenship, plain and simple. If she hasnt asked you for the money yet, she will.
 
Originally posted by: AgaBoogaBoo
Fast FWD? Gotta go RWD or AWD to be honest, although being fast in a FWD isn't as bad as some people make it out ot be.
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Make sure if things go sour that you always have 4WD to help you get out.
 
I would run screaming in the other direction. But then I probably wouldn't have gotten into such a situation either.
 
1. Sleep with you.
2. Ask you for things, using the knowledge that having just slept with you, you'll feel guilty if you say no.
3. Profit!

Find a girl who already has her green card.
 
What if this story about a real job and her paying to see you is a L O N G fishing line to get you emotionally invested in her so she can, later on, reel you in - BIG TIME?

As my dad always taught me.... Hope for the best, but expect the worst.

Good Luck!

 
Originally posted by: KarenMarie
What if this story about a real job and her paying to see you is a L O N G fishing line to get you emotionally invested in her so she can, later on, reel you in - BIG TIME?
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You know, that could be said about almost any woman if you think about it. 😀

But yeah, you don't have to tell me to expect the worst. Maybe it's time I started playing her instead. MWAHAHA
 
Originally posted by: yllus
1. Sleep with you.
2. Ask you for things, using the knowledge that having just slept with you, you'll feel guilty if you say no.
3. Profit!

Find a girl who already has her green card.
Click to expand...

i think this happens everyday with women who are already from this country.
 
Agree to meet, with nothing more than the expectations of having fun. If things evolve, fine -- but don't go looking for what's not there. She's already coming stateside apparently, so might as well have some fun while she's here. Most guys don't have the luxury of being able to ship their bad dates off to another country if things don't work out.

However, under no circumstances should you ever show her where you live or give her your address. Period. Don't give her anymore identifying information that she already has. Just in case..
 
You don't see it, but you already have a big giant hook in your mouth and are getting reeled in. Just for kicks, tell her you are here in the US as a student and don't have a green card and are not a US citizen -- she'll drop all interest in you amazingly fast.

That's not even considering the issue with her previous ...ummm... "occupation". This spells trouble in sooo many ways, your best bet is to just say "we're not going to work out" and move on.
 
Originally posted by: tagej
You don't see it, but you already have a big giant hook in your mouth and are getting reeled in. Just for kicks, tell her you are here in the US as a student and don't have a green card and are not a US citizen -- she'll drop all interest in you amazingly fast.

That's not even considering the issue with her previous ...ummm... "occupation". This spells trouble in sooo many ways, your best bet is to just say "we're not going to work out" and move on.
Click to expand...

Believe me, I know this girl has her hooks in me. I'm not blind to that fact.

I'm gonna tell her that I am moving back in with my parents next week, and that I had to sell my car. See if she still is so eager to visit me. I can act too. 😀
 
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