What would you do?

[lokiju]

Not something I'd usually put out there for anyone to see but...

My fiancee and I moved from South FL to just north of Atlanta back in April.

Time and time again my parents have said they want to move out of FL also and move up to GA, which I'm perfectly fine with whatever they wanna do, but the issue is they keep saying they want to move to where my fiancee and I live.

The woman and I are worried of a "Everybody Loves Raymond" type of situation here and really both love my parents and enjoy their company while visiting but also have our lives and don't want to be "smothered" by their proximity.

It's just such a touchy subject since for one thing my mother is extremely sensitive, I mean she'll cry over very minor things that most people wouldn't even consider justifiable in crying over, plus I can understand why my parents might be offended by telling them I don't want them living close to me.

How in the hell could I tell them I'm fine with them moving up to GA, just not right next door, without them getting hurt/offended?

 

[dug777]

Move in with them, tape the results, and make millions annoying people

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: lokiju
Not something I'd usually put out there for anyone to see but...

My fiancee and I moved from South FL to just north of Atlanta back in April.

Time and time again my parents have said they want to move out of FL also and move up to GA, which I'm perfectly fine with whatever they wanna do, but the issue is they keep saying they want to move to where my fiancee and I live.

The woman and I are worried of a "Everybody Loves Raymond" type of situation here and really both love my parents and enjoy their company while visiting but also have our lives and don't want to be "smothered" by their proximity.

It's just such a touchy subject since for one thing my mother is extremely sensitive, I mean she'll cry over very minor things that most people wouldn't even consider justifiable in crying over, plus I can understand why my parents might be offended by telling them I don't want them living close to me.

How in the hell could I tell them I'm fine with them moving up to GA, just not right next door, without them getting hurt/offended?

Yea, I'd feel the same way about my parents moving next door. I wouldn't want to tell them "no, I dont want you around me" but I couldnt let it happen. LOL

Id probably just tell them that I like the fact that there is space, it make holidays and visits more fun.

 

[Barfo]

Well they're free to move wherever they like, but you should set a quota for visits and phone calls, say, once a week, and enforce it.

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: barfo
Well they're free to move wherever they like, but you should set a quota for visits and phone calls, say, once a week, and enforce it.

Well another thing is even when I was living in South FL, they were living in central FL and 3 hours away, so it wasn't even an issue then and I've grown used to not having my parents next door to me and being parents (read: nagging at times)

 

[FoBoT]

wait until they actually start looking at houses/apartments
if they actually look at places < 10 miles from your place, then you'll just have to tell them straight up "don't move that close to us!"

i lived about 5-6 miles from my mo-in-law for about 2 years. with her working and my commute, i only saw her once a week at most (sunday dinner) and sometimes not for 2-3 weeks at a time. it wasn't a problem

with traffic in atlanta, just "help" them move to the south side. are they retired? get them to move to Peachtree City, the oldies drive little golf carts to the store there. it is plenty far from "north of atlanta"

 

[krunchykrome]

Tell them that there is no property for sale in Del Boca Vista.

 

[Lola]

that is a touchy subject...


So do you think they will not realize that you do not want them to be with you 24 hours a day? Moving to the same city is one thing... but to the same neighborhood is different.

I would be as kind and as honest as possible. Tell them you are busy and that you will make sure to have dinner with them once a week (or whatever) and that you want them to have their own lives just as you do.

There is no easy way to say this, but i would sure hope they would know not to move in next door...

Good luck

 

[Al Neri]

move!

 

[Beige]

Hah...my mother is already making plans that she wants to move right next to me when im out of college and get my own home..Im like wtf....the only good thing is that ill have a free babysitter when my wife and I are working but hell....Parents near by can be annoying... I barely answer my cell when she calls me daily just to ask how was your day..wtf =.=.

I know she cares but damn woman..LET ME EAT MY WRAP DURING MY LUNCH HOUR IN PEACE! ~_~

 

[MikeyIs4Dcats]

why do you assume they would move close to you and bother you? Does your mother call you 6 times a week now?

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
that is a touchy subject...


So do you think they will not realize that you do not want them to be with you 24 hours a day? Moving to the same city is one thing... but to the same neighborhood is different.

I would be as kind and as honest as possible. Tell them you are busy and that you will make sure to have dinner with them once a week (or whatever) and that you want them to have their own lives just as you do.

There is no easy way to say this, but i would sure hope they would know not to move in next door...

Good luck

Well my fiancee and I are just worried about the possibility of them moving in right next door, plus my Dad has a knack at saying some pretty sarcastic things that are hard to tell if he's serious or not, but last time my parents were up here he said something like "Maybe we'll rent an apartment for a little right next to you guys, it could even be just like "Everybody loves Raymond!" and my fiancee and I were a little concerned by that since that's our fear.

I think I'll just leave it at telling the to do whatever they feel like doing and if it comes down to them actually considering a place next to us then I'll have to speak up. For all I know they could just be tossing around ideas and end up moving over an hour away in the end, I guess theres no sense in causing friction for no reason at this point right?

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: Beige
Hah...my mother is already making plans that she wants to move right next to me when im out of college and get my own home..Im like wtf....the only good thing is that ill have a free babysitter when my wife and I are working but hell....Parents near by can be annoying... I barely answer my cell when she calls me daily just to ask how was your day..wtf =.=.

I know she cares but damn woman..LET ME EAT MY WRAP DURING MY LUNCH HOUR IN PEACE! ~_~

I know exactly how you feel, and honestly the baby watching thing is a consideration also for whenever the misses and I decided to have kids.

But as it is my mother calls me all the time and e-mails me constantly, guess it's hard for parents to let go some.

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
why do you assume they would move close to you and bother you? Does your mother call you 6 times a week now?

Pretty much.

And they've said a few times about moving literally next door to us.

 

[rise]

wow. its your parents. :roll:

i have two brothers who live in the same neighborhood as my Mom (if i could afford it, i would too). together, they have 9 kids and while my Mom will go to their sports (when she has the time) and get invited to dinners or have the grandkids for a day, she isn't intrusive. i live 10 minutes away, next town over and i'd love to live closer. she's my Mom.

 

[kranky]

What you might do is suggest some areas away from where you live that would be a good fit for your parents. And if they make it clear they want to live right near you, you can casually mention that you're thinking about moving to another area because of whatever.

"Gee, Mom, when we moved here we didn't realize (the traffic was so bad/how much crime there was/whatever/how high the taxes were) and we might move to another area. Don't buy something here assuming we are going to stay because we might move to a different area of town."

 

[ATLien247]

It can go either way...

Both my parents and the in-laws live within a five mile radius of my home. I see my parents maybe three or four times a year (which is almost too much). I see my wife's parents a lot more, and I use to hate it, but have grown accustom to it since they're pretty decent folk.

 

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: lokiju
Not something I'd usually put out there for anyone to see but...

My fiancee and I moved from South FL to just north of Atlanta back in April.

Time and time again my parents have said they want to move out of FL also and move up to GA, which I'm perfectly fine with whatever they wanna do, but the issue is they keep saying they want to move to where my fiancee and I live.

The woman and I are worried of a "Everybody Loves Raymond" type of situation here and really both love my parents and enjoy their company while visiting but also have our lives and don't want to be "smothered" by their proximity.

It's just such a touchy subject since for one thing my mother is extremely sensitive, I mean she'll cry over very minor things that most people wouldn't even consider justifiable in crying over, plus I can understand why my parents might be offended by telling them I don't want them living close to me.

How in the hell could I tell them I'm fine with them moving up to GA, just not right next door, without them getting hurt/offended?

You can't. They're your parents and have done more for you than anyone else in this world. You can't say anything like that without offending them.

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: rise
wow. its your parents. :roll:

i have two brothers who live in the same neighborhood as my Mom (if i could afford it, i would too). together, they have 9 kids and while my Mom will go to their sports (when she has the time) and get invited to dinners or have the grandkids for a day, she isn't intrusive. i live 10 minutes away, next town over and i'd love to live closer. she's my Mom.

Good for you, I obviously don't feel the same about the situation.

 

[rise]

Originally posted by: lokiju

Originally posted by: rise
wow. its your parents. :roll:

i have two brothers who live in the same neighborhood as my Mom (if i could afford it, i would too). together, they have 9 kids and while my Mom will go to their sports (when she has the time) and get invited to dinners or have the grandkids for a day, she isn't intrusive. i live 10 minutes away, next town over and i'd love to live closer. she's my Mom.

Good for you, I obviously don't feel the same about the situation.

thats cool. after i typed that i regretted it. i know there are all different relationshps parents/kids have. i hope things work out. :beer:

 

[nole1fan]

if they want to move close to you, let them. You will appreciate them having near you if you are start having kids. Don't be jerk, and be respecful to your parents. They can help you out when kids gets sick, and gets kicked out from day care for having fever, and you will have to take time off to take care.

My opinion..

 

[badmouse]

Get enthusiastic. Show them how much you care for them.

Start collecting information about Senior Citizen activities for them. Bombard them with information about handicapped accessibility and respite care and activities for the homebound, etc. Scope out Meals on Wheels, Books for the Blind, Alzheimer's counseling. Tell them tenderly that you're hoping they will have a good time in their declining years.

Tell them that you are signing them up for activities that they can't stand - "broadening their horizon". Register them for Wheelchair Tai-Chi and chair exercising. Line up religious fanatics to visit them around dinnertime. Take them for visits to the local emergency room, hospice, and so on.

Get the idea?

This works especially well when your parents aren't really that old .