What would you do?

[Stunt]

Ok, i'm going to start off by saying im a massive hipocrit. Everytime i see these relationship theads i think...look at the loser looking for advice on the internet...why doesnt he just ask his friends or quit being a pansy a$$...Anyways...for those who care to help a guy out:

OK...so i'm a university student in his last year at university (thank god!), who is very much single and has never had a serious relationships. I've been a favour of the week type of guy with the odd month of friends with benifits type thing. So as you can see...i'm basically a massive commitment-phobe. I dont pretend im not but with any girl i make sure we are clear on that fact. So i dont lead on or come off as an a$$hole...just thought i'd make that point.

Now this year i have met this girl...we have become close friends, in a very flirty, sexual tension type of way...the only thing is she is seeing someone. Seeing in the sense that she was like how i am (as explained above) untill she met up with this guy. She goes on dates with the guy, but i have a feeling that she started getting with the guy to...ummm...stay satisfied without the random person effect...if you know what i mean. Now the thing is...the guy is really nice...i've hung out with him a few times before i knew he was seeing my friend. (he's known her 2 years, i've known her 3 months) Not only that, but he is in my program and i see him daily, i have no idea if she talks to him about me, but she never talks about him. I think the connection is predominantly the sex, but im not totally sure of this, but as you know, women start getting attached to the guys they have sex with...usually...that's my experience anyways.

So her and i have been having a great time, movie dates, talk on the phone/msn a few hours a day...she's got a truely wicked personality. When we go out to the clubs (couple times a week) we dance together, she's always around me and very touchy feely. Here is the key point...she's not the hottest girl that i've been with, but she's definatly a solid 7.5-8. It's the personality...i just can't get over. Anyways...when we talk she's always thinking about sex or "us" in the sense that she's told me that she has thought about us being together and her biggest concern is our commitment issues (both sides). Also she'll make comments like, me:"hey, are you interested in doing a pubcrawl tomorrow night" her:"work...something something" (she's in a rigorous program) me:*looks at her for like 2secs* her:*caves so fast as she's a party girl* but says "only if you fvck me" slick me:"don't tempt me like that...cuz i will."

She knows im interested, i have shown surprising self restraint...like im genuinely surprised with myself as im usually fairly physically motived, so into the girl and i've been in many drinking situations with her. Some in the blackout region (like waking up in some strange girl's bed the next morning and trying to find where the hell you are)...anyways...i'll stop with the wordyness...haha...suckers who read it all...now you almost have to make a comment with all the time invested

I want this girl, she's got a nice bf...she wants it. i want it. What should i do?

-Test drive it and go for it while she has a bf.
-Tell her i want it and tell her to break it off with dude.
-Keep as a flirty friend and let dude get the fun...get with other women.
-Be an a$$hole and get with her housemates....cuz they are definate 8+'s

PS I've told myself a million times that i'd never be "that guy" who takes a girl from another guy. And it'd put me and her down by doing stuff (a. i dont care about relationships, b. she would fool around with other guys while potentially with me.)

I hate this crap...why does it always have to be so damn complicated...i cant believe im posting here...
Anyways, go nuts guys...

 

[Hammer]

Also she'll make comments like, me:"hey, are you interested in doing a pubcrawl tomorrow night" her:"work...something something" (she's in a rigorous program) me:*looks at her for like 2secs* her:*caves so fast as she's a party girl* but says "only if you fvck me"

she sounds like a whore. hit it then quit it. and wear a condom.

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: Hammer
she sounds like a whore. hit it then quit it. and wear a condom.

Definately not a whore. The "fvck me" comment was a joke...it's that flirty friend thing.
I'm far more promiscuous than she is.

For the women at university, she is definately average, or conservative side of average.

Also...no morals with respect to the bf of hers?...and the friendship?

 

[Hammer]

Originally posted by: Stunt

Originally posted by: Hammer
she sounds like a whore. hit it then quit it. and wear a condom.

Definately not a whore. The "fvck me" comment was a joke...it's that flirty friend thing.
I'm far more promiscuous than she is.

For the women at university, she is definately average, or conservative side of average.

it may be presented as joke, but she probably meant it.

 

[Kibbo]

If all you want is a good time, hit it.

Do not pick this one to try to get over your commitment issues. One of will will end up hurt, guaranteed.

Then again, maybe you need that kind of situation to learn.

Your call.

To get over your commitment thing, either you need a relationship where you are completely safe, so you won't end up with a bad taste in your mouth at the end.

Or, you need a relationship with a person who threatens you a little, where there is equal risk of either of you gettiing bored and screwing around. It could be that only someone like that could ever gain your respect.

 

[PanzerIV]

If you both feel so strongly and know what you want try it out. Ask her flat out if the b.f./g.f. thing is something she would like to do and that you realize she has a b.f. already and you feel terrible about doing it but you think you two would be happier and make a better couple. They aren't even engaged yet so it's not like you're trying to steal his fiancee or wife.

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: Kibbo
If all you want is a good time, hit it.

Do not pick this one to try to get over your commitment issues. One of will will end up hurt, guaranteed.

Then again, maybe you need that kind of situation to learn.

Your call.

To get over your commitment thing, either you need a relationship where you are completely safe, so you won't end up with a bad taste in your mouth at the end.

Or, you need a relationship with a person who threatens you a little, where there is equal risk of either of you gettiing bored and screwing around. It could be that only someone like that could ever gain your respect.

See...that's the thing...im not afraid of marriage/kids or a long term relationship...my excuse for the lack of commitment is that...i haven't found the right girl yet...and this one is definately the type that i could see myself with...one of the first times this has happened. So i dont think im all that worried about getting over my issues...but more the moral implications of stealing her from another guy who is totally nice...

thanks for the advice

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: Stunt

Originally posted by: Kibbo
If all you want is a good time, hit it.

Do not pick this one to try to get over your commitment issues. One of will will end up hurt, guaranteed.

Then again, maybe you need that kind of situation to learn.

Your call.

To get over your commitment thing, either you need a relationship where you are completely safe, so you won't end up with a bad taste in your mouth at the end.

Or, you need a relationship with a person who threatens you a little, where there is equal risk of either of you gettiing bored and screwing around. It could be that only someone like that could ever gain your respect.

See...that's the thing...im not afraid of marriage/kids or a long term relationship...my excuse for the lack of commitment is that...i haven't found the right girl yet...and this one is definately the type that i could see myself with...one of the first times this has happened. So i dont think im all that worried about getting over my issues...but more the moral implications of stealing her from another guy who is totally nice...

thanks for the advice

If she's spending so much time with you, I'd bet the other guy can already see the writing on the wall. If you're going to do it, do it soon. Don't prolong his suffering.

 

[Kibbo]

Well, if you're prepared to get bent over the table and Rick Jamesed, go for it. My bet is that this girl will crush you. It might be worth it.

You owe no loyalty to that guy, unless you think of him as a friend. If you do, hands off.

Just be prepared for the inevitable punch in the face, to which he has full right.

 

[KarenMarie]

She is seeing someone else.

That should be all there is to say.

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: ggnl

Originally posted by: Stunt

Originally posted by: Kibbo
If all you want is a good time, hit it.

Do not pick this one to try to get over your commitment issues. One of will will end up hurt, guaranteed.

Then again, maybe you need that kind of situation to learn.

Your call.

To get over your commitment thing, either you need a relationship where you are completely safe, so you won't end up with a bad taste in your mouth at the end.

Or, you need a relationship with a person who threatens you a little, where there is equal risk of either of you gettiing bored and screwing around. It could be that only someone like that could ever gain your respect.

See...that's the thing...im not afraid of marriage/kids or a long term relationship...my excuse for the lack of commitment is that...i haven't found the right girl yet...and this one is definately the type that i could see myself with...one of the first times this has happened. So i dont think im all that worried about getting over my issues...but more the moral implications of stealing her from another guy who is totally nice...

thanks for the advice

If she's spending so much time with you, I'd bet the other guy can already see the writing on the wall. If you're going to do it, do it soon. Don't prolong his suffering.

He's not suffering...they are still dating, she/he are getting some. Everything is fine...im just another one of her friends...nothing is currently going on. No fondling, no kissing etc.

If i were dating her and a guy like me came along and acted like me...i wouldnt feel upset. I've been good.

To say that two friends who find each other attractive havent thought about getting together is just crazy talk.

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
She is seeing someone else.

That should be all there is to say.

True...but she's not going to break it off with him to come to me when she has no idea how commited i am from a relationship point.

my issue is do i steal her away from him...if we are better for each other (assumption)
if yes
-test drive
-tell her to do the deed then continue

if no
-should i still tell her how i feel, or assume she knows.

Nice to have the female perspective btw...thanks

 

[HardcoreRobot]

they arent together. if they were, you would not be spending this much time with her. i wouldnt make it an ultimatum for her either, bc girls get freaked out. just start spending more time with her. it sounds like you two are very compatible, and things will work themselves out. if she prefers spending time with you, she will see less and less of the other guy, and you will eventually probably hit it.


another thing to consider, it sounds like the sexual tension is a main connection btw you two. if you break that, things might get weird.

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: HardcoreRobot
they arent together. if they were, you would not be spending this much time with her. i wouldnt make it an ultimatum for her either, bc girls get freaked out. just start spending more time with her. it sounds like you two are very compatible, and things will work themselves out. if she prefers spending time with you, she will see less and less of the other guy, and you will eventually probably hit it.


another thing to consider, it sounds like the sexual tension is a main connection btw you two. if you break that, things might get weird.

Very good point...
Thanks for the response

i want to just let things fall into place...but im afraid if i wait too long...i will become the friendship figure...which sucks.

 

[SP33Demon]

If u like her a lot, go for it! Honestly, you have nothing to lose since you barely know the guy. Let her choose who she wants after that, and you will know immediately if she calls you and things start accelerating (like wild crazy impulsive sex anywhere/anytime), or if she starts to avoid you (meaning she chose the guy). The worst thing that can happen is you lose your friendship with her...
EDIT: Yes you better act soon or risk getting stuck in the friend zone forever.

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: SP33Demon
If u like her a lot, go for it! Honestly, you have nothing to lose since you barely know the guy. Let her choose who she wants after that, and you will know immediately if she calls you and things start accelerating (like wild crazy impulsive sex anywhere/anytime), or if she starts to avoid you (meaning she chose the guy). The worst thing that can happen is you lose your friendship with her...
EDIT: Yes you better act soon or risk getting stuck in the friend zone forever.

So...vote for the test drive?

put the friendship on the line for the potential relatoinship...

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Hammer

Also she'll make comments like, me:"hey, are you interested in doing a pubcrawl tomorrow night" her:"work...something something" (she's in a rigorous program) me:*looks at her for like 2secs* her:*caves so fast as she's a party girl* but says "only if you fvck me"

she sounds like a whore. hit it then quit it. and wear a condom.

:thumbsup:

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: Stunt

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
She is seeing someone else.

That should be all there is to say.

True...but she's not going to break it off with him to come to me when she has no idea how commited i am from a relationship point.

my issue is do i steal her away from him...if we are better for each other (assumption)
if yes
-test drive
-tell her to do the deed then continue

if no
-should i still tell her how i feel, or assume she knows.

Nice to have the female perspective btw...thanks

Look at what you are saying....

I like a girl who is seeing someone else and I am not sure if I should steal her away from him.

From an honor point of view, what does that say about you? I am not trying to be mean to you, or anything... but there are soooooo many girls on the planet... find one who doesnt belong to someone else. I tend to subscribe to the theory that if someome is taken, they are off limits. That may not be the fashionable thing or the fun thing, but it is the right thing.

Again, I am not trying to be mean to you.. that is just my opinion.



edit: Also she'll make comments like, me:"hey, are you interested in doing a pubcrawl tomorrow night" her:"work...something something" (she's in a rigorous program) me:*looks at her for like 2secs* her:*caves so fast as she's a party girl* but says "only if you fvck me" slick me:"don't tempt me like that...cuz i will."

Sorry, I just re-read that... are you telling me that you really want to get serious about a girl who would behave like that with a guy when she already has another boyfriend?

 

[nick1985]

when you feel like going out with her, just imagine that other guy pounding the hell out of her. that should put a nice image in your head.

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: Stunt

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
She is seeing someone else.

That should be all there is to say.

True...but she's not going to break it off with him to come to me when she has no idea how commited i am from a relationship point.

my issue is do i steal her away from him...if we are better for each other (assumption)
if yes
-test drive
-tell her to do the deed then continue

if no
-should i still tell her how i feel, or assume she knows.

Nice to have the female perspective btw...thanks

Look at what you are saying....

I like a girl who is seeing someone else and I am not sure if I should steal her away from him.

From an honor point of view, what does that say about you? I am not trying to be mean to you, or anything... but there are soooooo many girls on the planet... find one who doesnt belong to someone else. I tend to subscribe to the theory that if someome is taken, they are off limits. That may not be the fashionable thing or the fun thing, but it is the right thing.

Again, I am not trying to be mean to you.. that is just my opinion.



edit: Also she'll make comments like, me:"hey, are you interested in doing a pubcrawl tomorrow night" her:"work...something something" (she's in a rigorous program) me:*looks at her for like 2secs* her:*caves so fast as she's a party girl* but says "only if you fvck me" slick me:"don't tempt me like that...cuz i will."

Sorry, I just re-read that... are you telling me that you really want to get serious about a girl who would behave like that with a guy when she already has another boyfriend?

Nono...it's fine...this is precisely why i asked for ppl's advice.

I totally repect their thing. That is why i have been a good boy

i have nothing to regret...unless you can tell me...most of it is there.

I've always thought that it is wrong...and that is why i have the moral dilemma :S

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: nick1985
when you feel like going out with her, just imagine that other guy pounding the hell out of her. that should put a nice image in your head.

All that is going to do is make me think of her having sex.
I'm not insecure about who she's been with.

*Newsflash* most women have had a previous sexual relationship.

 

[Mo0o]

For a senior in college your spelling is atrocious

 

[SP33Demon]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: Stunt

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
She is seeing someone else.

That should be all there is to say.

True...but she's not going to break it off with him to come to me when she has no idea how commited i am from a relationship point.

my issue is do i steal her away from him...if we are better for each other (assumption)
if yes
-test drive
-tell her to do the deed then continue

if no
-should i still tell her how i feel, or assume she knows.

Nice to have the female perspective btw...thanks

Look at what you are saying....

I like a girl who is seeing someone else and I am not sure if I should steal her away from him.

From an honor point of view, what does that say about you? I am not trying to be mean to you, or anything... but there are soooooo many girls on the planet... find one who doesnt belong to someone else. I tend to subscribe to the theory that if someome is taken, they are off limits. That may not be the fashionable thing or the fun thing, but it is the right thing.

Again, I am not trying to be mean to you.. that is just my opinion.



edit: Also she'll make comments like, me:"hey, are you interested in doing a pubcrawl tomorrow night" her:"work...something something" (she's in a rigorous program) me:*looks at her for like 2secs* her:*caves so fast as she's a party girl* but says "only if you fvck me" slick me:"don't tempt me like that...cuz i will."

Sorry, I just re-read that... are you telling me that you really want to get serious about a girl who would behave like that with a guy when she already has another boyfriend?

I thought he said he was seeing her (the other guy is), not exclusive b/f-g/f. I intrepreted it as fck buddies on and off for 2 years.

I would vote for the test-drive. But... what if she sucks at stick shifting (if ya know what I mean)? Would that be a deal breaker for ya? I've had women who'll give horrible tonsil and it's a pretty big turnoff.

 

[Stunt]

Originally posted by: Mo0o
For a senior in college your spelling is atrocious

a) im not proofreading.
b) it's a fvcking forum
c) it's not that bad...(lol)
d) im still hung over
e) i'm not trying
.
.
.
f) im an engineering student and have every right to have poor spelling

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: Stunt

Originally posted by: Mo0o
For a senior in college your spelling is atrocious

a) im not proofreading.
b) it's a fvcking forum
c) it's not that bad...(lol)
d) im still hung over
e) i'm not trying
.
.
.
f) im an engineering student and have every right to have poor spelling

The words weren't even typos, they're just... bad spelling.