What would you do in this situation?

[minendo]

Last night a group of us went out to Buffalo Wild Wings to play trivia, drink beer and eat. I was talking to one of my friends and he said that he had gotten a call from his girlfriend saying that he was no longer permitted (by her parents) to see her. He is not allowed to see her until her parents, him, and his mother have a meeting. This all stems from the fact that her parents found out they were having sex because they were snooping and found birth control pills. She is 17 and he is 18.

How would you handle the situation?

 

[Orsorum]

...

"Hi, I'm an adult. How about we meet again once you're 18?"

 

[minendo]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
...

"Hi, I'm an adult. How about we meet again once you're 18?"

So are you saying he should have dumped his long time girlfriend when he turned 18 and waited until she turned 18 to get back together? Kind of assinine if you ask me.

 

[Pilsnerpete]

I'd go to the meeting if the girl were THE ONE.

 

[Turkish]

I would go to the meeting but if her parents treat me like a physcho or anything, i ll tell them fvck themselves...

 

[filmmaker]

Wait for the meeting, be honest, and make sure that you honor their thoughts and needs. If you do that, (hopefully) they will do the same for you.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: minendo

Originally posted by: Orsorum
...

"Hi, I'm an adult. How about we meet again once you're 18?"

So are you saying he should have dumped his long time girlfriend when he turned 18 and waited until she turned 18 to get back together? Kind of assinine if you ask me.

It's a knee-jerk action from a man who's going on his second all-nighter of the week.

It really depends on his relationship with his parents, her relationship with her parents, and the interplay in-between. There is also quite a bit of information missing from the post... are they the same grade in high school? Are they recent high-school graduates? Are they going to the same University?

All of these factors can influence the eventual outcome and the decision-making process.

I'm 20. If I were in a sexual relationship with a woman a year younger, and the same situation came up, I would probably tell her parents that I would be delighted to meet with them, but that my parents already know that we are sexually active and that as long as precautions are taken, they are fine with it (my parents have already stated that our lives are our lives, we will do what we want, and as long as we are doing it safely (i.e. no heavy drug use, etc.), they will not interfere.).

Not to mention the fact that her parents were "snooping". I am assuming she still lives with her parents. How did they "snoop"? If my parents had done a similar thing when I was recently graduated, I would have politely told my parents that it is my private property, and while I still live in their house, I expect privacy in my belongings. If they couldn't respect that, then I would have moved out.

 

[vi edit]

Suck it up, be a man, and go talk to her 'rents. For the better or for the worse. Right now he's just seen as a little cum stain banging their daughter. How much worse could he come out of the deal?

 

[dman]

Originally posted by: minendo
Last night a group of us went out to Buffalo Wild Wings to play trivia, drink beer and eat. I was talking to one of my friends and he said that he had gotten a call from his girlfriend saying that he was no longer permitted (by her parents) to see her. He is not allowed to see her until her parents, him, and his mother have a meeting. This all stems from the fact that her parents found out they were having sex because they were snooping and found birth control pills. She is 17 and he is 18.

How would you handle the situation?

I'd deny having sex at all costs and call the girlfriend a slut and a whore for cheating on me.

Well, I would if I was trash.

Really, I'd maybe do the meeting (probably) and then I'd be patient and keep things under radar until she turned 18 and then we'd move out and live on a small island somewhere, or maybe a coastal town, surfing and sunning all day and partying all night.

Well, I would if I was rich and money wasn't a concern.

In reality, I'd probably break it off, because after that embarassment it'd pretty much doomed anyway. Perhaps sometime down the road we'd end up back together. In the meantime I'd post on ATOT asking what I should do in YAGT.

Thankfully I don't have that problem. Good luck to them... it surely sucks.

 

[minendo]

It really depends on his relationship with his parents, her relationship with her parents, and the interplay in-between. There is also quite a bit of information missing from the post... are they the same grade in high school? Are they recent high-school graduates? Are they going to the same University?

She just graduated HS, he just finished his first year of college.

 

[ghostman]

What everyone else said....go to the meeting, make sure you don't come off as a jerk.

But honestly, if I were that girl's father, I'd be waiting with my shotgun.

 

[dman]

Originally posted by: ghostman
What everyone else said....go to the meeting, make sure you don't come off as a jerk.

But honestly, if I were that girl's father, I'd be waiting with my shotgun.

Heh. You better have a lot of ammo. She's probably been gettin' busy for a few years now.

 

[KGB1]

Obviously the parents don't approve of their realtionship.. even though it might have been long term and all. He should go, parents need to see that you are taking an active and responsible position in this matter. No matter the outcome you would have gained a valuable lesson and received a lot of respect for doing what you believe in. If he acts like an adolescent punk and refuting their concerns and dating his girlfriend without with conscience knowledge of disrespecting the girls parents is truly not a good way to show how mature you are; to both her and your parents.. (plus you mentioned he's 18... what's he doing drinking now I have nothing against alcohol I don't drink it myself.. but he should at least obey the law and wait till he's 21.) Hope it works out for him with the girlfriend and all

 

[dxkj]

is 18 and 17 legal?

 

[minendo]

Originally posted by: KGB
(plus you mentioned he's 18... what's he doing drinking now I have nothing against alcohol I don't drink it myself.. but he should at least obey the law and wait till he's 21.) Hope it works out for him with the girlfriend and all

He was not drinking. Other members of the group were. All of which at over 21.

 

[Orsorum]

It's funny to hear so many young men spouting off about how they're going to be "waiting at the door for her boyfriends with a shotgun."

Honestly. Would you have wanted your girlfriends's fathers to be doing the same thing?

I was talking to my cousin in law as we were hanging out at a family party a month or so ago, we were watching his 6-month-old daughter tumble around on the living room floor. I made a joke about dating and the whole waiting with a shotgun thing, and he responded, "I'm not going to baby her. She's a human being. She'll make mistakes, she'll scrape her knees, and she'll learn." It made me think quite a bit about relationships and family and what it means, and it made me reevaluate exactly how mature I am.

If the young woman is an adult, she should be the one responsible for her behavior and her sexual life.

 

[hopeless879]

Whip it out.

 

[Viper GTS]

Originally posted by: dxkj
is 18 and 17 legal?

Almost certainly, there's likely a window in which it's legal. In Oregon it's three years.

Until she's 18 there's really nothing TO do. Once she's 18 she can do what she wants, as long as she realizes her parents are under no obligation to continue to house/feed/clothe/etc her.

Viper GTS

 

[TheCorm]

I don't see anything wrong with this to be honest...but in the interest of good relations...I would go along to the parents meeting thing and then just make sure I didn't get caught out in the future (ie carry on with whatever makes you and her happy)....it's their lives.....it's not like their actions are causing trouble for the parents really.

 

[Mill]

I would go talk to the parents. No way would I want to break up with her over silly parents.

 

[DaiShan]

18 and 17 is legal, if he REALLY wants to pursue it tell him to suck it up and meet with the parents. However, it isn't going to go well for him, I had a friend in a similar situation (he was 17 girl was 16) and like he kept trying to get his parents out of town, finally they left and he was going to have sex with the girl right, but before they left his dads girlfriend called the girls parents and said that there were no parents over there, so while they were in the middle of the act the dad knocks on the door, takes him like 5 mins to answer it and he stalls while the girl is getting dressed, or course she forgot her bra in the living room, dad sees it flips out, says if you want to see my daughter again you and I have to talk, my friend says f that its not worth it, and has never looked back.

 

[nater]

Is the girl going to college/moving out soon? When does she turn 18?

 

[cain]

say that you are using pills and are careful. so what. go to the meeting.

 

[gigapet]

i heard girls take the pill for other reasons besides not having babies.

 

[slackerinabox]

Dude, your friend shouldn't have to be in that situation.. Am I the only one that thinks this is freaking weird? Since the girl is TECHNICALLY a minor (though 17 is a pretty fair age to be having sex), they CAN have a talk with their daughter about being responsible, etc. etc. etc.. I believe that taking the pill is a sign of responsibility.. Regardless, the conversation should be between mother/father and daughter and not with the boyfriend! That's insane.. What are they going to say "Don't fvck my daughter!" or "ok, fvck my daughter, just be safe" .. Either way it's going to be a very weird and unnecessary meeting.. If I was you I'd talk to my GF and have her throw a hissy fit "You're not meeting with him! I love him and he loves me! Talk to me, not him.. "blah blah blah.. There's no reason to put him in that situation... If they were 14 and 18 it would be different.. I'd lend em my shotgun if I had one.. If they were not using protection, it would be different to (that would be the time for a long talk about mutual responsibility), if they were promiscuous that may also be warranted.. but they seem like normal kids in a longterm relationship that have a healthy sex life.. Big deal.. the last time my parents found condoms (keep in mind that they're really, really conservative people) i told them to be happy that i'm using condoms and that i've been with the same girl for many years, unlike other people my age.... it took a lot of guts but that was the end of the conversation..