What is your take on single mothers?

[Sheepathon]

Remember, KarenMarie, if I ever get a penguin, I will name her Karen in your honor. And if it's a male, I will name him Marie. Reading your story makes me happy

 

[RedRooster]

If the kid is old enough to be past the poop everywhere stage and screaming everywhere you go, but still be young enough to be influenced with a moral upbringing, I'd see no problems with dating and eventually marrying a single mom for myself. Since at that point, it's not really baggage in my mind.
I bring up those two points since they're the reasons I DON'T want kids, so if that's out of the way I likely wouldn't mind becoming the "new daddy".

All of this is moot since I'm married anyways, but just hypothetically.

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
:thumbsup:

One of my female friends is a 32-year-old single mother, and she is a wonderful mother and person. She has a gorgeous 4-year-old daughter, and any man lucky enough to catch her attention is one lucky SOB.

It's too bad so many guys seem to have such a hangup when it comes to something most of them probably have no clue about.

From the beginning... the b/f saw me work my azz off just to keep afloat. how many times, i had five days left in the month and was $300-400 short on my bills... worrying and praying to God for the strength to just keep going and have the stamina to work extra and make that money. He tried so often to just give me money, and I would not take it. Partially pride, partially not wanting to be obligated. More than once, he sat with VeggieFrog when I was at work or school and they went thru my bills, him paying them without my knowing and just letting me yell at him when I found out. Once, the day before he left, he deposited $1,000. into my bank account and I did not find out until days after he was gone. He recognized te difference between an independent hard worker who is willing to do whatever it takes and a woman who is looking for a bankbook and father figure.

I will never forget this ... for as long as I live. He was in NJ and I was in TN. My car broke down in downtown Nashville on a cold winter day. VeggieFrog and I found a nice samaratin who let me use his cell phone to call for help. So, I had it towed to the mechanic and I was bumming rides back and forth to work and school where ever I could and worked every hour I could to make the extra $$$ to pay the mechanic and get my car back. When te b/f found out, he flipped out. 48 hours later, there was a knock at my door... when I opened it... there he was, he came in and handed me an American Express Gold card, a cell phone and keys to a jeep. He told me that he understood that I could not get serious, but he was crazy about me and could not be 1,000 miles away worrying about me and wonderin if I was ok. He said that I would never, ever break down again, with no money and no cel phone to call for help. He spent the weekend and flew home. We were dating for abut 4 months at the time.

This post is more about the type of guys that are out there, then it is about what I went thru as a single mom. These were my choices in life, and I was fully responsible for them. But there are guys out there that can tell the difference between someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with, and those that are looking for a meal ticket. To them, children are a factor but not a red flag. He waited for me.

And I am smart enough to know how lucky I am.

 

[MagicConch]

I think it really depends on woman moreso than being a parent IMO. I dated a single mother and she was a big mistake. Once I gave a pocket knife to her kid as a gift before the cub scout outing or whatever they call it when the whole group goes camping for a week. She went ballistic even though I asked her ahead of time if I could give it to him (even the exact model). After that everytime the three of us would hang out, I was so afraid after that I would inadvertently screw up somehow, ie do something that she saw as a huge no-no with him, and really get in trouble with her (there is no limit what she can do in court to me in that situation - financially, criminally). At that point I thought to myself she is a special person and her kid is great too, but I am fairly stressed out already and I really don't need this on top of it. I am not the type that believes in soul mates so I don't think that it's a huge deal if a relationship doesn't work out.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

You're entitled to your opinion, but I won't propose my decisions on dating would make you happy so I don't see why you think yours would make me happy.

I view (viewed rather) dating as a means to an end. It sounds like you view it as an end in and of itself. I've always been able to tell pretty quickly whether I would like some one or not, and I don't enjoy wasting my time. The few times I've decided to "see where it goes" while going against my instincts things turned out about how I expected them too. Its not like my self worth was ever tied to the amount of people I knew. I don't see any reason why I should waste time putting up with a bunch of people's sh|t just to prove my gut instinct was right.

Furthermore, if you're looking for a lifetime mate you can and should rule everyone out that doesn't meet your needs. There's nothing wrong with demanding what you want. Sure, you might not ever get it if your standards are to high...but I was perfectly happy alone and won't compromise away my happiness just for the sake of being with some one. Others may equate my status with my ability or lack of ability in getting large numbers of chicks, but its not a central part of my self worth and I don't give a damn what they think.

I am agreeing with you in a way...but there is no way you can rule out anyone without dating them. You obviously think children are a huge problem. I am willing to bet you are holding out for some Celebrity that you know once she sees you, she will *have* to be with you because you can offer her so much more.

I doubt your status has anything to do with getting chicks. If it did you probably wouldn't be here. You don't have to marry everyone.

 

[silverpig]

I thought I'd never date a single mom either, but I met someone a few months ago and she was amazing. Her daughter was a little angel (most of the time heh), and we all bonded sort of in a pseudo-family way. It was nice to have that feeling for sure. Simply put though, single moms are looking for one of two things: 1) A good time, and then to hit the road, or 2) a long term husband type. The boyfriend, while it may be a nice thing to have, just simply isn't in the cards. I guess that's why we recently broke up. I wanted to make the commitment as the two were everything I could have wanted, but I couldn't as I haven't finished my school yet. 5 years down the road for me and I'd be saving for an engagement ring right now.

Ah well, maybe I'll win the lotto, can retire, and live happily ever after with her, but it seems as the odds were always against us.

 

[Zim Hosein]

What is your take on single mothers?

I'm still undecided! &

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: MagicConch
I think it really depends on woman moreso than being a parent IMO. I dated a single mother and she was a big mistake. Once I gave a pocket knife to her kid as a gift before the cub scout outing or whatever they call it when the whole group goes camping for a week. She went ballistic even though I asked her ahead of time if I could give it to him (even the exact model). After that everytime the three of us would hang out, I was so afraid after that I would inadvertently screw up somehow, ie do something that she saw as a huge no-no with him, and really get in trouble with her (there is no limit what she can do in court to me in that situation - financially, criminally). At that point I thought to myself she is a special person and her kid is great too, but I am fairly stressed out already and I really don't need this on top of it. I am not the type that believes in soul mates so I don't think that it's a huge deal if a relationship doesn't work out.

get help

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: PingSpike

You're entitled to your opinion, but I won't propose my decisions on dating would make you happy so I don't see why you think yours would make me happy.

I view (viewed rather) dating as a means to an end. It sounds like you view it as an end in and of itself. I've always been able to tell pretty quickly whether I would like some one or not, and I don't enjoy wasting my time. The few times I've decided to "see where it goes" while going against my instincts things turned out about how I expected them too. Its not like my self worth was ever tied to the amount of people I knew. I don't see any reason why I should waste time putting up with a bunch of people's sh|t just to prove my gut instinct was right.

Furthermore, if you're looking for a lifetime mate you can and should rule everyone out that doesn't meet your needs. There's nothing wrong with demanding what you want. Sure, you might not ever get it if your standards are to high...but I was perfectly happy alone and won't compromise away my happiness just for the sake of being with some one. Others may equate my status with my ability or lack of ability in getting large numbers of chicks, but its not a central part of my self worth and I don't give a damn what they think.

I am agreeing with you in a way...but there is no way you can rule out anyone without dating them. You obviously think children are a huge problem. I am willing to bet you are holding out for some Celebrity that you know once she sees you, she will *have* to be with you because you can offer her so much more.

You would be wrong. I'm getting married Oct 1st. To the best of my recollection, she was never a celebrity. At least, I hope not.

And I think I can rule out most 350lb women and headless corpses safely without dating them.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

You would be wrong. I'm getting married Oct 1st. To the best of my recollection, she was never a celebrity. At least, I hope not.

And I think I can rule out most 350lb women and headless corpses safely without dating them.

not necessarily wrong on willing to bet you may have not dated enough.