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What is the normal protocol for a divorced couple re-marrying? Updated

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Perknose said:
The part you quoted was purely for rhetorical purposes. My true advice followed:

A low key, non-church wedding (could be done by an officiant in their backyard or a park) and a relatively informal party/reception for close friends afterwards should suffice.

No damn gifts!
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my bad.

however, i still disagree that there should be any protocol. it's the party-throwers prerogative to throw whatever party they want. it's the invitees prerogative to either not attend or not give a gift.
 
If I were marrying the same woman for a second time, it'd probably be a low-key destination wedding on the beach somewhere. No need for all the fanfare of a big wedding.

If it were one of my friends deciding what type of wedding to have, I'd tell them throw the biggest possible because I want to get drunk and party.
 
blackdogdeek said:
my bad.

however, i still disagree that there should be any protocol. it's the party-throwers prerogative to throw whatever party they want. it's the invitees prerogative to either not attend or not give a gift.
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Doing things "officially" puts guests in an uncomfortable position, unless it's overtly stated that gifts won't be accepted.

On the greater circumstance, they'll be divorced again in under 10 years. They're both idiots.
 
My protocol would be "I already bought you twats a gift, so feel free to wrap it up and plop it on the table if you want."
 
blackdogdeek said:
my bad.

however, i still disagree that there should be any protocol. it's the party-throwers prerogative to throw whatever party they want. it's the invitees prerogative to either not attend or not give a gift.
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I was just giving my advice. You're right, there's no real protocol. Otoh, there is a common sense idea of what might be most appropriate, and it's my opinion that a second big wedding isn't it.
 
Perknose said:
I was just giving my advice. You're right, there's no real protocol. Otoh, there is a common sense idea of what might be most appropriate, and it's my opinion that a second big wedding isn't it.
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there i agree. if it were me, i would definitely feel embarassed to expect everyone to give gifts and attend a big wedding. to compensate i'd throw a big awesome party and make sure everyone knew NOT to give us gifts but just to enjoy 5 hours of open bar, a kick-ass DJ and all the prime rib at which you could shake a stick.
 
Tsaico said:
I have a set of friends who were married, big wedding, bachelor/ette parties, the norm. 6 months later, they divorce. They keep seeing each other and 4 years later, they decide to re-marry. What is the normal protocol for this? The soon to be wife is asking mine if they should have another big wedding, what to do for the bachelorette/bachelor parties, should there be a shower instead, what to do about reception... you guys get the idea.

Anyone have any real world input?
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Even considering having a re-do of their bachelorette/bachelor parties or shower shows incredibly bad taste and a complete crass lack of class. TACKY!

A simple, dignified ceremony would be the order of the day. Anything that smacks of another crude gift grab should be firmly stomped out.


BTW, did they return the shower & wedding gifts they received the first time? Proper etiquette is to return all gifts if a marriage fails in less than a year.
 
wow, I wasn't expecting so many people looking down on it. To some extent, I was thinking of treating it like a renewal of vows. I would have brought a gift for that event too. I suggested the courthouse and reception only idea. Both sides have already said no to the re-do of bachelor/ette parties. My wife thinks we should still give a gift though.

And I am not sure what they did with the 1st round of wedding gifts. I didn't even know it was polite to return the gifts if the marriage didn't last more than a year. I hand built a wood dog house for their dog with a heat lamp and the such. It was personalized, so I would not have been able to do anything with it, other than turn it to firewood. I think that ended up going to her dad's place...
 
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I think asking friends to give gifts again is lame. Having said that, one of my best friends growing up had parents who remarried each other and they are still married, 30 years later - so it CAN work.
 
The final decision is they are having a courthouse wedding with just direct family and a few friends. The reception is going to be the next day at his father's place (back yard). Confirmed no parties or showers this time around, and open invitation for the well wishers, meaning more of a phone tree style invite, where they are calling the people themselves over the next couple of weeks. He didn't mention the gift thing and I didn't really ask.

As a side note, I am really surprised that everyone was so caught up with the gift thing. It never really crossed my mind if it were appropriate to give a second gift for it or not, rather if they should do the whole ceremony process over again, fancy invites cards, honeymoon, etc.
 
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