What is the most sham IT job you can get?

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IndyColtsFan

Lifer
Sep 22, 2007
33,655
688
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I don't see how a security analyst would ever be blamed for an incident. It's usually the site owners responsibility to have proper preventative security controls and follow company procedures and policies.

For a job like that, the key is document, document, document! If something happens and the boss comes to you and tries to pin the blame, you can always say:

BOSS: "We were hacked! We pay you to prevent that!"
BAYDUDE: "Indeed you do. I've gone ahead and taken the liberty of printing this email I sent you last fall, which detailed the business case and three quotes for various new IDS implementations with pros/cons for each approach -- a 'best implementation,' 'next best implementation,' and 'adequate implementation' for you to choose from. You told me no to all three."
BOSS: "But...but...I didn't understand any of that email!"
BAYDUDE: "I can understand that, but I'm not sure why you declined three of my meeting invitations for me to review the proposal with you in that case."
BOSS: "But I was busy! Why were we hacked?!?!?!"
BAYDUDE: "If you'll turn to page 5, I outline what would happen if we don't invest in a new IDS system. I believe the second paragraph, subpoint A, is exactly what happened."
BOSS: "But you're the security guy!"
BAYDUDE: "Right, and like a security guard or police officer, I can't do my job without tools -- they have guns, handcuffs, cars, etc, but I need an IDS system for starters."
BOSS: "..."

At a past job, the department head had me make an anonymously accessible (read-only), externally accessible SharePoint site where documents would be stored for the internet site. I told him that was a VERY bad idea because at least part of the internet site had a password protected area and I knew the idiot employees would drop inappropriate documents there. I repeatedly told the department head that it was a dumb idea, but I was made to do it.

Well, I'm sure you can guess what happened. Some l33t haxxor wannabe thought he struck a gold mine and a few documents got out in the press. The CFO and other execs were on me like stink on shit -- the conversation went like this:

CFO and Execs: "AARRGH! WE WERE HACKED! HOW DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
ICF: <smiles> We weren't hacked.
CFO and Execs: "WE WERE! SOME GUY CLAIMS HE 'HACKED' OUR SHAREPOINT SITE AND DOWNLOADED BUDGETARY DOCUMENTS!!!!" <shows ICF the leaked documents>
ICF: "Well, Ms. CFO, as you know, we're a non-profit and those financial documents are publicly released every year. Furthermore, if you'll look at this email, you can see where I was told to make an anonymously accessible site on the internet and you can see me objecting but overruled."
CFO and Execs: "But...but...HACKERS!"
ICF: "Look, I'm not saying that all the documents on that site ARE for public consumption. I told the CIO NOT to do this and that something like this would happen. All of the internal employees have write access and can upload stuff there and I have no way of monitoring and reviewing thousands of documents to see what is viable or not and even if I did, I don't know every facet of our business to even know what is and isn't allowed. I can shut the site down if you'd like, but everything you've shown me is stuff our company releases to the public EVERY YEAR so I'm not sure where the security issue is."

The sad thing was the CFO and one of the communication air-head higher-ups were there, and I had to word the press release and point out to these idiots that the particular "hacked" documents in question were released publicly. The STFUed and left me alone after I helped the moron communications person with her press release. But even with all that, I felt I was being looked down upon and blamed even though I was following orders. One dipshit vendor even read the story in the press and called me and asked if they could "Solve my SharePoint security issues." I bet that poor bastard still can't sit after the new one I ripped him.

P.S. Communications people are overpaid and REALLY dumb. This dumb broad in the story above was making $160K/yr and couldn't string a coherent, grammatically-correct paragraph together.
 
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1sikbITCH

Diamond Member
Jan 3, 2001
4,194
574
126
This very morning I'm going to a firm to install security cameras. Their on-call IT guy (been there many years) told me that configuring a 2nd router on the 3rd floor (I already installed it last year) to repeat a wireless signal from the main router in the basement was something he was unfamiliar with. So instead, they're paying me to do it before I can install the cameras.

I told them since I'm not the IT expert it might take me several hours to figure out but at least I can get it done. :D My way of letting them know how stupid their worker is.
 

TXHokie

Platinum Member
Nov 16, 1999
2,558
176
106
I hate PMs. We are required to have one to sign off on our projects and they're just glorified secretaries. They charge a chunk of hours to our project budget that I'd prefer to get hardware for. The last few projects I haven't figured out what they're good for yet beside schedule meetings. Sad thing is they probably get paid more than I do.
 

IndyColtsFan

Lifer
Sep 22, 2007
33,655
688
126
I hate PMs. We are required to have one to sign off on our projects and they're just glorified secretaries. They charge a chunk of hours to our project budget that I'd prefer to get hardware for. The last few projects I haven't figured out what they're good for yet beside schedule meetings. Sad thing is they probably get paid more than I do.

Exactly.

At my last job, we called in a vendor we had done business with before to do a project for us. They sent me the estimate and work breakdown and I noticed that they had a huge block of hours assigned to a PM. The funny thing is that they (and most companies) bill more for a PM than a technical resource, which is the height of absurdity. Anyway, I called them:

ICF: "Hi, I reviewed your scope of work and estimate and I noticed there is a large block of hours for a PM. Can you explain that?"
VENDOR: "Yes, we require a PM on all projects now."
ICF: "Oh. Well, if you require a PM on your projects, that's an internal requirement -- we will not pay for that resource."
VENDOR: "But...but..."
ICF: "I'm sorry, but we won't negotiate on that point. If you really require YOUR PM on a project, you will have to foot the bill for it. Otherwise, we will manage it internally."

At my current job, I know the PM on our main project is billing way too many hours to the client and I'd love to know for what -- he is incompetent and the technical resources are far more competent at managing projects. I don't know what the obsession is with PMs, but if you can't beat them, you should probably just join them. I admit I have little respect for the position but I see myself ending up as one at some point.
 
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KentState

Diamond Member
Oct 19, 2001
8,397
393
126
Oh, I can top that. Glassdoor recently posted their "25 best jobs for 2015". Check out this list and tell me how many of them sound like bullshit. I highlighted my personal favorite.

1. Physician Assistant
2. Software Engineer
3. Business Development Manager
4. Human Resources Manager
5. Finance Manager
6. Marketing Manager
7. Database Administrator
8. Product Manager
9. Data Scientist
10. Sales Manager
11. Solutions Architect
12. Mechanical Engineer
13. QA Engineer
14. Business Analyst
15. Electrical Engineer
16. Network Engineer
17. Civil Engineer
18. Audit Manager
19. Physical Therapist
20. IT Project Manager
21. Client Services Manager
22. Supply Chain Manager
23. Mobile Developer
24. Nurse Practitioner
25. Sales Engineer

That's my current position and it's probably the best job I've had to date.
 

VVV

Member
Feb 24, 2010
55
2
71
I am laughing hard here. 'Glorified secretaries' is the exact term I use to describe PMs to my coworkers.
 

SparkyJJO

Lifer
May 16, 2002
13,357
7
81
I don't know where the OP got the idea that running cat5 cable in ceilings is an easy job :hmm: It isn't overly difficult, but it can be dirty work and going up and down those ladders all day is tiring. Always made my feet hurt by the end of the day.
 

VVV

Member
Feb 24, 2010
55
2
71
They've done a great job pulling the wool over management's eyes.

One of the thing PMs are expert at is to identify the threat. As soon as they notice someone is confronting them, they will do anything in their power to get rid of that person. They will isolate and label that threat as an arrogant individual who doesn't understand the concept of teamwork. Most of the time, they will win that battle quite easily because of their position in the hierarchy. In some rare case, they will lose if the opponent is too strong or too important within the project. I was privileged to play the upper hand once (customer request my participation), it was sweet and disgusting at the same time to see the PM completely change his attitude toward you once they can't get rid of you. However, it makes you realize all the bullshit you had to endure. It's also a fact that it's not a smart thing to do if you just want to work peacefully.
 

IndyColtsFan

Lifer
Sep 22, 2007
33,655
688
126
One of the thing PMs are expert at is to identify the threat. As soon as they notice someone is confronting them, they will do anything in their power to get rid of that person. They will isolate and label that threat as an arrogant individual who doesn't understand the concept of teamwork. Most of the time, they will win that battle quite easily because of their position in the hierarchy. In some rare case, they will lose if the opponent is too strong or too important within the project. I was privileged to play the upper hand once (customer request my participation), it was sweet and disgusting at the same time to see the PM completely change his attitude toward you once they can't get rid of you. However, it makes you realize all the bullshit you had to endure. It's also a fact that it's not a smart thing to do if you just want to work peacefully.

Buzzwords and blamestorming - you forgot the other two PM specialties.
 

xeemzor

Platinum Member
Mar 27, 2005
2,599
1
71
Buzzwords and blamestorming - you forgot the other two PM specialties.

In my current ERP implementation project since I'm the only non-partner staff with finance experience. They currently have 3 positions open for my job and haven't filled any for 8 months. I also make 25% higher than the industry average :D

Since they can't fire me it gives me a ton of freedom to do what I want when I want. Some days I wonder if I'm the only one who works less than 40 hours at a consulting company. It works out well because I don't care about making partner at all. I just want to get great work experience and then GTFO to industry.

Once you start working smarter and not harder your life gets so much easier.
 
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poopaskoopa

Diamond Member
Sep 12, 2000
4,836
1
81
I can't tell for all the other manager titles but I can tell by experience that number 20 is bullshit in reality because none of the PMs I've worked with are remotely close to competent in IT to be the leader needed in those projects.

I don't trust this list that much. What the heck, the job market really need that many 'managers' ? Who will be the 'Indians' ?

Just add manager to anything don't make it more important in reality. Most of those jobs people don't actually manage anything. Most of the jobs in this market are glorified monkey job where you do what someone else tell you to do. Mine included.

There are more and more of these "non-people managers". Tech managers. Product managers. Program Managers. Tech program managers.

And who will be the 'Indians'? Indians(duh). The off-shore guys we're bringing in cost about 20% of what an FTE costs. Basically you can staff a team 24/7 using off-shore for the price of one US FTE. I do generally find that they're wasting time polishing up their resume because they seem utterly incompetent to the point that I'm starting to think maybe they're just copying/pasting resumes they find online.

They make it through "the interviews" because they cost <20% of what we cost and the interview questions consist of checking for their baseline English skills and little else.