What is the most sham IT job you can get?

[IndyColtsFan]

PMs where I work -- if you can breathe, you can be one of our PMs.

 

[ultimatebob]

Work in a NOC

Been there, done that. It's fun up until the day there is a power outage at the data center and everything goes down because the generator or UPS failed.

Then you look at the disaster recovery binder, and find out that it hasn't been updated in three years. Shit.

 

[Carson Dyle]

Been there, done that. It's fun up until the day there is a power outage at the data center and everything goes down because the generator or UPS failed.

Then you look at the disaster recovery binder, and find out that it hasn't been updated in three years. Shit.

Was this a NOC in a third-world country?

Just out of curiosity... What do they pay NOC attendants? Every one I've ever seen was under 25 and looked like they might be college students who didn't want to work at Wendy's.

 

[nageov3t]

Was this a NOC in a third-world country?

we had a total power loss at our NOC once... it was kind of an act of god scenario (grid power went down and lightning struck the generator controller thingamabob right as it was switching over).

 

[TwiceOver]

I'd like to stay in the field when I retire, but I don't want to have to do any heavy thinking. I'm thinking maybe be the guy that just runs cat5 cable through ceilings or maybe work in a mom and pop computer shop (best buy if it's still around?) and just clean up viruses on peoples PC.

Ugh, when I get close to retirement if I have to do any of that I'll want to off myself.

 

[AznAnarchy99]

While I'm nefing off at work I like to daydream about the day when I don't HAVE to work. I browsed some IT jobs on monster and a few other sites just for fun, but they all come with really long lists of crap you supposedly have to do and I got to thinking...what is a real lazyman's IT dream job?

I'd like to stay in the field when I retire, but I don't want to have to do any heavy thinking. I'm thinking maybe be the guy that just runs cat5 cable through ceilings or maybe work in a mom and pop computer shop (best buy if it's still around?) and just clean up viruses on peoples PC.

Something sham.

Anyone know if a job like this exists? And where it can be found?

That shit is hard work.

 

[ultimatebob]

Was this a NOC in a third-world country?

Just out of curiosity... What do they pay NOC attendants? Every one I've ever seen was under 25 and looked like they might be college students who didn't want to work at Wendy's.

Nope, Connecticut, sadly. Generators only work reliably if they're maintained and tested properly by the facilities guys. That doesn't always happen.

They used to pay consultants $50 an hour if they had a few years of Linux/UNIX and Windows Server experience.

 

[baydude]

My goal is to get into cyber security and stare at security logs all day and not deal with office politics

 

[ultimatebob]

My goal is to get into cyber security and stare at security logs all day and not deal with office politics

...which would last about six months until a site you're monitoring gets hacked or some dumbass infects the office with malware. Trust me, the office politics will find you the day that happens.

 

[rudeguy]

...which would last about six months until a site you're monitoring gets hacked or some dumbass infects the office with malware. Trust me, the office politics will find you the day that happens.

That's why I like my job. I report directly to the owner. I don't have to deal with politics.

I spent all day watching drone videos because I didn't feel like doing real work.

 

[baydude]

...which would last about six months until a site you're monitoring gets hacked or some dumbass infects the office with malware. Trust me, the office politics will find you the day that happens.

I don't see how a security analyst would ever be blamed for an incident. It's usually the site owners responsibility to have proper preventative security controls and follow company procedures and policies.

 

[ImpulsE69]

After the holocaust of what was my previous career years ago and taking my ass back to school, I lucked into a salaried position doing break fix in the midwest for a small company. I was making $40k/yr for about 3-5 hours work a month (usually less than that) for 3 years. The only real catch was being on call 24/7 and having to be within 2 hours of some or our lower SLA customers, but in most cases you could still arrange other times.

IT WAS AWESOME. I miss that job. Sure in the grand scheme the pay wasn't much, but it was plenty for cost of living where I live and I was basically free to do whatever.

 

[ultimatebob]

I don't see how a security analyst would ever be blamed for an incident. It's usually the site owners responsibility to have proper preventative security controls and follow company procedures and policies.

Because the bosses don't really understand what he does.

They'll be asking stupid questions like "He's the security guy... why didn't he prevent this problem from happening??"

Odds are that the security analyst probably found the security hole months ago and IT didn't bother to fix it yet, but that's still going to be the initial reaction from management.

 

[Red Squirrel]

NOC.

It's basically the job Homer Simpson does, except if you screw up, the phones and/or internet go down, instead of a nuclear meltdown.

When shit hits the fan though you really need to know what you're doing and be able to make judgment calls. For example one time a piece of equipment went down, did not think much of it at first as it was just like any other, make a ticket, and send it off. Then I took a step back, and realized this was not just a side or a portion that went down but it was the whole thing, and the 911 service went through there. I called 911 to see if it worked, and got a busy signal. That was a fun day... Mass power outages during blizzards are always fun too. Coordinate all the techs and portable generators to keep all the sites up and top up the batteries.

Overall it's a very low stress job though.

The danger is ANY job that can be done in front of a computer can be outsourced, relocated or merged with another department that does the same thing. So most of these jobs don't have very high job security.

 

[FelixDeCat]

lol

 

[jagec]

Get a government job. They typically hire a full staff to do the work of one or two people.

+1. It balances out because only one or two of those people actually do any work at all.

 

[inachu]

That is a great story. Always wondered how long something like that would go on for.

I read a similar story about a man in IT. Nobody knew his boss but he would only be seen taking a coffee an doughnut in the morning.
At lunch leaves at 12 noon and comes back at 2:30pm gets paper then nobody knows what else he does for 4 years.

At an old job this company was down sizing and did not want to pressure employees as a few refused to leave and HR had to call the police and thus the reason for being easy on employees.

So this one guy was given 9 months to find a new job.

He sat in his office for 9 months just sitting there playing pc games and he bought a DVD tower burner and he downloaded movies all day everyday using Kazaa. LOL!

 

[VVV]

:thumbsup:, except I'd say it was closer to 98%. :awe:

Project manager is one of the most bullshit job. The best ones understand they are good for nothing and reduce their presence to almost nothing. The worst ones are those who think they are useful.

 

[xeemzor]

Project manager is one of the most bullshit job. The best ones understand they are good for nothing and reduce their presence to almost nothing. The worst ones are those who think they are useful.

Depends on if you are an internal or external facing PM. If you do any kind of consulting having a great PM to manage the client relationship is absolutely key.

 

[VVV]

Depends on if you are an internal or external facing PM. If you do any kind of consulting having a great PM to manage the client relationship is absolutely key.

I work as a software consultant for the last 6 years as a lone hunter or part of a team (consulting firm). I had some very tough customers to deal with but not even close to the amount of frustration you have to live with PMs.

It's a pipe dream thinking that those incompetent power driven work for you or the company. They work for themselves first and foremost. They will use all the tricks to make themselves relevant for the better bonuses at the end of the year. You will have to work more because you will have to cover theirs works: meetings, useless reports, countless time lost to explain stuffs that they pretend to understand.

I use to defend PM before because I always thought that someone need to do that work between customers and the team but my experience told me that they can be easily be getting rid off and the results are better. Addition by subtraction.

The worst ones will promptly point finger at someone as soon as a problem happens. I've seen enough to loose hope of actually seeing a great one.

 

[jagec]

Project manager is one of the most bullshit job. The best ones understand they are good for nothing and reduce their presence to almost nothing. The worst ones are those who think they are useful.

Oh, I can top that. Glassdoor recently posted their "25 best jobs for 2015". Check out this list and tell me how many of them sound like bullshit. I highlighted my personal favorite.

1. Physician Assistant
2. Software Engineer
3. Business Development Manager
4. Human Resources Manager
5. Finance Manager
6. Marketing Manager
7. Database Administrator
8. Product Manager
9. Data Scientist
10. Sales Manager
11. Solutions Architect
12. Mechanical Engineer
13. QA Engineer
14. Business Analyst
15. Electrical Engineer
16. Network Engineer
17. Civil Engineer
18. Audit Manager
19. Physical Therapist
20. IT Project Manager
21. Client Services Manager
22. Supply Chain Manager
23. Mobile Developer
24. Nurse Practitioner
25. Sales Engineer

 

[VVV]

Oh, I can top that. Glassdoor recently posted their "25 best jobs for 2015". Check out this list and tell me how many of them sound like bullshit:

1. Physician Assistant
2. Software Engineer
3. Business Development Manager
4. Human Resources Manager
5. Finance Manager
6. Marketing Manager
7. Database Administrator
8. Product Manager
9. Data Scientist
10. Sales Manager
11. Solutions Architect
12. Mechanical Engineer
13. QA Engineer
14. Business Analyst
15. Electrical Engineer
16. Network Engineer
17. Civil Engineer
18. Audit Manager
19. Physical Therapist
20. IT Project Manager
21. Client Services Manager
22. Supply Chain Manager
23. Mobile Developer
24. Nurse Practitioner
25. Sales Engineer

I can't tell for all the other manager titles but I can tell by experience that number 20 is bullshit in reality because none of the PMs I've worked with are remotely close to competent in IT to be the leader needed in those projects.

I don't trust this list that much. What the heck, the job market really need that many 'managers' ? Who will be the 'Indians' ?

Just add manager to anything don't make it more important in reality. Most of those jobs people don't actually manage anything. Most of the jobs in this market are glorified monkey job where you do what someone else tell you to do. Mine included.

 

[VVV]

Oh, I can top that. Glassdoor recently posted their "25 best jobs for 2015". Check out this list and tell me how many of them sound like bullshit. I highlighted my personal favorite.

...
11. Solutions Architect
...

This is a good one too They always try to find a better solution to a wheel...

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Oh, I can top that. Glassdoor recently posted their "25 best jobs for 2015". Check out this list and tell me how many of them sound like bullshit. I highlighted my personal favorite.

...
11. Solutions Architect
...

This is a good one too They always try to find a better solution to a wheel...

OH. MY. GOD.

I can only comment on the "Solutions Architects" where I currently work because they're the only ones I've dealt with recently. Want to know how they work?

SA: "ICF, a customer called and needs a SharePoint migration done. Here are some bullet points of what they told and emailed us. I am scheduling a call with them tomorrow so you can ask more detailed questions. After that, can you write the scope of work, work breakdown structure, and hours estimate and have it to use by Friday?"
ICF: shakes head

I'm not joking. Our "solutions architects" don't know shit about the technology other than maybe a few marketing bullets and certainly are completely and totally incapable of writing SOWs, WBSes, or estimates for any project. They NEVER know the questions to ask and NEVER get us the detail we need. I am the one that actually writes the ENTIRE scope of work, work breakdown structure, and hours estimate.

The only thing worse than those jokers is when we have a call with a potential client. There are usually a MINIMUM of 8 people from my company on every call, two of which have "engineer" in the title. I suspect those "engineers" are very much like our "solution architects" -- clueless buffoons who are merely paper shufflers.

So in summary, PMs and SAs where I work are basically secretaries, and not even good secretaries. My view is that PMs work for me and when I say jump, they'd better ask how high. The PM on my current large project is a nice guy but is shockingly incompetent -- we have to pretty much tell him EVERYTHING to do in his job. We even told him he couldn't email his weekly status spreadsheet to the customer without our review first because he is so clueless he ALWAYS screws it up. We COULD complain about him and possibly even get him replaced, but he is firmly under out control so why risk getting some power hungry buffoon who is just as incompetent?

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Depends on if you are an internal or external facing PM. If you do any kind of consulting having a great PM to manage the client relationship is absolutely key.

That IS one thing we make our main PM do. We can't trust him for any sort of semi-technical discussion with the customer or even status updates without our review/approval first. However, if it is a matter of needing more hours or having to relay any sort of negative messages, we make him do it.