What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you?

[SuperPickle]

It wasn't too many years ago when my friends and I were at a kegger. It was your basic basement drunk-fest where most people, including myself drank until the world was a different color.

We drank until the beer ran dry and drove to the local 24hr truck stop for some food (sober driver). We got our fries and burgers and started eating ravenously. Apparently, the beer in my stomach held some sort of territorial grudge against the newly aquired food and ordered its espulsion from my innards immediately. I, being of less-than-sound body who had no chance to make it to a proper upchuck recepticle, was doomed to blast still-recognizable bits of beer-soaked french fries all over the booth of the truckstop.

Everyone in our group flipped out and we made a break for the door, each tossing cash on the table. I'm certain the waitress was soooo pissed off having been left with a rejected digestive gift from yours truely. However, the food there is quite cheap so the gross overpay we left to cover a ~$35 tab surely eased her pain. I feel bad for her, but not just too bad.

We got back to my parents' place and bailed out of the car. I, still feeling the brunt of the night's imbibition felt my balance compromised with one foot in the car and the other on the pavement. Whether I slipped on the ice or simply toppled from the ethenol, my ass headed for the ground and I grasped whatever was handy to break my fall. That happened to be the top of CADsortaGUY's rear car door. A sturdy piece of American engineering it was not. The door to the '88 Dodge Shadow was bent 90º leaving me sitting on the driveway covered in puke and shattered glass. Oops. Fortuantely, a musclebound buddy of ours had the strength to bend it back so it shut satisfactorally.

Inside the house, I changed my clothes and had the head to put them in the washer as we were scheduled to head back to college the next day. When I woke up in the morning, the battle of the hangover was also met with shock as the mirror beamed an image of my chest covered in blood. Apparently I had cut the tips of my fingers when I broke the window and used my chest to mop up the leaking people-juice.

Eight years later, I still get sh!t about this night.

 

[njmodi]

Originally posted by: marcello
[
Because they don't have a severe self esteem problem like some people do and can handle being the butt of a joke. It's an embarrassing story, and you can either wallow in shame or embrace it and laugh at it. I'll let you figure out which one is more healthy and fun. I thought that story was funny as hell.

Its not about self-esteem. Its about not finding puking/pissing/sh*tting on one's self funny.... like you already stated, things like that are more disgusting than funny. Other than the first story, every other post is related to people's behavior while intoxicated... not everyone finds drunken behavior (at least the type represented here so far) funny. To those that find stories like that funny - enjoy the read.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

Originally posted by: batmang
heh, when i was 14, i was fairly new to the internet. i lived in a small town and we barely had gotten upgraded, we were finally 56k capable!
my friend josh came over one day and red alert on my pc and showed me some tactics, as he was a good rts player. he also was very good with computers.

i had went to use the bathroom while it was installing, and this is where he did his * drop off *. he installed the client for back orifice (spelling?) and had it load on startup, i was running windows 95 at the time.

i had no clue he installed it and after he left i played some of red alert, later on that night, we chatted on icq (this is when icq was awesome!) and he showed me how to get my ip. i hosted the game, he connected. we played for a couple hours and then we took a break.

so now my friend josh has my ip, and also has the back orifice client installed and active on my pc. with his back orifice host, he connected to my pc and began controlling it.

now, im fairly new to the internet and virus'/hack's/etc in general at this time, so i was FREAKING OUT. he kept opening and closing my cd-rom, triggering my a: drive, moving my mouse, typing random words like: " kill " " death2u" "manson owns u." etc.

i mean, im fuggin scared and baffled at the same time. so then he continues to open IE windows with gay porn sites on them over and over again, so i got fed up, without knowing what to do, i just turn the pc off. i turned it on 30 min later, and then logged into icq. i told josh my pc was freaking out and he said maybe i have a virus. he said he would bring me some sort of anti virus the next day. so he sign offed, but before signing off of icq, im sure he got my ip address.

he logged back into back orifice and continued messing with my pc, and now i had www.manhole.com all over my screen cause he kept opening IE windows. i left my door open, and my dad decided to come see what i was doing, my monitor faced my bedroom door, so the first thing u see when u enter my room, is my monitor.

the look at my dads face was classic..... he was shocked, and very confused at the same time. with all the gay porn sites on my screen, me in front of the computer franticly clicking windows, he without a doubt thought i was gay. he took one look, and just walked out the room. and i had never felt so embarrassed and pissed at the same time.
i explained to him it wasnt me, that i had some kind of virus and he was just.... confused. lol!
the next day at school, josh comes up to me and says "so john..... i heard you love manhole.com"

and i was like " you fvcker!!!!!!!! "

he laughed his ass off for a good 15 min and i was just so releived to know i wasnt going insane, it was just my idiot friend josh .... joshing me.
i exlpained everything to my dad that day and he was releived to know i wasnt a but pirate..... and for the record, im engaged..... to a female!

this took place about 9 years ago.

good times.... good times. 🙂

hahahahahaha, awesome story.

 

[Schrodinger]

Originally posted by: njmodi

Originally posted by: marcello
[
Because they don't have a severe self esteem problem like some people do and can handle being the butt of a joke. It's an embarrassing story, and you can either wallow in shame or embrace it and laugh at it. I'll let you figure out which one is more healthy and fun. I thought that story was funny as hell.

Its not about self-esteem. Its about not finding puking/pissing/sh*tting on one's self funny.... like you already stated, things like that are more disgusting than funny. Other than the first story, every other post is related to people's behavior while intoxicated... not everyone finds drunken behavior (at least the type represented here so far) funny. To those that find stories like that funny - enjoy the read.

Geeze. If I knew there were that many mormons on here I wouldn't have posted my story (I kid 😀).

In case you haven't been in the "real world" the majority of funny stories happen while under the influence of some drug. Being that the majority of people here are young (teens through college) you are going to run into stories mostly involving some drug or alcohol abuse.

If you don't find it funny--fine, move on. Tell the extremely "funny" stories how one time you forgot your checkbook at the grocery store and it was like omgnoiwannadie bad. Or the time your friend lost his D&D game because he lost count of his hitpoints. But don't sit and feel sorry about a little misfortune of mine involving alcohol.

 

[njmodi]

Originally posted by: Schrodinger

Geeze. If I knew there were that many mormons on here I wouldn't have posted my story (I kid 😀).

In case you haven't been in the "real world" the majority of funny stories happen while under the influence of some drug. Being that the majority of people here are young (teens through college) you are going to run into stories mostly involving some drug or alcohol abuse.

If you don't find it funny--fine, move on. Tell the extremely "funny" stories how one time you forgot your checkbook at the grocery store and it was like omgnoiwannadie bad. Or the time your friend lost his D&D game because he lost count of his hitpoints. But don't sit and feel sorry about a little misfortune of mine involving alcohol.

1. I'm not a mormon 😀
2. I know a lot of "funny" things happen while people are not in their "normal" state of mind... like trying to "borrow" a broken traffic light to put in a dorm room (an accident brought it down) and the cops not being impressed.
3. I'm moving on 😉

 

[slpaulson]

Originally posted by: IHateMyJob2004

Originally posted by: batmang
heh, when i was 14, i was fairly new to the internet. i lived in a small town and we barely had gotten upgraded, we were finally 56k capable!
my friend josh came over one day and red alert on my pc and showed me some tactics, as he was a good rts player. he also was very good with computers.

i had went to use the bathroom while it was installing, and this is where he did his * drop off *. he installed the client for back orifice (spelling?) and had it load on startup, i was running windows 95 at the time.

i had no clue he installed it and after he left i played some of red alert, later on that night, we chatted on icq (this is when icq was awesome!) and he showed me how to get my ip. i hosted the game, he connected. we played for a couple hours and then we took a break.

so now my friend josh has my ip, and also has the back orifice client installed and active on my pc. with his back orifice host, he connected to my pc and began controlling it.

now, im fairly new to the internet and virus'/hack's/etc in general at this time, so i was FREAKING OUT. he kept opening and closing my cd-rom, triggering my a: drive, moving my mouse, typing random words like: " kill " " death2u" "manson owns u." etc.

i mean, im fuggin scared and baffled at the same time. so then he continues to open IE windows with gay porn sites on them over and over again, so i got fed up, without knowing what to do, i just turn the pc off. i turned it on 30 min later, and then logged into icq. i told josh my pc was freaking out and he said maybe i have a virus. he said he would bring me some sort of anti virus the next day. so he sign offed, but before signing off of icq, im sure he got my ip address.

he logged back into back orifice and continued messing with my pc, and now i had www.manhole.com all over my screen cause he kept opening IE windows. i left my door open, and my dad decided to come see what i was doing, my monitor faced my bedroom door, so the first thing u see when u enter my room, is my monitor.

the look at my dads face was classic..... he was shocked, and very confused at the same time. with all the gay porn sites on my screen, me in front of the computer franticly clicking windows, he without a doubt thought i was gay. he took one look, and just walked out the room. and i had never felt so embarrassed and pissed at the same time.
i explained to him it wasnt me, that i had some kind of virus and he was just.... confused. lol!
the next day at school, josh comes up to me and says "so john..... i heard you love manhole.com"

and i was like " you fvcker!!!!!!!! "

he laughed his ass off for a good 15 min and i was just so releived to know i wasnt going insane, it was just my idiot friend josh .... joshing me.
i exlpained everything to my dad that day and he was releived to know i wasnt a but pirate..... and for the record, im engaged..... to a female!

this took place about 9 years ago.

good times.... good times. 🙂

hahahahahaha, awesome story.

I have a similar story, except I was getting sent goatse with Mr. T in the dude's ass saying something. Of course dad sees it and wonders wtf is going on.
I was probably a freshman in High school at that time.


Another funny story is over the semester, in the dorms, my roomate and I would randomly print out pictures on this one dude's printer that was shared over thet network. I would go to pages like uglypeople.com and cliff yarblonski hates you, save the pics on my computer and add text, and print them off on this guy's computer. Of course when my mom was using my computer one time over the summer, she hits the button on my keyboard that takes you to my pictures, and she sees all these wierd pictures of strange people. After seeing these, she told me she was worried these were my boyfriends or something messed up.

 

[Merlyn3D]

Why do all these stories have to involve drinking/puking? I mean don't get me wrong, I drink in moderation. But this is borderline gross and not really all that funny.

 

[maziwanka]

Originally posted by: Spamela

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: njmodi

Originally posted by: NuclearNed
For me, this story crossed the fine line that separates funny from sad.

I'm with you on that.

Thirded.

Fourth-d.

i don't understand how people can publicize their self-degradation.

wow. you sound like you've never had a really bad night? i mean i've never done anything remotely as embarassing but it was hilarious to read about nonetheless.

 

[clamum]

Hahah lots of funny stories!

I went to an Incubus concert with my brother and three or four friends and we got a motel that night. We were all under 21. Of course we had beverages and we drinking them, trying to be quiet (we're not a super loud group anyway).

So I was getting drunk and I stood up on the bed and fell off twice. That might have been what prompted a hotel employee to come to the door, either way we hear a knock and I say "Oh fvck hide the fvcking sh!t!" Yeah that's classic. So we had to try and be quiet and they told the guy we were going to bed and that we're sorry. Haha, my friends will never forget that line 🙂.

 

[Spamela]

Originally posted by: maziwanka

Originally posted by: Spamela

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: njmodi

Originally posted by: NuclearNed
For me, this story crossed the fine line that separates funny from sad.

I'm with you on that.

Thirded.

Fourth-d.

i don't understand how people can publicize their self-degradation.

wow. you sound like you've never had a really bad night? i mean i've never done anything remotely as embarassing but it was hilarious to read about nonetheless.

so i'm empathetic?
i can't find humor in other people's suffering & humiliation,
which is what is was.

if the poster learned some kind of lesson from it, that's great,
but it doesn't make it funny to me.

and yes, when i was young & stupid i had bad nights.

 

[clamum]

Bump

 

[soup or man]

almost exactly one year ago some friends and I were in southern CA on vacation. One of my friend's had been complaining about lower back pain all trip, and the rest of us felt a little beat up from the ocean(which was freezing, imagine that in the dead of winter). After grabbing a bite to eat downtown we cruised around a bit until we saw a sign that said "MIMI SPA ORIENTAL MASSAGE" but more importantly, it said "OPEN." What luck! an open massage parlor at 9:00pm! I had my video camera with me, and so i video taped the outside of the building, and made stupid jokes about how it's probably a sleezy whore house in disguise. Inside was a closet of a waiting room, no larger than 6x6' with a sign on a wall showing the rates. 1/2 hour was $50, 1 hour was $75 and "Whirlpool" in quotations like that, was $100. Well 3 of us decided to pony up the cash for the 1/2 hour, and the one remaining friend said he'd hang out in the waiting room for us.

The tiny waiting room was a little weird, but the strangest thing was that the door to the main building just had a peep hole, and a door bell. I started to think that maybe this place wasn't legit...but then we rang the bell and this 50something woman answered. Ok, she's probably the receptionist, this place will be fine. We start to walk in, and she informs me(in the finest broken english) "uhh...No, no camera." So i ditched my bag with my buddy in the waiting room. I wasn't gonna use it anyway, I just didn't want him to film his balls or something. As I'm walking back in I ask the receptionist if they accept VISA, and she told me, "No, cash only!" Fortunately one of my friends was packin' a serious amount of cash, so he spotted me and the 3rd person $50 each for our 1/2 hour.

I got in the little massage room and looked around. The receptionist told me to take off my clothes and lay down on the table. So, I did. I casually laid the towel over me, and rested my head in that little hole at the end. As I was waiting I thought to myself "I hope i get a hot one." If for no other reason than because I am male. Just my luck, the receptionist 50something lady is my masseuse. Ahh well, it doesn't matter anyway. She starts making some small talk about where i'm from, if I go to school, yadda yadda, as she's massaging my back and shoulders. I kind of wished she'd shut up, because it kind of squished my face weird to respond. So after about 10 minutes she tells me to flip over and she starts massaging one of my arms. Then all of a sudden she dissappears for about 5 seconds, and I hear a *pump, pump* sound like a bottle of lotion...She reappears, tears off my tiny little towel and starts GOING TO TOWN ON ME! Immidiately she starts saying things like "OH HONEY! YEAH HONEY! YOU GOT NICE STRONG CAWK HONEY!" I sit up sharply and go "WHOA! .....umm.....uhh....i think i'm good. uhh, thanks." I couldn't get a hand job from somebody's grandma! Most importantly because I have a girlfriend, and she'd absolutely find out. After a few minutes of convincing her that i didn't want a hand job, i put my clothes back on and start to leave. She grabs my arm and says "hey, what about tip...i did that for you, you give me tip. I opened my wallet, and i swear to god a moth flew out. I had $9. I don't know hand job ettiquette, so i handed her the fiver. She glares at me and says "$20 minimum!" I give her the remaining $4 and tell her that it's all I have, and show her my empty wallet. She grunted at me and smacked me on butt on the way out.

Did I mention she was 50something?

The other two guys getting hand jobs enjoyed theirs, apparently. One got strong armed into a $30 tip, and the other into a $40 tip. We felt like a bunch of naive country bumpkins in the big city. but hey, funny story, right?

 

[imported_Lucifer]

Sophomore year, I was asleep in World History. While I was asleep, I twitched hardcore, and I knocked my binder and history book off my desk. Everyone was freaking out and asking me if I was ok. I said yes.

Freshman year, I was asleep in English. Usually, when I am about to fart, it would wake me up. Well, this time it didnt, and I farted out loud, and I stayed asleep.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Not the "FUNNIEST", but it happened ~1 1/2 hours ago . . ..

 

[xSkyDrAx]

Originally posted by: soup or man
almost exactly one year ago some friends and I were in southern CA on vacation. One of my friend's had been complaining about lower back pain all trip, and the rest of us felt a little beat up from the ocean(which was freezing, imagine that in the dead of winter). After grabbing a bite to eat downtown we cruised around a bit until we saw a sign that said "MIMI SPA ORIENTAL MASSAGE" but more importantly, it said "OPEN." What luck! an open massage parlor at 9:00pm! I had my video camera with me, and so i video taped the outside of the building, and made stupid jokes about how it's probably a sleezy whore house in disguise. Inside was a closet of a waiting room, no larger than 6x6' with a sign on a wall showing the rates. 1/2 hour was $50, 1 hour was $75 and "Whirlpool" in quotations like that, was $100. Well 3 of us decided to pony up the cash for the 1/2 hour, and the one remaining friend said he'd hang out in the waiting room for us.

The tiny waiting room was a little weird, but the strangest thing was that the door to the main building just had a peep hole, and a door bell. I started to think that maybe this place wasn't legit...but then we rang the bell and this 50something woman answered. Ok, she's probably the receptionist, this place will be fine. We start to walk in, and she informs me(in the finest broken english) "uhh...No, no camera." So i ditched my bag with my buddy in the waiting room. I wasn't gonna use it anyway, I just didn't want him to film his balls or something. As I'm walking back in I ask the receptionist if they accept VISA, and she told me, "No, cash only!" Fortunately one of my friends was packin' a serious amount of cash, so he spotted me and the 3rd person $50 each for our 1/2 hour.

I got in the little massage room and looked around. The receptionist told me to take off my clothes and lay down on the table. So, I did. I casually laid the towel over me, and rested my head in that little hole at the end. As I was waiting I thought to myself "I hope i get a hot one." If for no other reason than because I am male. Just my luck, the receptionist 50something lady is my masseuse. Ahh well, it doesn't matter anyway. She starts making some small talk about where i'm from, if I go to school, yadda yadda, as she's massaging my back and shoulders. I kind of wished she'd shut up, because it kind of squished my face weird to respond. So after about 10 minutes she tells me to flip over and she starts massaging one of my arms. Then all of a sudden she dissappears for about 5 seconds, and I hear a *pump, pump* sound like a bottle of lotion...She reappears, tears off my tiny little towel and starts GOING TO TOWN ON ME! Immidiately she starts saying things like "OH HONEY! YEAH HONEY! YOU GOT NICE STRONG CAWK HONEY!" I sit up sharply and go "WHOA! .....umm.....uhh....i think i'm good. uhh, thanks." I couldn't get a hand job from somebody's grandma! Most importantly because I have a girlfriend, and she'd absolutely find out. After a few minutes of convincing her that i didn't want a hand job, i put my clothes back on and start to leave. She grabs my arm and says "hey, what about tip...i did that for you, you give me tip. I opened my wallet, and i swear to god a moth flew out. I had $9. I don't know hand job ettiquette, so i handed her the fiver. She glares at me and says "$20 minimum!" I give her the remaining $4 and tell her that it's all I have, and show her my empty wallet. She grunted at me and smacked me on butt on the way out.

Did I mention she was 50something?

The other two guys getting hand jobs enjoyed theirs, apparently. One got strong armed into a $30 tip, and the other into a $40 tip. We felt like a bunch of naive country bumpkins in the big city. but hey, funny story, right?

OMG ROFL

 

[Goosemaster]

I've gotten hit in the face with a boat.

Yes.

A boat.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Originally posted by: Goosemaster
I've gotten hit in the face with a boat.

Yes.

A boat.

Wow. That explains a lot. :evil:

🙂beer:😉)

 

[Mojoed]

I consider myself "grown up" and "mature", but I found myself actually laughing out loud at some of these stories. To those that don't find these stories funny, stop reading this thread. Simple. 🙂

We all have funny and embarrassing stories, and I see no problem with people sharing them. That is, after all, what this thread is about.

MORE! 😛

 

[SithSolo1]

About 10 years ago my youngest brother and I were playing our NES in the basement. I was ~11 and he was ~7. Well needless to say after a while we started fighting. It started with throwing the controllers at each other and then escalated from there, at that point I grabbed one of those quarter sized glass marbles and hurled it at him as hard as I could. As luck would have it, it nailed him in the temple and he fell to the floor. I swear to god, I thought I had killed him. I panicked. I turned off all the lights, ran upstairs to my room, and locked the door. About 10mins later I hear footsteps running down the hall and then rapid, hard knocks on my door. I figured it was my mother and that I might as well fess up so I opened the door. There is my little brother: one hand on his head, hotwheels car in the other. Next thing I know he launches the car at my face busting my lower lip. I was just glad he was alive because a busted lip would be nothing compared to what my mother would have done to me if he hadn't been.

 

[thejackal1]

www.manhole.com doesn't load up for me.

 

[SithSolo1]

Originally posted by: Goosemaster
I've gotten hit in the face with a boat.

Yes.

A boat.

HAHAHA!

 

[Mojoed]

bumpage

 

[chowmein]

Originally posted by: batmang
hehe, i punched him a few times actually, and he was in such laughter that punches were nothing
i mean, this happed to me... in... 9th grade

i was 14 years old, 5'11" in height, and weighed 180lbs

i was a jock, played defensive end in football, forward in basketball, and shortstop in baseball. so i was really fit and big for my age. my friend josh was very tall, but super skinny, your typical computer " nerd ". i had always been around computers, but really started getting into them when i was 14. i found quake.... and my nerd process began. now im a computer technician at a hospital..... once again... good times. 🙂

super-geek-jock-human

 

[Ilmater]

Some friends and I were leaving a party one night at college to go back to the dorms. The dorm we all lived in is three SHORT blocks down the street, and one over. We all climbed into my friend's car (we're lazy) and drove to the parking lot that was three blocks down (we had to walk the last block). One of my friends was kicked out because we were filled to the brim.

So as we're walking back to our dorm from the parking lot, we have to walk next to another dorm. On the left is the dorm, and on the right is a bunch of houses. As we're walking by on house, our friend that we made walk (he's really drunk by the way) springs out from one of the house's back yards. He was running at us full speed, screaming like a lunatic.

Unfortunately, he never bothered to check for the barbed wire fence lining their yard.

He hit that thing full-speed, and it looked like something straight out of a cartoon. He kind of folded over the top of the fence and then was flung backwards to the ground. I laughed so hard my knees buckled beneath me and I fell straight to the ground laughing. That was easily the funniest moment in my life.

EDIT: Let me add that he was fine other than holes in his arms, stomach, legs and clothes. He was laughing as we poured hydrogen peroxide on his wounds.

 

[Ilmater]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: Schrodinger
I was 17 years old and thought I was "the man" at a high school party.

I have always had a drinking problem (not an alcoholic) in the sense I can never regulate myself. I like to drink hard and excessively to the point I pass out.

So, I walk into the kitchen and there are some nice broads there. I'm already drunk so I start chuggin and do two drinks in under a minute (I just went to the kitchen to get more beer actually). I kept drinking too fast throughout the night. I wouldn't have a drink in my hand for longer than a minute :/

I kept drinking like crazy that night. Finally I was hit with feelings of vomit and diarhea (bad combo, especially when you are drunk). I run into the bathroom. Of course I never checked if there was toilet paper. Anyhow I unleash some crazy fury on the porcelain gods that was enough to chip the enamel probably.

I'm sitting on the can for what must be 30 mins, coming in and out of consciousness. Finally I feel sick as a dog (I was a dumb high schooler and never ate before I drank... liquid all the way). I know I'm going to be sick but getting up is too hard. I aim for the bathtub (directional vomit). It falls all but a few inches short and goes straight into my pants and boxers (around my ankles). I proceeded to vomit even more and didn't notice that I throw up on what was left of the little toilet paper roll. Now it is all wet clumps and I can't even wipe my ass.

I get up with my pants around ankles with vomit in them and vomit all over my face. Uncleaned bottom. I slip in my vodka pools, fall face first downwards and knock myself out. I come in and out of it vomitting sideways into large pools. Looking back it was kind of scary heh.

Keep in mind this is an older house (150 years). No door locks on this particular bathroom except those tinkerbell antique types. Numerous people came in and out of the bathroom when I wasn't responding only to find me face down in my own vomit, with my ass facing them (again, uncleaned) and the worst smell my the bowels of my stomach could produce. Everyone knows how bad alcohol vomit smells. Now picture that in 100+ F heatwave confined to a small 10x10 bathroom with no windows.

I wake up at 3am, pull up my pants (with vomit in tow), and appear to have wet and shat myself because the fluids soaked my jeans. Walk downstairs, get laughed at by everyone at party and then go home.

I wish I had died. Ah high school memories!

For me, this story crossed the fine line that separates funny from sad.

Ditto.