What is the funniest joke you know?

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palindrome

palindrome

Senior member
Jan 11, 2006
942
1
81
Those of you with a gift for laughter, tell us your best joke! If it is inappropriate for the forums, perhaps you can link with a big bold WARNING to warn us as to what its about. Okay, you get the idea, I hope...

Also, please submit your BEST joke, and only ONE! If you find that your joke sucks, edit it! There will be a poll setup as soon as we get about a dozen or so jokes set up.
 
DaTT

DaTT

Garage Moderator
Moderator
Feb 13, 2003
13,295
122
106
I would get banned....and maybe arrested if I posted my favorite jokes in here.
 
F

fliguy84

Senior member
Jan 31, 2005
916
0
76
Most of my favorite jokes tend to be racist. So I just put one which I read in RD.

Where do pirates go for breakfast?

I Hop!
 
JohnAn2112

JohnAn2112

Diamond Member
May 8, 2003
4,895
1
81
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"

"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"

"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
 
Fritzo

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,920
2,161
126
A pirate walks into a bar with two peg legs, a hook on his arm, and an eye patch.

Bartener sees him and remarks "Wow...you've had a rough life! What happened to the legs?"

"Well..." replies the pirate, "I was a sittin' on me boat fishin', an' a shark jumped up an' bit me legs CLEAR OFF!!! Argghhh!"

The bartender shakes his head in pity. "How about the hook?"

"Arrggghhh...well me bucko, I dropped me sword in a river, an' when I went ta' grabs it, a CROCODILE snaps off me hand in one gulp, the scurvey dog!"

"That's awful!" replies the bartender. "Well...what happened to your eye then?"

"ARRGGHH!!!! THAT BE THE WORST OF 'EM ALL!!!! I was on th' dock, riggin' the ship for battle, an' a seagull swooped down and POOPED in me EYE!!!"

The bartender blinks a few times, then finally has to ask. "You lost your eye....from bird poop?"

"Well...ya see....it was me first day with the the hook...."
 
F

fliguy84

Senior member
Jan 31, 2005
916
0
76
Originally posted by: Fritzo
A pirate walks into a bar with two peg legs, a hook on his arm, and an eye patch.

Bartener sees him and remarks "Wow...you've had a rough life! What happened to the legs?"

"Well..." replies the pirate, "I was a sittin' on me boat fishin', an' a shark jumped up an' bit me legs CLEAR OFF!!! Argghhh!"

The bartender shakes his head in pity. "How about the hook?"

"Arrggghhh...well me bucko, I dropped me sword in a river, an' when I went ta' grabs it, a CROCODILE snaps off me hand in one gulp, the scurvey dog!"

"That's awful!" replies the bartender. "Well...what happened to your eye then?"

"ARRGGHH!!!! THAT BE THE WORST OF 'EM ALL!!!! I was on th' dock, riggin' the ship for battle, an' a seagull swooped down and POOPED in me EYE!!!"

The bartender blinks a few times, then finally has to ask. "You lost your eye....from bird poop?"

"Well...ya see....it was me first day the the hook...."
Click to expand...

ROFL. That made me laugh
 
E

Electric Amish

Elite Member
Oct 11, 1999
23,578
1
0
A boy and a girl had just finished having sex.


They were lying in bed basking in the afterglow when the girls says, "I think you're a pedophile."


The boy gasps in surprise and says, "A pedophile?!?! That's a big word for an 8-year old."





BEST JOKE EVAR!!!!
 
Freshgeardude

Freshgeardude

Diamond Member
Jul 31, 2006
4,506
0
76
ok theres a rabbi a priest and 12 kids on a boat and the boat is sinking and there are only two life vests so the rabbi says fvck the kids and then the priest says umm rabbi i dont think we have enough time for that!!!!!

lMFAO ROFL
 
C

Conky

Lifer
May 9, 2001
10,709
0
0
Originally posted by: JohnAn2112
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"

"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"

"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
Click to expand...
tis a classic, indeed! :laugh:

 
C

Conky

Lifer
May 9, 2001
10,709
0
0
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

:D
 
H

Horus

Platinum Member
Dec 27, 2003
2,838
1
0
Originally posted by: Beachboy
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

:D
Click to expand...

ROFL!

 
MoPHo

MoPHo

Platinum Member
Dec 16, 2003
2,978
2
0
a man walks up to a pedophile on the beach and says 'excuse me sir but you're in my son'.
 
R

randay

Lifer
May 30, 2006
11,018
216
106
Originally posted by: MoPHo
a man walks up to a pedophile on the beach and says 'excuse me sir but you're in my son'.
Click to expand...

but how did he know he was a pedophile?:confused:


:laugh:
 
T

TechHead87

Senior member
Sep 18, 2004
738
0
0
What did the man say to a lady with two black eyes?



Nothing. He already told her twice!

So bad...I know.
 
wheresmybacon

wheresmybacon

Diamond Member
Sep 10, 2004
3,899
1
76
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
A boy and a girl had just finished having sex.


They were lying in bed basking in the afterglow when the girls says, "I think you're a pedophile."


The boy gasps in surprise and says, "A pedophile?!?! That's a big word for an 8-year old."





BEST JOKE EVAR!!!!
Click to expand...
ROFL I like this one

 
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