What have I done?

[Alphathree33]

I think I have ruined a friendship.

This girl is giving me the cold shoulder (has been for like two weeks) after I made an attempt at spending more time with her. Asked if she wanted to come to dinner with some friends on New Year's, asked if she wanted to come bowling with some other friends (see my other thread - she's not the only one who didnt want to go bowling tomorrow lol), offered to study with her for exams (I'm THE MAN to study with. Everyone wants to study with me... I get top marks.). After coming up with reasons not to do any of these things, she now does not speak to me at all and rarely responds to me with more than a one word answer when online.

Yesterday she said she was bored and wanted to talk, giving no indication of what exactly she wanted to talk about. So I did all the work trying to search for what exactly was on her mind, asking her questions... none of them drew more than one word answers.

I'll see her in person on Monday but it's not hard to take a hint that something is up. She has a boyfriend so I have no real chance with her, I just wanted to be better friends.

Yet up until December this year I talked to her probably every day at school, she was always smiling, I spent time helping her with things on the phone for about an hour one time, talked to her on ICQ all the time. She would often say how much she admires me. So you might imagine I find it difficult to accept the way she treats me now.

Does anyone see a place in these events where I really ticked her off?

EDIT: missed a word

 

[fastz28]

She's probably just in a bad mood. Fight with her BF perhaps? Just leave her alone for a few weeks and call her again.

 

[Alphathree33]

<< She's probably just in a bad mood. Fight with her BF perhaps? Just leave her alone for a few weeks and call her again. >>



A perpetual bad mood?

 

[johnjohn320]

I agree, she's probably just upset at something else. Why would she call you to talk if she was mad at you?

 

[arigato]

My guess would be that maybe she feels that you are looking to date her and doesn't know how to tell you she doesn't feel that way and doesn't want you to feel rejected or end your friendship so she gives you the cold shoulder. I am, um...somewhat guilty of this myself when I still want to hang out with someone and it suddenly feels like thay want something more and I don't know how to handle it.

It is also possible that it has nothing to do with you and perhaps something else is going on in her life as mentioned above.

 

[fastz28]

Just girls do what girls do. Do not try to understand.

Or just ask her straight out what the problem is.

 

[Kjazlaw]

She doesn't want to lead you on. How good of friends were you with her anyway?

 

[Alphathree33]

<< I agree, she's probably just upset at something else. Why would she call you to talk if she was mad at you? >>



That wasn't on the phone that was ICQ.

 

[konichiwa]

There is a rare disease that young women may get; it's scientific name is extended ovulation, but it is vernacularly referred to as "Damn woman, get you some MIDOL!"

It can cause the "extended irritability" that you speak of.

 

[Heisenberg]

I gave up a long time ago trying to interpret anything meaningful from people's actions, especially a woman. The simplest thing to do is just ask her if she's upset with you.

 

[Hamburgerpimp]

Watch the show "Friends" and do whatever they do.

 

[johnjohn320]

<< That wasn't on the phone that was ICQ. >>


Well, whatever, the point is she wanted to talk to you. I'd say that's the opposite of giving you the cold shoulder...

 

[Alphathree33]

<< She doesn't want to lead you on. How good of friends were you with her anyway? >>



WERE, lol, thanks. That makes me feel a whole world better. We weren't best friends by any stretch of the imagination.

Your first sentence was my first hypothesis as well.

 

[gopunk]

how old are you guys and how long were you friends before this?

maybe you should just flat out say to her "i have no intention of banging you"... or something similar to let her know you're not interested in a romantic relationship.

 

[kami]

<< gave up a long time ago trying to interpret anything meaningful from people's actions, especially a woman. The simplest thing to do is just ask her if she's upset with you.
>>


amen.

 

[Kjazlaw]

I'm sorry, didn't mean to imply your friendship is over by any means. I would just ask her what's up, and if she is trying to avoid leading you on then all you have to do is clarify your intentions. Why haven't you done this already?

 

[Alphathree33]

<< how old are you guys and how long were you friends before this? maybe you should just flat out say to her "i have no intention of banging you"... or something similar to let her know you're not interested in a romantic relationship. >>



Well I considered that but it's already awkward considering she won't speak to me. That could very well just make things worse - I don't know that that's why she isn't talking to me. I want to make sure I end up making things BETTER.

 

[NetworkDad]

Dude, you're all wrong - it's that time of the month again...

 

[fastz28]

LOL, "banging" = romantic? :Q

 

[Alphathree33]

<< I'm sorry, didn't mean to imply your friendship is over by any means. I would just ask her what's up, and if she is trying to avoid leading you on then all you have to do is clarify your intentions. Why haven't you done this already? >>



Because I can't even get her to talk about THE WEATHER anymore, nevermind something serious.

 

[gopunk]

<< LOL, "banging" = romantic? :Q >>



heh, that's what i put in all my valentine's... "i want to bang you all night long..."


anyways, alpha... you didn't answer the questions... how old how long?

 

[Kjazlaw]

Well then... give it a few shots and if she's still unresponsive give it up. You tried. There's no sense in subjecting your feelings to this. There's nothing worse than not knowing what you've done (or not done) to cause someone to become angry or to stop talking to you. Who's to say she won't do it again?

 

[Alphathree33]

<<

<< LOL, "banging" = romantic? :Q >>



heh, that's what i put in all my valentine's... "i want to bang you all night long..."


anyways, alpha... you didn't answer the questions... how old how long? >>



No problem.... both 18. We've known each other for maybe a year?

To give you a bit more history, we're in the same circle of friends at school. And all of us have really developed a lot over the past year in terms of friendships, especially since we'll be graduating this year it's kind of a special time.

 

[fastz28]

If she's not interested in talking to you, why do you still want to be her friend? Do you REALLY just want to be her friend? Be honest.

 

[gopunk]

18 eh...

i'm gonna have to go with the "something else is wrong" crowd... from what you've told us, nothing seems to be the matter, but obviously something is. if she was like 13 or something, i would have said she's just an idiot, but 18 is kinda old for that. then again, who knows...