what do you think makes a relationship work?

[djheater]

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan

i really do love her, even though at this stage im having a hard time putting a finger on why, but i know i do.

I regard the emotion of love as a spiritual experience. I try to NOT qualify it, because I feel that to define it by qualification would be to limit my ability to experience it honestly.

i can agree with that, but i also think you need to love things about them also...i mean i love spending time with her, i love her smile, i love all that, but i need to love things about her as well in order for me to be happy (if that makes any sense). maybe im wrong and im just trying to hard to make it work...and maybe i need to just relax, but i will admit i simply dont know and i want to fix it.

At a point in my life when I had a similar experience I can tell you it was not my girlfriend that needed the help. I think there is a possibility that you are misdirecting your analysis. You CAN NOT change her. You can only change yourself.
"Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come"
People and things change over time. If you love her for her smile, what happens when her smile fades? Her looks? Her attitude? Time changes perceptions and attitudes as well as looks.

 

[sonambulo]

you can never really know a person, only their habits.







deep, eh?

 

[Red]

Interpersonal communications tought me there are 5 good things to keep a good relationship going:

1. Positivity
2. Openness (with your mind and with your legs, ladies)
3. Social Networks (enjoying the same company as your SO, whether it be his or her friends, family, etc)
4. Assurances (little reminders like "hey, you looking forward to vacation this summer?")
5. Similar responsibility in the relationship (doesnt mean both people need to work, but it means the non-working spouse better be working their ass off at home)


And there are four "dark horsemen" in marriage:

1. Negativity
2. Withdrawal (Instead of talking things out, you say you dont wanna talk about it)

I don't remember the other two, just hope I don't do em.

 

[Tinkerhell]

I dont understand how you can be in a relationship for three years, and you dont know anything about her. What do you mean exactly? You dont know her past? You dont know how she feels?

 

[MrDudeMan]

Originally posted by: Tinkerhell
I dont understand how you can be in a relationship for three years, and you dont know anything about her. What do you mean exactly? You dont know her past? You dont know how she feels?

its not that i dont know about her past or (some) of her feelings...its just i dont know what makes her tick. i dont know what motivates her to be really happy or what goals she is driving at. i know this doesnt sound like it makes sense...its like this: i dont know where her boundaries are on most subjects we talk about. if i have ever crossed the line and really hurt her feelings, i have no idea. a lot of times she wont tell me how she feels, even though she claims she does, because i know her well enough to know she is lying. however, even when i call her on it, she is stubborn. over time, i have tried to figure out why she does this, and after piecing many things together, ive come down to this: she doesnt want to hurt my feelings.

something i forgot to mention about her...her family is nice and everything, but her mom used to be very hard on her. she would tell her she was too dumb to get into college and wouldnt let her leave the house without her fingernails perfectly painted. it was strange, but now her mom is totally normal. that phase in her moms life left a permanent scar on my girlfriend, however, because she is still very quiet and submissive to most things. i hate that because i want her to stand up for herself and not let people take advantage of her, but she sometimes wont.

djheater, i do believe you are partially correct. i am trying to make her do things that she will probably never do, but it doesnt really seem unreasonable to me. there are many issues, but an example is that i cant really hear her on the phone. it annoys me because i have to say "what?" after everything she says, and i have that problem with exactly no one else. i have asked her repeatedly (and nicely) to please speak louder so i can hear her. negative...the volume stays the same. of course this isnt over tons of petty stuff like that...it was just an example.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan

djheater, i do believe you are partially correct. i am trying to make her do things that she will probably never do, but it doesnt really seem unreasonable to me. there are many issues, but an example is that i cant really hear her on the phone. it annoys me because i have to say "what?" after everything she says, and i have that problem with exactly no one else. i have asked her repeatedly (and nicely) to please speak louder so i can hear her. negative...the volume stays the same. of course this isnt over tons of petty stuff like that...it was just an example.

My point is, that is part of who she is at this moment wither accept it or let it go. It's not your prerogative to change what YOU don't like about her.

If you love her you'll bear the things you dislike and may even find them endearing.

If you aren't comfortable with yourself, you can't possibly be comfortable with anyone else.

 

[Savarak]

before....
you: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
her: $$

after....
you: $
her: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

 

[KarenMarie]

Live and let live.
Always be honest.
Give each other loads of space.
Never take seriously what is taken in anger.

And it is important that you both want the same things out of life.

 

[TommyVercetti]

When the guy is a challenge to the girl.

 

[MAME]

good sex

SERIOSULY

 

[BlamoHammer]

Originally posted by: MAME
good sex

SERIOSULY

No, that makes a bad relationship live longer than it rightfully should.

 

[adelphi]

crazy glue

 

[magomago]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Accepting a person for who they are and not trying to make them be what you want them to be.

:thumbsup:

 

[Luden]

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
i dont know about her past or (some) of her feelings...
i dont know what makes her tick...
i dont know what motivates her to be really happy or what goals she is driving at. ..
i dont know where her boundaries are on most subjects we talk about...

Ask.

 

[Shockwave]

Originally posted by: djheater

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan

i really do love her, even though at this stage im having a hard time putting a finger on why, but i know i do.

I regard the emotion of love as a spiritual experience. I try to NOT qualify it, because I feel that to define it by qualification would be to limit my ability to experience it honestly.

Thats a damned big set of words dj!! :Q

I feel the same, but prefer to say "I'm too stupid ta know why I love, I jess know I do"

 

[MrDudeMan]

Originally posted by: Luden

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
i dont know about her past or (some) of her feelings...
i dont know what makes her tick...
i dont know what motivates her to be really happy or what goals she is driving at. ..
i dont know where her boundaries are on most subjects we talk about...

Ask.

i have asked

 

[Fritzo]

Silence. LOTS of silence. The less the woman talks, the less trouble there will be :beer:

 

[cronos]

sacrifices