dullard
Elite Member
- May 21, 2001
- 26,120
- 4,771
- 126
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. But if you truely feel this way - tell someone that. In fact, tell everyone that. Sure it will be hard to do - but the pain of telling people the wedding is off will be far less than the pain of a horrible marriage + the pain of ending the marriage. Good luck.
I hear quite frequently of people who felt this way before getting married. They got married anyway and some are now regretful.
I have another friend who literally walked out of the church before going down the aisle because she had reservations. A few years later she married someone else and now has 3 kids and is thrilled. Best decision she ever made.
Make sure you're doing the right thing for the right reasons, not just because it's expected. If not, just back out. My cousin's fiance called off their wedding about a week before the event was supposed to occur. And this was a BIG wedding, so it took guts (and the willingness to loose a lot of money), but it was the right thing to do for them.
BIG MISTAKE: Calling off weddings because you don't feel right...
Relationships are something that people build together... people change when they love each other. That is why some people are single forever because they think they are going to find a significant other that just happens to have every quality that they are looking for. bzzz, wrong. You have to find someone that fits a lot of what you are looking for and work on the rest.
Don't dump people because they aren't perfect.
Relationships are something that people build together... people change when they love each other. That is why some people are single forever because they think they are going to find a significant other that just happens to have every quality that they are looking for. bzzz, wrong. You have to find someone that fits a lot of what you are looking for and work on the rest.
Don't dump people because they aren't perfect.
You are nuts. You are about to enter into what is theoretically a LIFETIME commitment, you should be damned certain that you feel "right" about it.
People don't change if they don't want to. The attitude of "I can fix the things I don't like" is destined for failure. You have to be able to live with and love the good and the bad.
I once told my fiancee: "You may not be perfect, but you are perfect for me." That is the key. Dump anyone who is not perfect for you without hesitation and without regret.
What would you think about a girl who went ahead with marriage plans without my support? She set a date, and went out and bought a dress, and I haven't even proposed to her yet. So I try to talk about it, and it deteriorates into an argument every time. Just when I'm getting ready to pack my things, she somehow pulls us back from the edge, and we make up, and in the end, nothing has changed.
I must be weak, but I'm not sure how I "really" feel. I can't bring myself to act until I feel 100% about what I'm doing.
PS: Sorry for hijacking the thread.
I must be weak, but I'm not sure how I "really" feel. I can't bring myself to act until I feel 100% about what I'm doing.
PS: Sorry for hijacking the thread.
I'm about to get fired for my attendance at work. I think I get the next 2 days off unpaid. I knew it was coming, but it was two days last week that I was 2 and 1 minute late that put me over the line.
My advice
BE ON TIME...better yet, BE EARLY
My advice
BE ON TIME...better yet, BE EARLY
VictorLazlo - Dump her, dump her now. I had a gf like that in h.s... not nearly that psychotic, but close, it seemed.
StageLeft
No Lifer
- Sep 29, 2000
- 70,150
- 5
- 0
My three favorite would be:
1) Staying in bad relationships
2) Poor financial planning for the future
3) Avoiding a life of healthy eating/excercise
All three can be tragic mistakes, though the first in some cases can be terminated immediately, whereas recovering from decades of poor financial and health decisions can be often insurmountable.
I'm not surprised others say the same about debt, but I'd like to see some health responses as well. Debt is bad, but it's just money. You could be on the virge of bankruptcy but if you find out you've got lung cancer and will die in a year suddenly the bankruptcy seems so tiny in comparison. Quality and length of life are greatly dependent upon one's health and fitness, and it's sad that the majority of the population doesn't care about it.
1) Staying in bad relationships
2) Poor financial planning for the future
3) Avoiding a life of healthy eating/excercise
All three can be tragic mistakes, though the first in some cases can be terminated immediately, whereas recovering from decades of poor financial and health decisions can be often insurmountable.
I'm not surprised others say the same about debt, but I'd like to see some health responses as well. Debt is bad, but it's just money. You could be on the virge of bankruptcy but if you find out you've got lung cancer and will die in a year suddenly the bankruptcy seems so tiny in comparison. Quality and length of life are greatly dependent upon one's health and fitness, and it's sad that the majority of the population doesn't care about it.
JEDI
Lifer
- Sep 25, 2001
- 29,391
- 2,738
- 126
i guess i'm lucky. Even though I got my 1st credit card at 18, I've NEVER been in credit card debt. I spent $10k/year till i was 20..luck i had the $ to pay it off.
The reason i stopped at 20 was because i ran out of $. Lucky i was raised w/enuf common sense to stop spending when i didnt have the $.
Lucky i moved out IMMEDIATELY after i got my degree. I probably would have gotten TOO comfortable w/the free rent thing.
So I guess my worst mistake is:
SPENDING TOOOOOOO MUCH TIME IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER INSTEAD OF MAKING FRIENDS.
That hampered my social skills when i went into high school.
lack of social skills != girlfriend
also lack of social skills will hamper you professionally unless your skills far outshine your (lack) of being a people person. ie: i went into the computer field
The reason i stopped at 20 was because i ran out of $. Lucky i was raised w/enuf common sense to stop spending when i didnt have the $.
Lucky i moved out IMMEDIATELY after i got my degree. I probably would have gotten TOO comfortable w/the free rent thing.
So I guess my worst mistake is:
SPENDING TOOOOOOO MUCH TIME IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER INSTEAD OF MAKING FRIENDS.
That hampered my social skills when i went into high school.
lack of social skills != girlfriend
also lack of social skills will hamper you professionally unless your skills far outshine your (lack) of being a people person. ie: i went into the computer field
good point Skoorb.
I regret smoking in college, and I quit cold turkey 3 years ago, but the 7 years of doing it could come back to haunt me.
dullard
Elite Member
- May 21, 2001
- 26,120
- 4,771
- 126
Health was #11 on my list. It just didn't make the cut. For most people good health is the difference of living to 70 vs living to 75. Yes it extends life a bit, but it won't make a bad life fun to live. You can have a great life and die at 55 - or you can have a miserable life and die at 80. I'd choose the great life ending at 55 - so health just didn't quite make the top 10 cut.
Obviously for some people health is more important to watch out for. For example if everyone in your family died young of heart disease - health is much more important than if everyone in your family lived to be 90+. I'm just talking about the average person with the average chance of health problems.
StageLeft
No Lifer
- Sep 29, 2000
- 70,150
- 5
- 0
I think that's shortsighted though. If I die at 60, even though my unfit grandfather made it to 83, it doesn't mean that my life of health was wasted. Health raises quality of life more markedly than any new car or boat will. The average adult is lazy, unfit, unhealthy, and they feel bad about their body. They go through decades of their life like that, and it will continually nag on them at certain points in time. A simple poll will prove the fact - at any one time I think more than half of the population claims to be trying to lose weight.
As time goes on the difference is even more marked. A 60 year old who's done a lot of excercise and avoided eating at mcdonalds twice a day compared with the average joe is going to feel much better about themselves.
And, of course, the longevity. Obesity, for instance, can shorten one's life easily by a decade. When was the last time you saw a really really fat person? Now, when was the last time you saw a really really fat senior citizen? You don't, because they're dead already.
I was forced to read a book and it said life is like 5 balls. 4 are glass and one is rubber. The 4 glass are represented by health, friends, family, principles, and the rubber one is career. If you drop the rubber one it can bounce back up, but the others will smash. Although friends do come and go career and money are comparitively miniscule in their importance compared to the other things in life.
I think you'll find further that society's particularly successful people are also often quite healthy and into fitness because they understand the importance of it.
I agree that 55 years of fun would be preferable to 80 years as Ned Flanders. The only thing is that staying healthy doesn't have to suck. Find a way to stay healthy that you enjoy. Being in shape can bring new happiness into your life.
dullard
Elite Member
- May 21, 2001
- 26,120
- 4,771
- 126
You are looking at it differently than me. You are considering health vs material items. If that is the choice, of course I'd choose health. But from my top 10 list it is basically health vs family and happiness. In that case, I'd choose family and happiness over health. I'm not saying health isn't in my top 10:
#1 - drug abuse is directly related to health,
#6 - choosing the right friends is directly related to health (STDs and smoking),
#10 - education (eating the right foods, learning what behaviors can harm your health, learning to get regular checkups, etc) is directly related to health.
The only thing left that isn't on the list is exercise. And I feel that exercise is not as important as the other top 10.
Definitely dropping out of school, or really anything that takes precedence over their education.
Not taking chances/risks, just sitting back and letting things happen.
Worst way to live life EVER.
Worst way to live life EVER.
You're going to be taking a chance either way. If you do marry her, please wait a while before having children just in case you do find out you made a mistake marrying her.
Sounds like you're 100% sure that this is a mistake. Pull the trigger man, this is your life we're talking about.
my friend, a year younger than me at 18, is now engaged
he become engaged after only dating her for 6 months, and he's never had a good relationship prior to his current one...
it sucks because i'm pretty sure they'll break up before they get married (which they plan for a year or two from now), and there's nothing i can do to tell him he's doing it too soon
i have no problems with people marrying young (19 or 20ish), with healthy relationship experience, but this is his first dip in the water and i'm afraid he's gonna sink to the bottom
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