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What are some of the stupid terms they use at your work?

flavio

flavio

Diamond Member
I work for a web-based software company and there are some terms getting WAY overused here that are driving me crazy.

Bandwidth: meaning free time -> Used like "Jeff's involved in allot of projects right now I'm not sure how much bandwidth he has left.

Offline: meaning privately -> Used in meetings like "Let's discuss that one offline.


Pixelated: Meaning unclear -> But used like "The situation has become somewhat pixelated lately.



It's like someone scraping their nails on a chalkboard anytime I hear any of these.


 
it hurt me reading those, and imagining them being used at my work *cringe*

we don't do anything like that thank god, we just have lots of acronyms, and random ways to say sh-tloads of unix commands.
 
I no longer work in a computer-related field 😀 but I do use the word "PUD" alot. (Planned Urban Developement)
 
Sounds like the way people talk at companies that make those stupid inspirational posters. I am lucky my company spares us that kind of crap. Now if we could just get them to design better software for us to use. It seems like everytime they "improve" it we have to do more work to get the same result. Bastards!
 
we use all those words, but we use them in their orginal context. translating from tech jargon to the language the rest of the people that work here is hard enough, w/out giving additional meanings to words they already dont understand.
 
cookbook - for when something is real easy--- just like following instructions in a cookbook..

"the code for that one webpage should be cookbook to set up."

not exactly a computer term- but i work at a tech company-- so i guess it still applies.
 
I cannot stand it when people come up to me in work and say..

Oh FYI...

I hate it! I hate it, I say!
 
"align," as in "we have to align our activities with..."
"programmatic"
"support"
"programmatic support"
"peer group"
"WFO" work for others
"COTS" commercial, off-the-shelf


 
"touch base" - just wanted to touch base with you
"leverage" - we need to leverage our abilities for maximium productivity

I'll think of more in a min.
 
Oh man, quit complaining. Quite a few of the guys I work with speak broken English... and they've been here for over 25 years! I frequently hear, "You make it nice." "I make same." "How is go?" I think bandwidth, pixelated and offline would be VERY refreshing!
 
the dumbest term i have ever heard here is:

Mission Statement.

what a bunch of crap those are, oh and i hate the whole thing were companies have to refer to people as teams rather than coworkers, and team leader rather than supervisor or manager. that really peeves me
 
The only ones I can think of right now are:

Team Leader (supervisor)
Action Plan (written reprimand)
Integrated Presentation System (the program that runs call scripts)
I'm not a 'telephone operator', I'm a 'Sales and Service Consultant'. Yeah, right. Everything I say to customers is all scripted out.
I don't sit in a 'cubicle', it's a 'revenue station'. At least I use a halfway decent computer (p3, 128megs RAM) the monitor runs at 1024x768 but the refresh rate is only 60hz :disgust: and I can't change it.:frown:
 
hahahahah those are disgustingly funny...

i hate when people use "404" for things they didnt get or understand. :disgust:
 
I hate it when people talk about my plate.

"Why don't you put this on your plate?"

"Do you have too many items on your plate?"

WHAT PLATE?!?!

I don't get free food at work and unless they are going to start they shouldn't be giving me any plates to put anything on!!
 
They now refer to phone techs as "Customer Interaction Agents." Blech. Talk about illusions of grandeur.

I work in a cubicle. It's gray. My paycheck is direct-deposited every two weeks into my savings account. Today was payday. 85% of my paycheck was sent directly to CitiBank to pay off my credit card.

I am a phone tech.

Viper GTS
 
Sometimes my boss will tell me that he wants me to "own a process." "Listen, I want you to make this yours. I want you to own this process." Meaning I should handle all the details of something. He also uses the term "touch base" as a way to say "getting in contact" about something. He has more too, it's like he took annoying business lingo 101.
 
My boss during the summer always says goodbye with "don't let your meat loaf or your crabs cake"

My "office" during school is called the sugar shack. If you say it like the ladies man, it sounds nothing like what it really is(the fuel shack)

m00se
 
I have personally heard each of these from high-tech companies I have worked at. Enjoy!

24/7; 360-degree survey; "60,000 foot level"; A 'crystal ball' question; A heads-up; Action plan; Actionable items; Align; All-hands meeting; Alliance; Alpha office; Analysis paralysis; Ankle-biting; Automagically; Back-pedalling; Bad thing; Bandwidth; Belt and suspenders; Best of breed; Big picture; Big truck theory; Bilateral; Bio-break; Blame-storming; Bleeding edge; Bloatware; Blue sky; BOHICA; Bottom line; Bounce it off; Bounding box; Brain dump; Brick-and-mortar; Bucketize; Business case; Business silo; Button-pushing; Buttonology; Buy-in; Cash neutral; Chainsaw art; Chalk talk; Champion; Change agent; Chip away at it; Click-and-mortar; Click into; Close the gap; Closure; Cluster analysis; Cluster teams; Co-located; Conceptualize; Configuration management; Contributation; Conventialities; Core capability; Cost-benefit analysis; Course of the ship; Cradle to grave; Cranial rectosis; Critical mass; Critical to function; Cross-functional business decision architecture; Cross-functional reporting matrix; Cross-functional team; Cross-pollination; Crystal-balling; Cube farm; Decruitment; Deep dive initiative; Deliverable; Deselect; Dichotomy; Distributed development infrastructure; Do the right thing; Dog and pony show; Domain drivers; Double-edged sword; Dovetail; Downsize; Downtime; Drill down; Drive; Drop-dead date; Drop the ball; Economies of scale; Eleventh hour; Emerging technology; Emotional leakage; Empower; Empower upward; Empowered environment; End-to-end quality; Engagements; Event-driven; Evergreen; Excellence; Execution excellence; Face time; Facilitate; Feature creep; Flesh it out; Focus on our core business units; Framework; Frob; From a xxxxx perspective; Fudge; Fudge factor; Full court press; Functional deployment; Functional module; Functional transfer; Future-proof; Game plan; Gap analysis; Gee-whiz factor; Globalization; Go for the door; Go for the low hanging fruit; Grass roots; Greased path; Group think; Gudge; Haddock testing; Hand-waving; Hard line; Hard start date; Head nod; Heavy lifting; Help me understand; "Hey, because it's you"; Holding pattern; Home run; Horizontal platform solution; Horizontal/vertical business alignment; I'm having difficulty understanding...; I'm struggling a little; Improvement opportunity; In the loop; Infrastructure; Interactive solutions provider; Involuntary retirement; It's been a pleasure working with most of you; Key player; Knowledge management; Knowledge transfer; Knuckle it in; Lateral linkages; Laundry list; Legacy system; Let's take that offline; Leverage; Line of sight; Living document; Manage the scope; Market penetration; Market segment; Massage the data; Matrixed organization; Meatspace; Meet the needs; Mental modeling; Mental modeling cluster analysis; Mentoring; Methodology; Micro-managing; Mid-course correction; Mind's eye; Mindset; Mindshare; Modularize; N-tiered; Nailing jello to a tree; Negative gap; Negative impact; No-brainer; Nuggets on the ground; On my plate; On the same page; On your radar screen; Onboard; Open door; Operationalize; Order of magnitude; Organizational excellence; Organizational focus; Out of the box (thinking); Out of the loop; Outsource; Over-arching; Paradigm shift; Pareto-ize; Parity; Partnering; Pass the torch; Path forward; Path of least resistance; Pay for performance; PEBKAC; Peeling the onion; Percussive maintenance; Performance based culture; Phased approach; Pinch point; Platform; Point of reference; Positioning; Prairie-dogging; Press the button; Proactive; Process flow; Process maturity; Productize; Pull the trigger; Pushback; Quality gap; Quality initiatives; Quality vector; R-plus; Radar screen; Raise a flag; Re-purpose; Re-vectored; "Ready, fire, aim"; Reality check; Reduce cycle time; Refactoring; Resource constrained; Resource management; Rightsize; Robust; Robustification; Robustify; Robustment; Robustness; ROI; Rolling horizon; Rough-order magnitude estimate; Rubber stamp; Safety net; Salary shrinkage; Scope creep; Sensitivity; Setting the tone; Shake the bush; Shelfware; Signal to noise ratio; "Six of one, a dozen of the other"; Skip level meeting; Slice and dice; Slideware; Slippery slope; Smartsize; Smoke and mirrors; Solution; Sounding board; Spearhead; Spin off; Strategic alliance; Strategic focus; Strategic framework; Strategic matrix; Strategic process view; Strategic quantification; Strategizing; Straw man; Super clusters; SWAG; Symbiotic; Synergistic alignment; Synergy; Systemic; Tablestakes; Tactical analysis; Take a pulse; Take care of yourself; Take the ball and run; Tap target; Team building; Technology thrust; Tent pole; That is a true statement; Thumbs up; Tiger team; Time driver; Time horizon; Time management; Touch points; Tough decision; Town meeting; Traceability; Train wreck; Trench warfare; Trickle-down; Tweek; Undocumented system constraint; Unexpected program evolution; Unsatisfactory performance behavior; Unvite; Uplevel; Velvet hammer; Ventage; Venting; Vertical business unit; Virtual organizations; Voice of the customer; Voluntary retirement; WAG; Walk the talk; Warm fuzzy; Where the rubber meets the road; Whistle-blower; Work breakdown structure; Work smarter; World-class; Wow factor; Wrapped around the axle; Yes and no

Edit: compacted it
 
manhole has always been funny. 🙂 Around here in my office (engineering) we have a lot of words that go on drawings and other places that aren't even real words. I just love it when someone complains that something is spelled wrong and it isn't even a real word. Of course I can't think of any now.
 
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