So I just got home from what may have been the longest half day ever. I swear, I've never had an uneventful trip. From the top..
The flight was from DIA to Laguardia, scheduled for 11am. I arrive at 9 to check in after a sh!tty nights sleep, but I planned to pass out on the plane anyway. Hmm...window or aisle seat? Window I suppose, since I can use the wall as a headrest.
Security cleared without a hitch - sweet, they almost always confiscate something I've forgotten.
On to the gate. There is an internal monorail that takes you from the terminal to concourses A, B and C. As I step on, a family of 3 follow me; a man, his wife, and their fat, hideous ~17 year old son. Now, I'm only judgemental in retrospect - the second they walk on and sit down, I hear the kid say my posture is soo bad. I can only assume he was 17 because of the small chunk of face between his ebola acne. A moment later he and his mom are laughing over - of all mature things - toilet paper. No clue where the transition was. AND THEY DON'T STOP! The whole damn train is looking at them and smirking as these 2 tell bathroom humor! I had my hunches about the kid - hand gestures, homosexual accent/lisp - but I wasn't about to say anything. For the next 30 seconds my only thought is get me off this fvcking train. When the doors open, I'm the first one out.
Off to the gate, don't hear them behind me. Great. 90 mins of reading before they board.
Now boarding rows 5 and higher. Excellent cause I'm damn tired of waiting. So I sit down and figure its not worth sleeping until the safety BS so I'm back to reading. Its a few minutes before my neighbor arrives.
First glance - oh no. NO! NOT THEM! You guessed it - it's the kid and his family. And the fatty sits down right next to me. Wonderful. Why O why didn't I pick the aisle seat?
So I figure I might as well just pass out for a while. I could be so lucky. The kid whips out a People magazine and starts gossiping with his mom about the cast of friends like 12 year old schoolgirls, idiodic lauging and all! It was so overwhelmingly irritating that the call for sleep simply disappeared. Before takeoff he turns off his cell phone - hey look! A half naked man on his wallpaper! Fantastic.
+1 hour. HOW CAN 2 PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES WITH THIS TABLOID CRAP FOR THAT LONG, LET ALONE A GUY?! hee hee hee look an ad for Zoloft! HAHAHA chronic depression is HILARIOUS! Time for drinks - guess what, his mom orders a gin & tonic! Deeper into the rabbit hole we go..
+2 more gin & tonics in <1 hour. Replace mom with stupid drunk woman. With each one the two giggle even more obnoxiously. She lets the kid out to walk around because apparantly his back hurts, probably from fvcking PMS. When he gets back they finally try to sleep..strangely enough, on top of each other. Now, I don't know about you, but when I was 17 I didn't cuddle up with my mom to sleep. Then again, I wasn't gay either.
Finally arrive in NY. Thank god I'm up front so this dumbass family can leave. And oh how I love 80 degree 100% humidity. When I'm at my car I take off my outer shirt due to sweating like a beast and by some cruel twist of fate I don't notice it drop before I leave. DAMNIT - the fvcking icing on the cake.
I picked the wrong week to stop taking methamphetamines...
Cliffs:
DON'T LET YOUR UGLY HOMOSEXUAL TEENAGE SON ACT LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD RETARD IN PUBLIC.
The flight was from DIA to Laguardia, scheduled for 11am. I arrive at 9 to check in after a sh!tty nights sleep, but I planned to pass out on the plane anyway. Hmm...window or aisle seat? Window I suppose, since I can use the wall as a headrest.
Security cleared without a hitch - sweet, they almost always confiscate something I've forgotten.
On to the gate. There is an internal monorail that takes you from the terminal to concourses A, B and C. As I step on, a family of 3 follow me; a man, his wife, and their fat, hideous ~17 year old son. Now, I'm only judgemental in retrospect - the second they walk on and sit down, I hear the kid say my posture is soo bad. I can only assume he was 17 because of the small chunk of face between his ebola acne. A moment later he and his mom are laughing over - of all mature things - toilet paper. No clue where the transition was. AND THEY DON'T STOP! The whole damn train is looking at them and smirking as these 2 tell bathroom humor! I had my hunches about the kid - hand gestures, homosexual accent/lisp - but I wasn't about to say anything. For the next 30 seconds my only thought is get me off this fvcking train. When the doors open, I'm the first one out.
Off to the gate, don't hear them behind me. Great. 90 mins of reading before they board.
Now boarding rows 5 and higher. Excellent cause I'm damn tired of waiting. So I sit down and figure its not worth sleeping until the safety BS so I'm back to reading. Its a few minutes before my neighbor arrives.
First glance - oh no. NO! NOT THEM! You guessed it - it's the kid and his family. And the fatty sits down right next to me. Wonderful. Why O why didn't I pick the aisle seat?
So I figure I might as well just pass out for a while. I could be so lucky. The kid whips out a People magazine and starts gossiping with his mom about the cast of friends like 12 year old schoolgirls, idiodic lauging and all! It was so overwhelmingly irritating that the call for sleep simply disappeared. Before takeoff he turns off his cell phone - hey look! A half naked man on his wallpaper! Fantastic.
+1 hour. HOW CAN 2 PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES WITH THIS TABLOID CRAP FOR THAT LONG, LET ALONE A GUY?! hee hee hee look an ad for Zoloft! HAHAHA chronic depression is HILARIOUS! Time for drinks - guess what, his mom orders a gin & tonic! Deeper into the rabbit hole we go..
+2 more gin & tonics in <1 hour. Replace mom with stupid drunk woman. With each one the two giggle even more obnoxiously. She lets the kid out to walk around because apparantly his back hurts, probably from fvcking PMS. When he gets back they finally try to sleep..strangely enough, on top of each other. Now, I don't know about you, but when I was 17 I didn't cuddle up with my mom to sleep. Then again, I wasn't gay either.
Finally arrive in NY. Thank god I'm up front so this dumbass family can leave. And oh how I love 80 degree 100% humidity. When I'm at my car I take off my outer shirt due to sweating like a beast and by some cruel twist of fate I don't notice it drop before I leave. DAMNIT - the fvcking icing on the cake.
I picked the wrong week to stop taking methamphetamines...
Cliffs:
DON'T LET YOUR UGLY HOMOSEXUAL TEENAGE SON ACT LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD RETARD IN PUBLIC.
