Well my looney doc got me on some new pills :)

[funboy6942]

Ontop of my PB and DB type II. No longer taking anymore pain pills for they have had no effect on me at all for my Back, Knees, Fibro, neck, or head, and the doc says these new ones should keep me happy, voices and the music that never shuts off in my head to go away, and hopefully the thoughts of knocking myself off the world at bay.

We shale see is what I told him. Between all the pain im in, not being able to do much, and having to tell my kids no we cant afford this and that, especially a 8 year old who want to play with me, and I so desperately want to play with him, but cant play the games he want s to play because of my condition(s), I told him (doc) there is a lot of bad out weighing the good, thats making me NOT want to stick around no more for if its not head games, it bouts of pain, and head games combined. So Im on the new shit, and will see how that goes.

I can say for sure that new shit, the 3mg Risperidone i took about a hour ago has me big time on edge, to the point I may have to take double my anxiety stuff, for Im wired up big time right this second and ready to pop. Anything at this moment can set me off.

Anyone else been on, or on some of this stuff, and how you coping with it all?

 

[bobsmith1492]

What fun would it be without the voices and music en la cabeza, eh?

 

[wwswimming]

that's quite a combination.

how much range of motion do you have in terms of doing exercise ?

 

[Alone]

When you say Fibro, do you mean Fibromyalgia?

 

[funboy6942]

Originally posted by: Alone
When you say Fibro, do you mean Fibromyalgia?

Yeah

And not to much range, You can get me to stretch 1-2 times if Im lucky per dau and not fuck something up, but to do it all the time, Id be in a crap load of pain from my feet to my head.

And thats just between the enemia I have in my one leg and foot, my heat troubles, knees that need rebuilding but they will not because of the fibro, to my back, my shoulder and elbows neck, and constant pain in my head, and I deal with all of this on a daily thing if I want to go to the bathroom, or dare stand long enough to make something to eat. I want to do something, I really do, just the moment I start, I have to stop for I cant take, much more, leaving yet a mess for my wife to pick up.

I just so wish for it all to end every single day, Id like to get all of it out of the way between the stat and the fed, get approved, get what needs to get done, and if I see no way of improving my life style or change to be more active, thats it, Im checking out. Rough to say, but I am really at ease when I think of it, and kinda wish for it every day to happen, not by my hands though. If it was not for a few things, it wouldnt be nothing for me to put into plan what I have though up without thinking twice about it. Everyone says dont do it, but just walk 10 feet in my shoes, between the pain all over, broke unless I sell something I like and dont want to sell but have to if I want something else, watch my wife go to work, work her ass off for $7 an hour, come home, do the house here, my youngest whos not fully aware of my condition and why, asking me to go play ball with him out side, push him on his swing, asking me to sitin his room on the floor and play, and having to tell him no, as if I am pushing him away from me is what he is feeling, that he did bad. Thr state messing up on my papers ALL THE FUCKING TIME< this time making me go before a board to prove Im disabled because they sent my papers to an outside souce and that company went to one docotor out of 6 that had no information on me really because I just switched to him, reposts back to the state Im lying, making it all up, and they now want me to pay them back for the last 3 years, when I have proof from several doctors, and from my injury 7 years ago, all proving Im permanently disabled, and they are wasiting my and their time, and traxpayers money, still waiting on getting on ssd, and then there is the pain, day in, day out, that no drug, oral, or I can be shot with strong enough at this point to ease my pain in any area, and to find out Im bipolar, and fucked in the head to, and had it at bay all these years, but lately cant keep it in on my own, and want to do nothing more then pop all my BP pills and take a nap each day, it kills me inside as a moan, because I havent even been able to make love to my wife in almost 2 years.

I feel as though Im a useless person right now. I used to havbe meaning, but I cant to shit for my family, for my wife, or myself, why the fuck should I stick around and deal with this crap anymore with the state and feds, my mental and physical pain, and uselessness, and just go, I so just want to go, Im now fat 400+lbs, and worthless, there is just no use for me anymore, and I know Id like to see whats after this for its got to be better, or if its worse, Ill take that too, anything then to be useless and a crutch for my family right now. My fucking van needs work, simple work I used to be able to do, so I get reminded on how useless I am that I cant even do a simple front end parts swap and break job no more, and reminded every time I step on the brakes, and reminded in how we cant afford to get it fixed so its like playing Russian roulette everytime I take that thing somewhere. Dont take me wrong, I love my van 88 astro with a corvette L98 350 under the hood, its just all the little simple shit I used to be able to do that creeps up on it, that every time I get into it, Im reminded yet again, like in the home, Im a useless piece of shit.

Anyway, getting mega depressed, something I dont want to do, but its too late now, and my son just got up.

Sorry for all the fucking errors, keyboards a piece of shit.
J

 

[RKS]

Honestly, you need to talk to a professional and then discuss your medical cocktail with a pharmacist.

 

[Alone]

I feel for you. I have Fibromyalgia, too. I got it pretty young (17), so I suppose I was lucky enough for it not to hit me midlife and completely destroy me. For a while I contemplated the same things you're mentioning. I used to be suicidal at times, and in severe depression for years with no end. But I came to the one realization that kept me around; it would be unfair to my family if I just ended it. You gotta find something to stick around for, and obviously your family is that reason.

The only thing that helped me is doing something that I always wanted to do. I wanted to be in the military for the majority of my life. When I was diagnosed, my heart was broken. My dream was crushed.

But fuck them, I joined anyway, despite my family trying to talk me out of it. It hasn't been easy, and I've felt pain like some couldn't even imagine, but having accomplished my dream has made me happy. I'm able to deal with the physical stress knowing that I'm not worthless. No one expected me to be where I am, and excelling at what I do.

Just find something you can do for yourself that would make you happy. Try to get some light exercise (go to the pool) and get back some range of motion and do some cardio. It's good for people like us, and you'll feel better for it.

Don't give up, there's plenty worth living for.

 

[wwswimming]

i've known 2 people who were wheelchair bound, a woman friend's ex-husband (Dan), who i
met when i went to Canada, and Mark Wellman, who I knew as a neighbor (his parents lived
near my parents in Palo Alto) before his fall (he was a rock climber, fell & was paralyzed,
got more famous when he went to re-climb Half-Dome using just his arms.)

i live with a partial disability. my CG (computer graphics) before LASIK was about 10
hours a day; afterwards, about 3 hours a day - on a good day. i live with constant eye
pain.

i find it is much easier to live with constant pain if you can do something every day that
makes you feel good (besides sex). e.g., swimming.

i take an anti-inflammatory for my eyes and i try to make sure i sweat that sh*t out
almost every day; used to be every day.

can you break down that list of drugs in terms of what is what ? it sounds like a combination
of drugs for anxiety, insomnia, & possibly mood elevation/ depresssion.

i observe that there is diminishing returns with drugs. doctors prescribe it like, "here,
this will fix that".

Dan ended up in a wheelchair after a car accident. he lives with constant back pain and
went through hell for about 10 years. i met him after he found a good doctor. he now
takes 1000 mg of Morphine every day, which makes the pain manageable & live-able.
it also makes him addicted to Morphine.

when i met him, i would never have guessed he was taking that much pain-killer because
he seemed very lucid. in short, the Morphine worked for him, but he could not have
gotten that treatment from an American doctor.

i find it helps to know other injured LASIK patients because they tend to be better
informed - in terms of what they are willing to disclose - than most eye doctors.

if you have access to a support group or friends, people in wheelchairs or otherwise
disabled, there is something about being around other people who really understand
your situation that can be very healing. not "misery loves company" - more like "people
need company".

 

[Sust]

Knowing nothing else about you, i'm guessing the lorazepam is for anxiety, citalopram for major depression, zolpidem for sleep, amitriptyline for fibromyalgia/neuropathic pain, and risperidone for the psychosis part of your major depression?

Interesting that your doc is aiming at the benzos with two drugs(sorta). It's a perfectly reasonable regimen, but the only tweak I would consider would be stopping the zolpidem and maybe aiming at histamine receptors for sleep like low dose quetiapine or doxepin to fix your sleep problem.
You're also not doing yourself too many favors by using lorazepam which can be addictive due to its relatively fast on-off action time, but your depression and fibromyalgia are quite complicated so there are probably more important things to worry about.
It's funny that you would mention that the risperidone is making you edgy because it usually snows people and sedates in a fairly serious way. It does have some serotonergic properties, but I dont know if that could make you anxious so quickly like starting an SSRI. Maybe consider some haldol if you dont want to interact with any of the other monoamines?
Are there any group therapy support systems in your area?

BTW, i'm no doc and you should be having another conversation with your doc about any issues you might have about your condition.

 

[funboy6942]

Not 100% wheel chair bound yet, but well on the way, just another great reminder on the days Im feeling pretty good till I try and over do it by going to far from the house in the back yard to my shed, and when I make it to the shed, Im in too much pain and dont want to go on.

As far as talking to a doc, I did, I call him my looney doc, because he is my shrink, my "psycho" doctor and in his 80s at least. He is another one of the welfare ones I get who just just nods his head, says "yup, uh huh, I see, thats is strange, now why you crying? Oh, you want to kill yourself, cant have that now can we, ha ha ha, well lets try these pills"

Its the perks of being on the system, you wait 3 months to see one, for they hope you die while waiting, then when you see one, they look down upon you because your on welfare and cant pay the bill yourself, and welfare doesn't pay jack to them, so they throw pills at you to push you out the office as fast as you can before you infect them with your poor genes, tell you come back in a month, and how sorry they cant do the proper test on you that you need, because welfair wont approve and pay for it, so take these pills, they will keep you alive till your next visit.

Sounds hard to believe to some of you because those sucking on the tit of the system dont really have any problems to see the doc for other then their fix of codeine pills so they can get high and sell. I on the other hand NEED a doctor who cares about me as a human not a pill pusher, that will do the tests needed so I can live, for these docs dont, whats the difference then if I pull the trigger or they do, only their ways takes a slower, more painful way of going out?

I got a constant migrane for going on 3 years its been 24/7 non stop, one side of my head, gets much worse at time to a point I slur my words, strutter, and cant look up, its as if Im having a stroke. They did a mri really quick of my head, with NO DYE, to check my blood flow to that side of my head thats infected because they said if my mri now shows nothing, then medicade wont pay for the "REAL" tests I need to have done that the MRI Im getting now wont show at all.

And its not as if I have the luxury of pick and choose a dock for any time I do that, I have to quit seeing the quacks I got now, which means, new doc, could be worse then other doc I had, which means I have to await again 3-6 months to see a ortho, neuro, back, and cardio of his choosing, which means Im fucked while I wait.

Those who think people on the system have it made are half right. The ones milking the system have it made, they see their food stamps and codeine for their fix, sit back and watch tv and vegetate, and have a doc who will write down how fucked they are, and I watch them get motorized wheelchairs, and ramps for their home, while no one is watching they are up walking and running around. I seen the shit up north where I moved from, and I see the shit down here where Im at, and Im trying to go by the rules, and by the book, and I just keep getting the shaft left and right. And its not a race thing, more so not down here as it is up north. But it just sucks that if I had a ramp, and motor chair, just that alone would make it possible for me to "run" around out side, and go places. I have a manual chair that a member here a few years back was so kind enough to provide for me, which I still almost use on a daily bassis when I know I may have to go to places they may not have any chairs left like walmart, or the mall, but it also means at some point I got to ask to be push for my arms can only go so far, and thats a burden on my family, to me, to have to give up their fun, to push the old man, they shouldnt have to, and I hate that with a passion. Not to mention my back can only take so much of that chair before it cant take no more, and me pushing myself is a matter of how my joints, elbows, and muscles feel for the day as well, so for the most part I just stay home and maybe get to go out 12-16 times a year from the house.

Anyway, couldnt sleep and thought Id write another book. Sorry
J