Wedding Etiquette

[blueberryjudy]

I've just been asked to a wedding this Sunday, first one in my life. I wasn't planning on going but now I have to. Whats the etiquette like? Am I supposed to bring a card or something?

 

[Texashiker]

Bring a half gallon of really cheap vodka.

 

[sixone]

I've just been asked to a wedding this Sunday, first one in my life. I wasn't planning on going but now I have to. Whats the etiquette like? Am I supposed to bring a card or something?

You should never bring a gift to the wedding. If you had been invited with enough time, you should send your gift before the big day.

Are you friend/family to the bride/groom/their family member? Or is this a date with someone who has a relationship with someone in the wedding party?

 

[blueberryjudy]

You should never bring a gift to the wedding. If you had been invited with enough time, you should send your gift before the big day.

Are you friend/family to the bride/groom/their family member? Or is this a date with someone who has a relationship with someone in the wedding party?

So I should just show up empty handed?

Just a pretty good high school friend, I probably won't know anyone else at the wedding.

 

[crashtestdummy]

It really varies. We were very clear for ours that guests weren't expected to bring any kind of gift. Most of the time, though, it's pretty standard to give some kind of gift. If you don't want to spend much money, consider something homemade. We just went to a wedding for which my wife embroidered a Challah Cover. A book of poetry, with a note from you written on the inside cover is always a nice, thoughtful gift.

 

[AreaCode707]

I am REALLY curious how you arrived at a tech forum as the best possible place to ask this question. I'm pretty sure we didn't pull up as the top Google search result for "wedding etiquette".

The common conventions are:
- Don't wear white
- Don't upstage the happy couple
- Give a gift (This isn't supposed to be a must, but a lot of people treat it like one.)

If there's a meal at the wedding, preferably try to bring a gift that is roughly around the cost of the meal (this is controversial; some people get upset if you don't, some people get upset if you expect it. I think it's a dumb rule of thumb but be aware that your hosts might think this is proper behavior.)

 

[Texashiker]

- Give a gift (This isn't supposed to be a must, but a lot of people treat it like one.)

That is a good idea, give a box of morning after pills.

 

[jaedaliu]

is it a Catholic wedding? If so, bring some cash for the money dance! That can be your gift. Though, if you want to be acknowledged for your gift of cash, you should put it in a card.

 

[sixone]

So I should just show up empty handed?

Just a pretty good high school friend, I probably won't know anyone else at the wedding.

Yes, you absolutely should show up empty-handed. You were given less than a week's notice. You may think it's a good friend, but he/she doesn't seem to think as highly of you.

Send a gift later. A gift card to where they're registered, or any other place they frequent - like a restaurant - would be good.

 

[AreaCode707]

Yes, you absolutely should show up empty-handed. You were given less than a week's notice. You may think it's a good friend, but he/she doesn't seem to think as highly of you.

I don't see the percentage in getting all hurt feelings over something like this. Go if you want to go, don't if you don't, but if you go you do it because you're happy for your friend in their life, not because you're trying to gauge how much your friendship is worth to them. Getting all butthurt about it just makes you miserable and has no payoff.

 

[silverpig]

We could use some more context. I'd either not go, or show up with a gift roughly equivalent to the value of the meal they are feeding me.

If you can find out where they are registered, pick something from the registry - you won't have to pick it up or bring it along as the couple will pick everything up from the store after.

If you can't find where they are registered, then give something standard like cash or a bottle of wine.

My suggestion: find a decent bottle of wine and write "Happy 1st Anniversary" in the card you give them. Or happy 5th... Either or.

 

[jaedaliu]

Yes, you absolutely should show up empty-handed. You were given less than a week's notice. You may think it's a good friend, but he/she doesn't seem to think as highly of you.

You didn't make the first cut. I was in the 3rd wave of invites to a friend's wedding. We used to work together before she left for a better job. I thought it was awesome to get invited and showed up with a gift (I had something like 3 week's notice. Not that it mattered because I brought the asian wedding gift.) I had another coworker that was offended that he wasn't in the first wave, and declined the invitation.

The waves happen. Family and the closest friends are the first wave of invites, but some decline, so more invitations get sent out. After all, the deposit has already been paid and most places won't reduce the scale of the event to help you save money.

Go have fun at the wedding.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Weddings are incredibly boring, even for the bride and groom. You should be drunk and disorderly and try to encourage all guests to participate in a strip-limbo contest, preferably while the couple are having their first dance. Trust me, they'll appreciate it. Maybe not that day and maybe not for a year or two. But somewhere down the line they're going to call you and thank you for giving them such a memorable day.

 

[silverpig]

Yes, you absolutely should show up empty-handed. You were given less than a week's notice. You may think it's a good friend, but he/she doesn't seem to think as highly of you.

Send a gift later. A gift card to where they're registered, or any other place they frequent - like a restaurant - would be good.

Geez.

Maybe the couple could only afford a 30 person wedding, they had 60 they wanted to invite, and some family dropped out at the last minute.

I had plenty of really great friends I didn't invite to my wedding because we couldn't afford to.

 

[blackdogdeek]

Did someone ask you to accompany him/her to a wedding to which he/she was invited?

No need to bring a gift.

Were you invited to attend the wedding by the bride or groom?

Write a check and put it in a card.

 

[blueberryjudy]

Yes, you absolutely should show up empty-handed. You were given less than a week's notice. You may think it's a good friend, but he/she doesn't seem to think as highly of you.

Send a gift later. A gift card to where they're registered, or any other place they frequent - like a restaurant - would be good.

I was actually invited earlier, but I never anticipated on returning to be in the area and going to the wedding for the matter.

I think its a church wedding, no idea if there's a meal afterwards.

 

[sixone]

I was actually invited earlier, but I never anticipated on returning to be in the area and going to the wedding for the matter.

I think its a church wedding, no idea if there's a meal afterwards.

Then why did you write that you were "just" invited?

In any case, if this is such a "good friend" (or didn't you mean that, either?), you should have already made arrangements for a gift, even if you weren't planning to attend. Looks like it's YOU that's not such a good friend.

Taking a gift to the wedding service is bad etiquette, church or otherwise. Send it before or after, to the bride's home.

 

[jagec]

You didn't make the first cut. I was in the 3rd wave of invites to a friend's wedding. We used to work together before she left for a better job. I thought it was awesome to get invited and showed up with a gift (I had something like 3 week's notice. Not that it mattered because I brought the asian wedding gift.) I had another coworker that was offended that he wasn't in the first wave, and declined the invitation.

The waves happen. Family and the closest friends are the first wave of invites, but some decline, so more invitations get sent out. After all, the deposit has already been paid and most places won't reduce the scale of the event to help you save money.

Go have fun at the wedding.

SRSLY? "Waves"? No, you just invite the people that you want to come. Some will decline, and you should have a reasonable idea of how many. If you get it wrong, you just have a slightly smaller or slightly bigger wedding than you were expecting. You don't invite random schmucks that you barely know to round out the numbers...that would get hilariously awkward, both at the wedding and when all of the other people in the same circle start comparing notes and figuring out who got invited and who didn't.

OP, I don't know how old you are or how long it is since you last talked to this person, but you don't invite people to your wedding with less than a week's advance notice and actually expect them to show up.

You're very happy for them, congratulations, and unfortunately you already have plans.

 

[MixMasterTang]

Listen to AreaCode707 and ignore most other advice, especially the ones that say weddings are boring. Weddings are only as boring as their guests... Wine/beer/liquor, everyone dressed to the 9s, surrounded by friends and dancing - sounds good to me!

 

[jagec]

Listen to AreaCode707 and ignore most other advice, especially the ones that say weddings are boring. Weddings are only as boring as their guests... Wine/beer/liquor, everyone dressed to the 9s, surrounded by friends and dancing - sounds good to me!

I agree with this. Unless it's your sister or something, don't go if you're not going to have fun.

I'm getting married this summer. I don't care what color the tablecloths are or whether the guests are bringing gifts, I just care that the food is good, the booze doesn't run out, and the people have fun.

 

[MixMasterTang]

I agree with this. Unless it's your sister or something, don't go if you're not going to have fun.

I'm getting married this summer. I don't care what color the tablecloths are or whether the guests are bringing gifts, I just care that the food is good, the booze doesn't run out, and the people have fun.

That's the perfect attitude to have. I would venture to guess very little people remember what flowers they had or what color table cloths. Almost everyone remembers some funny, sad or romantic part that made an impression on them. But yes I definitely second the motion that if you're not going to enjoy it then don't go!

 

[Schfifty Five]

Yes, you absolutely should show up empty-handed. You were given less than a week's notice. You may think it's a good friend, but he/she doesn't seem to think as highly of you.

Send a gift later. A gift card to where they're registered, or any other place they frequent - like a restaurant - would be good.

Don't listen to sixone. Regardless of when you were invited, you were still invited which means something. No need to think anything else of it.

It's perfectly fine to bring a gift the day of the wedding. It's also perfectly fine to send it to them afterwards. No one is going to get upset if you did or didn't show up with a present. You can get them something from their registry or bring a wedding card with a check or gift card to somewhere. You decide how much you want to spend.

If you are going, just make sure to be appropriately dressed. Most weddings will have a reception after the ceremony. Your friend probably has a website with all the wedding info there.

 

[bbhaag]

Usually there is a table at the reception were the wedding gifts are located. You can quietly slip your card on the table and know one will even notice. After that just enjoy the rest of the festivities and try to hook up with one of the the brides single friends.:thumbsup:

 

[Kneedragger]

Weddings are expensive so even though you got invited late they still wanted you there. I had friends I had to wait to invite to my wedding once family told me they couldn't come. It is what it is...

You should give them a gift, but you don't need to right away. You can do it after the wedding.

 

[sushiwarrior]

If you've broken bread with the host, you should be pretty safe. Unless it's those bastard Freys...