Wedding etiquette

[rh71]

So I'm getting married and there's something I need to get clarified. The best man/maid of honor are set... she has a boyfriend but she's "paired" with my brother, the best man. No big deal.

Now my fiancee asked one of her other girl friends to be a bridesmaid and she brought up the fact that her bf doesn't really know me and it'd be awkward for her to accept and pull the bf in to be my groomsman. He doesn't really know me well enough but we've hung out in a group many times. She was hesitant to accept because of this. Half hour later - she called us back and said they'd do it. I didn't even know all this was going on until I was told tonight...

Now the problem becomes if I decline her bf as my groomsman (I'm pretty sure I have someone closer to me)... she will likely drop and it'd be a huge drama surrounding OUR wedding. What I do want to know is: are groomsman/bridesmaids supposed to come in pairs if they are already bf/gf ?... is it typically the case ? Or are they always mixed regardless of who knows who ?

 

[minendo]

All they are doing is walking down the aisle. Besides that they can do as they wish. No need to worry about keeping them paired up.

 

[NutBucket]

I don't think it really matters. I mean, I doubt the bf will have a problem with that except that he already thinks he's going to be a groomsman. That part may not be cool.

 

[Jzero]

I can only speak to my own experiences, but they did not mix them. You aren't required to take an usher just b/c he's involved with a bridesmaid.

 

[Ness]

It doesn't matter either way.

They aren't necessarily supposed to be arranged in pairs, like, purposely.. but if they are, oh well.


Personally, I wouldn't want to have "pairs" in my wedding, because I think it would be somewhat distracting for another close couple to be next to the bride and groom.. if you get what I'm saying..

 

[MikeDub83]

They are always mixed. Bridesmaids are the friends or relatives of the bride. Grooms are friends or relatives of the groom. If a brigesmaid or a groom has a significant other, and they are not paired together as part of the wedding party- TOUGH. They have to be mature, go through the ceremonys, even dance with their stranger. If they won't do it, they are not being mature, and not giving you the devotion of a friend or relative should.

 

[Sealy]

Stand up for yourself NOW!! The groomsmen on your side our YOUR friends and family. The bridesmaids are hers. They don't have to be couples already!

I know you think it'll be all about the drama...but believe me, it's your wedding too, and you have every right to have someone you know and care about to be your groomsman, not some guy you don't know.

Good luck

 

[lowtech1]

Originally posted by: rh71
So I'm getting married and there's something I need to get clarified. The best man/maid of honor are set... she has a boyfriend but she's "paired" with my brother, the best man. No big deal.

Now my fiancee asked one of her other girl friends to be a bridesmaid and she brought up the fact that her bf doesn't really know me and it'd be awkward for her to accept and pull the bf in to be my groomsman. He doesn't really know me well enough but we've hung out in a group many times. She was hesitant to accept because of this. Half hour later - she called us back and said they'd do it. I didn't even know all this was going on until I was told tonight...

Now the problem becomes if I decline her bf as my groomsman (I'm pretty sure I have someone closer to me)... she will likely drop and it'd be a huge drama surrounding OUR wedding. What I do want to know is: are groomsman/bridesmaids supposed to come in pairs if they are already bf/gf ?... is it typically the case ? Or are they always mixed regardless of who knows who ?

It is your wedding & you can do it what ever way you see fit. You can ask the groom mans & bride maids pair up the way you want, and they always have the option to decline.

 

[amdskip]

Its your day so IMHO you should be able to pick out your groomsmen.

 

[kenshorin]

After all the divorce threads on here you still want to get married?! Stronger man than I!

J/K - congrats!

 

[Aquaman]

Originally posted by: Sealy
Stand up for yourself NOW!! The groomsmen on your side our YOUR friends and family. The bridesmaids are hers. They don't have to be couples already!

I know you think it'll be all about the drama...but believe me, it's your wedding too, and you have every right to have someone you know and care about to be your groomsman, not some guy you don't know.

Good luck

Word

Well said.

Cheers,
Aquaman <<<<<<<,, going to be a groomsman this year.......... not going to enjoy it

 

[MystikMango]

You do not have to have an equal number of maids and groomsmen,

 

[AreaCode707]

The rules are, you pick yours, she picks hers. Only an idiot would have an issue with not being paired with their bf/gf. If her friend is an idiot, better she gets pissed off now and leaves you alone after the wedding.

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: MystikMango
You do not have to have an equal number of maids and groomsmen,

Really ? That's the first time I heard that ? She intends on 2 + maid of honor... and so far I have 1 groomsmen and deciding on the other.

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: MystikMango
You do not have to have an equal number of maids and groomsmen,

Really ? That's the first time I heard that ? She intends on 2 + maid of honor... and so far I have 1 groomsmen and thinking of the other.

Yep, I went to a wedding where the Maid Of Honor did not have an escort. In fact, since my fiancee was not able to go to the wedding, I was asked if I would dance with her during the one song so that she wouldn't be standing there twiddling her thumbs.

 

[TranceNation]

WTF??? Tell that tacky , no class b*tch to get her own wedding to run.

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: TranceNation
WTF??? Tell that tacky , no class b*tch to get her own wedding to run.

I don't think that's deserved... she's just very emotional and actually did think of us first... about him not being close enough to me so maybe she shouldn't do it. The problem is just that I think "we" got her to do it and now I may have to say no to the guy. Kinda makes the guy think something of me huh ? Maybe she needs to know about etiquette before anything else (I didn't know either).

 

[Scootin159]

I've never seen a wedding where every groomsman/brides maid who had a bf/gf was paired with their S.O. In fact quite often the S.O. isn't even in the wedding at all (other than as a guest).

 

[crystal]

Since you did known the guy already (abide not well, but...), why don't you accept him as one of your best man. From what I knew, those that accepted to be the best man/brides maid usually did the couple a favor.

 

[alkemyst]

the attendants and their others matter not in planning. I have seen one wedding where actually couple was involved in the wedding court. They were not paired though (probably because that more fair to others whose b-g/f or husband/wife was in the 'crowd'). It's usually the younger members that overdramatize this.

Drama sucks in a wedding...the bride and groom have enough to worry about, but I have seen some embarrassing attempts by others at the event to steal the spotlight/use it for something else. One of the best was a multi level marketer stealing the microphone and attempting to turn it into a recruitment meeting.

The problem now may be you already told these two they would be paired. Now it's sort of rude to go back on that...the way you make it sound is it was sort of insisted the b/f stand for you guys because your financee wanted the g/f and you were short a groomsman at the time, but now you found a better candidate....

The court should always be planned ahead of time instead of being a work in progress. It's the smart thing to plan a few alternates also ahead of time in case any of the bridesmaids/groomsmen cannot attend. These are going to be the people many of the pictures will be with and will be pretty featured in any video.

&Aring;

 

[TranceNation]

this isn't a prom, this isn't a double date, this is your wedding.

 

[GtPrOjEcTX]

definately reject the boyfriend as being your groomsman. not a chance in the world I'd allow that (getting married in August myself...fiances wanted one of her cousins to be one of my groomsmen... not a chance that's gonna happen.)

 

[GtPrOjEcTX]

also, she was a bridesmaid in another wedding. my part in the event? showed up at the rehersal dinner and they paid (etiquette). that was it. no part in the ceremony and I didn't expect/want one.

reject it

 

[NesuD]

The only way i would accept him as a groomsmen is if you had no one else that you would rather have first. If there is someone else that is closer to you that you would rather have then that is who you should have. My wife or I have been in the wedding parties of most all of her brothers. A couple of times her and I both were in it (only 1 time were we paired the other we weren't because apparently our heights didn't match the symmetry of the bridesmaids and groomsen with us when picture time came) The sister in law that organized that wedding is an Ex now. Of the other 2 weddings she was a bridesmaid in 1 of them while I observed with the other guests and I was a Groomsmen in the other while she watched with the guests. No big deal as far as I am concerned. If the girl refuses to do it without her boyfriend then you will simply have to replace her or drop that placing from the wedding party. Your future Mrs. should be sensitive to your wishes in this matter. If she is not then maybe you should rethink this. Another thing is he should have been asked by you. If he is at least a half standup guy he would know this and would insist on the invitation coming from you and should definately understand if you wanted someone else. If the girl drops over something like this then maybe she isn't as close a friend as your fiance thinks. I would insist on selecting and asking my groomsmen if I were you. It is your prerogative and you should exercise it.

 

[TallBill]

i was a groomsman in my sisters wedding and i was paired with someone who wasnt my gf.. although it made my gf very jealous because i wanted the bridesmaid one gf later and i still got the hots for the bridesmaid work with her now too.