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Wedding conflict with selfish intentions - what do you do?

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gorcorps said:
I don't think this is going the way OP hoped
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nah, i'm talking out loud and perhaps you guys are right and i'm over reacting. obviously there's more baggage i'm not getting into, but the mil and sil are a certain breed of selfish that i just can't stand, and it just rubs me the very wrong way that we're being inconvenienced in a very passive aggressive way for what most likely is a visa wedding
 
freedomsbeat212 said:
nah, i'm talking out loud and perhaps you guys are right and i'm over reacting. obviously there's more baggage i'm not getting into, but the mil and sil are a certain breed of selfish that i just can't stand, and it just rubs me the very wrong way that we're being inconvenienced in a very passive aggressive way for what most likely is a visa wedding
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You're playing into their game. The only way to win that game is to not play it.
 
freedomsbeat212 said:
My sister in law did something pretty nasty and planned her wedding for the same day as our kid's first birthday - I have my theories, but she's always been pretty jealous of my wife and i'm pretty sure stealing our wife's thunder is part of the equation.

The problem is that my mom and dad are in their 70s and 80s (with my mom having week long trips to the hospital 3 times this year) and the guilt is creeping - my mom's pretty crushed that she can't spend the kid's birthday with her, and I love my mom a hell of a lot more than my selfish sister in a law. Since my parents are too weak to make the trip across country to the wedding, what would you do? We've canceled birthday plans but now it's just digging into me, it being completely unfair that my parents have to miss out on their granddaughter's big day. For some background on my feelings re: my sil - I'm a blue state liberal minority, she's red state country subversive racism. I don't care for her, but of course adore my wife.

I hate being the stick in the mud and don't like family drama, but I"m fairly certain they booked the dates with a bit of spite and dont want them to get away with it
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So do the birthday the weekend before or the weekend after. She isn't going to remember it anyway.
 
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How long have you been married OP? Are you to the point yet where you can just tell your wife to have a good time at the wedding, you aren't going?
 
your kid is too young to make memories. this is a non issue. move the bday. post the pics on FB a day late OH NOES
 
DaveStall said:
How long have you been married OP? Are you to the point yet where you can just tell your wife to have a good time at the wedding, you aren't going?
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Over 5 years, my wife is on my side and got into a slamming phone argument with my MIL about it (because she agrees that they're very passive aggressive and moves like this always mean something)
 
During the wedding, grab the DJ's mic and announce that you're celebrating your kid's first birthday. Bring out a small cake for your kid and have everyone sing happy birthday. Your attention whore sister in law will shit a fit and can't do anything or she'd look horrible.
 
My daughter was 13 months old for her "first birthday" party last April. Did she care? Hell no. She's 1 🙂

Only a moron would schedule a birthday party with out of state guests in early March in New England. You're just asking for a blizzard doing that shit.
 
Krazy4Real said:
During the wedding, grab the DJ's mic and announce that you're celebrating your kid's first birthday. Bring out a small cake for your kid and have everyone sing happy birthday. Your attention whore sister in law will shit a fit and can't do anything or she'd look horrible.
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...record and upload straight to youtube, "WOMAN GOES CRAZY DURING WEDDING"
 
freedomsbeat212 said:
Oh, that's only part of it. She tattled on me to my in laws after that pot incident mentioned in that thread, and ignored me on facebook among other things, we're not friendsm we don't get a long, at all. and my wife loves her, hence my conundrum, I"d otherwise have nada to do with her..
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That is no good that your wife likes her sister if the sister is not nice to you. Either way i am sure your SIL will do more of this to you in the future, specially if she has kids. Why is someone marrying her is she is a witch?

BTW, i recently started to hate my FIL and after he threw a temper tantrum because i was asking his to clarify something. My wife has yet to side with me that he was out of line even though she saw one of the tantrums and her other family was present.
 
JimKiler said:
That is no good that your wife likes her sister if the sister is not nice to you. Either way i am sure your SIL will do more of this to you in the future, specially if she has kids. Why is someone marrying her is she is a witch?

BTW, i recently started to hate my FIL and after he threw a temper tantrum because i was asking his to clarify something. My wife has yet to side with me that he was out of line even though she saw one of the tantrums and her other family was present.
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I get my wife, it's natural to love your sibling and all that. She agrees with me and offered to not go, but I don't want to take it that far. Heck, she screamed at her mom about it, she knew there's always an ulterior motive
 
From reading all of your threads here over the years: you over analyze everything and assign the worst possible intention to other people's actions.
 
waffleironhead said:
From reading all of your threads here over the years: you over analyze everything and assign the worst possible intention to other people's actions.
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Actually, it all stems from my in-laws and, yes, there's some convicted socio-path DNA mixed in there, and lots of jealousy baggage. It's almost as if everything my MIL does has some weird intentions, and my wife is very aware of this and it begins way before I was in the picture (one example, her mom over fed the sil until she was a 300 pound teen and went to therapy about it - her mom admitted that she kept her kids fat so that they wouldn't leave her). I'm viewed by everyone as someone who broke them up by keeping her in NYC, the truth is my wife moved here years before meeting me to get away from them.
 
I'm with everyone else...Just go to the wedding, and reschedule your kid's bday. I'm sure your parents could visit a week before or after. Don't be such a drama queen.
 
The kid's first birthday is never for the kid. It is for the parents to celebrate surviving a year. Just pick another time to party.

freedomsbeat212 said:
nah, i'm talking out loud and perhaps you guys are right and i'm over reacting. obviously there's more baggage i'm not getting into, but the mil and sil are a certain breed of selfish that i just can't stand, and it just rubs me the very wrong way that we're being inconvenienced in a very passive aggressive way for what most likely is a visa wedding
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Dude, that is life with the in-laws. You need to learn that if you "win" now you pay for it at a later X-Mas.
 
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leave the kid with the grandparents

they get to be there for the first birthday

you get a weekend without the kid

double win

(really, who wants to travel cross-country with a 1-year old anyways?)
 
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