Was going to jump on a Groupon massage deal, until....

[Fritzo]

I'm very tall and have "hunchback" posture (something common with us giants), and therefore get very bad neck and shoulder pain. I get a massage once a month or so because it seems to alleviate the pain for a few weeks (plus I actively work on my posture 🙂 ).

My preferred way to get a massage is Groupon, since they're usually $60-$120/hr. My only rule is I prefer a female masseuse because there is no way I can relax if a guy is rubbing all over me (my last male massage was by a guy that looked like Larry Drake and kept breathing heavy during the whole process.)

Anyway, this looked like a good deal:

Choose from Four Options
$32 for one 60-minute massage ($60 value)
$39 for one 60-minute deep-tissue and myofascial-release massage ($75 value)
$95 for three 60-minute massages ($189 value)
$47 for one 90-minute massage ($90 value)

Then I read the description:

Massage therapist Vladimir Galperin of Advanced Massage, has been soothing aching muscles for more than 20 years.

My God...that name! I bet he looks like this:

 

[TwiceOver]

There's a massage guy in town named Thor. I'm betting he has mostly female customers.

 

[PottedMeat]

i guess this is possible:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aV2xLUhCJQ

...no more uzbek massages. Being straddled from behind by a Ron Jeremy lookalike in a speedo. Above and beyond the excruciating pain, there is the sexual humiliation component.

 

[NetWareHead]

I get some of the worst back aches at times and crippling upper back/shoulder cramps. Sometimes my entire posture is altered for a few days while I wait for the muscles to unwind and slowly release. Sometimes not even a person walking on my back can unfreeze those muscles.

If Vladimir is some beast with immense strength then he can surely work on my back.

 

[chimaxi83]

Lol I tell my wife the only way I'm getting a professional massage from a dude is if he's a big, burly man named Bjorn. I'd settle for Vladimir :sneaky:

 

[someone16]

If you're having pain, you should probably go to a physio instead.