Wal-Mart Shoplifter Attacks Security Guard With Assault Baby

[ShotgunSteven]

Shoplifter throws baby at security guard

MEMPHIS, TN (WMC-TV) - A Memphis-area shoplifting suspect is on the run after throwing a baby at a security guard during an escape attempt.

The incident happened early Wednesday afternoon at a Wal-Mart in Raleigh, TN where police say the two-month-old baby's aunt was caught shoplifting inside the store.

While attempting to escape a security guard, the aunt swung the baby - still inside a carrier - at the guard before the baby fell to the concrete floor.

A good Samaritan tried to help the baby and was assaulted in the same manner.

The aunt ran out of the store and got away in a blue Ford Escort, leaving the baby and his mother, who was in the bathroom the whole time.

Child abuse investigators are at the hospital interviewing the baby's mother as they try to track down the aunt. Along with shoplifting, she could face assault charges as well.

Officials said neither the loss prevention officer nor the good Samaritan were seriously injured, and the baby is expected to be okay.

All requests for comment from Wal-Mart management were referred to the retailers corporate office.

SOURCE

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

God dammit people suck. People just plain suck.

 

[dabuddha]

Shoot the lady in the face multiple times. Only solution.

 

[keird]

Baby fail.

Failed to be properly secured in carrier.
Failed to use proper judgement and assaulted 2 people.
The baby just failed to make the right choices.

^sarcasm

 

[AnonymouseUser]

Wal-Mart...

Why am I not surprised?

 

[Raduque]

Wow, just wow.

I don't like children, but I still don't approve of them being used as makeshift weapons.

 

[Wheezer]

hope she gets hit by a bus and dragged a few miles.

 

[Hacp]

Always at walmart. At least they have good prices.

 

[randay]

im disappointed, 7 posts and not a single dead baby joke.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Babies make terrible weapons. A five year old is a much better choice. They're still light enough to wield easily, but offer considerably better reach than a baby, which is really only effective for point blank melee attacks.

 

[keird]

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy
Babies make terrible weapons. A five year old is a much better choice. They're still light enough to wield easily, but offer considerably better reach than a baby, which is really only effective for point blank melee attacks.

You'll pwn in the next baby fight while working Theft Prevention at WalMart.

<low life swings baby at Atomic Playboy>

<Atomic Playboy deploys +5 Vorpal Toddler. Critical hit!!!>

 

[CRXican]

lulz

fking walmart

 

[NFS4]

How is babby formed?

 

[paulney]

Originally posted by: NFS4
How is babby formed?

They go the way of an insane aunt.

 

[ShotgunSteven]

Originally posted by: keird

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy
Babies make terrible weapons. A five year old is a much better choice. They're still light enough to wield easily, but offer considerably better reach than a baby, which is really only effective for point blank melee attacks.

You'll pwn in the next baby fight while working Theft Prevention at WalMart.

<low life swings baby at Atomic Playboy>

<Atomic Playboy deploys +5 Vorpal Toddler. Critical hit!!!>

Yeah, but you need at least a +4 Strength Modifier to Dual Wield five year olds, you can Dual Wield infants with only a +2.

 

[FleshLight]

I think Obama needs to ban all new babies.

 

[zerocool84]

Originally posted by: FleshLight
I think Obama needs to ban all new babies.

All the blacks and mexicans would be out of work then. No welfare checks.

 

[ShotgunSteven]

Originally posted by: FleshLight
I think Obama needs to ban all new babies.

Then what would people use to defend themselves from loss-prevention officers?

 

[Exterous]

Originally posted by: ShotgunSteven

Originally posted by: FleshLight
I think Obama needs to ban all new babies.

Then what would people use to defend themselves from loss-prevention officers?

Seals? It would save time - you get to club the seals (with the security guards head) AND make off with stolen goods!

 

[IceBergSLiM]

clearly the solution is to ban babies

 

[ShotgunSteven]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
clearly the solution is to ban babies

When babies are outlawed, only outlaws will have babies!

 

[So]

Originally posted by: zerocool84

Originally posted by: FleshLight
I think Obama needs to ban all new babies.

All the blacks and mexicans would be out of work then. No welfare checks.

Wow, W, T, F.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: ShotgunSteven

Originally posted by: keird

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy
Babies make terrible weapons. A five year old is a much better choice. They're still light enough to wield easily, but offer considerably better reach than a baby, which is really only effective for point blank melee attacks.

You'll pwn in the next baby fight while working Theft Prevention at WalMart.

<low life swings baby at Atomic Playboy>

<Atomic Playboy deploys +5 Vorpal Toddler. Critical hit!!!>

Yeah, but you need at least a +4 Strength Modifier to Dual Wield five year olds, you can Dual Wield infants with only a +2.

but you still have the +10 slobber mod in your favor with the infant.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: So

Originally posted by: zerocool84

Originally posted by: FleshLight
I think Obama needs to ban all new babies.

All the blacks and mexicans would be out of work then. No welfare checks.

Wow, W, T, F.

well he is somewhat right and wrong. Proportionally a larger percentage of those ethnic groups are on welfare, but he can't deny the fact that in a numbers only comparison whites have an equal or greater number of welfare participants.

 

[keird]

Originally posted by: hanoverphist

Originally posted by: ShotgunSteven

Originally posted by: keird

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy
Babies make terrible weapons. A five year old is a much better choice. They're still light enough to wield easily, but offer considerably better reach than a baby, which is really only effective for point blank melee attacks.

You'll pwn in the next baby fight while working Theft Prevention at WalMart.

<low life swings baby at Atomic Playboy>

<Atomic Playboy deploys +5 Vorpal Toddler. Critical hit!!!>

Yeah, but you need at least a +4 Strength Modifier to Dual Wield five year olds, you can Dual Wield infants with only a +2.

but you still have the +10 slobber mod in your favor with the infant.

You want to go? You want some of this? Get some!
<Rolls for initiative>