Virginity as a virtue?

[crashtestdummy]

One could say that when a man and woman meet who do have virtue get married that this is something that is unique and pure. The man and the woman were meant to bond together during Sexual Relations. It is the ultimate act of love to keep yourself pure for your husband.

Why? Why would it mean that my (future) wife would love me any more by not having had sex with anyone else? I pose to you the counter that it is a stronger sign of her love that she has had sex with lots of other men, but decided in the end to go with me. At least then she would be making a fully informed decision.

I only left out the other parts of the speech because we're talking about virginity, but below are an agnostic's views on the speech you posted.

3. Chastity
In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” we read, “The sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” 4 Furthermore, the Lord says in the Book of Mormon, “I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women.” 5 Those who engage in physical intimacies with someone outside of marriage are likely to suffer feelings of guilt as well as deep emotional and physical hurt. Intimate relationships between men and women outside the bounds the Lord has set bring great misery, shame, degradation, and unhappiness to those involved.

My personal experiences run directly counter to what is described above. I realize that I am not a statistically significant indicator of the rest of humanity, but since it is my happiness (and my decision) that I am most concerned with here, I will be anecdotal for a minute. (Disclaimer: I cannot positively claim, despite any feelings I might have, that I am happier for having had sex, only that I am very happy and my having had sex has not prevented that. I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet argument.)

Sex has brought me intense happiness, pleasure, and pride. At no point has the experience of sex brought me emotional distress. When I was young, I certainly had an enormous amount of insecurity around sexual interactions with women, particularly centered on my lack of experience. As with any other new experience in life, however, I quickly got over those worries and continued on with my life. My life is far more fulfilling with sex in it, and while marriage (and children) will make it more fulfilling, I consider those as goals that do not need to coincide.

In contrast, when these sacred gifts are exercised as the Lord intended within the bounds of a temple marriage, they bring us our greatest joy and happiness. We become co-creators with God in having family and posterity. Chastity before marriage followed by fidelity after marriage is a sacred passport to self-respect and happiness for everyone.

You must be very careful whenever saying something works for "everyone". The above certainly may provide self-respect and happiness to many, but for others (like me) it would create repression, frustration, and disappointment. In the 19th century, they called this overwhelming repression "hysteria", and invented the vibrator as a treatment. One might argue that preserving chastity contains mental health risks for some.

President N. Eldon Tanner gave some good advice that I would like to repeat: “Always remember that you can go much further on respect than on popularity.” 6 I refer you to the excellent counsel on sexual purity contained in the pamphlet For the Strength of Youth.

I agree with the bolded on it's face, but just as it is wrong to deny your true nature for the sake of popularity, so too is it wrong to deny yourself for the sake of others' respect. If a person has a strong desire to be sexual outside their marriage, why do they need to deny themselves to impress a bunch of other people? Restraint from objectively negative things (murder, for example) is a virtue. Restraint from things for the sake of outside approval is silly.

Someone who does not wish to have sex before marriage should never feel pressured to do so, but someone like me who had a variety of sexual experiences before marriage should not be scolded, either.

 

[Kadarin]

Let me ask you the question in a different way.. Do you judge a person(whom you know) differently based on their virginity?

I do. I'm 43 years old, and if someone near my age is still a virgin by choice, I think that person is fucking stupid.

 

[dud]

I do. I'm 43 years old, and if someone near my age is still a virgin by choice, I think that person is fucking stupid.

So you cannot accept the fact that others may not agree with you, decide to live a lifestyle different than yours ... and that you are not the center of the universe?

 

[mammador]

Western society in contemporary times is a very sexualised one. this is why we bemoan people over certain ages (say 25 as an arbitrary limit) being virgins. In truth, it's only our modern popular culture that makes virginity a negative thing. I doubt all cultures in world history thought that, or even do today.

That said, whilst sex is a natural urge, it's not required for a happy/contented life.

 

[JulesMaximus]

So, anyone have an opinion about women who've had sex versus not? I have not slept with any virgins, but I'm curious as to if people think women get "used up" per se from sleeping around? I don't imagine this to be the case, I would think it'd just be different person to person.

Of course not. Only a complete fool would make such a statement.

 

[JulesMaximus]

So you cannot accept the fact that others may not agree with you, decide to live a lifestyle different than yours ... and that you are not the center of the universe?

Have you met many 43 year old virgins? Because I have not.

That's not a lifestyle...it's a prison sentence.

 

[Kadarin]

So you cannot accept the fact that others may not agree with you, decide to live a lifestyle different than yours ... and that you are not the center of the universe?

That person would be a couple of standard deviations outside the norm, by choice. That qualifies to me as "fucking weird", and I would not want to be in a relationship with that person because it simply would not go well.

I don't understand why you don't get this.

 

[SlitheryDee]

So you cannot accept the fact that others may not agree with you, decide to live a lifestyle different than yours ... and that you are not the center of the universe?

I can accept that some people may have hormonal defects which cause them to have no desire for sex. Obviously those (few) people are not stupid for not having sex. If you desire sex and refuse to partake of it for 43 years for religious or moral reasons, then you're pretty stupid. Not for sticking to your morals, but for not realizing they are unnecessary.

 

[ichy]

That said, whilst sex is a natural urge, it's not required for a happy/contented life.

I'd be pretty fucking unhappy if I'd never gotten laid by this point in life.

 

[MotF Bane]

Western society in contemporary times is a very sexualised one. this is why we bemoan people over certain ages (say 25 as an arbitrary limit) being virgins. In truth, it's only our modern popular culture that makes virginity a negative thing. I doubt all cultures in world history thought that, or even do today.

That said, whilst sex is a natural urge, it's not required for a happy/contented life.

Yet your avatar is a woman showing a significant portion of her cleavage. :hmm: