*UPDATED* *URGENT* Could some one please read over my cover letter and critique it??

[mAdD INDIAN]

scroll down for updated cover letter

In my never-ending job search, I found a nice position that I feel I can do very well at. So I wanted my cover letter to be perfect, so I'm coming here.

I have a few questions, I want to give references in the cover letter, but not sure how I should put it in. Can I just write "For references, you can call ............" ?

Dear Human Resources:

I am writing to apply for the position of Technical Support as advertised on the Workopolis.com website. I have attached my resume for your consideration.

I believe that I am an ideal candidate for this position because I have experience in working with PC hardware, and possess a working knowledge of computer networking and TCP/IP. Presently, I am a Computer Engineering student at the University of Toronto.

In the past, I have been able to implement my knowledge and skills while working in the IT industry as I was an intern at Compaq Canada (now The New HP), providing on-site customer support for network and desktop related problems. My responsibilities included creating and maintaining network documentation as well as providing desktop and network-related support to clients IS THIS LINE OK?. I have extensive experience in troubleshooting both the hardware and software aspects of the PC as I have assembled and diagnosed numerous Windows-based computers for family and friends. Furthermore, I have received the Cisco Certified Network Associate (CCNA) qualification. I feel my qualifications as well as my genuine interest in working for your organization will allow me to be a valuable asset to your company.

For references you can call .................

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. I can be reached at ........... or ...........................


Yours truly,


mAdD

Thanks

 

[FoBoT]

i would change "knowledge of computer networking and TCP/IP" to something a little more general, like "knowledge of computer networks and connectivity" or something , putting "TCP/IP" on the cover letter seems a little too detailed/technical

no biggy though

reword the line that includes " troubleshooted " , i would redo it some thing like

" I have experience assemblying (sp?) and servicing numerous Windows-based computers for X years."

something like that, maybe

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

?

Also we are supposed to have the cover letter as the email body and the resume as a Word Attachment right??

 

[SuepaFly]

Maybe beak up the big paragraph into two paragraphs. I saw how big it was and automatically skipped most of it.

 

[SuepaFly]

Originally posted by: mAdD INDIAN
?

Also we are supposed to have the cover letter as the email body and the resume as a Word Attachment right??

No, cover letter seperate.

Email body I usually use:

To Whom It May Concern:

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing in regard to X position. I have attached my resume and cover letter (as microsoft word documents) to this email. Please contact me if you have any trouble opening these documents. I appreciate you time and consideration!

Regards,
Me

 

[XZeroII]

Wow, I'm definatly not going to waste my time reading that. Make it about 1/2 as long. Not many employers are going to want to spend minutes reading your little speech. That's what the interview is for.

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

but in my previous thread, another poster said I should give a little detail in my cover letter!

Also changed the troubleshooted to diagnosed.

What about references? Should I add that in the cover letter? And how?

 

[XZeroII]

Originally posted by: mAdD INDIAN
but in my previous thread, another poster said I should give a little detail in my cover letter!

Also changed the troubleshooted to diagnosed.

What about references? Should I add that in the cover letter? And how?

Never volunteer references, even in your resume. Don't mention them at all (even in your resume). If they want references, they will ask.

 

[Moonbeam]

I don't know how the name mAdD is going to go over.

 

[SuepaFly]

I really think you should break it up some, that and make the paragraphs more even (because the one in the middle looks really long in contrast). Here's a copy of the cover letter I use.

xaddressx
Los Angeles, California 90025
xtelephonex

May 23, 2003


Dear (call human resources and try to get a name of someone in there),

I am writing in regard to the opening at NAME OF COMPANY for a POSITION. I am sincerely excited about this position and believe that my abilities and previous experiences are the perfect match for this position.

As a graduate of Blank University (with a Bachelor of Science in International Business), I have a strong foundation in THE POSITION OR ITS DUTIES. The capstone course of the major includes a semester working to research and forecast the sales and a major pharmaceutical corporation. The end product of this is over 600 pages worth of forecasting data, which is available upon request. Also, I have a strong background in marketing and finance.

In addition to academics, I have spent the past WORK EXPERIENCE, and because of this experience, I have a better understanding of the dedication and long hours that businesses and its employees have to put forth in order to succeed. Also, I have spent my free time developing my computer skills and am more than capable of any computer work needed (designing graphics, spreadsheets, etc?).

In conclusion, I have the passion, knowledge, and work ethic to get this job done right. I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you and further discuss what I have to offer as an employee. If you need any additional information in the interim, please feel free to contact me.

Thank you for your consideration, and I hope to hear from you soon.


Sincerely,

ME

Encls.

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

Originally posted by: XZeroII

Originally posted by: mAdD INDIAN
but in my previous thread, another poster said I should give a little detail in my cover letter!

Also changed the troubleshooted to diagnosed.

What about references? Should I add that in the cover letter? And how?

Never volunteer references, even in your resume. Don't mention them at all (even in your resume). If they want references, they will ask.

ok thanks. by the way, is there a reason for that? I shouldn't even write "References available upon request"

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

Originally posted by: SuepaFly
I really think you should break it up some, that and make the paragraphs more even (because the one in the middle looks really long in contrast). Here's a copy of the cover letter I use.

xaddressx
Los Angeles, California 90025
xtelephonex

May 23, 2003


Dear (call human resources and try to get a name of someone in there),

I am writing in regard to the opening at NAME OF COMPANY for a POSITION. I am sincerely excited about this position and believe that my abilities and previous experiences are the perfect match for this position.

As a graduate of Blank University (with a Bachelor of Science in International Business), I have a strong foundation in THE POSITION OR ITS DUTIES. The capstone course of the major includes a semester working to research and forecast the sales and a major pharmaceutical corporation. The end product of this is over 600 pages worth of forecasting data, which is available upon request. Also, I have a strong background in marketing and finance.

In addition to academics, I have spent the past WORK EXPERIENCE, and because of this experience, I have a better understanding of the dedication and long hours that businesses and its employees have to put forth in order to succeed. Also, I have spent my free time developing my computer skills and am more than capable of any computer work needed (designing graphics, spreadsheets, etc?).

In conclusion, I have the passion, knowledge, and work ethic to get this job done right. I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you and further discuss what I have to offer as an employee. If you need any additional information in the interim, please feel free to contact me.

Thank you for your consideration, and I hope to hear from you soon.


Sincerely,

ME

Encls.

thanks a lot!! so did u get the job?

 

[XZeroII]

Originally posted by: mAdD INDIAN

Originally posted by: XZeroII

Originally posted by: mAdD INDIAN
but in my previous thread, another poster said I should give a little detail in my cover letter!

Also changed the troubleshooted to diagnosed.

What about references? Should I add that in the cover letter? And how?

Never volunteer references, even in your resume. Don't mention them at all (even in your resume). If they want references, they will ask.

ok thanks. by the way, is there a reason for that? I shouldn't even write "References available upon request"

I'm not sure why, but a friend of mine is a headhunter and that's what he told me. Not even "References available upon request"

 

[SuepaFly]

Originally posted by: mAdD INDIAN

Originally posted by: SuepaFly
I really think you should break it up some, that and make the paragraphs more even (because the one in the middle looks really long in contrast). Here's a copy of the cover letter I use.

Sincerely,

ME

Encls.

thanks a lot!! so did u get the job?

Find out next week I get interviews, which counts.

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

Originally posted by: SuepaFly

Originally posted by: mAdD INDIAN

Originally posted by: SuepaFly
I really think you should break it up some, that and make the paragraphs more even (because the one in the middle looks really long in contrast). Here's a copy of the cover letter I use.

Sincerely,

ME

Encls.

thanks a lot!! so did u get the job?

Find out next week I get interviews, which counts.

Lucky! I don't even get that! Hope fully this will change.

Here's my new cover letter, I took a few lines from yours...hope you don't mind.

Dear Human Resources:

I am writing to apply for the position of Technical Support as advertised on the Workopolis.com website. I am sincerely excited about this position and believe that my abilities and previous experiences are the perfect match for this position. I have attached my resume for your consideration.

As a current Computer Engineering student at the University of Toronto, I have a strong knowledge of computer hardware and software. Due to the nature of my program, I have also developed sound problem solving skills which will help me succeed at this position. . Furthermore, I have received the Cisco Certified Network Associate (CCNA) qualification.

In addition to my academics, I have experience in the IT field. As a previous intern at Compaq Canada, my responsibilities included creating and maintaining network documentation as well as providing desktop and network-related support to clients. Because of this experience, I have a better understanding of the dedication and long hours that businesses and its employees have to put forth in order to succeed.

In conclusion, I have the passion, knowledge, and work ethic to get this job done right. I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you and further discuss what I have to offer as an employee. If you need any additional information in the interim, please feel free to contact me. I can be reached at ..........

I appreciate your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.



Yours truly,


mAdD

 

[LunarRay]

Since you are a college student with limited experience. I'd put the meat of your quals in the resume and be brief on the cover letter. One para should do it.
You can put in the objectives section of the resume, the general qualification section and the experience section most of what is listed on the CL. Why be redundant? Why have a naked Resume?
I focus on a resume not a CL.

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

Originally posted by: HJD1
Since you are a college student with limited experience. I'd put the meat of your quals in the resume and be brief on the cover letter. One para should do it.
You can put in the objectives section of the resume, the general qualification section and the experience section most of what is listed on the CL. Why be redundant? Why have a naked Resume?
I focus on a resume not a CL.

True. I have everything in my resume as well. But the new cover letter seems decent. Its short and more concise.

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

bump!

 

[Gage8]

lots of luck!

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

Originally posted by: Gage8
lots of luck!

Thanks.

So the second cover letter is fine?

 

[mAdD INDIAN]

ttt

 

[SuepaFly]

I pm'ed you.