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UPDATE: would you be pissed?

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Originally posted by: Bryophyte
I don't understand why she told you all of that in the first place. Trying to make you mad or jealous? If she was trying to screw around behind your back, she wouldn't have told you about any of that. It is either innocent (possible, but maybe not likely), or she's trying to force your hand into breaking up with her because she's too chicken to break it off with you herself. She is too damn old to be playing pitiful games like that. Most women (if they go through that crap at all) get that out of their systems by the time they're 22 or so.
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i was wondering this myself too, and the conclusion i came up thus far was is 1: she's really naive to see other's guys motives (which all girls claim to be). or 2: really just covering her tracks.....

either way...this situation at our age really "shouldn't" be happening...but alas...another topic for the conversation after work....
 
I hate that sort of crap. Basically, confront her about it. Tell her what you meant, and what you were feeling like, and that actions as she pulled makes you real suspicious etc. Tell her that until you get to the bottom of this, you are taking a break from the relationship.

What she did is unacceptable. you have every right to be pissed off. If she becomes apologetic immediately and seems to be frank, and tells you everything that happened, then use your judgement. If she becomes angry, bitchy, let her go.

 
i would think that a year into the relationship, she would have your number memorized and can call you with anybody's phone if she WANTED to. She obvious doesn't want to deal with your "complaining". I think you have a right to be pissed. Kicking her to the curb should be considered a possibility.

Talk to her about it. If she thinks she did nothing wrong, then she will do it again. IF thats the case i would end it there.
 
Originally posted by: Tiamat
I hate that sort of crap. Basically, confront her about it. Tell her what you meant, and what you were feeling like, and that actions as she pulled makes you real suspicious etc. Tell her that until you get to the bottom of this, you are taking a break from the relationship.

What she did is unexceptable. you have every right to be pissed off. If she becomes apologetic immediately and seems to be frank, and tells you everything that happened, then use your judgement. If she becomes angry, bitchy, let her go.
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good points....thx...
 
Originally posted by: ggnl
So let me get this straight. She had dinner with a guy she barely knows, went to a bar with him and his buddies afterword and you never heard from her again until the next day?

You have every right to be very very pissed about this. How long have you been dating this girl? Unless this is a really serious relationship I would drop her. Just take it as a sign of things to come.
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Ayup.
 
Originally posted by: vr6
i would think that a year into the relationship, she would have your number memorized and can call you with anybody's phone if she WANTED to. She obvious doesn't want to deal with your "complaining". I think you have a right to be pissed. Kicking her to the curb should be considered a possibility.

Talk to her about it. If she thinks she did nothing wrong, then she will do it again. IF thats the case i would end it there.
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ABSOLUTELY
there is no excuse for not getting in touch. even if she was just out with girlfriends or running late from work its just considerate to inform the SO. everyone has cell phones nowadays. just no excuse.

 
See, when I said this is the typical comp geek relationship, I wasn't trying to insult you or anything, as much as shed light on the situation. I don't know that what she did is necessarily inherently evil as much as a result of a communication problem that to me seems common to computer geek relationships.

I also was hoping you'd know what I meant about the girl being the guy. In other words, my gut feeling is that if you go on and on about your feelings and how you were worried, it's going to be a festering problem, because she'll think you aren't manly or whatever. I think that the mistrust is understandable, but I think that you'll be able to notice a lot more signs if she really has something on the side or isn't happy in the relationship. For me the first real strong sign is when things that we might normally bicker or disagree over are just let go by her suddenly.
 
Originally posted by: torpid
For me the first real strong sign is when things that we might normally bicker or disagree over are just let go by her suddenly.
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That is a good point. when they do that, it means they have reached a point of "whatever, i don't care anymore."
 
You're dealing with a couple of key relationship points. You need to be able to trust her, and she you. The trust issue in this case is self evident.

On the other hand, communication is a big thing too. You were open and honest when you said that her going to a bar with these guys made you uncomfortable. Her going even after you said that would bother me. In a way, it's a total disregard of your feelings. It would have been better if she'd taken a raincheck, and had talked to you and you to her about these issues.

She did call you to tell you where she'd be, but later on that night, when she knew you might be worried, she didn't call. Was there no access to a payphone or anything?

 
Maybe you mentioned it before but I didn't see it. Are you living together? If you aren't living together, I would think it's even less of a big deal. It could be that she even feels a bit suffocated and felt an undue burden was placed on her to have to call you to check up. If you do live with her, that's a different story.
 
Originally posted by: torpid
Maybe you mentioned it before but I didn't see it. Are you living together? If you aren't living together, I would think it's even less of a big deal. It could be that she even feels a bit suffocated and felt an undue burden was placed on her to have to call you to check up. If you do live with her, that's a different story.
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guess you missed the part about her going on a date with another guy?
 
Originally posted by: Nitemare
Originally posted by: ggnl
So let me get this straight. She had dinner with a guy she barely knows, went to a bar with him and his buddies afterword and you never heard from her again until the next day?

You have every right to be very very pissed about this. How long have you been dating this girl? Unless this is a really serious relationship I would drop her. Just take it as a sign of things to come.
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"Come on, ride the train, hey, ride it, woo woo
Come on, ride the train, hey, ride it, woo woo
Come on, ride the train, woo woo, hey
Ride it, woo woo
Come on, ride the train
Woo woo, hey, ride it, woo woo
Come on, ride the train
It's the choo choo, ride it, woo woo
Come on, ride the train, it's the choo choo train
Come on, ride the train, it's the choo choo
Ride it, woo woo
Come on, ride the train, it's the choo choo train

2-Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
I think I can, I think I can
I think I can, I think I can"

Dump her unless you don't mind leftovers
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:thumbsup::thumbsup: lol
 
I wouldn't mind her going, but the way she called you in the morning is definately a reason to break up at least for me. She knows you don't like it, says she won't go, and than tells you to deal with it. Drop her.
 
Originally posted by: Citrix
Originally posted by: broon
You have every right to be upset. A year = serious relationship. No reason you couldn't have gone along on the dinner or at least met her at the bar. I'd try to work it out before dumping but...Lucy,you've got some 'splaining to do.
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exactly. if she really cared for Leejai and took their relationship seriously, she would have told bozo that she was in a relationship and would go only if Leejai could go too.

that is what adults in real relationships do.
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But wait a minute, aren't you one of the folks that participated in the partner swapping thread ? What happened to all those open free thinking ideas about how sex is simply just another recreational activity like bowling or going to the movies ?
 
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