UPDATE on my cheating gf!

[kami]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Relationships can't exist without trust and my trust would be long gone out the window at this point, but I still wish you good luck.

 

[Yeeny]

You are making a very mature decision, and thats wonderful that you are such a caring person. And there IS a chance that it will never happen again, shes young, it could just be a mistake she made. And she didn't sleep with him, so thats something to consider, that at least something stopped her from taking it to the next level.

But, just be smart about it. I am all for forgiving, but not forgetting. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Good luck, I really hope it works out for the best for you.

 

[oLLie]

Originally posted by: lilcam
I told her I am going to check up on her. It seems to me she wants me to be controlling to a certain extent. Everytime she goes out, I just tell her ok and go have fun. She tells me I never ask her where shes going and with whom. I told her i am not that type of person. she can do what she wants and I do what I want, but at the same time we know in the back of our minds that we are together. she told me everytime shes with him and she comes home, she feels guilty. thats when she looks at the ring I bought her and she knows she has something special.

by now, her friends will say something to her and she won't be doing this again. because i now know and her friends now know she has been busted, it will be tough for her to do anything behind our backs.

She won't be doing this again? More like, she'll be hiding it better from her friends next time now that she knows she can't trust them w/ her secrets. I really hope it works out for you, cause I don't think I could forgive that easily. My thing has always been: if you don't want to be with me, that's fine, I'm not going to fight it. Making out w/ some other guy would be a clear signal to me that: she doesn't want to be w/ me.

anyway, best of luck.

 

[lawaris]

leave him to his fate ....... he will learn...

maybe it will all turn out to be wonderful .... I don't believe in miracles .... but they happen.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: kami
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Relationships can't exist without trust and my trust would be long gone out the window at this point, but I still wish you good luck.

You've obviously not cared about a person enough to see through it and mend things. Love exists - and that's what seems to be keeping them together. Granted, it could be despiration of staying away from being single and such, but it doesn't seem like it here. When you truely love someone, staying together and working through broken trust is a beautiful thing.

nik

 

[kami]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt

Originally posted by: kami
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Relationships can't exist without trust and my trust would be long gone out the window at this point, but I still wish you good luck.

You've obviously not cared about a person enough to see through it and mend things. Love exists - and that's what seems to be keeping them together. Granted, it could be despiration of staying away from being single and such, but it doesn't seem like it here. When you truely love someone, staying together and working through broken trust is a beautiful thing.

nik

Don't make assumptions, you really don't know me.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: kami

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt

Originally posted by: kami Once a cheater, always a cheater. Relationships can't exist without trust and my trust would be long gone out the window at this point, but I still wish you good luck.

You've obviously not cared about a person enough to see through it and mend things. Love exists - and that's what seems to be keeping them together. Granted, it could be despiration of staying away from being single and such, but it doesn't seem like it here. When you truely love someone, staying together and working through broken trust is a beautiful thing. nik

Don't make assumptions, you really don't know me.

That's true... I'm sorry, Kami. You seem... bitterly reserved?

nik

 

[lawaris]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt

Originally posted by: kami

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt

Originally posted by: kami Once a cheater, always a cheater. Relationships can't exist without trust and my trust would be long gone out the window at this point, but I still wish you good luck.

You've obviously not cared about a person enough to see through it and mend things. Love exists - and that's what seems to be keeping them together. Granted, it could be despiration of staying away from being single and such, but it doesn't seem like it here. When you truely love someone, staying together and working through broken trust is a beautiful thing. nik

Don't make assumptions, you really don't know me.

That's true... I'm sorry, Kami. You seem... bitterly reserved?

nik

I agree with kami ..... habits never die ... bad habits are even worse

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Habbits do die.

I'm proof. You gotta have a little faith in the human ability to change. Change and the betterment of one's self is a beautiful thing too.

nik

 

[Murphyrulez]

Bad idea my man. I was married and my wife cheated on me. I tried HARD to forgive and forget, but I never could, we ended up getting divorced. The memory just never goes away, and you never think about her the same again. There will ALWAYS be that little sliver of doubt in your mind when she tells you thta she is going over to Kim's house for dinner, or is working late. TRUST ME. You DO NOT want to live you life always feeling like she MIGHT be out there with another guy, but not KNOWING.

Find a faithful woman, there are MILLIONS of them out there.

Take Eakers for one.

 

[ndee]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt

Originally posted by: RGN

Originally posted by: ndee "You can forgive, but you can never forget."

Forgivness includes ignoring the past. If you truly forgive, than the situation is over.

Sorry, bud, but you're wrong on this one. Forgiving her would be not holding it against her and bringing it up out of spite, etc. You can forgive people, but it's IMPORTANT to remember the past to see what mistakes you've made. A situation like this would be a pretty big reminder not to take the chance or put herself in a situation where it might happen again - since she obviously can't control herself. It's important to forgive her. But it's also important to remember this and let your relationship mend around it, strengthening the bond between the two. Ever heard couples talk about how they've been through so much and how each one has been there for the other? That's not forgetting... that's bonding.

nik

Agreed, but CHEATING is the worst thing you can do.

 

[lawaris]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt
Habbits <EM>do</EM> die.

I'm proof. You gotta have a little faith in the human ability to <EM>change</EM>. Change and the betterment of one's self is a beautiful thing too.

nik

words are always easy .... but life is often difficult ...

anyway each to his/her own choices

 

[DDCSpeed]

I agree...that you will never think of her the same. It is hard to forgive but you will most likely not forget. I agree that the words "I am going over to a friends house tonight" will give you doubts. However, it may be different situation for you because I can never forget.

However, nonetheless, you are gutsy to give her another chance. It is very mature decision...but maybe not the right one. Only time can tell. Good luck.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: lawaris

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt Habbits do die.

I'm proof. You gotta have a little faith in the human ability to change. Change and the betterment of one's self is a beautiful thing too. nik

words are always easy .... but life is often difficult ... anyway each to his/her own choices

True. And I re-prove it every day. Cheating is a horrid and terrible thing... but just remember: it's nothing that one doesn't have the ability to work through. You make the choice not to work through it and therefore close the chapter. Lilicam has made the choice to work through it. Once trust is rebuilt, they'll be a better couple.

nik

 

[lawaris]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt

Originally posted by: lawaris

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt Habbits <EM>do</EM> die.

I'm proof. You gotta have a little faith in the human ability to <EM>change</EM>. Change and the betterment of one's self is a beautiful thing too. nik

words are always easy .... but life is often difficult ... anyway each to his/her own choices

True. And I re-prove it every day. Cheating is a horrid and terrible thing... but just remember: it's nothing that one doesn't have the ability to work through. You make the <EM>choice </EM>not to work through it and therefore close the chapter. Lilicam has made the choice to work through it. Once trust is rebuilt, they'll be a better couple.

nik

and there will be doubts .... for ever!

One of my students went through this hell ..... and learnt new things after his marriage ....
I didn't know what to tell him then !

It's better to be sorry than sad for your whole life

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

No, the feelings and thoughts won't ever go away. They are part of the relationship forever, now. Lilicam has chosen a noble path, and I admire him for it. Plain and simple.

nik

 

[flyfish]

This whole situation sounds sooo familiar. A man should not have to live in constant fear. Find a girl that you don't have to watch like a baby. Good Luck.

 

[alphatarget1]

Originally posted by: lilcam
I told her I am going to check up on her. It seems to me she wants me to be controlling to a certain extent. Everytime she goes out, I just tell her ok and go have fun. She tells me I never ask her where shes going and with whom. I told her i am not that type of person. she can do what she wants and I do what I want, but at the same time we know in the back of our minds that we are together. she told me everytime shes with him and she comes home, she feels guilty. thats when she looks at the ring I bought her and she knows she has something special.

by now, her friends will say something to her and she won't be doing this again. because i now know and her friends now know she has been busted, it will be tough for her to do anything behind our backs.

dude, IMO relationships involves in a LOT of trust. If you don't trust her and check up on her I think basically the relationship is lost already because she cheated already and it's hard to trust her again. I personally wouldn't be able to stand if my gf feels guilty because she cheated. What's the point of still continuing the relaionship when there is a sense of "guilt" between you guys? If somehow you can restore the trust between you two that'd be fine...

best of luck to you

 

[pillage2001]

Just a friendly reminder dude. Whatever happened before WILL haunt you for the rest of your life you choose to spend with her. Speaking form experience here.

 

[tcsenter]

I told her I am going to check up on her. It seems to me she wants me to be controlling to a certain extent. Everytime she goes out, I just tell her ok and go have fun. She tells me I never ask her where shes going and with whom. I told her i am not that type of person.

Yep, she's highly immature, she doesn't even know what to do with nor how to handle "trust". You trust her, you're not constantly suspicious of her, and she thinks there's something 'undesirable' about that. Now you're going to be 'checking up on her'??

She wants a father or a keeper, not a boyfriend or husband. Run my boy...for God's sake RUUNNNN!

Oh well, I tried. You'll have to live with your decision, one way or another. Good luck!

 

[Gulzakar]

For your own mental well being, I hope she grows up very soon.

 

[b0mbrman]

Originally posted by: Goosemaster
good luck man,


but remember, there is nothings sadder than a man who constantly forgives his partner when they cheat..unless they are married in which case they have to try to work it out before divorce.



Obviously, it seems as if you might have something special with this lady so continue but be forewarned, if she does it again...DO NOT FORGIVE HER AGAIN.
You do not want to be that "dumbass who always takes her back"

Trust, love , respect, and your relationship as a whole are out the door when that happens, not to mention twice.

Very much agree with what you're saying...though for some people (like me), once is already too much

 

[roncarter]

make her pay man.. next time you have sex.. stick it in her pooper like the other dood said

 

[spanky]

he was looking to score eh? he can score with my foot on his butt :|

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: GirlFriday
And she didn't sleep with him, so thats something to consider, that at least something stopped her from taking it to the next level.

Taking Devil's Advocate position here: This is what she told him. However, the best way to lie convincingly to someone is to emotionally admit a convincing "truth" under pressure, but where that truth is itself a lie covering a far worse reality. She may have indeed slept with this guy, or at the very least done far more than what she has admitted to. (Of course, maybe she didn't..)

This part also disturbs me a bit:

Originally posted by: lilcam
Each time she didn't wanna divulge anything further, I attempted to walk out the door and she kept closing it. She finally started revealing what I knew and wanted to hear after I said it was over and she started throwing stuff around the room.

Are you sure you really want to be with this person? There's a lot of negative here, and I don't recall hearing much positive. Do you want to be with her for who she is, or because you're afraid to be alone? (I apologize for getting personal, and by no means do you have to answer the question; just think about it..)

Best of luck to you!