UPDATE: Lesson Learned: NEVER work for family...Sticky situation at work.

[Aquaman]

Good Luck......... keep us posted............ you don't want to become "spider woman"

Cheers,
Aquaman

 

[iluvtruenos]

Don't do it. A woman on her deathbed will remember how you didn't let her borrow a pencil in second grade and chew your ass out the last few minutes that she's got.


Just make her pissed at you, or make it seem as if you're pissed at her for some reason, but make sure it's stupid. That way, she will be able to make the connection. "Oh, I forgot to get her a gift for her birthday. Makes perfect sense that she left."

 

[quakefiend420]

Originally posted by: iluvtruenos
Don't do it. A woman on her deathbed will remember how you didn't let her borrow a pencil in second grade and chew your ass out the last few minutes that she's got.


Just make her pissed at you, or make it seem as if you're pissed at her for some reason, but make sure it's stupid. That way, she will be able to make the connection. "Oh, I forgot to get her a gift for her birthday. Makes perfect sense that she left."

and this is the most immature advice in the thread...

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: Aquaman
Good Luck......... keep us posted............ you don't want to become "spider woman"

Cheers,
Aquaman

i promise i will update... I want a custom title, but NOT that one!

 

[imported_Baloo]

Just submit your resignation two weeks before leaving. Feeling guilty about this is not rational, your employer is taking advantage of you by underpaying you. They probably think they are doing you a favor, but they are really doing themselves a favor. I have relatives like that. GO, take the new job.

 

[miniMUNCH]

I tihnk it is pretty straight forward...you love your aunt but to have to make a living and if you can make more elsewhere, she has understand and expect you to go.

Anything otherwise on her part is just being unreasonable.

 

[miniMUNCH]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
The problem is that her Aunt has become accustomed to the fact that Lola can run the entire office, so her Aunt takes a large amount of time off. If I had to put a number on it, 60-70 days per year. Last summer she took every Friday off. :shocked:

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

Too bad for her aunt.

I'll be honest...shame on her taking advantage of her neice. She probably knows full well that she is/was underpaying Lolawiz.

One of my friends works for his mom (Allstate insurance agent)...but he and his mom are very busy and work very hard. The deal they have is that my friends makes what he needs to pay his bills and put a little away for retirement (so he's a little "underpaid") but he also gets a piece of business every year so by the time his mom retires he'll own about 60-70% of the business and take over.

Edited for language...

 

[montanafan]

I agree that you should get the other offer and all it entails in writing before you do anything.

Because this is family I see you having two choices as to how to approach your aunt about the situation. Only you would know how she would react to each.

1) You take the apologetic approach. You've gotten an offer from another firm and you've been putting off making a decision about it because you love working for her and appreciate so much what she's done for you and reallly hate to leave, but you and your husband have been looking at your financial situation and thinking about the future and the increase in salary and potential for more would be just too helpful to your family to pass up. You're so sad to leave, but you just feel like you have to because you never know when you'd get another opportunity like this. You feel bad, but she understands doesn't she?

Good result - a reasonable family member and business person understands that this is an excellent business opportunity that will help you and your family and says there's nothing to feel guilty about and wishes you well. You leave on good terms.

Bad result - being family, she feeds off your guilt and tries to make you feel even more guilty for wanting to leave her in the lurch after all she's done for you and valuing money over family and insinuatating that she's been underpaying you when all she was doing was trying to help you out by giving you the job in the first place. You leave on bad terms.


2) You take the excited-share-in-my-happiness approach. You go to her like you have this great news and tell her that you've been offered a wonderful opportunity for your family and that you owe it all to her and can't thank her enough. You really appreciate her talking you up to her friend so that he would make you this offer. She's such a wonderful aunt for helping to get you started in the business and helping you get this opportunity to move up. You hate to leave there, but you're just so happy and excited about what this is going to mean for you and your family, and you so appreciate her making it all possible. Thank you, thank you.

Good result - she's slightly confused, but flattered that you think she's responsible for getting you the new job. She basks in the glory by sharing in your happiness and appreciation. She's glad to help, that's what family is for. You leave on good terms.

Bad result - she thinks that if you really appreciated what she's done for you, you and that rat of a friend of hers wouldn't have been conspiring behind her back to steal you away and leave her in a lurch. You leave on bad terms.

You know your aunt; I don't, but those are two possibilities when dealing with family and business.

 

[kranky]

Ooh, good stuff there, montanafan. You must have been there at one time.

 

[rudder]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz


Can anyone give me advice on how to bring this difficult situation up to her?

Why is it a difficult situation? SHe has been taking advantage of you. Go earn what you are worth.

 

[DanTMWTMP]

donno, i'm pretty blunt. I'd just say "hey, money talks, cya."

If I said that to my Dad in a similar situation, he'd understand. Despite everything, when making money, forget family and friends. He said that's how cruel this world is.

And, yes, why give your Aunt favors by letting her take advantage of you, when you know you can do more. Just say it.


EDIT: wow, just read iamwiz82's post. Not to be offensive at all to your aunt or anything, but really, screw that. Her taking advantage of you, while you're underpaid? holy crap, LEAVE NOW. no ifs and buts. Just go up to your aunt, say it, go on with life.

Being nice = lose.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
The problem is that her Aunt has become accustomed to the fact that Lola can run the entire office, so her Aunt takes a large amount of time off. If I had to put a number on it, 60-70 days per year. Last summer she took every Friday off. :shocked:

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

Sounds like this woman is taking a great employee for granted. Why isn't she paying LolaWiz more, when this employee is providing such great value to the aunt?

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: kranky
Ooh, good stuff there, montanafan. You must have been there at one time.

Thanks so much! good ideas... i am leaning more towards the first one (or something along those lines)

Why is it a difficult situation? SHe has been taking advantage of you. Go earn what you are worth.

it really is not, but i am having a hard time with it because its something i never thought i would have to do.
This is a lesson learned for me because i needed to grow some balls and this is making me do that.

 

[dawnbug]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz

i am not sure what i am going to say, but i am thinking of really making sure she knows how greatful i am to her that she has given me such an oppertunity to begin with.
She has put a lot of faith and trust into me and in turn, i really am happy i could help her grow, but at this point, I think i have grown out of my position here.

I think something along those lines.

I think that'd be a great way to say it. It's sincere, honest and to the point. Good luck with everything!

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
The problem is that her Aunt has become accustomed to the fact that Lola can run the entire office, so her Aunt takes a large amount of time off. If I had to put a number on it, 60-70 days per year. Last summer she took every Friday off. :shocked:

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

Maybe Lola could offer to stick around for a week or two after her aunt finds a replacement to help train the new employee, so that they'll be able to someday run the whole office, as she does now...?

 

[Koing]

How come you didn't say anything when your aunt cut down on your bonus in the first place? If the business was doing poorly then I could understand but taking 60-70 days a year off to me would indicate her business isn't doing poorly!

Koing

 

[dxkj]

Has anyone suggested talking to her sister/brother, or however she is antified to you?

Run it past your mother or dad, or whoever ties you to her, and see how they think she would react.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: Koing
How come you didn't say anything when your aunt cut down on your bonus in the first place? If the business was doing poorly then I could understand but taking 60-70 days a year off to me would indicate her business isn't doing poorly!

Koing

Well, I think they have overextended themselves, financially. They have 3 houses with a total value of over $1 million (Anyone in SE Mi knows that this is a lot), plus a ~40ft yacht, a jet boat, and they just bought a 24ft pontoon. Therefore, what sales Lola used to get 1% for, she now gets literally .01%.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: Koing
How come you didn't say anything when your aunt cut down on your bonus in the first place? If the business was doing poorly then I could understand but taking 60-70 days a year off to me would indicate her business isn't doing poorly!

Koing

Well, I think they have overextended themselves, financially. They have 3 houses with a total value of over $1 million (Anyone in SE Mi knows that this is a lot), plus a ~40ft yacht, a jet boat, and they just bought a 24ft pontoon. Therefore, what sales Lola used to get 1% for, she now gets literally .01%.

That's a shame, but I see no reason why Lola should have to pay for it! I missed the part about the bonus earlier. This is just wrong. I guarantee she would not have done that to an employee who wasn't in the family.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: Koing
How come you didn't say anything when your aunt cut down on your bonus in the first place? If the business was doing poorly then I could understand but taking 60-70 days a year off to me would indicate her business isn't doing poorly!

Koing

Well, I think they have overextended themselves, financially. They have 3 houses with a total value of over $1 million (Anyone in SE Mi knows that this is a lot), plus a ~40ft yacht, a jet boat, and they just bought a 24ft pontoon. Therefore, what sales Lola used to get 1% for, she now gets literally .01%.

That's a shame, but I see no reason why Lola should have to pay for it! I missed the part about the bonus earlier. This is just wrong. I guarantee she would not have done that to an employee who wasn't in the family.

Actually, she did it to Lola and the other two people in the office.

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: Koing
How come you didn't say anything when your aunt cut down on your bonus in the first place? If the business was doing poorly then I could understand but taking 60-70 days a year off to me would indicate her business isn't doing poorly!

Koing

Well, I think they have overextended themselves, financially. They have 3 houses with a total value of over $1 million (Anyone in SE Mi knows that this is a lot), plus a ~40ft yacht, a jet boat, and they just bought a 24ft pontoon. Therefore, what sales Lola used to get 1% for, she now gets literally .01%.

I see.

Well now I have EVEN less sympathy for the aunt! They have ALL of that AND shes taking 60-70 days off a year?! Sod that man...

If a person cuts my bonus (if I had one ) by THAT much and they had that much I would be p!ssed. Sure if they were strugglig and not making much £££ that would be a different thing to me and I was still learning things and getting experience....

Get the job LW :thumbsup:

Got to look out for number one in business :thumbsup: but yeah don't trample on too many people on the way to the top...I don't care much for people who spend too much £££ on stuff and stretch themselves.

Koing

 

[Lola]

i didnt want to seem like i was "crying victim" that is all.
Plus, there could potentally be a big problem with me switching agencies as i said in my other thread. a lot of people could get hurt if she so chooses.

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
Actually, she did it to Lola and the other two people in the office.

Even more of a reason to leave then imo.

A company/ boss that doesn't value it's employees is a risky place to be in.

She is living it up and then cutting the bonus of those who do the most for her. Even though management is very important but cutting bonus when business is on the up is just wrong...

Koing

 

[Lola]

some asked for an update so... enjoy. i edited the first post

 

[UpgradeFailure]

That is horrible Sorry to hear that.

What did the other guy say? Does he still want you to work for him? I see why that part at least wont work out, unless I am missing something

 

[Xylitol]

Just do the other job anyways
Allthough she is your aunt, she will forget later if you succede in this job