UPDATE: Lesson Learned: NEVER work for family...Sticky situation at work.

[Lola]

Update Feb 28
I spoke with my boss yesterday after the otehr agent talked with her. From what she told me, she said that "you are my neice above all else, and I want what is best for you". I thought that she was giving her blessing, but NOPE.

Later on that day, she called the other agent and accused him of offering a job and said that he tried to "steal" me from her. (we told the truth, no job was ever offered) She escentially said that if she couldn't have me, neither could he. There are a lot of other things that were said as well, but this was just the end. I am now afraid that she will want to "be in control" and will just fire me instead of waiting for me to find a different job.

I cannot believe that this happened like it did. Yesterday was one of the worst nights of my life.

Happy Birthday to me.

***************************************

I currently work at an insurance agency owned by my aunt (and uncle) She is the agent/owner he is the Financial Consultant/CFP.

I have been working here for 5 years and basically run the office most days.
I answer the phones, file, quote people, customer service, claims, write new business, etc. You name it, i do it.

Anyways, my aunt has a very good friend that is also an agent in the area that just started his own office/agency as well. I had helped him several times getting started and showing him what his employees need to do, etc.
The topic came up of what i made (so he had an idea of what other agents were paying) in casual conversation and i told him. He was shocked that i was making the little amount that i was.

The whole thing was dropped for a while, then i decided that i wanted to try and get a new career/job because i did check around and am making a lot less for doing a whole lot more.
At this point, the other agent said he needed someone like me with the skills i had and was willing to pay me what i want (quite a bit more than what i am making currently).

With him, there is a lot of oppertunity for growth professionally and monitarily and both parties would benifit. (him and I)

The hard part is this: I do not know how to tell my aunt i don't want to work here anymore and whats worse is that i am going to work for her friend.

Now comes the time of telling her what my plans are. I don't know how to do this.
I definatly am going to take the high road in telling her, but i don't want to hurt her because we are family. I know that i will never "advance" where i am, and i will let her know that in a nice way, but i am stumped.

Can anyone give me advice on how to bring this difficult situation up to her?

 

[daveymark]

Reason #5,234 on why never to go into business with family

It's going to be tough, but if you forward this thread to her in an email, she should understand

Just be straightforward about it. if she's going to "disown" you for needing to advance your career, that's on her. You shouldn't be willing to make less money just to appease your aunt. Tell her ASAP, because the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

One more option you might think about is your aunt might offer a raise?

If you're looking for the exact words to say, try something like "I am in a situation where I can advance my career/make more money in this industry working for your friend. What are your thoughts on this"

is the other agent a hottie?

 

[Homerboy]

business is business and family is family
you have to seperate the 2 completely if you want to work together.
You have to approach your aunt as if she wasn't your aunt and just a regular employer... tell her the deal and see what pans out.

I actually work for my oldest brother we took/take this approach and haven't hit a bump yet... then again we are men and not emotional women

 

[FoBoT]

fake your death



or not

you are an office manager? do you want a raise or do you want to leave? or both?

if you would be happy staying with the family and just want more $ , then show your aunt the information that shows you are underpaid for running her office

if you are really wanting to leave, then just tell her you need a change of scenery , you have to be straight up with her since its a family thing


good luck

 

[BCYL]

I would just be honest and tell her what you typed above, how the new guy is offering you way more, how there are more opportunities for growth...

Who knows? maybe she'll match his offer and sweeten the deal with something else too

 

[shoegazer]

You should really just tell your aunt that your salary isn't enough in comparison to similiar jobs in the area. If she doesn't offer a raise to a salary comparable to that of your friends business, say that your work is appreciated more elsewhere and put in your two weeks notice (more than two weeks would be best).

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Well you could start by telling her how much you appreciate the fact that she got you started in the business and has provided a great place to work and increased your experience. But you've come to the point where you need to take the next step in your career.

 

[kranky]

Direct and straightforward is the best way.

"I have been offered another job that pays a lot more so I'm giving my two weeks notice. But I am very thankful that you gave me this opportunity to work with you."

Frankly, if she offers to match the pay, I'd turn it down. All that means is that she was taking advantage of you all this time. Of course you can't say that, but just say that you are ready for the next stage of your career, to grow more professionally, and that's a large part of the reason you're moving on.

You're afraid to tell her because you see it as saying "I don't want to work here any more". Don't think of it that way - you are taking another opportunity, with a chance to further develop your skills. It is no reflection on where you are working now.

 

[Chrono]

Just tell her up front that you are looking to expand your horizon and that being at your aunts company is preventing yourself from doing so. If that doesn't work, just tell her that you have found a job in another field and slyly work for her friend.

 

[K1052]

Just give it to her straight.

You want to pursue other opportunities at a place than can offer more room for advancement.

If your aunt really is as nice as you claim she should not have a problem with it. If she does then you know you have been taken advantage of and should remember that in the future when you deal with her.

If it turns into some ugly family affair, well, that is the risk you run working with family (as I have chosen to do as well).

 

[MisterJackson]

Another reason you should do this is concern for your safety. I never checked back in your "there's a string of recent roberies at insurance agencies in the area and I'm alone with no security most of the time" thread, so I don't know if you got that resolved or not.

If it didn't get resolved, i.e. better security, more people or not being left alone, then I'd also factor that into your decision to leave.

Just tell your aunt what you told us, you feel there's no room for you to grow. Tell her it's business, that this decision isn't personal. If she's mature, she will understand.

 

[I Saw OJ]

Welcome to dumpsvile....population, you.

 

[skace]

I wouldn't work for direct competition.

 

[DougK62]

How much do you make now, and what will the other guy give you?

 

[waggy]

yeah you have wo watch it when working with family. they usually are the ones to take advanttage of you.

 

[otispunkmeyer]

if you and your aunt are on good terms (which you probably very well are) she should be fine with this and not take it as an insult. if shes professional she should treat this as business and not family.

 

[DaiShan]

She will look at it from a business prospective, if she doesn't then she has more problems with her business than you leaving. I would suggest you ask her to have a meeting with you then say something along the lines of "<aunt's name> I've recently been offered a job by <insert friends name> which will help me reach my career goals. I wanted to thank you for everything that you've taught me, and I'd like to help find and train my replacement." Then wait for her questions. Not the most eloquent way of saying it, but you definitely don't want to give them the impression that there is a chance you will stay.

 

[DaiShan]

Originally posted by: Homerboy
business is business and family is family
you have to seperate the 2 completely if you want to work together.
You have to approach your aunt as if she wasn't your aunt and just a regular employer... tell her the deal and see what pans out.

I actually work for my oldest brother we took/take this approach and haven't hit a bump yet... then again we are men and not emotional women

In high school I did some intern type work at my dad's company, and he required that I call him Mr. <last name> just like everyone else. It seems trivial, but it definitely made things more defined. At home he was dad and we acted one way towards each other, at the office he was my boss (well not my direct boss as it was his company, but if he asked me a question or needed for me to do something he was my boss)

 

[iamwiz82]

The problem is that her Aunt has become accustomed to the fact that Lola can run the entire office, so her Aunt takes a large amount of time off. If I had to put a number on it, 60-70 days per year. Last summer she took every Friday off. :shocked:

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

 

[DaiShan]

Originally posted by: kranky
Direct and straightforward is the best way.

"I have been offered another job that pays a lot more so I'm giving my two weeks notice. But I am very thankful that you gave me this opportunity to work with you."

Frankly, if she offers to match the pay, I'd turn it down. All that means is that she was taking advantage of you all this time. Of course you can't say that, but just say that you are ready for the next stage of your career, to grow more professionally, and that's a large part of the reason you're moving on.

You're afraid to tell her because you see it as saying "I don't want to work here any more". Don't think of it that way - you are taking another opportunity, with a chance to further develop your skills. It is no reflection on where you are working now.

^^^ I think I like you're response more than mine

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

then the aunt should make lola a partner, give her 10 or 20 % of the business so that her value to the company is shown to lola

does the aunt/uncle have kids that will take over the biz?

i see this as an opportunity for the aunt/uncle to decide on the future, they can do the right thing and make lola a partner if she is indespensible

 

[Hammer]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
The problem is that her Aunt has become accustomed to the fact that Lola can run the entire office, so her Aunt takes a large amount of time off. If I had to put a number on it, 60-70 days per year. Last summer she took every Friday off. :shocked:

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

then her aunt should be able to pony up some more dough

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: FoBoT

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

then the aunt should make lola a partner, give her 10 or 20 % of the business so that her value to the company is shown to lola

does the aunt/uncle have kids that will take over the biz?

i see this as an opportunity for the aunt/uncle to decide on the future, they can do the right thing and make lola a partner if she is indespensible

Yes, her aunt has a son who has already expressed interest in learning the job. I believe he is 13.

The person that has talked with Lola has already told her within 2 years his goal is to have a second office and she would be the manager of it.

EDIT: And her bonus structure has been cut down.

 

[DaiShan]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
The problem is that her Aunt has become accustomed to the fact that Lola can run the entire office, so her Aunt takes a large amount of time off. If I had to put a number on it, 60-70 days per year. Last summer she took every Friday off. :shocked:

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

A few questions:

1) Is it a gauranteed offer from this other guy? (in writing?)
2) What kind of time frame is he working on for getting the position filled?

I would make sure it is a definite offer before putting in my 2 weeks, and also offer to help find and train a replacement. Maybe you'll be able to give 3-4 weeks notice? You dont have to just leave her out in the cold, but good things come to those who help themselves, so if she doesn't make an honest effort to find a replacement she can't be resentful of losing her 4 day work weeks.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: DaiShan

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
The problem is that her Aunt has become accustomed to the fact that Lola can run the entire office, so her Aunt takes a large amount of time off. If I had to put a number on it, 60-70 days per year. Last summer she took every Friday off. :shocked:

She can do this because Lola is there, and once she leaves, we are concerned her Aunt may be resentful since suddenly her time off goes out the window.

A few questions:

1) Is it a gauranteed offer from this other guy? (in writing?)
2) What kind of time frame is he working on for getting the position filled?

I would make sure it is a definite offer before putting in my 2 weeks, and also offer to help find and train a replacement. Maybe you'll be able to give 3-4 weeks notice? You dont have to just leave her out in the cold, but good things come to those who help themselves, so if she doesn't make an honest effort to find a replacement she can't be resentful of losing her 4 day work weeks.

To number 1, not yet. I told her to wait until that happens. Unsure on number 2.